by versicolor » Wed Dec 11, 2013 5:53 pm
★ ☼ ☾ ＬＥＸ ＴＡＬＩＯＮＩＳ ☾ ☼ ★
“Not just beautiful, though--the stars are like the trees in the forest, alive and breathing. And they're watching me.” - Haruki Murakami 
(unshaded)❂ name: Faye
"Variant of Fay. Derived from Middle English faie meaning "fairy".
❂ gender: Female
❂ age: 19 years (human years)
❂ birthdate: July 14th
❂ origin: Seattle, Washington, USA
❂ appearance: Faye has a relatively average build. When she was younger she towered over her peers, but then once she reach adolescence, everyone seemed to catch up to her. Her weight is generally in proportion to her height as well. She has a fair bit of muscle, and it's quite obvious that she is in very good shape. Faye is very conscious about her health, and is almost obsessed with keeping herself fit. Her long, flowing hair is raven dark and often wild and somewhat messy. No matter what she tries, she cannot seem to get control of it. Her hair is quite thick, and brushing it is sometimes a struggle. She has large, almond shaped eyes that are pink and yellow in color. The sclera of her eyes are a dark grey color, which put some people off when she first meets them. Her nose is rather small and dainty looking, which is opposite of her thick, slightly bushy eyebrows. Her star-studded fur is incredibly soft, almost like the down of a chick. Her clothing style varies, but she generally likes to wear colorful clothing, especially with gradients. She likes flowy clothes that aren't too tight, but she is not limited to that style. Skirts and dresses are a big part of her wardrobe. There are also a lot of workout clothes in her closet, due to her obsession with exercise.
❂ voice: Think Elsa from Frozen/Idina Menzel.
❂ posture: Faye's posture tends to be very laid back and casual. She slouches ever so slightly, it is only noticeable after she tries to stand up straight and tall. No matter how hard she tries to stand up straight, she always seems to return to that familiar slouch eventually. This aggravates her to no end, because she really does wish to have a tall, straight, and collected posture.
❂ personality:
They tell me I'm a nervous wreck, that my anxieties consume my life. "Stop worrying so much!" they insist, like saying that is some magical cure for whatever is ailing me. Yet here I am, slumped against a gritty wall in some loud-as-hell club, zoned out and fretting about absolutely nothing. Apparently this is a problem too. "You zone out too much, you need to focus!" The familiar phrase echoes in my ears. There's just no winning. I crush the cigarette in my hand, to hell with 'em. I was never really the same after I turned 17 anyway. I've always been a little bit off these days. They say when you do certain drugs they never really leave your system...I guess my younger years are finally catching up to me.
They don't see me for what I really am. I'm independent, I'm strong, I'm free-spirited. They are refusing to see the whole picture. What they choose to see is a small fraction of the colorful mosaic my personality creates. I am an artist, a dreamer, a spiritual individual. They find the worst parts of me and focus solely on those traits. I'm selfish, distant, and painfully idealistic. I'm an avid follower of current events, and I actually enjoy holding intelligent conversations on politics. I believe that people are inherently good, despite what the media wants me to think. I stand up for what I believe in, even if I stand alone. I'm rebellious, volatile, and I live for a thrill. When people think of me, they picture a girl totally wasted, throwing her life away on booze and drugs. My past has a way of rearing its ugly head. It's a shame, most will never know who I truly am.
★ - ★ - ★ - ★ - ★ - ★
Independent & Distant
This trait of Faye's developed more or less out of necessity. When everyone in her life abandoned her, she had to learn to be okay with being on her own and living her life without anyone else. Due to this, she became extremely introverted and she hardly has to rely on anyone else for anything. She has learned that others a not dependable and if she wants anything done right, she needs to do it herself. This independence, while admirable, can make her seem a little bit standoffish and distant. Faye hardly gets close to anyone else these days and has a hard time opening up to others. She keeps herself guarded and stays away from others so that she does not have to relive the past.
