by apollo. » Mon Nov 16, 2015 2:17 pm
Gosh I just don't know what to do. I feel really lost in every aspect of my life and there's a pit of anxiety in my stomach that just won't go away. I've complained about my job a lot, but I still have no idea what I'm doing, I got no training at all, and the guys who work with me are nice but awful at teaching me what to do. I feel really bad having to ask them to do things for me, because they have to do their own job as well, and don't really have time for me. Everything there's new and so incredibly confusing and I just don't know what to do. I don't know who to ask about things and ugh it's making me so anxious all the time. I feel really dumb and useless to them. I just want to quit but my mom won't let me until I find a job elsewhere, and I seriously doubt I'll be hired anywhere else.
I'm really lost in math too. I have it really early, so I don't know if it's the fact I'm always half asleep when she's talking, or if she's just never taught it (which I think it is because I've re read my notes and there's nothing helpful) but I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. I've been trying to find it on the internet, but I can't find what I need anywhere and I have literally 50+ textbook questions left to do in the next 2 days.
My mother is driving me crazy too. She won't stop hovering over literally everything do, and she always sounds so angry whenever she corrects me, even though I know she's not really angry. It's just really annoying when I'm doing something really innocent, like cooking a different way than she does and she yells "Honey!" Really dramatically like I just started a fire or something. I've tried talking to her too, which is a huge deal for me considering my acquaintances at school know me better than she does, but since her job is pretty much a councillor and I thought maybe she might understand. Apparently her polite side doesn't come out when it comes to her own daughter, and she told me to get over my shyness, and just talk to my boss (who's never even around) at work and that I need to start paying attention in class more. I'm trying my best, I swear, but it doesn't seem to be good enough for her or anything really.
I really don't want all this responsibility I just keep messing everything up.