TheComfortCorner | v.6

[manufactured]

≽xI have so many things to say but can't because I really don't have any close friends left that I can get help from. Thank goodness I found this thread -- probably would've gone a bit mad if I hadn't. Even just typing this helps relieve a bit of internal pressure.
It stresses me out to actually state my worries though so this may get deleted.

This is pretty apparent by now, but my two best friends and most of my other friends have completely ditched me, which stinks because it's been about 11 months with little contact.
I have no evil words for any of them, though, especially my best friends. "X" and "Y" are such amazing, beautiful, spectacular, and inspiring people. I can't begin to state the love I have for them. But my pure heart towards them just hurts me a whole lot more than it would if it was filled with hatred or even apathy.
I miss them so much, but I have absolutely no way of contacting them. One lives across the country. The other dropped out of school. They both blatantly ignore me.

I can't just get new friends, though, because I'm probably the shyest person you'll ever meet. I refuse to talk to anyone unless spoken to first, I hardly ever ask strangers for any sort of help, and I don't use social media-specific websites. If you do talk to me, I will stutter and probably laugh in agreement with whatever you're saying because I probably wouldn't be able to hear you or figure out how the heck I could place any sort of word structure as a response. I am so awful with speaking -- I can't think on the spot in the slightest and I never have anything clever or interesting to say.

A miracle that has occurred, even despite my utter social awkwardness, is that a new boy in my community has basically thrown himself at me. It's so amazing how much he talks and tries to make you laugh. He has so much to say and I love that he chose me, of all people, to try to form a friendship with. It's adorable how he loves to poke me and steal my beanie and make cute little faces in response.
He's got a special place in my heart; I think about him all the time because I'm honestly worried about him. He's mentioned some things about his life that make me want to question him and make sure he's alright (but of course I won't say anything to him about this cause of my freaking nervousness towards anything) and he has a surprisingly low self-esteem. I wish I could talk to him more and maybe become a better friend to him so I could help him, but we only see each other about an hour a day and he doesn't text.

Another issue that I have is that I've recently switched religions and I've come out to my dad's family about it (I can't even begin to explain the reaction I would get if I said anything to my mother or her family). I was having such difficulty with the religion I was born into to the point where I just completely abandoned it and moved on to something that made more sense. It would be such an easy and pleasurable experience to find more of myself in this manner if it wasn't for the skeptical attitude of my family. They're extremely strong believers in their religion, which I don't blame them for because that's all they've known their entire lives, but it's so difficult to explain anything new to them. They continue to pressure me back into their religion and say things like "you're not going where we're going when we die", "what will others think of you when they hear you're part of that religion?", and "I'm pretty sure this is just a journey phase and you'll soon come to realize that our religion makes more sense."
I love my family and I love to spend time with them and make jokes, but it's terrible when this religion nonsense looms over my head. And I can't come up with a good argument on the spot so that I can defend myself and get them to (quite frankly) shut their obnoxious mouths up about it for good.

And then, finally, I'm giving up on school. I hate it. I am so alone all the time and nothing stimulates me to learn anything. Everything is so boring and repetitive. I've hated school ever since I've started it (I was home-schooled up until the end of elementary) and I have absolutely no motivation. I can't get a job, either, because apparently everything requires experience and I don't know what to do because I've never had a job before.
I want to give up, curl up in bed, and sleep undisturbed for three years.

Sorry for this essay-esque rant. I didn't realize it would get this lengthy. :c

[lαмe ѕнeep ѕιlvα]

Hey guys... I'm suffering from social anxiety. I can barely even express myself, especially at social events. I just feel so... Ugly. My brother has constantly broken down my confidence, no matter how hard I try to fight it... I am short, not tall... I have acne and pail skin, not smooth and tan skin... I have tangly hair... Not silky and smooth hair. I'm like the opposite of what beauty means in the eyes of my peers. My social anxiety adds to this. Not to mention the weight on my shoulders from all my dumb work. My mother would scream at me when I was younger if I didn't do anything perfect.. I just don't really know... I am a lonely, ugly, short monster. At least that's what they think... I decided to give up on trying to love. I've been rejected for my looks. Always. I can tell. I have no curves, no perfection. Im just glad that I am so tolerent of this madness. I have patience, understanding, intelligence, tolerance, and empathy. All they see is ugliness, stupidity, annoyance, stubbornness, and more... People really do their best to bring out the worst in me. I have nobody to turn to... I just like to draw now. Yep. Just drawing...

[reigen]

Tbh i'd just like a friend!!!
i'm not the best at making them since i'm the most awKWARD PERSON ON EARTH.

[diana,]

here alone with my sister
in the pelting rain
at night
for an hour
need comfort

[cainhurst]

I'll PM anyone who asked for a message in a second, and if anyone else needs/wants to talk, feel free to message me. Replies will be slow for the next 2 and a half hours, but I'll get back to everyone eventually.

I can't reply to you guys here on the thread properly right now (I'm in school and have to be careful not to get noticed by my teacher), but everything is gonna be alright, okay? Stay strong, I know you all can get through everything that's bothering you. <3 But if you really need advice from someone, I can only repeat myself and offer my help via PM.

[diana,]

today just feels... strange
im not really sure what it is
of course im terrified about that man and im definitely not looking forward to saturday [pm, please?]
idk what it is about today...
anyone else feels this way sometimes?

also that pm would be nice... i need to rant and get serious comfort
last time i asked for a pm no one replied lol, i didnt expect anyone to haha

[mr.robot]

idk whether or not I'm asking too much from him
we're both mentally ill but we've never had a relapse at the same time before
this is new and painful

[the batter]

everything is overwhelming and i cant think or br e a the

[Thalassic]

I just read a blog/site about.. grossly anti-feminist views and I'm honestly really scared and disgusted and its making my anxiety show its ugly head again.

[fish sticks]

I honestly feel so miserable. A pm and a hug maybe?