--Planet, not a Diary! {Satire}

[Piefan]

I truly am awesome, aren't I?

*hides all twenty thousand writing projects I was supposed to finish*

I may put up a bonus chapter soon, featuring the submitted characters. Surely, Yveltal's up to something while Kris does all this, eh?

[20lait1]

Wow... I wonder if there's an internet connection in some dark void in the middle of nowhere.

[Piefan]

Wow... I wonder if there's an internet connection in some dark void in the middle of nowhere.

There is in the diary universe. (Multiverse? I mean, they are implied to be in some pocket universe somewhere, so this does kinda take place in multiple universes...) That's what Zavier meant by the mobile data comment.

Primarily because that's literally the only way the submitted characters can be introduced.

[Piefan]

"... Hello, Zavier. Who are these?" -Seafoam

Apparently, his tablet camera was a lot larger than it seemed - Seafoam could see all of us, and we could see most of his environment. He seemed to be in the Outcasts HQ, judging by the paintjob on the walls.

"You know me and Scarlette, and you've probably heard of Rose." -Zavier

"How could you not have?" -Rose

"Here's Thalia, Khairul, Arianna, and Fatin." -Zavier

"Hello! ^_^" -Fatin

Fatin skipped towards Zavier, jumping up and down to get a better view of his tablet.

"What's happening in school? Have you seen Kris Beta?" -Zavier

"Who's Kris?" -Seafoam

"You haven't, then. That's good. He's still here." -Zavier

"Zavier-" -Seafoam

"And the principal?" -Zavier

"Still here, if that's what you want to know. She gave us a speech, and... you seven are the ones she mentioned, aren't you?" -Seafoam

"Yep, if you're talking about the people who went through a weird portal thing. She didn't mention us by name?" -Zavier

"Not by full name. Is there anything I can do to help out, here?" -Seafoam

"No-" -Zavier

"Yep. Get your butt to the library and see if you can find anything on Worldhoppers." -Rose

"Worldhoppers? No problem." -Seafoam

He seemed reluctant to leave the laptop or whatever, so he got onto his hind legs, grasping the device in his front paws. Though I couldn't actually see his lower body, it was pretty obvious how he was standing, from how uncomfortable he seemed to be. Considering we walk on all fours by default, it's rare for anyone to even learn how to stand on two.

After all, that would be like everyone constantly wearing clothes. And that would be ridiculous.

His steps were slow and uneasy; while waiting for him to get to the library, Arianna began to test the environment. She walked around, using her paws to feel along the platform and spreading a shimmering dust thing on its edges.

Suddenly, Seafoam yelped. Alarmed, I snapped my attention back to him, but I wasn't able to see much, apart from his body and a net that he had apparently been caught in. Someone held up what appeared to be a mirror in front of him, but he moved out of the way as if he were expecting it to be slammed into his face. Two voices rang out in unison.

"Who ya gonna call?" -??? & ???

"..." -Seafoam

"Come on, say it." -???

"... Vampbusters." -Seafoam

"Heck yeah! Hey, what's this?" -???

A green paw picked up the device, holding it up to her face.



"It's obviously my laptop, Phoenix. Now let me go. I've told you a thousand times that I'm not a vampire." -Seafoam

"Explain your super strength, then." -Phoenix

"It's not super strength. I'm just athletic." -Seafoam

"Soo, what you're telling me is that you're afraid of sunlight, but you exercise anyway. Without having any visible muscles." -Phoenix

"And you're just coincidentally allergic to garlic. And a broken bone heals within a day for you naturally." -???

"A proper diet can do that to someone." -Seafoam

"... You don't eat anything at lunchtime. Or know anything about the food pyramid." -Phoenix

"Um, hey, guys. I'm still here?" -Zavier

"Oh. Um... Who are you?" -Phoenix

"Zavier Wildfire. Who are you two?" -Zavier

The image on the screen switched to the face of a dark-coloured dog with fiery hair, grinning cheerfully at us.