Anxious & Worrisome
Something that is very obvious upon meeting Faye is her tremendous anxiety. Unfortunately, she has a very hard time controlling these anxieties and is prone to freaking out about even the smallest things. She worries about such pointless things, and all it does is bring her bad feelings for the rest of the day. Many of these anxieties stem from her psychosis, where she hallucinates often. These hallucinations are often malicious and she is often worried that they will show up at exactly the wrong time. Faye lives in fear of these visions, some of them being quite grotesque in nature. Once she starts to see black smoke rolling into the surrounding area, she starts to panic a bit, afraid of what she might see. She has a bit of a hard time discerning from hallucinations and reality, which she fears will interfere with her life and those around her.
Spacey & Peculiar
Something about Faye just seems a little bit off. When she was younger, she was actually very attentive and could pay attention to others quite easily. However, once she turned seventeen, things got a bit strange. Suddenly, if was quite difficult for her to pay attention to anything. When she went for runs, she would often zone out and end up somewhere totally strange to her. In class, she would often not pay attention, which got her in trouble often. No matter how hard she tries, sometimes she just cannot focus. She also picked up a few strange habits. For example, she repeats words excessively when nervous or pressured, which was not something she did when she was younger. Faye also began talking less, and became a lot quieter than she was before. She only speaks when she has something to say, which is not often.
Volatile & Unpredictable
One thing you should know about Faye is that it's incredibly hard to predict her mood. One second she may be totally calm, and the next she could be worrying about something she's done. There is really no rhyme or reason with her behavior. She is very much dictated by her emotions, which makes for rather unpredictable behavior. She does whatever she feels like doing, which often changes day to day. On day, she may be totally okay with someone making a rude comment to her, and another day she may snap at them viciously. She may love a certain fruit one day, and the next decided it's the worst thing she's ever tasted. Also, Faye's temper is not the best, and it's very easy to tick her off. She also tends to be a bit explosive so to say, as in she'll burst out yelling at someone for seemingly no reason.
Spiritual & Idealistic
Many don't know this about Faye, but she is actually deeply spiritual. She is a Buddhist, though it's not something she screams out to the world. Not due to fear of acceptance or shame, but merely because she feels religion should be a private matter. She can often be seen meditating in her spare time, as it helps her clear her thoughts. She also prays regularly, though sometimes she may forget. She is not really devout, though she does take her religion seriously. Outside of her apartment, she hangs prayer flags on the balcony railing. Prayer flags are colorful flags that have Buddhist prayers written on them. They are meant to spread good fortune and happiness through the wind and are usually hung outside. She is also rather idealistic and her view on the world tends to be clouded by this. She believes wholeheartedly in the improbable and impractical. Her goals are seldom realistic and she sets quite lofty expectations.
❂ likes:
→ fireworks
→ politics
→ traveling
→ art, specifically pyrography
→ mythology and legends, specifically New Age
→ mercury glass
→ flags
→ French history
❂ dislikes:
→ being alone
→ her anxieties
→ dirt/mud
→ being out of shape
→ strict rules/being told what to do
→ silence
→ being underground
→ insects
❂ quirks:
→ She often wears a red ribbon around her neck. This has to do with her love of French history. After the Reign of Terror (a period of violence that occurred after the onset of the French Revolution where many were guillotined), dancing societies organized bals des victimes, or victim's balls. Women, and by some accounts men too, wore a red ribbon or string around their necks at the point of a guillotine blade's impact at these balls. Faye found this morbidly fascinating, and decided to wear a red ribbon in the same fashion.
→ She can name all the flags in the world upon sight, and finds flags to be very interesting. She likes how all the colors and shapes symbolize something about that country. Often everyday she would meticulously study the flags of the world until she knew every single one by heart.
→ She has very frequent lucid dreams. She doesn't really care about this one way or another. On the one hand, it's fun to mess around in dreams and be in total control, but honestly it's not something she really values. It's just something that she puts up with.
❂ talents/skills:
→ She is a very talented artist. She specializes in pyrography, which is when images are burned into wood using a hot tool. She sometimes likes to use sparklers in place of this tool, just because she thinks they're prettier. She doesn't have as much time for this as she used to, but it's a good way for her to relieve her anxieties.
