[Weeping Willow] Feedback?

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[Weeping Willow] Feedback?

Postby Birdy » Thu May 26, 2016 2:41 pm

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I've decided to give this whole writing thing another try. I can't make any promises about when new chapters will be released, but I'll try to give estimates. Please don't hold those against me; I do have a life outside of this, and I write purely for entertainment. I don't want to be harassed about new chapter releases.
Other than that, feel free to post and give feedback! I'd like to know what you all think of it so far.

The table of contents can be found below!

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ImageMusic While WritingImage
ImagePrologue: V a c a n tImage

His pale hand ran along the iron gate that encompassed the abandoned cemetery. Burning yellow eyes trailed along the gate as he continued to let his fingers glide along the glistening top, feeling the wet rust scratch and accumulate in his palm. A nearby lamppost illuminated his sharp, ghostly features and his champagne-colored lips curled into a crooked grin.

With a few swift steps he was positioned at the entrance of the cemetery. Gently rubbing his bony hands together to rid of the rust and dirt, he took one last moment to observe his surroundings. As planned, the cemetery's population consisted of nothing more than a few hundred gravestones and a handful of weeping willows. His smirk broadened and he entered the dismal graveyard, his speed increasing gradually with an intense feeling of excitement. After centuries of anticipation, the moment had finally arrived.

He continued his quick stride, eyes darting from headstone to headstone, until he arrived beneath a particularly large weeping willow. From the legends he'd heard, this tree was among the oldest trees known to inhabit the planet Grimm, easily older than him by a few centuries. However, the tales told to him over the years did the tree no justice; the willow towered high above its offspring, its strong branches seemingly defying time as they pulsed with youth and power. A low breeze whisked through the leaves, which swayed and danced, letting out a gentle moan as though to say you are not welcome here. And welcome, the man was not.

He glazed the willow's leaves with his fingertips before plucking a single leaf and observing it with his cool, yellow eyes. The wind seemed to pick up around him, outraged at the man's cruel actions. The leaf immediately shriveled in his palm, it's vibrant green glow morphing into a sickly black. He turned his palm outward, allowing the leaf to fall to the ground, where it lay stiff beneath its dancing brothers. The man frowned at the sight; he almost regretted having to do this. Almost.

With a quick snap of his fingers, an ax appeared in his rough hands. Large and slim, the ax's handle was engraved with neat lettering. The language was Pinloan, the language of the elves, and it said one word: destrayel, which meant destruction. The man swiveled the ax in his hand, looking the weeping willow up and down one last time before plunging it into the willow's base, piercing the roots that rested beneath a blanket of soil. The wind around him hissed and roared, violently piercing his skin and sending his raven hair into a frenzy as it whipped around his face. The surrounding lampposts, which loyally stood guard over the home of lives lost, could only watch as he raised the ax in the air, their glowing eyes seemingly growing darker with every swing of the man's ax.

After nearly an hour of the man's brutal actions, he found himself surrounded by chunks of the willow's roots, its leaves reduced to decaying litter at the man's feet. The man's chest heaved and he wiped his brow with his sleeve, the warm cloth of his jacket a relief in the suddenly cool air. He reached down at the base of the willow, whose bark had begun to show its true age as it fell in clumps with the breeze. After brushing aside some lose soil, he grabbed at the now-exposed root, which gave off a dim golden glow. With a gentle tug, the root gave way, the willow letting out one last cry of defeat before forever falling silent. It was no longer a guardian of the cemetery, but was rather now one of the many lost souls that inhabited it. The man's white teeth flashed in the moonlight and his eyes gleamed as he rose to his feet, his fingers roughly clenching onto his prize.

He was almost done.
Last edited by Birdy on Fri May 27, 2016 3:03 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Table of Contents

Postby Birdy » Thu May 26, 2016 2:42 pm

Last edited by Birdy on Fri May 27, 2016 11:49 am, edited 4 times in total.
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Glossary

Postby Birdy » Thu May 26, 2016 2:46 pm

Image Glossary Image

Pinloan;; the Elven language
Destrayel;; "destruction" [Pinloan]
Last edited by Birdy on Thu May 26, 2016 9:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Character List

Postby Birdy » Thu May 26, 2016 2:49 pm

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Falen;; main character, 1st mentioned in Chapter One
Ronan;; main character, 1st mentioned in Chapter One
Last edited by Birdy on Fri May 27, 2016 11:50 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Reserved

