by ghostlyhamlet » Tue Dec 15, 2015 7:41 pm
Soooooo...... I felt like I needed to write down something about the many thoughts coursing through my wild mind.
.......gosh writing my feeling seems harder than expressing them......
Well for starters, my best friend who I've had a crush on since more than a year ago is dating my -now- ex-best friend. It doesn't seem that bad, but there is more to that story.
I had told -I'm going to refer to her as K- K that I had liked this boy and he went to my school, this was before she even knew who he was. Then they went to a dance and she said that she is starting to like E. What would you do if you were starting to like someone, but your best friend in the world liked him first? Back off right? Because that's what I thought, but then she started to flirt with him, and she tried to slowly make me get out of the picture.
~pause~
Also, she had liked this guy, J, and I was starting to like him, but I backed off because I respected that she had liked him first.
~un-pause~
But then the Welcome Back dance happened, E and K talked me into going -I was watching the football game- and I agreed and we walked over. When we got there, I didn't feel like dancing, but only K was really dancing. I was talking with an old friend I hadn't seen in awhile when I noticed that E was walking away. I didn't think anything of it, but then he came back and the next song turned out to be a slow dance. The song that was playing was my favorite song, "Thinking Out Loud", and he then turned to me and asked if I wanted to dance. I had said I didn't know how, and he said he would show me. So he then led me towards the dance floor and showed me how to slow dance. -I am around 5'2ish and he's about 5'9- When we were dancing, I would look up and he would only be looking at me, which made me blush. The way he was looking at me made me feel like we were the only two people there. Soon the dance ended and we said our goodbye's............. wait! I forgot to mention while we were slow dancing he softly kissed my forehead because he has been trying to kiss my cheek the whole night, which I wouldn't let him. Soon when I left, I felt kinda funny, but I thought nothing of it. But that night I dreamt of me and E dancing, and I had realized that I fell in love with him that night, which was something I didn't want to do. -You see, I have a fear of falling in love- Then when we got back to school, I was walking up towards ours(K, E, and me) meeting place, but I didn't see them. I then turned around and saw then walking away, looking like they were holding hands.
My heart then broke right then and there, that was the reason why I didn't want to fall in love. But I had tried not to think of them like that. At lunch, I went back to our meeting place and waited for 5 minutes before giving up and sitting down and watching the Pep Rally. I then saw them both cross the grass and they didn't even try and go to our meeting place.
After school, I sent them a text. The text was asking if they were dating, which the answer was a yes. I then texted K separately and called her out on everything she did wrong and how come she didn't even tell me. I was her "Best Friend", but she didn't tell me about this. Her excuse was that she thought I was mad at her. Why would I be mad at her, unless she knew she was doing something wrong. I then walked home with tears in my eyes and when I got home I cried like crazy.
That was about 3 months ago, and it still hurts whenever someone mentions how they are dating. I'm still friends with E because he didn't know I had liked him. And I sit next to him in Med Bio, and his two friends say that we should be together, which every time they say that it feels like I'm getting stabbed in the heart. It came to a point to where I even confessed my feelings for E to them, and I explained how it hurt whenever they would say something like that.
I don't know what I was really hoping for when I wrote this. But I'm kinda hoping if any of you guys had any advice. And writing this somewhat made me feel better.
x
x
x
x
x
xโ A little more than kin, a little less than kind โ
Hello! I'm ghostlyhamlet and I'm a writer/screenwri
ter and director. I enjoy a good roleplay and sharing
my creativity with others. Although I might not mes
sage back quickly, if you ever need someone to talk
to, don't be afraid to send me a PM.
they/them pronouns || demi-bisexual || pacific standard time
โ This is I, Hamlet the dane โ
