a recurring dream wrote:
you know it's a dream when you see the tell-tale teapot sitting on the lacquered table top in front of you. you know it's a dream when you turn your head to take in your surroundings, taking in the sight of teacups scattered on the table to the numerous paintings on the wall to the stack of paper next to you. brushes were lined up neatly to your other side, next to the clean inkstones. the sticks of ink were nowhere to be seen; you made a mental note to retrieve them later.
there is an odd sense of melancholy that fills your very being, but you decisively choose to ignore it. you weren't sure why, but you were feeling good about this dream. it's peaceful, it's quiet; it's calm and it's everything that you could've asked for.
no, something inside you fights back. it tells you no, tries to warn you, tries to get you to turn back because it knows something that you don't.
you ignore the voice, too. soft colours of muted pinks and pale cyans wash over you, and the world turns black.
when you come around again, there is a girl standing in front of you. she plays with her fingers nervously, as you blink at her inquisitively. you don't know why she's here, so you ask.
"what do you want?"
truthfully, you know, the voice says. you know what she wants.
like always, you push the voice to the back of your mind. there was a time and place for everything, and this wasn't it.
you inhale deeply, and the voice disappears. you smile again, ready to take on the world. the girl eyes you uncertainly, before lifting a finger to point towards the teapot. your smile only brightens as you hurry to pour the tea. sparks and pools of warm pink clouds the corners of your eyes, and when you hand the delicate cup to the other girl, she smiles back at you.
"come to me if you need help!" you say. she nods, before accepting the cup and turning away.
the voice in your head reminds you once again how much of a fool you are.
the dream continues in such a manner. more and more people enter the little room where you're situated, and request for various things. you are kind and benevolent, and if it's within your power, you give them whatever they desire. they leave with content smiles and light, tinkling laughs. it fills you with a sense of happiness and foreboding.
why foreboding? everything is going well, is it not?
the voice sneers. you've been blinded once again, it says. must you tread down the same path and make the same mistakes each time?
you dismiss the voice yet again. the voice is starting to grate on your nerves, and you only want this little dream to progress happily. it should be fine as it currently is, right?
you were wrong.
soon, almost too quickly, the the last drops of tea leaves the teapot, and you're left with no more. the stack of paper by your side dwindled, with more and more people grabbing at your delicate brushes and spilling the ink that you've ground prior. ugly black stains the shiny ground and the tips of your snow-white sleeves, but no one notices.
"where's the tea? give us the tea!"
"do you have any brushes left?"
"hey, i thought you had paper? where is it?"
"useless! and here i thought you were a kind, a hospitable person. how we've all been played for fools!"
you want to shout back to declare your innocence, but the roar of the crowd drowns out your pitifully small voice. you try to fight back, but it's like fighting back against a murky wave that wishes nothing more than to submerge you and covet you.
you just wanted to be a good person, to give what people wanted. it made you happy to see people smile. when did others become so dependent on you?
when did providing for everyone become your job?
i told you so, the voice whispers. it sounds almost morose.
you let them take advantage of you again, didn't you? now they're angry because you're no longer useful.
you try to argue back. no, you say. just give me time! i can still produce results.
you try to make them understand, but the more you attempt to placate them, the angrier they become.
they want the goods, and they now see you as the barrier between them and the goods.
suddenly, you feel weary. you want to lie down, except there are puddles of spilled ink everywhere. the ink surrounds you, tainting the edges of your robes, dying the strands of your hair.
it's a deep and rich black. it's a black that's not easily erased, and it's a stain that continues to exist.
it reminds you of a scar.
finally, you push back. you snap, and you hurl a cup against the wall. it shatters as expected, and the crowd goes silent as you breathe and fume heavily.
"leave."
they don't. if anything, they seem to multiply. their voices grow and rise, and you clutch at your ears.
"leave!"
tears are streaming down your face. if you didn't have any self-dignity left, you'd be begging at this point. you rub at your face with your sleeves, and pause as you stare down at the fabric.
a deep crimson bloomed on your soiled sleeves, blending and mixing with the black, further painting the white.
red. it was a colour that you've never really liked, but it most accurate depicted how you felt in this instant.
"leave, and don't come back!"
they whisper amongst themselves. they disapprove of your words, frowns slipping onto their faces faster than it took for them to smile.
and they thought it was all your fault.
it doesn't matter. this is your dream.
you wave a hand, and they disappear.
then, you wake up in pink.
[ 999 / 1000 words ]
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