→ She has a knack for picking up languages very quickly. So far, she has learned French, German, and Latin. She is currently working on learning Spanish. It is unknown why she is able to learn these languages fairly quickly, but it does come in handy when she travels. In her family, she seemed to be the only one with such proficiency in learning languages.
❂ hobbies/interests:
→ She likes to read about New Age myths and legends, more specifically, about ley lines. She finds this topic to be rather fascinating. Ley lines are supposed alignments of a number of places of geographical and historical interest, such as ancient monuments and megaliths, natural ridge-tops and water-fords. In 1969 the writer John Michell revived the term "ley lines", associating it with spiritual and mystical theories about alignments of land forms.
→ She collects mercury glass. Honestly, she just thinks it's really pretty, there's no other reason for her collection. Her apartment is filled with random cups and jars and candlesticks, etc made of mercury glass. Her collection is haphazard, sprawling across her home instead of displayed neatly in cases.
→ She finds French history interesting and is very knowledgeable on the subject. There's no real reason for this, she simply likes it and enjoys reading about it.
❂ fears:
→ She is deathly afraid of ending up alone. She can't stand loneliness and she has herself convinced that she will be alone for the rest of her life; she fears that this will come true.
→ She is terrified of being stuck in an elevator. When the elevator takes a second too long to open its doors, she begins to freak out, even though more often than not it opens.
❂ note: She has something known as chronic hallucinatory psychosis. This is a sub-type of psychosis, where other abnormal mental symptoms are not present. Often individuals are "quiet and orderly, with a good memory". She suffers from frequent hallucinations, often of the auditory and visual type. She is vulnerable to delusions because of this. Often the hallucinations manifest in a billowing black smoke, which can then take the shape of anything. Usually she sees the form of a Kiamara that posses the voices of her former friends. A large ram is another common sight. She can tell when a hallucination is not real most of the time, bit sometimes things feel so real that she cannot tell the difference from the hallucination and reality. The hallucinations are a big reason for her constant anxieties.
❂ take a walk through her mind & dream journal:
okay, so I've made a website specifically for a couple extras I have. So the first is sort of video game-like, where you travel through one of Faye's lucid dreams and defeat monsters and such. Along the way she meets several Kiamaras that act as guides.The arrows and dialogue will guide you through. I hope everything is clear enough. The dream journal is exactly as it states, a catalog of many of Faye's dreams. She does this so that she may understand he complicated mind a little more clearly, it's hard for her to get past the hallucinations.
Faye's Dreamland
❂ playlist:
Let it Go - Idina Menzel
Artificial Nocturne - Metric (not linked due to language)
Seventeen - Marina and the Diamonds
❂ story:
xxx┏xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx┓
ɪ’ᴍ ᴀs ғᴀʀ ɢᴏɴᴇ ᴀs ᴛʜᴇʏ sᴀʏ
ɪ ᴄᴀɴ’ᴛ ғᴀᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀʏᴛɪᴍᴇ
ғᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴀɴ ᴇɴᴛʀᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴇsᴄᴀᴘᴇ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀʀᴋ
ɢᴏᴛ ғᴀʟsᴇ ʟɪɢʜᴛs ғᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ sᴜɴ
ɪᴛ's ᴀɴ ᴀʀᴛɪғɪᴄɪᴀʟ ɴᴏᴄᴛᴜʀɴᴇ
ᴀɴ ᴏᴜᴛsɪᴅᴇʀ's ᴇsᴄᴀᴘᴇ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴀ ʙʀᴏᴋᴇɴ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ
xxx┗xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx┛
I am completely and utterly alone.
