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.𝓅𝒶𝓇𝒾𝓈. | 𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻 | 𝓂𝒶𝓁𝑒
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║╚═════════════╝“Some experiences are
far too transcendent to be written
in paragraph form and shoved into a
textbook. They need a vehicle just
as free flowing and unpredictable
to be understood.” ― Caroline Kaufman

...everything was so clinical to them. in
biology classes in college the only days
aster enjoyed were the days they brought
in live organisms to observe under the
microscope. in chemistry he snoozed until
he learned the chemical makeup of his own
body, when the blood under his skin became
simultaneously real and unimaginable.
in physics he cried nearly every week until
he finally understood how the wind outside
made the trees bend and the flowers bow
to their maker. when he told his advisors
that he wanted to become a scientist, they
nearly laughed him out of their office. aster
always had his head in the clouds too much
to become a scientist.
or so they thought.
aster passed every exam with flying colors.
when they asked why, how, he only looked
to the sky for evidence. science, to him, was
not clinical but spiritual. every aspect of
nature was a miracle, every living thing’s
chemical makeup was evidence of some
higher power. they thought he was crazy,
that he’d burn out or fail when it became
clear that he didn’t really know his stuff.
he became the most well known scientist in his
field within five years.
[199/300]
"chemistry is complex, and the smell
of any flower is never really the consequence of
a single chemical compound."
aster leaned back on his desk, letting his pencil roll to the ground, finding himself stumped in his research. he wanted to know why flowers smelled the way that they did, a personal project of his for the benefit of his boyfriend, a fun fact to go along with his valentine's day gift, and he was stumped.
groaning, he rolled to his side, glancing at the small orchid he kept growing near the window of his office. the petals reached for the sky, the stem curved in a beautiful arc with water coating the sides of the vase. it was beautiful, it was inviting, and it made him angry. he wanted to know why and he was left with nothing more than a mental vignette. he scoffed to himself. a mental vignette wouldn't impress anyone. he wasn't a photographer or an artist, as much as he had wanted to be. he was a scientist.
he kept gazing at the orchid, simultaneously entranced and disgusted by its beauty. it was almost taunting him; all of its chemical secrets were on full display and yet he couldn't quite grasp them. he found himself, once again, wishing he had picked an easier profession.
his love of nature was profound, and so for a while he tried to be an artist. he went to parks all over the country, searching for his muse. he chased her over valleys and through fields, from alaska to florida, from the depths of his heart to the deepest crevaces of his mind. but she was too quick and he could never catch her.
so, naturally, he switched to photography. however, it was clear he wasn't blessed there either; his settings were always off or his flash was too bright and the focus was blurry and quickly he found himself abandoning his hope of an artistic career.
almost on a whim, and at the pressing of his father, he became a biology major. he hoped science would at least provide him some peace, but as he sat in his chair, glaring at an orchid, it clearly wasn't as peaceful as he had hoped.
but, as much as he tried to hate what he did, deep down he loved it. it made sense to him. science felt like he was unlocking some hidden locked door to the universe, and using flowers to get there felt like using god's own personal key. he knew that he could never know everything but so long as he tried he felt like he could never fail.
glancing at the orchid again, he felt a calm flood of peace run over his body. he knew what he knew about orchids; he did not know why god made them or what they were for but he knew what simply was, and that was enough for him.
and all of a sudden, it clicked. he knew what he needed to write. and he felt that rush of euphoria again, for figuring it out again, for learning something new. with one last glance at the orchid, he said a quick prayer, and began on his way.
the chemistry of flowers is complicated. it is never because of one particular chemical, and for many flowers, that makeup is unknown. like the scent of a flower, i'll never know entirely why i love you. some things are more clear than others--i love your eyes, and the way you look at me, because logically, those things would be attractive to me. however, i'll never quite understand what is so appealing about watching you get out of bed in the morning, or why when you make coffee i can't help but grin, or why when you aren't paying any attention to me at all i still think you're are the most beautiful thing in the world. the makeup of my love for you is complex, and i'll never completely understand it, but i hope you think it is just as divine as the scent of these flowers. happy valentine's day. love always, aster.
[154/500]