[ThewolfMissy]

Deep gray clouds covered the sky, sealing away most of the light the moon gave off. Thunder roared while lightning flashed, lighting up the dark night sky. Rain pounded down onto the earth from the clouds. Sharp and piercing winds blew, ruffling the branches of trees and causing leaves to come loose. The newly loosened leaves danced in the wind then slowly floated down onto the soaked ground.

Standing upon a cliff formation was a dark furred she-wolf. Her eyes filled with sorrow and despair. She leaned slightly over the edge, glancing down at the ground below her. A sigh escaped through her muzzle and her ears flattened against her head. 'He will show.. he always does around this time..' She thought to herself. She felt like what she was doing was wrong, or went against some sort of rules. But she didn't care, not anymore. It was hard to find something she really cared about as of recently.

Missy closed her dark green eyes tightly and snapped her muzzle shut suddenly. She held her breath and kept her body still. She felt tears threatening to fall and she refused to let them surface. After a minute passed, she finally opened her eyes and allowed herself to breath again. But as soon as she did, tears dripped down from her eyes, rolling down her furry face.

"Dang it," she snarled to herself. Missy didn't want to cry, not anymore. She hated crying. She spent enough of her life crying as it was, she didn't need to cry over more bad happenings. Yet, here she stood, crying. Her heart throbbing with a pain that was new, that stabbed deeper than any tooth or claw wound could.

Missy had survived the death of her parents and litter-mate. She had survived being haunted by satan himself and his demons. She had survived thousands of fights for her life, and more wounds than she could count. Missy had lasted seeing an old friend and even small pups in her pack die. But none of that compared to the pain she dealt with now. The pain overwhelmed her heart and slowly was crushing it. Missy could feel it breaking in half every single day.

Missy could heal any kind of wound she received in battle, but there was no cure for a broken heart, even if she caused it.

Suddenly Missy's ears perked up. She heard a twig snapping below her. She quickly leaned over the edge of the cliff and looked down at the forest below her. What she saw made her heart beat stop and her tears slowly stopped flowing. She saw the only sight that could kill her yet make her feel better all the same.

Missy watched as a tall, brown haired human male stalked in the forest. His head was down low, his gaze down at his feet, as he walked to a certain tree. Once he arrived at the tree, his eyes turned up. He sighed deeply and placed a single hand onto the trunk, running his fingers across it. He murmured something that Missy couldn't catch as he slid down to the ground, sitting with his back against the tree.

Missy felt a small smile mingling with a small frown as she watched the human male. It wasn't just any ol' human she was watching; It was the only one who still held her heart. It was the human who she fell so much in love with that she couldn't believe it was real. It was Jacob. Missy didn't expect to see him back in his wolf form, even though she would have liked to see it again. She knew how Jacob worked by now. If being in wolf form brought memories to the surface, he wouldn't be in that shape until he could handle it. It could take years before he used that shape again.

Missy got so lost in her thoughts that she almost didn't catch that Jacob glanced up suddenly. She quickly jumped back, her ears shooting straight up and her tail alert. She held her breath and closed her eyes. After a minute, she allowed her eyes to flutter open and tears flooded out. This time she welcomed them.

------
I miss him.. I miss him more than I can even express.. My heart longs.. My heart aches.. My heart is broken once again.

I did it to myself.. all along..

Just because I am obeying God doesn't mean I like it or that I want to. The only thing I want is to be a faithful servant. I know this is a test.. I don't know if I'll pass.. But I am trying.

I hate ignoring him. I hate only being able to watch at a distance. I hate doing this..

Deep down, I know it is for the best, for right now at least. But I really don't like it.

I still love him. I still love him with my entire heart. He still means so much to me. I almost can't bare the thought that I am the reason he is hurt again. I swore I wouldn't do it to him.. I promised!

But.. I also promised God that I would hold nothing above Him. My promise to Jesus rules here.

I'm sick of crying. I'm sick of hurting. But I can't stop. The tears won't stop.

Even if his glances or gazes hurt me and pierce my flesh, I don't wish to be anywhere else but lost in his eyes.

But he isn't the one I fell in love with to begin with.. Not this one... I was blinded.. I was stupid.. I can't change it.. I have to live with it.

God, I want You. I want a life pleasing to You more than I want air to breath. I want to be a good servant more than I want my own life. My life isn't even mine, its Yours. Do as You wish.


Lines not mine.

*DO NOT STEAL MY FURSONA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE BELONGS TO ME AND ONLY ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*