♥Crushes, Boyfriends, and Girlfriends | V5♥

[Guest]

Being the third wheeler. So nice.

[anathema]

my crush is my best friend.
i have liked her for almost two years. i really
can't keep this a secret anymore, but i don't
want to ruin our close friendship. any help or
advice? she moved away about a month ago
and is coming back in about three weeks, and
i've been thinking about telling her when i see
her again.

[trip ♡]

so the person i currently have a thing with came out to me as a demigirl yesterday and said they would prefer they/them pronouns.... i am TOTALLY fine with it, that's not what i'm getting at, i actually helped them find the gender identity that best suited them, but it's the fact i have to relearn what to refer to them as and when i slip up i feel absolutely TERRIBLE.

[Casistrophic]

so the person i currently have a thing with came out to me as a demigirl yesterday and said they would prefer they/them pronouns.... i am TOTALLY fine with it, that's not what i'm getting at, i actually helped them find the gender identity that best suited them, but it's the fact i have to relearn what to refer to them as and when i slip up i feel absolutely TERRIBLE.

You don't have to feel terrible, and overreacting with apologies is probably not what your friend wants either. If they're a reasonable person they will understand that re-learning something that basic about them is going to take a little bit of time.

[thunderofthedrum]

i think that too much time is invested into love. far too much. is it really worth it to fall in love? like, is it worth it spending so much time on something so hopeless? love changes us, too. because of love, i feel like i was reborn. the things i did for love.. it was absurd. i don't even know why of all places, this is where i go to. but honestly, love turned me into someone completely different. i regret so much for these past seven months.. just because i loved someone. because i love someone. i know most of the people here are younger then me, so i want to give you all a warning; love is going to make you do something crazy. love is going to change you. and you'll learn from it, you'll learn that it was never worth it. after a while, you'll feel like you never should have loved, and then you'll learn that you couldn't help it. and it sucks, i honestly feel for you. there are a lot of people who say that love is the closest thing we have to magic.. maybe this is true, but who ever said that it was a good magic.

i don't believe that love is good. i think it's been giving a positive reputation, which is so completely deceiving. sorry, this is my opinion, but it comes from real experiences. it's never going to be worth it. love turned me into a new person.. and i hate it. maybe love and hate aren't as opposite as we are taught.. love taught me to hate.

I'm an adult and I couldn't disagree more. I was in love with someone a few years ago and the relationship ended badly, but I don't regret having lived him because it gave me perspective and experience for the future. And now I am in love with someone else and I am very happy, and use the lessons I learned in my last relationship to make my current relationship better.

A good relationship shouldn't change you into a different person, especially not someone you dislike. That's not the concept of love's fault, it's just a bad match. If you're reeling from a bad breakup, and it sounds like you are, you're going to feel hurt and pessimistic. But you shouldn't give up on happiness and you definitely shouldn't try to fill younger kids' heads with the idea that love will make them crazy.

I agree with Casistrophic and am also an adult. If you feel that the relationship caused you to be a different person, then it was not a good relationship. In my opinion, a good, healthy, strong relationship should help you to be a better person. By admiring and respecting your partner, you strive to be more worthy of their love. Also, having that partner can be so amazing - supportive, caring, dependable, etc. Sure there will be bad days of disagreeing and everyone has their off moments or times of miscommunication, but working through it in a healthy way is so important. I was with someone and the way we thought and communicated... it just didn't mesh at all. And now I'm with someone who notices when I'm quiet and asks why, who encourages me to do the right thing, advises me when I seek advice, supports my decisions, speaks the truth when I need to hear it, comforts me when I'm upset, and finds ways to show me that I am his priority.

[Paranoia]

I just found out today my boyfriend has likely been discharged from the army because he's colorblind, and he's gotten away with it up until this point. His friend has been at me for information since I've gotten the most letters. And it's just. I don't even know..
I don't know what's going on because my boyfriend won't just flat out tell me what's going on in his letters. Idk where he is (except for a reception office in the state he was supposed to train in) or if he is discharged or what he even failed medically
It's all just assumptions.
I was kind of prepared for the four months of his basic training but if he's been discharged I get an extra two months without him and everything he's done was for absolutely nothing.
I cant imagine how much all of this must suck for him..

[thunderofthedrum]

I just found out today my boyfriend has likely been discharged from the army because he's colorblind, and he's gotten away with it up until this point. His friend has been at me for information since I've gotten the most letters. And it's just. I don't even know..
I don't know what's going on because my boyfriend won't just flat out tell me what's going on in his letters. Idk where he is (except for a reception office in the state he was supposed to train in) or if he is discharged or what he even failed medically
It's all just assumptions.
I was kind of prepared for the four months of his basic training but if he's been discharged I get an extra two months without him and everything he's done was for absolutely nothing.
I cant imagine how much all of this must suck for him..

Does he not have a cell phone? Even if he's in basic training I would think he could send a text in the evenings or call but I don't really know - I didn't meet my boyfriend until he was a few years into his contract.

