| TheComfortCorner | v.5

[Lyren]

This is getting worse and worse everyday. I'm feeling more disconnected. And everyday, because of this people say I'll mess up society and I'm bound for a horrible life, that everything is my fault, even adults say that sometimes. Is it normal to always feel like you don't fit in with people? I wanna hide but I get yelled at if I hide. I wanna talk but every time I do people laugh at me or it causes drama. I wanna hide in my dreams but I can't, they all have been ruined. I wanna say I'm talented but I'm good for nothing. I wanna believe everything will be OK but I've heard that since I was 2, it only gets worse. I wanna let my mind fall into default, let it stop trying to make things better, but I can't, I'd let everyone down. I lost all my interests, I lost all familiarity, I lost all hope, I lost all motivation.

Edit: Great, my mom almost grounded me for being upset and I think this is making me sick again.

[CucumberRandy]

I just- I want to see her again, hug her, call her- hear her voice..anything. I keep thinking "Hey, I am gonna call my mom and see how she is, tell her I love her.." Then I look at her phone, and just cry. I feel so lost, I can't even talk to her about my new job, I can't hear her laugh or see her eyes. I can't touch her hand and tell her it will be okay. I just wish this was some horrible and cruel joke my family was playing on me.. then I see her death certificate and ashes. It hurts... just knowing the last thing she ate was through a feeding tube in her nose, the last thing she drank a sponge with water.

Then there is my family, treating me like garbage the entire time I am trying not to break down as I am leaving what I once had called my home. Completely heartlessly, saying. "Nothing for sure- you should have learned that Saturday." (The day she passed.) Not 24 hours after she passes, then yelling at me for not wanting to leave the man who has protected and loved me for over a year now. Even forgetting my birthday entirely.. I feel so lost and sick..I ..I just don't know what to do anymore.

The only thing I look forward to is work, because I get out of this crap hole called a house.

Running away isn't the option, if that's what you mean
You're family is most likely grieving too, in their own way. That's why they're acting snappy and forgetful
I'll pray for you. If you need to talk, never hesitate to PM me.

[Guest]

I pace around my room a lot. It makes me happy when nothing else can, and my family always tells me to stop. As if it's easy to stop doing something that calms you do own after a bad day. It's not like it'll kill me or anyone around me, but they act like it will. Every. Single. Time. They won't even listen to me when I explain to them that it's not that simple to just stop. I hate sitting around all the time. I have to be moving. It literally helps me and they want me to stop.

[koolkatkoolkat123]

I think I'm depressed, I have cried, in private, while at work and I have cried at home, twice now and it's because of love or rather my lack of it. I have been diagnosed with a mild (They say it's mild I'm not sure if I agree) mental disorder (Depression is rather common for girls here) and this is combined with severe social anxiety and this has affected me my whole life. I have never felt normal in social situations, I feel out of place at a party or gathering with friends, the thought of going out to a club terrifies me. It's hard to explain but when I'm around others I feel so distant like I don't belong, like I'm sort of watching from afar and can't participate.

I went to an all girls school and my profession prefers girls. The only real contact I had with boys in secondary school was in Sixth Form in one class. So I haven't had much experience with the male gender. When I was at college I was asked out by someone, I was over the moon. I have never considered myself beautiful or pretty just average and to have someone notice me was like something out of a dream but I couldn't relax and pretty soon my dream turned into a nightmare. I don't know what is normal in a relationship and I felt so stiff around him, it was a complete and utter disaster and every time I thought about it I had to fight back tears. My first date and I turned it into something that makes me cry.

Now at work my colleagues are talking about their relationships, past, present and future. While listening to them I got more and more upset because while these women are much older than me I am nearly 20 and I have never been kissed and I'm beginning to think I never will be. They talk about all the relationships they've had, some have had several and I have never had one.

My sister (same secondary school as me) is 4 years younger than me and today my mum tells me she's so close to getting a boyfriend, actually she's got 2 after her. I very nearly burst into tears right in front of her. I don't think I have ever felt more abnormal. I went to my room and cried for a good half hour and all the while thinking that if she ends up bringing her new bf home I won't be able to hold it in any more. Well guess what she's invited them over and I ran to my room and cried for another half hour.

I don't want my life's focus to be on my work, I actually want a life but how can I have one when the idea of meeting people paralyses me. I will die happy with one relationship under my belt, just one. I just want to be loved by someone of the opposite gender.

People joke about my future, they say I'm going to end up a crazy cat lady and while it's true I love cats and am likely to have many when I am older, the thought of my sisters falling in love, getting married having their kids while I live alone, die alone is the worst I have ever felt.

[hoofbeat]

I think I'm depressed, I have cried, in private, while at work and I have cried at home, twice now and it's because of love or rather my lack of it. I have been diagnosed with a mild (They say it's mild I'm not sure if I agree) mental disorder (Depression is rather common for girls here) and this is combined with severe social anxiety and this has affected me my whole life. I have never felt normal in social situations, I feel out of place at a party or gathering with friends, the thought of going out to a club terrifies me. It's hard to explain but when I'm around others I feel so distant like I don't belong, like I'm sort of watching from afar and can't participate.

