I don't really know what to say.... My life started out pretty normal. I was born during the cool season of fall to two parents who loved each other and loved their family. My mom and dad weren't anything out of the ordinary; she was a teacher and he worked refurbishing paintings in the local art gallery. Mom worked all mornings and dad worked all nights, so there was always someone to watch over me, and both of them made sure to spend as much time as they could with me while I grew up.
I don't think they cared that I was born slightly different, at least, they never said or acted like they did. I have always been on the smaller side, and I'm thinner than most other wolves which made it hard for me to do things by myself, but neither of them complained when they had to help me get something down from a shelf or move something that was way too heavy for me. They never seemed bothered by my looks either, which I was always thankful for. My entire childhood I was always self-conscious because I was born with a pretty mean look about me that made it difficult to make friends. I can't help that I look the way I do, like a walking, living skeleton with green paint oozing from my tail. My parents always joked that it was because I was born on Halloween, but that rarely made me feel any better. I came to hate the way I looked despite what my parents said because, even though they loved me and weren't bothered by it, other kids were scared of me, and whenever I tried talking to them they would always just ignore me or give the look that said they'd rather die than speak to me.
I learned very early to just leave others alone. They never wanted anything to do with me anyway, so why bother? I didn't need them. I had my parents, and my toys and games, but more importantly above all that, I had my brother.
Big Brother William, he.... Where do I even begin? He's always been there, from the very start. He was a good deal older than me, six or seven years, and a great deal bigger than me too, and as far as I'm concerned he's the coolest guy I've ever known. Out of everyone I've ever met, even my parents, it has always been Will that looked out for me the most. I remember growing up playing games with him, riding on his wide shoulders, or wrestling in the yard. He never cared about my intimidating looks either, in fact, he saw it as an asset. He would always say that I'd grow up to be the biggest, scariest wolf that ever lived, and that no one would dare mess with me again. Big bro always gave me confidence, he always had time to spend with me, and he always watched my back.
Sometimes when some snot nosed bullies would feel extra confident and push their weight around on me, he would always come and whoop their butts until they ran away screaming with their tails between their legs. 'No one messes with my lil' bro.' he would always say, and he made dang sure everyone knew not to mess with me. I knew I could always rely on him for whatever I needed; he was strong, confident, fearless, and it seemed like there was nothing he couldn't do. In my mind, Big Brother would always be around for me.
Until suddenly, he wasn't.
I was only fourteen at the time, and it was my birthday, Halloween night. As it always was at that time of year, there were dozens of haunted attractions and Halloween themed events going on, and it was kind of tradition for Will to take me out to one of them as a sort of birthday gift. I loved it, Halloween, because it was the one day out of the entire year that I actually felt normal. No one would give me weird looks, and a few would even compliment me, a rare occurrence to be sure, so out of everything that can happen the rest of the year, I always looked forward to going out with my brother on Halloween the most.
As we always had before, both of us went and bought tickets to the biggest, most intense scare walk there was that side of the planet. Unlike every other year, though, we weren't alone. Will had met up with a group of his friends from college and they all decided to through together. I was pretty jealous, I mean, it was MY birthday, and I wanted to spend it with MY brother, but when I complained for them to go by themselves Will told me it was fine and to not be so bratty. He told me they were cool, and he kind of brushed me off after that.
I didn't have much of a choice except to let them come along, and it wasn't long before all of us were deep in the woods. We all walked together, and I made sure to stay as close to my brother as I could, but it just wasn't the same. His friends were rowdy and loud, and with every scare they would laugh and make fun of whoever was in costume. I hated it. It was supposed to be scary and thrilling, something just for Big Brother and I, but they were ruining everything. And even worse than that, once we got deep enough in the trees and there was no one around us for miles, they all started pulling out drinks and began chugging them down. I could easily tell from the smell that is was alcohol, and it made them really stupid really fast. By the time we got to the halfway point in the trail, a bit where it went around a huge, deep lake, they were all hollering and yelling and my brother wasn't doing anything about it. The longer we walked, the less attention he spent on me and the more he talked to his friends. I was pissed. I remember one of them asking why I was in such a bad mood, but I did nothing but glare at him and he burst out laughing. I remember him saying something about how 'terrifying' I looked, and soon enough all of them began making jokes and laughing at me, which only made me angrier.
I called them out for it, but of course it didn't do anything. They were twice my size; they didn't care about what some kid had to say, but just when I thought I was gonna lose it, Will stepped up. I was almost surprised when he stepped in between us and told them to cut it out, and when he did, all my anger died almost instantly. I was so happy, because big bro was sticking up for me, even against his friends, it made me feel special. They talked for a bit and began making jabs at him too, calling him a kill joy and bore.
"You're your kid brother's lifesaver, ya know that?' one said to him. 'He's a big boy now, he can handle a little tough talk."
"Look, just cut it out alright?" Will told them back, which only made them laugh harder.
They started chanting 'LIFESAVER! LIFESAVER!' at the top of their lungs, and a couple even pretended like they were drowning.
"Help me Will!" one said in a high pitched voice, gasping and flailing in the air like he was fighting to stay above water. "I'm a pansy and need my big bro to save me!"
