| dan and phil phanclub |

Join or create fan clubs about your favorite things!

Re: | dan and phil phanclub |

Postby dogfury » Fri Nov 13, 2015 2:01 pm

i just made a new wallpaper
Image
do you guys like it
User avatar
dogfury
 
Posts: 1772
Joined: Mon Sep 15, 2014 11:49 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: | dan and phil phanclub |

Postby heresalittlefaith » Fri Nov 13, 2015 2:14 pm

So I'm writing the starting paragraph for my fic (it, as of right now has no title but I'll think of something) I wanted to know which is better, first person or third?

First: "Pain. All I could felt was pain, from my stomach to the top of my chest. Never where anyone would see so no one could question. How anyone had found him out was a mystery but right now, I could careless. All I knew is that my ex was in jail,it was over, and that, hopefully, I would be safe."

Third: "Pain. All he could felt was pain, from his stomach to the top of his chest. Never where anyone would see so no one could question. How anyone had found him out was a mystery but right now, Phil could careless. All He knew is that his ex was in jail, it was over, and that, hopefully, He would be safe."

Which is better? I like both :3

@aaesthetics
It's pretty awesome :)


















Image
Image


















|Faith - She/They - Adult|
|Special Needs Teacher - Artist - Writer|
|Trade With Me! |

||All Hail Swiftpaw||
I don't know how to feel
But someday, I might
Someday, I might
User avatar
heresalittlefaith
 
Posts: 5641
Joined: Fri Apr 05, 2013 3:01 pm
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: | dan and phil phanclub |

Postby abxy » Fri Nov 13, 2015 2:42 pm

faithdakitty wrote:So I'm writing the starting paragraph for my fic (it, as of right now has no title but I'll think of something) I wanted to know which is better, first person or third?

First: "Pain. All I could felt was pain, from my stomach to the top of my chest. Never where anyone would see so no one could question. How anyone had found him out was a mystery but right now, I could careless. All I knew is that my ex was in jail,it was over, and that, hopefully, I would be safe."

Third: "Pain. All he could felt was pain, from his stomach to the top of his chest. Never where anyone would see so no one could question. How anyone had found him out was a mystery but right now, Phil could careless. All He knew is that his ex was in jail, it was over, and that, hopefully, He would be safe."

Which is better? I like both :3

@aaesthetics
It's pretty awesome :)

Personally I prefer first person. There's some things I would have worded a bit differently, but good so far nonetheless. If you want me to pm you with how I'd word some things, NO. I'm bad at explaining. XD
abxy
 
Posts: 15269
Joined: Sat Jan 17, 2015 4:58 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: | dan and phil phanclub |

Postby DolanStan » Fri Nov 13, 2015 2:53 pm

aaesthetics wrote:i just made a new wallpaper
Image
do you guys like it


Beautiful, I'm putting tht one the front page, along with everyone else's art :3

@faithdakitty honestly I like them both, i don't know
Image
User avatar
DolanStan
 
Posts: 3676
Joined: Thu Sep 27, 2012 8:03 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: | dan and phil phanclub |

Postby heresalittlefaith » Fri Nov 13, 2015 3:00 pm

Who wants to see the phanart I've made? :3


















Image
Image


















|Faith - She/They - Adult|
|Special Needs Teacher - Artist - Writer|
|Trade With Me! |

||All Hail Swiftpaw||
I don't know how to feel
But someday, I might
Someday, I might
User avatar
heresalittlefaith
 
Posts: 5641
Joined: Fri Apr 05, 2013 3:01 pm
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: | dan and phil phanclub |

Postby dogfury » Fri Nov 13, 2015 3:10 pm

mememememememme
User avatar
dogfury
 
Posts: 1772
Joined: Mon Sep 15, 2014 11:49 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: | dan and phil phanclub |

Postby dogfury » Fri Nov 13, 2015 3:12 pm

@faithdakitty i really like it in first person. but i do think you ought to put more of an explanation in the second paragraph (obviously lol) and look over the paragraph the few times for spelling mistakes, rewording, etc.
User avatar
dogfury
 
Posts: 1772
Joined: Mon Sep 15, 2014 11:49 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: | dan and phil phanclub |

Postby heresalittlefaith » Fri Nov 13, 2015 3:29 pm

There will be more explanation on everything through the book it's self and in the second paragraph. The firs paragraph isn't even fully done. This is just the intro bit. The attention grabbeer. I'll definetly check on spelling and rewording things. I tend to be a little awkward even though English is my first language. My friends like to say my first launguage was actually gibberish, and then sarcasam X3


















Image
Image


















|Faith - She/They - Adult|
|Special Needs Teacher - Artist - Writer|
|Trade With Me! |

||All Hail Swiftpaw||
I don't know how to feel
But someday, I might
Someday, I might
User avatar
heresalittlefaith
 
Posts: 5641
Joined: Fri Apr 05, 2013 3:01 pm
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Postby creed. » Fri Nov 13, 2015 4:55 pm

aaesthetics wrote:i just made a new wallpaper
Image
do you guys like it


    nEW WALLPAPER

    OML ITS BEAUTIFUL
User avatar
creed.
 
Posts: 6672
Joined: Thu Dec 25, 2014 11:00 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: | dan and phil phanclub |

Postby dogfury » Sat Nov 14, 2015 10:47 am

i appreciate your liking of the wallpaper
User avatar
dogfury
 
Posts: 1772
Joined: Mon Sep 15, 2014 11:49 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests