┌───────────┐│
│
iusername: ✦ nemurii
name: oswald ( oz )
pronouns: he / him
│
│
└───────────┘ ▄▄
██
██
▀▀
───────────────────────────────────────────
xx- murakami haruki
───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────x"damn it all!"the exclamation was punctuated by a loud curse and the sound of a pile of books toppling towards the ground in an ungraceful heap. several trinkets were swept towards the ground too in a fit of rage, only adding to the cacophony that hadn't been present before. oswald stood, fuming, as
a younger boy tentatively pushed open the door to the room and poked his head in.
"sir oswald? pardon my intrusion, but i heard the commotion and rushed over... is anything the matter?"the silver haired man swiveled around, prepared to snap at the intruder, but the words died on the tip of his tongue when he met hugo's gaze. suddenly aware of his disheveled hair and the wild gleam in his eyes from the full-length mirror conveniently placed next to the door, he coughed awkwardly and bent down, preparing to pick up the fallen books.
"ah... yes. forgive my outburst, hugo, i was just feeling rather frustrated. some things aren't working out quite as i had imagined, but don't worry about it. for better or for worse, this is out of your realm of expertise.""oh, okay," the boy said, sculpting his features back into one of neutrality and calm. oswald didn't miss the way hugo's face twisted momentarily in disappointment, but he decided to not comment on it, nodding his head as the boy bowed and left, closing the door carefully behind him.
when the sound of hugo's footsteps faded into the distance, oswald breathed out a loud sigh and surveyed the room, feeling his eyes twitch in irritation. the books were still scattered haphazardly across the floor, and while the alchemist (the inventor? the artisan? he isn't quite sure what he is anymore) gathered the dusty tomes into his arms, his mind wandered over to whatever he had been doing before his outburst.
mumbling under his breath about how he really needed better ideas, oswald set the books off to the side where they wouldn't be bothered if he were to do something in a fit of fury again. when he seated himself by his desk again, his pale eyes fell upon the (rejected) sketches that he had been working on prior.
... and he was instantly reminded of how much of a
slump he was in.
"ugh, this sucks."oswald groaned and leaned back into his chair, reaching out for the papers on his desk and crumpling them up into a ball. somewhere at the back of his mind, a younger, more greenhorned version of himself shook his head in disappointment and pity at the waste of paper and the struggle he was having with his work. the anger from before had dissipated and faded into a dull ache inside of oswald, and trying harder to think gave him no results but a throbbing headache that refused to leave.
the offending balls of crumpled paper remained on the desk, and the man only stared blankly at them.
before, alchemy came as easily to him as breathing. his ingenious mind constantly broke the boundaries of what people thought to be the limits of spellcrafting, and everything he created - the spells, potions, trinkets - all worked easily and without a hitch. oswald's affinity with magic was unquestionable, and when coupled with his drive and passion for creation and further heights, it was no wonder that he could create a name for himself.
he wasn't known as "grand alchemist oz" of the capitol for nothing. even hugo, the stumbling, bumbling young boy who had been so eager to learn but was resigned to his fate as someone magic-less, could see his power.
that was, of course, before oswald began to draft up the plans for the wings.
it wasn't even like the wings were supposed to be that big of a deal. they were just supposed to be a fun little a project between commissions he'd do for other people, and oswald had been planning on adding many small details to the wings itself, in addition to potentially making them functional. however, the problem started when oswald couldn't come up with a design he liked, and when he forced himself to halfheartedly create the wings, they failed to come together and live up to his expectations.
there had been a saying floating amongst artisans and creators, scientists and innovators, about how you were your own greatest critic. the silver haired man had originally scoffed at such a notion, but now, it was painfully clear that he was unhappy with everything he thought of thus far. it felt like a bucket of cold water was dumped on his head, and the alchemist wanted nothing more than to reach inside his head and throttle his brain a little, just to get it back and kicking again.
it was a deeply unpleasant feeling. oswald stood back and pushed his chair back, not minding the harsh screeching of chair legs against the polished oak wood planks of the ground. what was another few scratches on the flooring? it had certainly seen better days before oswald turned the room into his workspace, and it was certainly no stranger to all the explosions and clutter that it was exposed to. besides, the alchemist had better things to worry about.
grabbing the coat that was hanging from the hook on the door, oswald swept out of the room in all his extravagance, flapping his large sleeves and letting the coat billow out from behind him. the door swung shut with a small bang, and with yet another long-suffering sigh, oswald set off to find hugo.
sure, perhaps he did tell the boy to go away barely ten minutes prior, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
"sir oswald... i don't mind accompanying you on your whims and i'm happy that you'd even let me tag along with you, but can i please know where we're going?" hugo asked for not the first time that day, and the older man merely shrugged.
