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❝we can repaint the mistakes we made❞
----- --------- ----NAME::Maxine---- --------- ----- GENDER::FemaleENTRY ONE ;; WHEN I WAS LITTLE
Jean was always more sure of himself.
Jean is my brother, he's older by a little bit, it's not much,
but whatever. No, I lied, not whatever, I do care. I do care,
a lot.
Jean was always more confident, sure. He's a born leader,
he doesn't admit it but I can see it. He's handsome and
quick thinking and he speaks his mind because he knows
it is what he believes. I...am never that sure. I guess Jean
just knows himself better and I don't know myself at all.
I remember when we were kids we used to play games with
the other kias.
There was once when we were playing capture the flag in the
forest...Jean was captain for one of the teams, of course.
The other teams leader was a girl...she was picking first.
She said,"I choose the kia with the pink hair, Max, right?"
At first I was exited, being picked first means you're good,
right? But then I realized for the first time it was me against
Jean. Usually me and Jean did everything. We made the
perfect team, neither of us were better or worse, no loser
or winner. We were the same. But now that was different.
I said,"Yeah, I'm Max," and walked to her side. Then they
chose the other members.
When we started...I could feel my heartbeat speeding up.
It was like...a million fireflies let lose inside of me, flapping
in unison and fluttering around my rib cage. Adrenaline
pushed its way into my veins and for some reason...I
really, really wanted to win. I wanted to beat my brother.
I had to win.
So I took off running, ignoring the plans my team had
made. I could hear them yelling, calling out to me, but
I didn't care. They sounded muffled, far off, like under water.
I kept running and running, looking for the flag my brother
was protecting with his team. I had to get that flag.
My mind was flooded with all these thoughts when...suddenly
I fell. I could feel the roots of trees grabbing my legs and
pulling me down to the moist earth.
That's when all the fireflies stopped fluttering and sat down
on each rib, making me feel heavy inside and out. If i got
tagged then I'd be out of the game. I was wishing that I
had listened to the plan. I tried to break free from the
roots that grabbed onto me but my ankle was caught.
Suddenly something broke my thoughts. Someone was
standing over me.
Jean.
"Max, what are you doing here?" He had asked me, shaking
me a little. I felt the words stuck in my that, trying to claw
their way out. But I...was surprised? Jean was there, able
to tag me and tell the others I was done. He wasn't
trying to beat me like I wanted to beat him. Did that
make me a bad Kia? "J-Jean...I was headed for the flag."
That's when something even more shocking happened.
Jean stepped back, gave me a solemn nod, and said,
"Okay, the flags up ahead, just a few more yards,
I'll hold them off."
I couldn't even reply.
I felt him fumbling over the roots, breaking my leg free.
"Go for it, Maxine."
Then he left to distract his own team. He left. And he called
me Maxine, not Max.
I made an all out sprint for the flag, leaping over the
undergrowth. I trusted Jean to protect me from the
others. I trusted him to keep his word.
Soon enough I saw the blue flag, waving idly. I
scrambled up a tree trunk the best I could, hanging
on to two branches while locking my teeth around the flag,
I had no other way to hold it.
I won. I won.
I won because of Jean.
My brother.
It never made sense to me, why did Jean help me win?
It was just a game...but..still. He helped me win, games
are everything to kids. I'll never understand Jean...
or myself.
ENTRY TWO ;; WE ALL GROW UP
Today was the worst. I was hanging with
a bunch of others after school. We were
just chilling by the gas station when Jean
showed up.Sometimes he acts so..so full
of it! Like he knows everything.I only
started noticing recently how much of a
butt he can be!
So I was just talking when he showed up
and I decided to ignore it, like, who cares
if my brother wants to hang with us?
Then, like, I continued talking. I said,
"I'm thinking about getting my ears and lip
pierced, it'd be cool!" That is when Jean
decided to give his opinion.
He said, "That is so stupid, Maxine!"
Everyone laughed at us and began staring.
I was put on the spot.
Everyone began staring at us, waiting for me
to give it to him. I snapped back," Oh shut
up, Jean, what do you know?" He just
shrugged like I was a little kid talking to
him and said,"Well, it's just that you'd look
pretty ugly like that and it'd hurt too,would
you be able to take it?" Everyone laughed even
more. Did he think I couldn't take a little pinch?
Out of all the things I have done, all the crazy
stunts and dangerous things, this is the one thing
he noticed?
"Oh my God, Jean, really? This isn't about you, I don't
care what you think!" I couldn't stop there though. I
had to keep going because...everyone was there
watching me, I didn't want to seem so childish but
letting Jean scold me would make me seem childish
too! So I said,"The problem is that you wish you were
brave enough or strong enough or cool enough to be
like me, huh? You just can't stand it that I'm growing up
and you're not. I don't care what you think Jean, because
I'm old enough to be my own kia!"
He looked really hurt and upset, then. He nodded and left.
He just left.
That look on his face, the silence, I can't stop reliving the
moment! I feel so bad.
It's like..what, midnight? And he's still not home. I
keep looking out the window, hoping he'll show
up, but he hasn't yet. I feel terrible. He was
bothering me...but he didn't intentionally do
anything wrong...but I snapped and yelled at him.
I embarrassed him too...
I feel so bad now. Jean's never been one to care
about other Kia's feelings but still. Maybe he's
just out doing some work or something. I might
be worrying for nothing.
It only makes it harder that I care too much an Jean
cares too little about feelings.
I'm going to bed. I need my sleep, if Jean shows
up, good. If he doesn't, well, whatever.