"Hey! I'm Cardi Jaypaw, she's Phoenix. Where are you?" -Cardi

"At current, we are in the inescapable home of someone who is possibly insane. We will most likely die alone and unloved, far from home with not so much as a chance of saying goodbye to friends and family." -Khairul

"Sounds fun!" -Cardi

o_o -Zavier

"Cardi? Phoenix? Still here... Are you even allowed to set up vampire traps in the middle of the hallways?!" -Seafoam

When they ignored him, he sighed, reaching into his pocket and pulling out what appeared to be a nail file. Judging by the quality of his nails, he didn't ever use it for its intended purpose, but if that stuff happens to him regularly, who could blame him for bringing it around?

From a nearby classroom, a dog emerged, staring at the green guy trapped in a net, the two girls laughing a few feet away, and the mirror that one of them was still holding.



"Is this one of those things I don't want to ask about?" -???

"... Aaaand I think that's our cue to leave. Sea, if you wanna talk to me again, WhatsApp me."

[Piefan]

You know, Planet, I don't think I ever mentioned how I got you back. I mean, I'm still in this void, and I never got to return to find you.

I didn't. Arianna just poofed me up a replacement, which is what I'm using now. It feels kinda weird, not using the real one, but a book's a book. As far as she knows, I'm just using you to record important information. Which is kinda true.

Kinda.

As it turns out, Rose had her phone this whole time. While we were talking to Seafoam, she had wandered off, and someone had called her. It was only after Zavier'd shut down his phone that we heard her screaming into the phone.

"WE! DON'T! NEED! A PROTOCOL TO EXPEL KIDS!" -Rose

"Um, Rose? Who-" -Scarlette

Ignoring her, Rose continued to shout at whoever she was calling, pacing around as she did so.

"Get the students evacuated, then! I don't freaking care if they're 'in the middle of lessons'. What matters more, their lives or their education? Even the principal managed to figure this out, and you, the security guard, did nothing?" -Rose

"Trouble in the school, I assume." -Arianna

"What's 'assume' mean?" -Fatin

I'd almost forgotten she was there. Stunned, I stared at Fatin for a few moments, before turning back to Rose. She hung up, apparently not having noticed us. When she did see us, she sighed, blushing slightly.

"... How long have you been standing there?" -Rose

"Most of the call." -Khairul

"Damn." -Rose

*gasp* "You can't curse!" -Fatin

"That barely counts as c-" -Zavier

"Fine, then. No cursing." -Rose

She paused, then turned to Zavier.

"Moving on from that, Zavier, text Seafoam or whoever else you know in the school. I don't care." -Rose

"Wh-" -Zavier

"Just do it." -Nike Rose

Zavier furrowed his eyebrows, then whipped out his tablet, typing something in. I leaned over his shoulder to see what he was typing, while Arianna rolled her eyes.

"We can't spend all our time just socialising. We have far more important matters at paw. Kris will surely have recovered from any fatigue or injuries he may have suffered, and..." -Arianna

She continued talking, her words fading out of my line of hearing. Static filled most of the screen at first, but it began to fade, showing an image of Seafoam. He was sitting in a chair, staring at the screen with his arms crossed on the table. A familiar voice called out to him from offscreen - Elven? I couldn't make out what she was saying, though.

Narrowing her eyes, Rose snatched the tablet away from him. Though Zavier seethed with annoyance, he said nothing, apparently sensing that this wasn't the best time to protest.

"Seafoam. What are you still doing in school?" -Rose

"Am I not supposed to be?" -Seafoam

"From what I've been told, you were specifically told to get out." -Rose

"Um, wait now. What's happening here?" -Zavier

"... It's a long story." -Seafoam

"We have plenty of time." -Rose

"No, we don't." -Arianna

"We do now." -Rose

"Great, 'cause I was just about to tell it to you!" -Cardi

The screen switched to her grinning face, hair falling over an eye. Without another word, she launched into a long explanation.

"See, the principal told us about this weird guy who tried to take over the school and then a bunch of epic heroes tried to stop him but then the guy ran away back to his hellish home and the heroes followed him and then they died so they sacrificed their lives for the school-" -Cardi

"... Talk about misinformation." -Rose

"Should that not be disinformation? The principal was there, after all." -Khairul

"Yeah, but she wouldn't know much about what's happening. Didn't she run away or something?" -Rose

"I do not believe so. We-" -Khairul

"Um, guys? This isn't the time to argue. I'm pretty sure the Jocks headquarters has an outlet to charge my laptop, but it's really not the time to be talking. I think Rose already knows, but there's... kind of been a... um..." -Seafoam