"the library, i guess," the man answered after a long moment of silence, and the frown on hugo's face only deepened.
"you guess?""yeah, well." coughing into his fist to mask the embarrassed flush rising to his cheeks, oswald shrugged helplessly.
"i'm sure you've seen how much i've been struggling with my work recently. i need a change in environment and something else to do, and i don't want to go alone. you've been holed up a lot too, these days, so i thought that we could both get some fresh air before locking ourselves back up with the books.""that... is actually a cogent argument. i'm almost surprised, sir.""hah? what's that supposed to mean, my dear apprentice?""nothing, nothing. you're probably overthinking it as always, sir."shaking his head in disbelief at how cheeky his apprentice was being (he should really teach the brat how to respect elders and not actual alchemy!), oswald stuffed his hands into the pockets of his coat. it wasn't that cold, but the way the autumn wind nipped at his skin was starting to veer more into the uncomfortable territory. hugo skipped on in front of him, evidently enjoying the cloudy air, and the alchemist couldn't help but let a grumble slip past his lips.
"how are you so energetic...? we're just walking to the library.""you're such a killjoy, sir," hugo shot back, but the boy seemed to reconsider his actions, as his steps slowed and slipped into a gait that was more formal, more refined. in truth, it wasn't that big of a difference from his skips, but oswald chuckled slightly at his apprentice's efforts. it was quiet and barely more than a small snort, but hugo (curse young people and their supersonic hearing) managed to pick up on it and stomped a foot.
"don't laugh at me, i'm doing my best here!"the silver haired man didn't respond, but during those few moments with his apprentice, he felt lighter than he had while puzzling over his latest project. a sort of guilty feeling threatened to bubble up inside of him, berating him for taking time off his work, but oswald did his best to shove the feeling down. surprisingly enough, even he knew his own limits, and he understood that if something didn't come to him, then there was no point in trying to force "something" to come, whatever "something" could be.
it's no surprise that frustration rather than anger fills him instead, and in that moment, oswald clenches a fist as he watches hugo move about. oh, to be young again... perhaps the source of all his troubles was that time continued to tick, regardless of whether or not he was ready.
the alchemist was flipping a page of one of the many books he had stacked in front of him when hugo almost all but crashes into his side, breathless and wheezing but still smiling as radiantly as the sun, even when there's an overcast.
"sir oswald!" he exclaimed, completely missing the dark glare the librarian had shot in their direction,
"we should do something!""are we not doing something right now, hugo?" the man questioned drily, but he set down his book on bird anatomy and nodded apologetically to the librarian.
"you should take this opportunity to read up on as many things as you can. the archives we have back at the laboratory are large, yes, but in the face of such a grand library, it amounts to nothing."the boy stomped a foot on the ground, annoyed that the man hadn't instantly picked up on whatever ambiguous hint he was trying to give off.
"sir, you know that's not what i meant! stop reading already! you said you came out here to take a break, but all you're doing now is immersing yourself into the books again!" tugging on oswald's sleeve with one hand, hugo used the other to reach for the stack of papers on the table and pulled them closer to the duo.
"let's write something and fold the papers up into something!""... idea rejected. hugo, i'm actually trying to do something important here. don't bother me with unimportant things.""sir, you know that it's not going to work, right? actually take a break. write something, anything. write a story. write a letter to someone, or compose a song. just stay away from those blueprints and formulas, okay? can you at least humour me on this one thing?"oswald didn't respond, and instead opted to pick up his book again in favour of ignoring his apprentice. no amount of whining from hugo was able to get him to budge, and after a while, the boy sulked off, mumbling about how "there was no such thing as perfection and his master was stupid to run after it like a bitter ex" and how his master was "too much of a thick skulled idiot to appreciate the beauty of rest and relaxation". in a sense, he wasn't wrong; any time not spent doing something was just merely time wasted, was it not? for that very reason, the silver haired man did everything he could in his power to keep himself busy, but there was nothing he could really do about the metaphorical idea drought in his mind.
tapping the end of a pen distractedly against the table as he flipped through the pages of his book, oswald heaved out a sigh through his nostrils and took a side glance at the paper. he couldn't deny how bored or unsettled he was by looking at nothing but diagrams of bird wings and their bone structure, and contrary to his beliefs, a change in location hadn't really done much change for him.
the alchemist was bitter. angry, even.
why did he have to be struck with a lack of inspiration and motivation? the worst part about the entire situation was that he couldn't even justifiably take it out on anyone; hugo was innocent and just trying to help, and not for the first time since he picked up the project, oswald felt a slight twinge of guilt prick at his heart. hugo had been trying to help, but the man knew himself enough to understand that such methods likely wouldn't help.
to be fair, he had never tried them out, but how could they work? stopping work in favour of slacking and doing something else? how in the world could that ever be considered productive?
