Over the years my relationship with my birthday has become increasingly complicated thanks to my family just...not being there anymore for multiple reasons (Death, disagreements, moving apart) and becoming increasingly alone as you naturally do as you get older
Last year was particularly awful, I spent my birthday at work covering a coworker who just...didn't show up, drowning in work to keep up unexpectedly, to the point it was just depressing to not really have anything to call my own or even really be acknowledged
Pair that with seasonal depression kicking in and I wasn't super looking forward to today, and I had zero expectations to be remembered by family or friends who are busy and don't owe me anything
(Except by my wife, but that's sort of a given)
Anyways, instead I got an unexpected outpouring of love from my friends and those close to me and while I am super appreciative and touched, I am also- incidentally, incredibly floored and overwhelmed
catch me crying at 2am cause a friend bought me something expensive i really wanted but didn't want to buy for myself cause I didn't necessarily feel that I earned it
I still don't feel like I deserve that, but I'm so extremely grateful for even being remembered at all
This is just a trail of thought ramble, I try to draw myself a little something on my birthday, I guess in my mind "I'll do it for myself, so if I have nothing else, I've wished myself a happy birthday".
Also there is a squirrel in the ceiling at my office and I am going Insane
Last year was particularly awful, I spent my birthday at work covering a coworker who just...didn't show up, drowning in work to keep up unexpectedly, to the point it was just depressing to not really have anything to call my own or even really be acknowledged
Pair that with seasonal depression kicking in and I wasn't super looking forward to today, and I had zero expectations to be remembered by family or friends who are busy and don't owe me anything
(Except by my wife, but that's sort of a given)
Anyways, instead I got an unexpected outpouring of love from my friends and those close to me and while I am super appreciative and touched, I am also- incidentally, incredibly floored and overwhelmed
catch me crying at 2am cause a friend bought me something expensive i really wanted but didn't want to buy for myself cause I didn't necessarily feel that I earned it
I still don't feel like I deserve that, but I'm so extremely grateful for even being remembered at all
This is just a trail of thought ramble, I try to draw myself a little something on my birthday, I guess in my mind "I'll do it for myself, so if I have nothing else, I've wished myself a happy birthday".
Also there is a squirrel in the ceiling at my office and I am going Insane