"Huge, honking disturbance." -Phoenix

"How huge?" -Me

"Well, some dude came along. I think he's looking for somebody - he mentioned a Kris." -Phoenix

"The police?" -Fatin

"... Unless the police are a lot more brutal than I've been informed, no." -Phoenix

"Well?" -Zavier

"This guy's been mentioning something about portals and blah blah blah. I'm not sure, actually - he's mostly been whispering to himself, so Phoenix and I eavesdrop. But more importantly, he kinda sorta trapped us in the Jocks HQ." -Cardi

"Wait, Jocks? Why?" -Zavier

"Because they're fabulous?" -Cardi

"... I am quite fabulous." -Seafoam

"I, um, think it might have been because we were always here. I don't think he wanted to trap us, but then this place is... immune... I think." -???

A quiet voice spoke from offscreen, and Cardi, who was still holding the laptop, turned around. Thankfully, this provided us with a nice view of the one who had spoken - a tiny dragon-cat thing, standing next to a tree.



She shook her head, shrinking back from the camera.

"... Maybe we can take this to text? I... don't really like cameras..." -???

"Yeah, sure. First, though, do you know the guy's name?" -Rose

"Why the question?" -Cardi

"'Cause I'm guessing we're gonna be mentioning him a lot, and I wouldn't wanna keep referring to him as 'the guy'." -Rose

"His name is Yveltal-" -Seafoam

"Wait, what?" -Arianna

Before she could say anything more, or even move from her spot, he switched off his phone. The click echoed through the dark landscape, in spite of the lack of anything to echo against. (I don't know, science here is weird.) Arianna seemed stunned, standing with her mouth agape and ears flattened.

"Um, what's up?" -Zavier

"Did I mishear, or did he mention Yveltal?" -Arianna

"Yep. Yveltal." -Zavier

"And I'm not mishearing now, am I? You said Yveltal? As in, the creature from the video game?" -Arianna

"Yes." -Zavier

"We are officially doomed." -Arianna

"How much more doomed than when we first came?" -Scarlette

"Quite. Yveltal and Kris are... partners, in a way. The latter created him, as a helper of sorts. A golem." -Arianna

"IF YOU GIVE ME ONE MORE INFO DUMP, YOU LITTLE EXPOSITION FAIRY-" -Rose

"Though they've never really liked each other, they're usually together. If they are not, then they must have some kind of sinister plan - I doubt, after all, that they would just ruin all plans on a whim." -Arianna

"... Sounds legit! I mean, Kris is basically the most chaotic person any of us have ever met, he has enough power to force his own creations to do what he wants, but yeah, I'm sure you're right." -Rose

Arianna sighed, staring at the kitten with an exasperated look.

"You don't understand, Fatin. I've known both for a long time, and they've always stuck together. Yveltal protested, sure, but he never dared disobey." -Arianna

"Wait, so he protested? Doesn't that mean he's, like, free will-ish and stuff? And he's a golem?" -Fatin

"... I have nothing to say about your grammar." -Khairul

"Me grammar's epic." -Fatin

"And yes, he does have free will. Why, exactly, I am not certain. But that's off-point. Zavier, get your friends to investigate as soon as they can. I'm getting you home, no matter what it takes." -Arianna

"Uh, how about no." -Zavier

Zavier slipped the tablet into his pocket (which is apparently really large), passing something to Scarlette as he glared at Arianna

"You won't get your schoolmates to find out what Yveltal's up to?" -Arianna

"Not that. I mean the 'getting us home' part." -Zavier

"What? Why not? You won't be doing anything, apart from returning home. To safety. You wouldn't even be anywhere near Yveltal." -Arianna

"Well, yeah I wouldn't, but I sure as-" -Zavier

"No cursing!" -Me

"-hashbrown ain't about to stand idly by while some random girl goes out and saves the world." -Zavier

"And yet, that's exactly what you will be doing." -Arianna

"Why?" -Rose

"Because that would be dangerous. And it's my responsibility to save you. Risking the lives of six weak teenagers, last I checked, wasn't part of my duties." -Arianna

"We could still help you. Not letting us help would risk the lives of an entire universe, and I get the feeling that might go against your moral beliefs." -Rose

"And what, exactly, could you do that I can't? Not that I mean offense, but you... uh..." -Arianna

"Well, could you dance ballet? Or make a thousand bad jokes in a row? Or name every one of Malaysia's MPs, starting from the nineties? Or win every chess game you play? Or strive headlong into danger without regard for your safety? Or... whatever it is Thalia does, 'cause she kinda seems pretty useless anyway." -Rose

She pointed at herself, then Zavier, then Khairul, Scarlette, Fatin, and me. Our reactions were mixed - Zavier was grumbling, Khairul seemed mildly disturbed at the fact she knew all that stuff despite only knowing us for three or so weeks, Scarlette seemed mildly flattered, and Fatin was still grinning.