"i think you'd be surprised at the wonders of changing your perspective every once in a while, grand alchemist oz," a quiet voice sounded from behind him, and oswald swiveled around in surprise. he was greeted with the countenance of the librarian who had glared at him and his apprentice earlier, and when he tried to stammer out something - a hello, an apology, a
what the hell are you doing behind me - the librarian shook their head, effectively cutting him off.
"no. stop. actually listen for a change. that boy - your apprentice, correct? - is just trying to look out for you. i don't doubt that you know this already, but it's worth taking other people's views into consideration for once. no one is invincible, not even the greatest, most prodigious alchemists."with those simple words, it was like the librarian had taken hold of oswald's tongue and cut it clean off. he shifted uncomfortably for a few moments, before setting the book down once more onto the table and addressing the other person.
"how... how did you figure out my identity?"it was the only thing he was able to force to the surface, and the librarian scoffed as though they had been asked a ridiculous question.
(in hindsight, it probably was ridiculous, but oswald had never been one for retrospection.)
"you and the kid weren't exactly being hush-hush about it, you know. anyone with eyes could tell," they commented flippantly, before turning to the shelves behind oswald's chair.
"well, in the end, whether or not you change is entirely dependent on yourself. the boy's said his piece, and as an outsider, i've said mine. i'll be heading off to work now, if you don't mind." the librarian nodded at oswald pleasantly, almost like they hadn't just given him a tongue lashing, and returned to their former place at the front desk. the silver haired man was left to stew in his own pot of uncomfortable feelings.
did the librarian (and hugo) have a point? yes, yes they did. did oswald want to listen? this much was questionable.
perhaps he'll sit back and ruminate a little more.
"there's no such thing as perfect writing, just like there's no such thing as perfect despair, huh?""sir? with all due respect, what... what are you doing?"oswald stared blankly at hugo for ten whole seconds before turning back to his task. he sat, crossed-legged and hunched, and the apprentice's face twisted when he realized that he wasn't going to get an answer out of the grand alchemist if he wasn't persistent enough with his questions.
"sir?""don't you have eyes? i'm folding paper airplanes.""yes, but aren't those papers the plans and blueprints you were using for your project? i'm happy that you're doing something else, i really am, but this... this is something that i never would've expected you to do."the silver haired man shrugged his shoulders at the boy's words, carefully creasing the paper and humming to himself under his breath.
"i suppose i can understand that. i wouldn't have seen myself doing this either, but recently, i've had an epiphany of sorts, if you will. perfection is elusive and slips away at me from every turn, and although i won't stop striving for perfection, perhaps... it would be more beneficial for me to expand my views a little."hugo whistled loudly in response, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned on the table to catch a closer look at what his master was doing.
"that's great and all, but are you going to have enough time to finish that personal project and take on more commissions at the same time?"oswald gave the boy a distracted nod, lifting the plane to the light to examine it.
"yeah, about that... i finished the wings and some of the commissions before letting the others know that there's been some unexpected delays with the progress."at first, hugo's eyes lit up with glee.
"really? that's great news, sir oswald!" a moment later, the rest of the alchemist's words fully registered in his head, and the boy's eyes widened in shock.
"wait, what do you mean there's been some unexpected delays?! is anything the matter?""you're so loud... kids are truly the creation of the devil," the man grumbled, running a hand through his messy hair. he launched the plane into the air, and watched as it flew straight towards the ceiling and lodged itself into one of the hanging lamps.
"dammit. i hope that doesn't catch on fire.""... sir? are we really going to pretend like you didn't just imply that something is wrong?"oswald stared at the boy for what seemed to be the hundredth time that day, before shrugging his shoulders.
"i'm not pretending. i just didn't feel like heading back onto the work crunch, so i let my clients know that business might be a little slower while i explore paper airplanes some more. of course, i left that last part out, but it's basically the same meaning.""i... i am not even going to begin to dissect how flawed that thinking is, sir. congrats on finally overcoming your slump, though. i'll just be in my room if you need me for anything." shaking his head slightly, hugo bowed at the man and hightailed out of the room, closing the door behind him with a loud clank. the alchemist let out a small snort, and turned to face the completed wings that were stashed in the corner of the room.
in truth, the wings still weren't satisfactory, but for a casual project, they'd have to be good enough. no more anger resided in oswald, and when he stared at his creation, the only thing he felt was relief.
thank god all that hassle was finally over.
[ 2991 / 3000 words ]
x──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────