[ amaranth || tryout tidbits ]

[Con-fused]

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[Con-fused]

[daily schedule]

Amaranth has a notebook where he makes a new daily schedule every day. In the morning, he plans out everything he's going to do that day because it helps him feel more organized, or more in control. Throughout the day he adds in anything (in a different color ink) he didn't expect to occur in between the things he's pre-planned to do. This also helps him feel less disorderly; because when things are unorganized Amaranth often feels lost and panicky.

tidy up house

---I find a single puzzle piece

breakfast

morning meditation

garden work

---Atticus stops by and has a cup of tea

grocery shopping

---viscet rudely cuts in front of me in line

lunch

---nosy neighbor stops by; I shoo her away with a rake

afternoon nap

---I am awoken by a loud bird

crossword puzzle

afternoon walk

---I see litter in my front yard!!
---nosey neighbor asks too many questions when I pass her house
---I run away and trip over a stick
---I notice a squirrel is on my front step
---I shoo it away
---My rake goes missing
---I remember I dropped it after I chased nosy neighbor away
***note to self: skip the walk tomorrow.

Tobias comes over for tea

---he mentions his sister's in financial trouble
---I change the subject and offer him more tea

Dinner

---I discover one shriveled strawberry in my dessert

Reading

---My favorite character dies in the book I'm reading
---I cry and eat chocolate

Bedtime

---I notice there's spooky shadows on the wall

[Con-fused]

[what's the face for?]

I noticed Amaranth had a slight expression edit. For me, that symbolizes Amaranth's discomfort. Many things cause Amaranth worry or discomfort; things that don't seem orderly especially. He definitely cannot handle being out of control and it makes him feel extremely uncomfortable if he can't have some grasp on the situation. It's mostly little, day to day things, like those shown in his daily schedule, that cause him to feel disorderly and nervous, thus his awkward/displeased expression. While it could also show sadness or anger, Amaranth has difficulty dealing with those emotions and often tries to convince himself he's not sad/angry/etc.

[Con-fused]

[the pendant]

this story takes place in Amaranth's childhood:

Mother said gently, "Come here, Amaranth." I turned my head slightly and looked at Mother nervously. She hands me a pendant. It's a red crystal. It's hers. She never wears it. My father gave it to Mother. My father happens to be dead, which is why she never wears it. I don't think I would be able to wear it either. That is, because my father is dead.

Nervously I scribble in my notebook, "Mother gives me a pendant." I take in a few deep, shuddering breaths. I try not to remember. I try not to recall anything upsetting. I've been slipping up lately, allowing more unpleasant thoughts through. "please don't," I stammer.

She puts it around my neck anyways and I notice how it glows just so. It is very pretty. And a little calming. Mother wraps her tail around me, as if to protect me, as if to keep me safe forever. I hate how I can't do the same, with my docked tail. Not that I'm a great protector anyways... I tell Mother, "I'll wear it always."

She lets her nose touch mine, and she says gently, "Amaranth, remember me by it when I cannot be there anymore." I nod, paws jittery and stomach uneasy. Mother would never be gone, right? I grasp the pendant to calm myself. Surprisingly, it works. She smiles gracefully at me, takes a good, hard look at my face, and slowly, slowly, relinquishes her hold.

[Con-fused]

[box of treasures]

Amaranth has three main coping mechanisms to help him deal with stress. One is his daily schedule, one is the pendant his mother gave him, and one is this box of treasures. This box is for the most extreme cases only, for when things are so out of control; it's used as a last-ditch effort to keep Amaranth calm. He started it when his mother passed away some years ago, and now it is full of small items that are connected to certain memories. He doesn't look at it daily, in fact it's one of the only objects in his house that doesn't get a daily cleaning, because sometimes the memories in this box can also upset Amaranth. That's also why it's reserved for the most dire cases.