Arianna raised an eyebrow at Rose, then a paw as she began to walk away. Some shiny, glittery thing fell to the floor - the same stuff the images she created earlier were made of. Fatin touched it, but instantly withdrew as if it had burned her.

"Well, no. But why would I need to?" -Arianna

"You can never be too prepared." -Rose

Arianna rolled her eyes, turning back to stare critically at us. In particular, Fatin, with her small build and ever-present grin, as well as me. I'm not exactly the most muscular of girls; in fact, I think I'm the least strong person in my class. Though she had no way of knowing that, it does kind of show in my build.

Tension seemed to hang in the air, but Rose didn't notice. Or didn't care. Marching up to Arianna, she gave her a death glare, and the two seemed to have a glaring contest before the brown-haired canine sighed, conceding.

"... Fine. And do the rest of you want to stay?" -Arianna

"Yep." -Zavier

"Of course." -Scarlette

"Yeah!" -Me

"Sounds fun!" -Fatin

"... What happens, happens. I'll come if the rest do." -Khairul

Rose grinned smugly, and Arianna sighed once again.

Arianna's not been using contractions for about half the story, but apparently, under stress, she forgets that.

Next post will, unfortunately, be delayed by a couple days.

[hxneystorm]

Just a lil bump :3

[Piefan]

Don't worry, next post will hopefully be tomorrow!

Also, if anybody would like to do a collab with the Planet, PM me. Considering the entire concept of this story, it would be pretty easy to come up with a plot for a collaboration...

[hxneystorm]

Mind if you and collab with the Falcon and Planet? Well, after my drama ends or whatever. :3

[Coolpaw5]

I've been sneaking around here for a while now

I would love to do a collab! If you want to! Yeah! Diaries!

Right, um... PM me if you want to. Right. Okay. Thank you. Goodbye.

[Piefan]

Arianna spent the next hour dictating a bunch of rules - follow her, do what she says, and yadda yadda yadda. I think she's worried, and I can't really blame her. Not that I don't believe our little band of heroes can do this, but... um... yeah, I don't believe our little band of heroes can do this. (Sorry, guys.)

Just as she finished talking, I heard a dull beeping sound, followed by Zavier once again whipping out his tablet. I could almost sense Arianna glaring violently at us as as I leaned over him to look at his phone.

MoonSonata has invited you to chat at http://www.pawchat.com/dontclickthislink!

He tapped on the screen a couple times, and a chatbox popped up.