Eventually all of them began copying each other, gasping and swimming in midair, and I remember feeling bile rise up in my throat. I wanted to scream and cry at the same time, but Will stepped up again.
"I said cut it out." he demanded them, taking on a more serious tone, to which the leader of the group just huffs and holds his hands up.
"Lighten up, it's just a joke. Little man can take it, can't cha?"
Before I knew what was happening, the leader grabbed me and held me on the edge of the high back right above the lake water.
"Be a man, Seth 'ol boy! You don't need no back up!"
The group laughed as the one holding me began giving me a good shake, teasing me with the possibility of being thrown in the lake. I shouted at them to stop and tried to get his hand of me, but I was so small compared to him that it was like trying to move a wall. For a moment I truly panicked, but the next thing I knew I was yanked back onto solid ground and I heard my brother yelling.
"Leave him alone!"
From that point, things happened so quick that I can't remember exactly what happened. There was Will yelling, the group laughing... it was a mess. In fact, there is only one thing I recall as clear as day.
"Sounds like you need to take a swim; calm those nerves." the leader told him, and in the next moment to the sound of his joking laughter, Will was thrown off the bank.
The whole group laughed, and all I heard was a splash before my body moved on it's own. I ran to the edge to peer down, but the night was very dark and Will was out of sight. I rounded on them, I had never been so mad before in my entire life, and I think that was the first time I felt like I truly hated someone. I called him all sorts of insults which none of them took seriously. I was so mad my whole body shook, and I didn't even know what I was doing until one of the guys had to hold me back because I was using every bit of my strength to try and wail on him. I swung and cursed and raved like I never had before, and the entire time all they did was laugh. I tried my very hardest, I was boiling under my skin, but even when I gave it my all I was just too small, too much of a runt. It wasn't until I heard splashing again that I came back to my senses.
I wriggled out of the guy's grip and rushed to the bank once more, and this time I could see a dark shape in the water below, but something was wrong. The splashing was loud, and when I called out Will's name, all I heard were gasps. A true panic set in then, and I knew that something bad had happened. I tried to get Will's friend's attention, but they were too buzzed to care.
"Will needs help!"
They didn't hear.
"Guys, seriously!"
Nothing.
It was only when I cursed at them that they finally came around.
"Will needs help!" I told them desperately, pointing to the water.
They all followed my finger and for a foolish moment I thought I finally had their attention. But when they looked down they all burst into hysterics.
"That's the best thing I've seen yet!" one said, and suddenly they began chanting 'LIFESAVER! LIFESAVER!' and faked drowning all over again.
Their minds were too fuzzy and deluded with drink to realize that the situation was serious, and in that moment I knew I was on my own. I moved without thinking and jumped down. The water was freezing and pitch black and knocked the wind right out of me the second my body went under. Will was only a few strokes away, splashing and desperately trying to stay afloat and, though I'd never swam in my life, I flailed my way over to him. I had to do something, that was all I could think of. My brother was in trouble, and none of his so called 'friends' were going to help. Even down in the lake with water and gasping sounding in my ears I could still hear them whooping and hollering from the bank way above us.
There was so much water, and it was so cold, my limbs quickly began losing feeling, but I fought it. I grabbed my brother and fought with all my might, but my might is little. I'd never been strong or particularly athletic, I was a runt, and no matter how hard I flailed, we didn't go anywhere. And Will... Will was just too heavy. He always was much larger than me....
...
There were lights, and talking, but not the same as before. Someone put their arms around me, and I remember the cold going away quick. Someone pumped on my chest and I coughed up water I didn't know was in my lungs, and I was wrapped up in something dry and warm. There was more lights, brighter lights, and a siren. It felt like I was moving, but my body was still. People kept trying to talk to me, asking questions, and put some sort of thing that blew weird smelling air over my nose and mouth. I don't remember much after that, only that the next time I opened my eyes I was staring at a ceiling and I was in a bed. My parents where there. They were crying. They hugged me and kept thanking everything that at least I was still alive. I didn't understand what that meant, but I was too tired to care.
I slept a lot. My parents were always there when I woke up, and they always looked so tired.
And sad.
Always sad.
...
I didn't realize why until a few days later.
For the first and only time in my life, I did something my brother couldn't do.
I've never hated myself more.
Why? And how? It wasn't fair, I couldn't understand. He was so much better than me at everything, he was strong, smart, confident, he was popular, he had friends....
...friends...
There, laying in that hospital bed, a wave of wrath so acidic it burned my chest like liquid fire came over me, and my vision turned septic green.
When I next came too I was pinned to the floor, and the nurses were in an uproar. The room was in shambles, there were needles on the floor, a few doctors were held back, holding gauze to gaping wounds on their bodies, and I....
I was covered in septic colored ooze.
I still don't recall what happened that day, and whenever I try asking my parents about it, they always give me this look as if they are afraid to tell me the answer. I spent many months and years seeing different doctors and psychologists after the accident, but I still don't know why. Just what happened? Why are my mom and dad so afraid of me now? Just WHAT did I do back then? All I know is that there is something wrong with me, and the anger, so much anger....
I'll make them pay, make them ALL pay....
My wrath has no end.
