i can't express how much anger and
betrayal i feel right now. you know
i really am at the end of my rope here.
i don't even know if i have a right to be
upset because i guess it's not even my place.
but guess what? i'm mentally ill so i
feel this hatred towards both of them but
i'm guilty because of it. then i remember that
they're both liars and cheaters and i should
be proud that i haven't said some choice words
to them both yet.
first of all, how do you think i feel to be
USED by someone to date a friend? this """""Friend""""""
is supposedly on MY side in life, they said that
i could TRUST them and they KNOW i have
paranoid intrusive thoughts yet they stab me
brutally in the back like this.
ok let me explain,,,
my crush (m) {let's call him Tom}
and my other crush/close friend(f) {let's call her Amy}
are dating. my close friend knew i liked him for over
3 years and i always tell her how much i like
him, how i wish we could be together. now i heard
a rumor from a friend i made this year who's been
real with me from day 1, and she told me Tom and Amy
are dating. what really p'd me off is that they DIDN'T TELL
ME! i'm so angry and i had to go through 7 hours crying
halfway, and forcing myself not to sob in the back of the
history classroom when someone else told me proof.
my friend knows i've had... some issues with betrayal in
the past. she knows i'm impulsive and yet she goes and
dates Tom. honestly i feel so sick because i've had to
switch lunch tables, avoid Amy after class, avoid Tom after
class, and they act normal. except they've been sitting next to
each other. i swear that i just want to leave. i don't know
where to go, but i feel like telling my mom that i want
to pack my bags and move. i can't take it anymore. i'm
honestly so upset and i feel so betrayed. i don't wanna go
to school tomorrow. the only comfort i have is one girl
who's been nice to me, always asks my pronouns, talks me
out of being impulsive and aggressive, etc. what's sad is that Amy
and I have been friends since 7th grade.
this year has been one heck of a year. 3 family members died,
my dog died 4 days and a month ago, my hamster died of
cancer (i had to watch her suffer), and i've lost two friends.
honestly i'm ready to give up and cut contact with everyone
from my old life (EXCEPT MY BEST FRIEND, because she actually
is real with me and cares about me) and move on...
i have really bad self-esteem anyhow and i'm just really...
i hate myself for being a doormat and so oblivious.
i'm really something. hahh
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