Postby Birdy » Thu May 26, 2016 2:51 pm

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Re: [Weeping Willow]

Postby Birdy » Thu May 26, 2016 4:15 pm

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ImageMusic While WritingImage
Image Chapter One;; B e g i n n i n g s Image

Falen clutched her bracelet between her slim fingers and began fiddling it, her creamy brown eyes half shut in boredom. She pursed her lips together and sighed softly, and continued to run her fingertips along the thin, golden bracelet. It wasn't real gold, of course. She was from a wealthy family, but her father had taught her to put her money toward other uses, like going on adventures. Her rosy lips curled into a small smile as she thought of her father; when he was alive, he'd been her best friend, going with her on long strolls through the woods, telling her stories of his younger years and showing her that excitement can be found beneath every rock, and in every crevice. Even the river knows to live a life of adventure, for that is why it is constantly moving. She reflected on his wise words, remembering his powerful yet gentle voice and his wise, brown eyes. She wondered if he was watching over her now; she could imagine the stern look he'd give her, his firm voice asking her why she was still at home. I have to, Papa, she thought to herself, her eyebrows lowering and a small huff escaping her lips. I have to watch over mother.

Falen's mother was a woman of nearly 40 years, but nobody would think she was a day pass 20. Her brown skin still glowed with youth, and there wasn't a single wrinkle on her charming face. The only part of her that gave away her true age was her eyes; once gleaming like a ray of light, her mother's eyes had faded into a gloomy black over the past couple of years. Falen remembered the day her mother's eyes first changed; it was the day they heard of her father's death. Since that day, her mother's lively personality had become increasingly drained of life and hope. She tried to hide it, for Falen's sake, but Falen could see the demons that relentlessly tormented her mother's broken heart.

Falen was so lost in thought about her parents that she didn't notice a young man arrive at her booth. He cleared his throat softly, announcing his arrival and breaking Falen from her spell.

"I hate to awaken the sleeping beauty from her daydreams, but I couldn't help but notice your scarves."

Falen jumped in surprise at his voice, nearly falling off of the chair she sat in on the other side of the booth. She quickly stood, brushing off her wine-colored dress and letting out a small, embarrassed chuckle. Brushing her curly black hair behind her ear, she took a quick moment to observe her customer. He was tall and lean with fair skin and golden-brown hair. He was well-dressed, and stood tall and confident, the way a nobleman would. But above all, what caught her attention was his striking features. With a charming smile he flashed his pearly white teeth, his dreamy green eyes soft yet intriguing. His jaw-line was sharp, and his plump lips were the color of a tea rose. For a moment, Falen thought back to her childhood, when her father spoke of the God Adonis, who was known for his good looks and charm.

"M-may I help you?" she stuttered softly, her words barely escaping her parted lips. The man's smile widened, clearly happy with the affect he had on her.

"Why yes, you may," he answered smugly, a twinkle in his eye. "I was hoping to purchase one of your scarves."

Falen groaned inwardly, realizing that he had had to repeat himself for her. She gave him another shy smile and cleared her throat.

"Uhm, which scarf were you interested in?" she asked him. In a matter of seconds, his face turned from one of kindness to one of an intense urgency. He leaned into the booth, getting uncomfortably close to her. Falen took a step back and furrowed her brow, her hand instinctively reaching behind her for the hammer she had used to hang the sign of her booth. The man payed no attention to her, his sage eyes burning into hers.

"Listen to me, because I won't have time to repeat this," he said in a low, rushed voice. Falen's eyebrow peaked in interest, her hand hovering over the hammer just in case. "I'm not here to buy your scarves," the man continued. He paused for a moment before continuing. "I'm here because I need your help. Will you come with me?"

Falen continued to stare at the man, eyeing him suspiciously. She gulped as he reached out his large hand, his fingers curled slightly. He licked his parted lips and their corners tugged into a small smile. In that instant, staring at his beautiful features and innocent smile, excitement nearly bursting out of his eyes, something changed in Falen. She slowly looked around her booth, her eyes dragging over each and every colorful scarf, thinking of the hours she'd spent trapped in her house making them, sewing together the blues and oranges and greens and pinks. She thought of the countless days sitting beneath the hot sun, trapped in her little booth, counting the hours as she waited for customers to come and roll their eyes at her hard work. She let her chocolate eyes come back to meet his. She sucked in a small breath.

