by the fragile » Fri Jul 10, 2015 5:36 am
I guess it's possibly pretty sad that I have to turn to an online pet community for advice, but a lot of people on CS seem pretty mature/rational and I have literally no one else to turn to at this point, so here goes.
My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 years, and for the most part have had a pretty good relationship - a few bumps along the way, but we've always been there for each other and have managed to work things out; and have both agreed that we want our relationship to last.
However, there's one problem we've encountered that we can't seem to get beyond...his mother. When we first got together she and I got along super well and I really liked her, but the more serious he and I have gotten, the less friendly she has become and I have now learned that she has been lying to him, lying to me, and has told him that he needs to break up with me because of my mental problems.
Here's a little history: about a year ago we had to move in with his mother for a short while, and coincidentally his brother and his girlfriend were also temporarily staying there. Throughout this period I witnessed their mom being nothing but extremely sweet to the girlfriend's face, and then literally as soon as she left the house, she would start talking no end of trash about her, call her stupid, a spoilt brat, and a number of other things that would be totally inappropriate for this website.
The brother and his girlfriend finally broke up because of her sabotaging their relationship and tearing them apart by lying about them to each other. I learned through said girlfriend, who I was friends with, that she was doing the EXACT same thing with me when I wasn't around. She had proof of this and even showed me texts that their mother had sent her where she called me lazy, dumb, a brat, a princess, and other names and complain about the fact I had to keep a service dog with me, even though my dog is literally nearly perfectly behaved (I mean, seriously. she's a service dog. c'mon) and talk about how neurotic I was because of needing my dog.
Now she's doing the same thing with us. She recently came for a visit (we now live states away from her, thank god) and was never anything but friendly to me, but I learned through my boyfriend that she was lying to him about things I said and did; and she also lied about him saying hurtful things to me that he swears up and down he never said - and I believe him, given what I know about his honesty and her's.
When she was around only me she would tell me how much she appreciated me being with him and how good I was to him, and how he didn't appreciate me enough and just in general complain about him. Then she would turn around and tell him that I was lazy, a general basket case, and tell him I told her things that I NEVER DID.
The problem is that he believes her over me because he has always been close with his mom.
She has gone home but he spoke to her via phone the other night and she told him that she thinks he should leave me because of my mental problems, I'm a hopeless case, I'm lazy and stupid, I'm holding him back in life because I am currently unable to work and he needs to go find someone who has their life together and is "sane" and that he won't have to support.
The irony? She is on disability for mental illness and has never held a job in her LIFE. I've at least tried to hold jobs and have managed to on a couple of occasions, including while we have been together.
What hurts me is that he believes her, even though we have always been very close and he has supported me emotionally and helped me in ways no other romantic partner has. I want to be with him, but this is starting to cause some major issues between us and is starting to take a pretty severe toll on my mental stability as well. It hurts and frustrates me that he believes her over me even though I have proof and witnessness to what she has done. It's causing arguments and pushing us apart.
I don't know if we can work this out and I'm getting tired of trying, even though I love him and want to continue our relationship. I just don't know if we can work through this, or how. I'm frustrated and hurt and tired of dealing with this drama. I really hoped that us moving away would help the problem but it's only getting bigger.
Any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