Letters get stamped at the first post office they get to which should give you an idea if he hasn't been including any sort of return address. It should also say the zip code on it.

Nothing you can do now but to wait and see what the actual news is. You can't jump to conclusions but you CAN mentally prepare for the worst. It's not uncommon to end your military career before it even started. I've known people who ended up leaving basic training or even later when they got into classes (it was electrical work in the Navy) due to medical or mental health reasons. Sometimes it just doesn't work out.

I'm curious - how would that result in an extra two months without him? And at least - if he's let go during basic training, that's really not much time that was wasted in the grand scheme of life. I know a guy who was fed up with Army crap and since they've been downsizing, he was one of the many they let go after several years of really good service. He's a great guy and very competent but they just didn't need as many people. Sometimes it's as simple as not needing as many people who know the language you learned, which is why my boyfriend is pursuing new programs and options, such as Green to Gold for his Masters degree or learning a third language.

I know it's not a magical, problem-solving response, but from my experience I can just say to prepare for the worst but don't actually assume anything until you know exactly what's going on. And just be there for him; if he's discharged then he'll be going through a really tough disappointment and trying to figure out what he's going to do next. Don't let him wallow in misery for months, if he's at all prone to that.

[vulture,]

The other day I slept in the same bed as my boyfriend for the first time, other than naps of course. We were at the beach with his family and they said they were fine with us sharing a bed. His parents are super trusting and know we wouldn't do anything dumb, let alone while in the same room as his two brothers and sister in law. It was super exciting to be able to take that step. However, there's a problem therein. We're both big cuddlers. We love to have as much contact as possible and be as close to one another as possible. After a while of tossing and turning to get comfortable, we found a spot where I could fall asleep. It was about three in the morning. Now, when I was asleep, it was the best sleep I've had in a long time. It was just so comforting knowing that he was right there next to me with his arms around me. He managed to fall asleep shortly after me, apparently after having to free his arm from me that I was hugging. But we both got about two hours of sleep, he probably got less. We woke up around five and couldn't get back to sleep. He was freezing so we just ended up squeezed together talking until the others woke up. I did drift at some point then too. But my dilemma is that is it normal to not be able to fall asleep together? I imagine its something we just need to get used to. It's not like either of us snore or anything physical to keep the other awake. It was both of us unable to fall asleep. Everyone calls me a space heater because my body is always really warm compared to other people, but he gets super cold at night, so that actually works out well and doesn't inhibit anything.

But waking up was the greatest. We were back to back and soon after I rolled into my back cause my hip was asleep, he rolled over too and pulled me to him, commenting how beautiful I was. It was sweet and adorable.

[Casistrophic]

The other day I slept in the same bed as my boyfriend for the first time, other than naps of course. We were at the beach with his family and they said they were fine with us sharing a bed. His parents are super trusting and know we wouldn't do anything dumb, let alone while in the same room as his two brothers and sister in law. It was super exciting to be able to take that step. However, there's a problem therein. We're both big cuddlers. We love to have as much contact as possible and be as close to one another as possible. After a while of tossing and turning to get comfortable, we found a spot where I could fall asleep. It was about three in the morning. Now, when I was asleep, it was the best sleep I've had in a long time. It was just so comforting knowing that he was right there next to me with his arms around me. He managed to fall asleep shortly after me, apparently after having to free his arm from me that I was hugging. But we both got about two hours of sleep, he probably got less. We woke up around five and couldn't get back to sleep. He was freezing so we just ended up squeezed together talking until the others woke up. I did drift at some point then too. But my dilemma is that is it normal to not be able to fall asleep together? I imagine its something we just need to get used to. It's not like either of us snore or anything physical to keep the other awake. It was both of us unable to fall asleep. Everyone calls me a space heater because my body is always really warm compared to other people, but he gets super cold at night, so that actually works out well and doesn't inhibit anything.

But waking up was the greatest. We were back to back and soon after I rolled into my back cause my hip was asleep, he rolled over too and pulled me to him, commenting how beautiful I was. It was sweet and adorable.

How big was the bed you were sleeping in? My boyfriend would sleep with me when he stayed overnight in my dorm, and squeezing the both of us into a twin bed was rough; he ended up getting an air mattress. If you were sleeping in a bigger bed and still having problems, that's totally normal. It's not uncommon at all for two people to not be "sleep compatible." If you ever move in together you can always just get separate beds, it's no big deal.

[vulture,]

@Casis I believe it was just a full sized bed. Bigger than a twin but not actually very large. Thank you for your response! I didn't think it was a big deal, I was just kinda curious. Though I have heard people talking about not being able to sleep in the same bed being a deal breaker which always just confused me. Seems like a silly thing to break up over. We've always toyed around with the idea of seperate beds in the case that we do move in together, just because of all the studies showing how sleeping with another person can greatly impact your sleep. We've still got some time before that can happen though, so for now there's no real hurry. Thank you again <3