[hypnowave]

and i'm happy by the way
that i made that jump, that leap of faith

this did not turn out the way i planned but for once i don't really mind, haha. i might be taking a break from oekaki for a bit; midterms are coming up and i can't seem to draw for myself to save my life. i love my characters but i don't feel like i can draw art that does them justice. i keep feeling like they deserve better.

(that being said, i don't feel that way when drawing for others, so check out my free art thread maybe? lmao)

anyways, sun goes down is a good song and it's helping me come to terms with the internalized homophobia and transphobia that still hasn't stopped bothering me. gonna talk about it a little below (in transparent text, because i don't want to make anyone uncomfortable), thanks to everyone who's been helping me get through it <3

i know that "the internet corrupted my mind and turned me gay" sounds like a haha funny joke because it's so ridiculous, but sometimes i genuinely feel like that's what happened. it's like i've always had this little sapling in my chest, a faint suggestion that i was queer. when i got on this site and discovered lgbtq+ resources and discussions, it watered that little sapling, and now it's a sprawling plant that's twisting around my lungs and suffocating me. i constantly feel like i should have stepped on that sapling and ground it into the dirt and let it die. i feel like i should've suppressed all those thoughts i had when i was ten, of switching bodies and becoming a boy. i know i would've been miserable if i hid that part of me forever, but admitting that i'm trans also hurts when i know i can't bind my chest or lower my voice or change my name or take hrt. my chest always hurts, breathing always hurts. i just want to be okay.

[Tuxedo Mask]

My inbox is always open for you Jun. You’ve got this .

[Silver Pandorica]

This is a beautiful piece, and even more so after reading what you said. I've never been in your shoes in regards to your particular struggle, and I can't imagine how difficult it must be. However, if you ever need someone to talk to or just vent frustrations at, I'm here for you. And remember that you are beautiful and you are valid.

[tūī]

completely valid tbh
ayo if you take a break from oekaki that's fine !! especially if it's to study, even better in that case. fr though, your art is great cameron !! i hope you get more motivation to continue drawin em, because i can say for certain that lots of people love seeing your art, and how much love you put into your characters :0

also oml this piece is amazing

[SurgeFire]

ily. i have so much faith in you that you can get through this. im free to talk if you ever want
wonderful art as usual

[grizol]

i've been through and am still going through similar struggles too. i like to just think that it'll all work out eventually and there is light at the end of the tunnel. take as much time as you need, i know you will make it through this jun
the composition of this piece is beautiful as well

[hypnowave]

My inbox is always open for you Jun. You’ve got this .

thank you demon!! i feel bad burdening specific people with my issues for the most part, which is why i tend to just talk about it in my art posts or in private notes - but i appreciate the sentiment regardless :">

This is a beautiful piece, and even more so after reading what you said. I've never been in your shoes in regards to your particular struggle, and I can't imagine how difficult it must be. However, if you ever need someone to talk to or just vent frustrations at, I'm here for you. And remember that you are beautiful and you are valid.

gosh, thank you so much silv <3 your comments always mean the world to me. we should definitely talk more regardless, you're always a lovely presence and i love your art and characters!! i'd hate to bog you down with my struggles and nothing else, haha :3c

completely valid tbh
ayo if you take a break from oekaki that's fine !! especially if it's to study, even better in that case. fr though, your art is great cameron !! i hope you get more motivation to continue drawin em, because i can say for certain that lots of people love seeing your art, and how much love you put into your characters :0

also oml this piece is amazing

you called me cameron ilysm
hgfnshdsj THANK YOU,, my characters, man. unironically the only thing that keeps me going. but yeah, i've had to put my pen down for the most part because i have so many assignments to work on :pensive: ironically enough the only time i've been able to draw is during zoom calls since i'm not actively doing anything but listening, haha. here's hoping i can bounce back from it :")

ily. i have so much faith in you that you can get through this. im free to talk if you ever want
wonderful art as usual

ily2 surge,, also no u!! you've been drawing so much lately i feel bad i don't have the energy to always comment because it is Very Good mwah

i've been through and am still going through similar struggles too. i like to just think that it'll all work out eventually and there is light at the end of the tunnel. take as much time as you need, i know you will make it through this jun
the composition of this piece is beautiful as well

i hope it works out for both of us man. it always looks so unattainable and far away but surely there's always a path or two that leads to where you gotta go, right? :") thank you though julien, it means a lot to me