"Yes."
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Re: [Weeping Willow]

Postby Birdy » Fri May 27, 2016 11:48 am

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ImageMusic While WritingImage
Image Chapter Two;; S t r a n g e r s Image

Falen pressed her hand against the cool, wooden door of her home. The door was painted a cherry brown color, with lighter streaks that let off a faint golden hue against the setting sun. Although they had hurried to her home at her new companion's suggestion, it was still a 20-minute journey from the market and the sky had begun to fade into hues of pink and orange, signaling the end of the day. Falen knew her mother was likely to have retired to her room, but she pressed her ear against the door to listen anyways. It was silent, as she'd expected.

"Are you listening for permission to enter?" the man asked sarcastically, though there was a hint of worry across his handsome face. Falen shot him an icy glare before gently pushing the door open, exposing the entrance of her home. Particles of dust floated beneath the last few rays of sunlight, and the same cherry wood of the front door stretched ahead of them as the entrance floor, disappearing into darkness after a few feet. Falen's eyes softened at the familiar sight, and she let out a gentle sigh before entering her home, giving the stranger a small nod that signaled for him to follow.

Though she was almost positive her mother was asleep, Falen walked with care across the wooden floors. She spaced out her steps to reach the carpets that were positioned every few feet in order to reduce any unwanted noises. The man took notice and tried to follow close behind, though he was unsure of what they were being careful of.

"This is your home, correct?" he whispered, narrowly dodging a picture frame that had fallen from it's shelf. As his green eyes inspected her home, he saw the bits of gray wallpaper that had begun to peel along the top of the walls. The random assortment of items that seemed misplaced in the hall, along with the accumulation of dust and cobwebs made it seem as though this mansion of a house had been long deserted.

"Yes, I'm sure," Falen spat in a low voice, rolling her eyes. She stopped quickly, hearing a grunt of disapproval over her shoulder as she felt the man gently collide with her.

"Mind giving me a small warning next time?" the man hissed. Falen shushed him, reaching out a delicate hand to feel around the wall to her left. Sure enough, she felt the familiar know protruding from the wall and she flicked it upwards. Almost immediately, the two strangers were surrounded with light that seemed to materialize from nowhere. They now stood in a large room which appeared to be a living area, adorned with a large, antique piano and an equally aged fireplace, though they both seemed to be expensive. The floor was covered with a rich, mahogany colored carpet that stretched nearly from wall to wall. Falen listened in silence for a moment before her eyes fluttered shut in relief. Within seconds, she had whipped around to face her guest, who took a small step back at her sudden movements.

"Alright," Falen said in an unusually firm voice, causing the man's eyebrow to raise in surprise. "You're going to tell me what's going on here."

The man raised his hands to tame the intensity of her tone, letting out a small, submissive chuckle. He took a moment to observe her now that they were under the light, since he hadn't had the time to do it before. She was smaller than him by a few inches, but the confidence in her posture as she stood cross-armed, chin tilted slightly and eyebrows furrowed, told him not to underestimate her. Her brown eyes, which were now a fiery caramel, bore into him, demanding a response. She was dressed in a long, wine-colored gown that accentuated her curves and rested gently on her sandal-clad feet. A thin, golden bracelet hung loosely around her small wrist, and she had two small, golden bulbs for earrings, though they stood nicely against her brown skin. Her hair was curly and medium length, and it caressed her thin face and ears. She was beautiful. And she was waiting for him to answer.

"My name is Ronan," the man began. "And I'm here to save the world."

Falen's eyes widened for a second and she scoffed, licking her lower lip. Then she noticed his face, which was dead serious. Her smile vanished and she clenched her jaw before raising her hand to point to the hallway.

"Leave," she demanded. Ronan frowned.

"You won't even humor me?" he asked in a jokingly pained voice. "What if I buy a scarf first?" The look on Falen's face told him she was in no mood for jokes.

"Listen," Ronan continued, now in a pleading tone. "Maybe that wasn't the right way to start my explanation, but I assure you that I haven't wasted your time."

"Then prove it," Falen said simply.

"Okay, alright," Ronan sighed. "There's a reason that I came to your booth today, Falen." Falen raised an eyebrow. When had she told him her name? "I really am here to save the world, but I need your help."

"And why is that?" she asked. Now it was Ronan's turn to frown at her joking tone.

"Because your father said so," he replied.
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