- Such reserve
Username:
Name:
Gender: Female
Personality:
Regret:
Berkshire wrote:Username:
Berkshire
Name:
Serawyn
Gender:
Female
Personality:
Serawyn is decisive. Or at least, that’s what she wants to be. Though internally hesitant in all things, this young pseudo forces herself to “seize the day” by whatever means necessary. Inside her mind rages a constant battle. For you see, Serawyn is at odds with her own nature. Impulsiveness and perseverance do not come naturally, but the fear of failure, the fear of missing out, spurns her on. Instead of being at peace with her passivity, she strives to eliminate it, charging into every challenge, overcoming every obstacle, to experience as much as possible. She doesn’t want to miss out on life, so she seizes every opportunity. One day, she will find a balance between peace and ambition, but for now, it’s full steam ahead. Dauntlessly, Serawyn will face down any perceived trial, be it to solve a mystery or acquire a friend, she will not rest until she has completed her goal. This passion burns at her like a cold fire, fueling her soul. Unfortunately, that lifestyle tends to wear her down rather than build her up. For this reason, Serawyn never quite allows herself to be content. Quietly relaxing in a puddle used to be the best thing in the world, but now it fills her belly with the aching doubt “You’re not doing anything, you’re wasting your life!” So she hauls herself out, goes on a quest, hoping for the exhilaration of achievement. It’s there, but doesn’t quite satisfy.
Serawyn doesn’t know it, but she seeks balance and fulfillment, searching for them in all the wrong places. She’s an introvert trying to be a daredevil, a peacemaker trying to be a warrior. Ever since regret spurred her to flip from one extreme to the other, she found dissatisfaction in life, but never knows why. She is a quester, a seeker, looking outward for what she must find within.
Regret:
“It was a dream, long ago…” Serawyn tells the story to those who ask why she is so driven.
“When I was a young teen, barely out of my clutch, I was so very lazy and fearful of the world. I never went outside what was familiar, content to stay ignorant of the world. Too afraid to even wonder what else was out there.
He came one night, dark and still, like a shadow. I was lying by the pool in the darkness, listening to the drip of dew as it gathered itself for the morning. The forest seemed to hold its breath in waiting, readying itself for the deepest part of the night… when I saw it.
The water was only a few inches deep, no more than a puddle really. I’d seldom explored beyond the bend that flowed past my home. I knew it was part of a larger river snaking its way through the trees, but I had never investigated beyond that. I was always too afraid of falling, of drowning, of being crushed against the rocks. You would think a pseudo who loves water would have nothing to fear… but I always did. I was too content resting alone in my reeds to venture out. These peaceful willows where the sun filtered weakly in the day, and the starlight barely touched by night. Darkness.
But then a small sound burbled across the water. The sound of a sigh, and with it, a soft white light. The lights moved across the water, coming from foxfire growing out of a half-submerged log. On it, a male pseudo glided across my pond, smiling as if with an inner light of his own. He called out to me like an old friend, inviting me to share in his adventure. I still don’t know how he saw me there, hiding amongst the reeds. He beckoned me to join him, telling of adventure and a world beyond the forest, telling of lands and skies and rivers to be seen. I shook my head. Why would I leave this place? All I’d ever known, to go with a stranger?
He did not call out again, but waited, wondering if I would change my mind. I was too fearful of new things, too afraid of the river, to follow. With a soft hiss, I hunkered lower into the reeds, my mind racing furiously. Too see the world? To leave this place and take a leap of faith? With my eyes screwed shut, I allowed indecision to rock my body, too scared to follow, but too intrigued to leave. When I opened my eyes, the light was gone. The hush of the forest muffling any sound I strained my ears to hear. I ran out into the water, biting my tongue to keep from calling out. I changed my mind! I wanted to see the world!
But it was too late.”
Filled with shame at her imagined sin, Serawyn tells this story as a dream, as though she were an observer with no control. In vain, she tries to convince herself it was indeed a dream, and that the stranger on the river was of her own imagination. But in truth, it was no dream, it was an event in her past which would change her forever, stalking her with regret and driving her to action.
From that day on, regret plagued Serawyn like a disease, eating at her from the inside. Shakily, she resolved to make a change, and ghosted away from her home without a word. Now, no opportunity passes her by, no fear holds her down. The day is at hand, and the time to seize it is now.
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