- User ;; Trollish
Name ;; Ronov
Gender ;; Male
Sin ;; Envy
Isolated was one easy way to define Ronov, since the earliest years of his life. Why, one might ask? Due to parental neglect, or perhaps something worse? No, truly, Ronov did it to himself. Seeing others smile and grin had always somehow hurt him, inside. It wasn't that his family was particularly lackluster, no, they were happy-go-lucky and quite alright in and of themselves-- it wasn't that they weren't good, it was just that the others were better. Wherever Ronov went he saw things he wanted-- or preceived that he needed-- and he knew he could never simply reach out and grasp them. The things he longed for were not physical, in most cases, but rather things inside a person-- love, bravery, courage, charisma-- things he lacked but wanted more than anything else.
Ronov didn't run away or do anything drastic, in fact there are few to no remarkable characteristics about his youth, or even his adolescence. He silently loathed others, mentally stole from them the things he couldn't actually take, and internally he hated himself more than anything else because he didn't have those things, he wasn't better than the others and he deeply needed to be. To take was to better himself, to better himself was to escape the envious loathing he'd succumbed to. Such a goal seemed not only beautiful to him, if not impossible, but also hopeful beyond all else. Up until this point in his late teens-- he'd never thought there was any form of escape. After all, he'd proven to be incapable of bettering himself-- in his own eyes-- so why bother trying that? He couldn't simply steal from other people's personalities and lives-- so he had to toss that aside, but then what was left? Well if he couldn't actually take, he'd do another thing he often witnessed. Pretending.
Playing along was one thing, which Ronov had done his entire life-- never letting his envy show through-- but now he had another task, something much more significant. He began to charade as others-- mimicking the traits he longed for, acting as if he had nothing anyone else didn't, and lying to bolster himself, making himself out to be far more boisterous and entitled, with so many more opportunities. He became an item of envy amongst his peers, and as their graduating class departed, none of his lies had fallen through. He had been both meticulous and careful, not exaggerating anything anyone could prove, while silently plotting more and more to add to himself, his fictional self, that would make things infinitely more appealing to anyone who met him, and heard his feigned charisma take the wheel.
Ronov attended further schooling with much financial aid and loving support from his parents, pursuing a degree in the business field and later rising to power of a large corporation-- he thanked his act for this success, his true self hiding underneath kept taking things from others, stealing them when their backs were turned-- ambition, power, dedication, vigor-- he swiped them and added them to himself, stitching them onto his character like pieces of a quilt. He figured that now he had the perfect mask-- behind it a veil of envy, which no one would ever see past the array of beautiful colors and emotions he'd plastered onto himself to hide it away.
He didn't even care, in the end, that he had 'murdered himself', for 'himself' was nothing worth caring for. Nothing worth celebrating. Nothing that would've gotten him this far-- this successful-- this admired. No, that was all to the credit of his act, and to his immeasurable envy, which drove him to rob the best traits from everyone in his own charade, to parade himself around as an amalgamation of other people's stories and personas so that he might finally feel that he had everything he had ever loathed others for having over him.
He is content, but not satisfied, and to this day the mask is growing-- ever-encompassing more and more things that Ronov sees, that he begins to long for and then-- which he finally takes for himself. He is beyond both shame and reason, in and of himself, and at this point there is seamlessly no hope of one uncovering the truly needy, pathetic and self-loathing man that hides underneath the mask.