I went to an all girls school and my profession prefers girls. The only real contact I had with boys in secondary school was in Sixth Form in one class. So I haven't had much experience with the male gender. When I was at college I was asked out by someone, I was over the moon. I have never considered myself beautiful or pretty just average and to have someone notice me was like something out of a dream but I couldn't relax and pretty soon my dream turned into a nightmare. I don't know what is normal in a relationship and I felt so stiff around him, it was a complete and utter disaster and every time I thought about it I had to fight back tears. My first date and I turned it into something that makes me cry.

Now at work my colleagues are talking about their relationships, past, present and future. While listening to them I got more and more upset because while these women are much older than me I am nearly 20 and I have never been kissed and I'm beginning to think I never will be. They talk about all the relationships they've had, some have had several and I have never had one.

My sister (same secondary school as me) is 4 years younger than me and today my mum tells me she's so close to getting a boyfriend, actually she's got 2 after her. I very nearly burst into tears right in front of her. I don't think I have ever felt more abnormal. I went to my room and cried for a good half hour and all the while thinking that if she ends up bringing her new bf home I won't be able to hold it in any more. Well guess what she's invited them over and I ran to my room and cried for another half hour.

I don't want my life's focus to be on my work, I actually want a life but how can I have one when the idea of meeting people paralyses me. I will die happy with one relationship under my belt, just one. I just want to be loved by someone of the opposite gender.

People joke about my future, they say I'm going to end up a crazy cat lady and while it's true I love cats and am likely to have many when I am older, the thought of my sisters falling in love, getting married having their kids while I live alone, die alone is the worst I have ever felt.

I know sometimes bing in a conversation can be awkward, it happens to me much of the time. Though I've found myself at an advantage because I can easily read people's body signals. Some people aren't that lucky but let me tell you, be who you are! If you're shy, I've seen plenty of nice guys coax shy girls out of their shells, you've just got to be patient! If you're smart, you've got to be careful that none of them uses your intelligence as an advantage, if they do, use that to your advantage! Give them a verbal beatdown! It'll make people think your not someone they can push around! Once you do something that's good, courageous, etc, people will all of a sudden start talking to you nicely. I know it sounds cruel, but sometimes, people need to be pushed a little to have a hie friendship/relationship!

Also, you said you're around 20, here are some comparisons to stop you from worrying about your relationship future
On october 10th, my cousin who's 39 got married
My mom had me when she was 40
And everyone's going to hate me for this but...
Donald Trump had a kid at 60. 60! That's ridiculous!

Trust me, you've got time to wait, just keep your head high and be you!

[Montgomery Gator]

I hate my dads dang football leage things It takes five hours of him sitting there clicking names
and all my family dose is complain about me.

[chooch]

I miss m mom and have the stomach bug. I need some comfort.

[Dismal.]

Its been so long since my mom has said anything positive about me..
weeks, months, I don't even know when it started

The only time I ever feel welcomed and loved is when I go to church on Wednesdays to help before youth.
Even then, I can't help but wonder if they are just being nice?

A mother shouldn't have a 'reason' to tell her daughter she loves her. I just want to feel like I'm appreciated in my own home..

[Luneste]

I just- I want to see her again, hug her, call her- hear her voice..anything. I keep thinking "Hey, I am gonna call my mom and see how she is, tell her I love her.." Then I look at her phone, and just cry. I feel so lost, I can't even talk to her about my new job, I can't hear her laugh or see her eyes. I can't touch her hand and tell her it will be okay. I just wish this was some horrible and cruel joke my family was playing on me.. then I see her death certificate and ashes. It hurts... just knowing the last thing she ate was through a feeding tube in her nose, the last thing she drank a sponge with water.

Then there is my family, treating me like garbage the entire time I am trying not to break down as I am leaving what I once had called my home. Completely heartlessly, saying. "Nothing for sure- you should have learned that Saturday." (The day she passed.) Not 24 hours after she passes, then yelling at me for not wanting to leave the man who has protected and loved me for over a year now. Even forgetting my birthday entirely.. I feel so lost and sick..I ..I just don't know what to do anymore.

The only thing I look forward to is work, because I get out of this crap hole called a house. *Edit* I do not fear my life, but at the same time having been cornered by my own Aunt at the age of 7, and told that a figure who gave me gifts did not exist and that I was not to get anything unless from my mother. Broke my little heart, and sure 'nuff that morning- not a darned thing..this has repeated for the past 12 years. Same as my Birthday and any given holiday. I get left out, until her own child speaks up and says. "Hey...where is (my name) stuff..?" With a (to me) surprisingly concerned look on her face. The only time I am treated with any decency is when I buy them something. Then suddenly they remember me.

[Montgomery Gator]

I hate my dads dang football leage things It takes five hours of him sitting there clicking names
and all my family dose is complain about me.

NOW THERE COMPLAINING ABOUT ME MORE