[22/1/2015] BurningSun has joined the chat.
[22/1/2015] FromTheAshes: BurningSun? Of all the usernames you could have come up with, you chose that?
[22/1/2015] BurningSun: I was young, alright?
[22/1/2015] ElvenMagic: Hey, can we get the others here too?
[22/1/2015] MoonSonata: sure. Hey, Z, what are their usernames? Seafoam here by the way
[22/1/2015] BurningSun: Yeah, sure. Scarlette's is SwirlsofColour, and I'm not sure about Rose, but I think its RoseTinted_Glasses. None of the rest have their phones
[22/1/2015] ElvenMagic: Wait, Scar? She's there too? we were in choir b4 she quit
[22/1/2015] SwirlsofColour and RoseTinted_Glasses have joined the chat.
[22/1/2015] LiveAgain: Whoop, new blood!
[22/1/2015] BurningSun: Wait, who's LiveAgain? Can we all do an identity check?
[22/1/2015] FromTheAshes: Just look at their profiles.
[22/1/2015] FromTheAshes: wait nvm it says "The Waffle Queen" under her name. Identity check then
[22/1/2015] Cardi_Gan: Cardi Jaypaw, reporting for duty! *salutes*
[22/1/2015] FromTheAshes: Ashly Burgess. I don't think you've met me.
[22/1/2015] LiveAgain: This is Phoenix. Get it, because phoenixes can be reborn and stuff
[22/1/2015] SwirlsofColour: being a phoenix sounds epic. Make mistakes, doesn't matter, because youre going to be reborn soon anyway
[23/1/2015] RoseTinted_Glasses: I think arianna's glare can literally kill people, so we should just get to the point
[23/1/2015] SwirlsofColour: srry
[23/1/2015] RoseTinted_Glasses: Ashly, or Burgess, or whatever you wanna be called, go get a friend and find out as much as you can about Yveltal.
[23/1/2015] FromTheAshes: already did. Why'd you think we weren't at the video chat? From what Wild and I can tell, this is p much a small part of his plan. He would have gone off already, but his pet-thing refuses to let him go
[23/1/2015] RoseTinted_Glasses: wait, wild?
[23/1/2015] FromTheAshes: yeah. he's another guy here, though he doesnt have an account on pawchat
[23/1/2015] RoseTinted_Glasses: what a nerd. everyone haas an account
[23/1/2015] MoonSonata: You sorted him into the Jocks though
[23/1/2015] RoseTinted_Glasses: w/e. gtg.
[23/1/2015] RoseTinted_Glasses and SwirlsofColour have left the chat
[23/1/2015] BurningSun: adios guys

As soon as Zavier logged off, I raised my head to look at Khairul, Arianna, and Fatin. The dog was standing at the edge of the platform, gesturing for us to follow her.

I took the opportunity to examine my surroundings more properly - we'd been staying on the same stretch of land for some time. I'm pretty sure I still don't have a pulse, and apparently, without hunger and thirst and fatigue, time passes really quickly. There wasn't really much to glean that I hadn't already realised at first glance. The ground was like (extremely strong) plastic in its texture, and the world was made of two things - darkness and platforms.

Each platform was a couple square metres, and they seemed to be spread out haphazardly, with gaps in between them ranging from centimetres to nearly a mile. They weren't at the same altitude, either. Some, I would need to climb, and yadda yadda yadda.

"Hurry up, Thalia. Gaze too long into the void-" -Khairul

"Wasn't the quote 'gaze too long into the abyss'?" -Zavier

"Gaze too long into the void, and you realise that, compared to everything in the universe, you are nothing. Nobody will ever amount to anything significan-" -Khairul

"Come on, what childhood trauma did you go through to become this emo?" -Zavier

"Hey, guys! Come on!" -Fatin

Again, a childish giggle sounded, and I turned around to see Fatin standing on the platform just in front of us. She seemed to be almost always laughing, I noticed. Still, I did as told, rushing after her. The gap between her platform and ours was pretty small, and I only really had to take large steps, instead of jumping.

Khairul and Zavier followed in a brisk walk, the former ahead of both of us. His feline build made it easier to run; plus, I think Z was holding back, somewhat. He'd been significantly faster during our little race.

We were several metres away from Arianna and the rest, but it took only a few moments to catch up. When we did, Scarlette raised a paw in greeting, and I did the same. Arianna and Rose seemed to have gotten into an argument, somehow, about

"Age doesn't determine wisdom!" -Rose

"It does, as a matter of fact - one can't just learn everything within seventeen years." -Arianna

"Yeah, they can't, but an old hermit won't magically find out everything there is to know about life just 'cause he's been staying in his mountain for a century." -Rose

"But a ninety-year-old scholar is bound to know more than a twenty-year-old one. Thus why I'm far more intelligent than you. Just because you hate to think anyone's better than you, you assume they aren't! What kind of logic is that?" -Arianna

"You're not smarter than me. Intelligence can't even be properly measured! What, did you take some stupid IQ test?" -Rose

"IQ tests are, in fact, an accurate way of-" -Khairul

"Six Spirits, nobody gives a damn about your opinion!" -Rose

And, just like that, Khairul was pulled into the conversation, leaving Zavier, Scarlette, Fatin and I to watch them.

Today I learned that writing chat scenes is a pain in the aaaaaacne. Also, how many of you actually clicked that link? I know I always do that. xD

Also, you know how sometimes you forget to click 'save draft' and you lose everything? Yeah... Guess what happened with the next post...