I sit silently on my stone cold balcony, overlooking the vastness of the sprawling city before me. Staring at the city skyline, I feel small and meaningless. My legs dangle over the edge dangerously, each shoe begging to jump off into the street below. I pull out a cigarette, and fumble with my lighter briefly before lighting it hastily. A curse falls from my breath as I take a drag; I told myself I was going to quit. Just another thing I can't seem to do right. It's justified though, right? I mean, all my family and friends have just alienated me and refuse to even speak a single word in my direction. God, I'm so pathetic. There is nothing within me. I am a hollowed out shell of my former self. No signs of life, just total nothingness. This is what I was afraid of, why did I have to be so stupid and tell them? The air is humid, typical of Seattle during this time of year. I stare ahead, straight into the horizon. My pink eyes focus on the way the towering skyscrapers meets the bright, clear sky. The way the Space Needle can be seen in the distance, looking much closer than it really was. I felt as if I could just sprint there in maybe ten seconds, just like that. Of course, I can't. They don't want to see me anymore, I screwed up again. I need to talk to them, to set things straight. However, I do nothing. I am frozen. My eyes dart upward and I'm staring at the sun. The immense light blinds me, but I can't look away. I stare for a few seconds, completely numb to the pain. Finally, after it becomes unbearable, I tear my eyes away and blink rapidly. My vision comes back into focus and I find myself staring down a crow. He is glaring right back at me. He lets out an angry scream and hops just out of reach. And just as quickly as he had appeared, he flies off in the opposite direction. My focus is waning. I scan the area for absolutely anything to study. Anything to keep my mind off the fact that I'm alone in this world. My worst fears are coming true.
They hate me.
My eyes close for a prolonged blink, my tired eyes lingering as I fight to keep them open. When the darkness fades, I see my past boyfriend, right there in front of me. He has no discernible emotion that I can pick up on. A goofy grin appears on my face. It was nice to see him, even though I knew how he felt about me. He thought I was a freak. I reach out, but he steps away from me. His eyes are still that sparkling blue I admired so much. I swear his smile could brighten up an entire room. He would always look as if he had something to say, even if he didn't. But I guess this time he does. God, I miss him.
"Why are you here?" He asks, in an accusatory tone. My smile fades abruptly.
"I live here. This is my home." I assert. It was an odd question to say the least.
"Don't you get it? We don't want you here anymore. You need to leave." He spits the words out with disdain.
"...What?" I am confused. I thought he came back to finally settle things between us. I guess I was wrong.
"Do I need to spell it out for you? Leave. Now." He sneers, utter hatred seeping from his voice.
"Where did this come from?" The words come slow off my lips. I cannot wrap my head around this. He laughs, but it's twisted and ugly, not the lighthearted laugh I came to love.
"When will you realize that you are alone? We've abandoned you Faye. There was a reason we haven't talked to you since that day." He inches dangerously closer and a snarl escapes his lips. He bares his teeth in a menacing way. It's been three months since they left.
"I am not alone." I need myself to believe this. I am not alone, I am not alone, I am not alone.
"It's that kind of thinking that will make you insane." He snickers. He knows what's really going on in my head. He could always read me like an open book.
"I won't let my loneliness consume me." It's no use, he knows. I can't hide it any longer.
"Wrong. It already has. You're lonely and you can't stand it. You're a ticking time bomb. You're unraveling at the seams." His tone is condescending, he almost feels sorry for me. Almost.
He is right. I am alone.
I shake my head in disbelief and squeeze my eyes shut once again. I feel like screaming, but I can't. I tell myself I never want to see them again, but that would be a lie. Without them, I'm worthless. Tears start to form in my eyes but I resist the urge, I cannot show weakness. I open my eyes and he's still there, a triumphant look on his face.
"Oh, and sweetheart, I never loved you in the first place."
Those words sting worse than all the ones he said before. Was he just using me the entire time? I can't fathom to understand, and quite frankly I don't want to. A sullen expression is plastered onto my face. I give up. What was the point of trying to reconcile with them if they didn't even want to see me in the first place? Seattle had always been my home, but lately it's seeming less and less like a home and more like a prison. As I am about to get up, I can see the image of him starting to fade into a dark, billowing smoke and I curse under my breath. He dissipates, and tendrils of smoke lash out and lick my feet as it falls to the balcony floor. It twists and turns in a grotesque manner before rolling off the balcony and disappearing compltely.
It was a hallucination. Again.
❂ art:
(unshaded)
(unshaded)
(no flags)
Last edited by
versicolor on Thu Jan 02, 2014 5:45 pm, edited 31 times in total.
Dream pet acheived 1/6/14 ♥
2. of various colorsask.fm♥ mac and cheese ♥
i do all kinds of stupid and silly stuff
