Eve's Dawn

[Thefantasticeevee]

Eve’s
Dawn

[Thefantasticeevee]

_Introduction_

“Ameal, wait up!” I called over a hill on July First, 2015. My name is Eve, Eve Marlines and these are the stories of my greatest adventures. Ameal Castrophe, my best friend, was waiting at the top of a hill for me. I’m eleven and she’s twelve. We both love wolves. We were planning to roll to the bottom of the hill to Ameal’s house. Once I got to the top, we rolled down. I felt like the air was pushing against me as I rolled with Ameal by my side. I pushed the wind and rebelled against gravity. Once we got to the bottom, we rushed into Ameal’s house and had much fun and made memories we thought would last forever.
We’d known each other since, well, who knows when?

That night, I was watching the news with my father when reports of a fire in Bothell Washington aired live and I realized immediately it was Ameal’s house. Nothing came out, and no one went in as I cried. I felt my heart break as I realized she was dead.

[Thefantasticeevee]

Chapter One


I laid in bed refusing to sleep all night. Everytime I tried to go to sleep, I could see Ameal’s pleading, crying, desperate face reaching for me from the fire. I heard a noise coming from downstairs, Startled, I got up and saw it was Midnight. The same noise came again as I realized it was a wolf’s howl. I rushed downstairs and saw a wolf as white as snow, fire all around it. It stepped forward, grabbed me in it’s jaws and threw me into the ring of fire.

All I could see was a pitch black field, nothing at all to be seen. All I could hear was the cackle of fire all around me. Once I finally got the chance to open my eyes once more and see color, I saw the same white She-wolf padding off into the distance, away from my field of vision. I got up to my feet, realizing I was laying down. I looked down to see if I was on my feet and instead of feet, I had paws, the color of smoke.
A long crowd of wolves were staring at me. I could hear violent whispers echoing from all around the hollow, saying things like, “She smells human” Or “Where did this she-wolf come from..?”. The white she-wolf padded back up to me, gently smiling. “My name’s Ameal, Eve.” As the white she-wolf said that, my heart pumped, my mind drenched in confusion. “Ameal? Ameal C-Castrophe?” I asked, thinking she was dead.
“Yeah?” She asked, with now a more casual smile. “I thought you-you were-” I stammered. “Dead?” She finished. Continuing, she said, “When someone’s heart is pure as gold, once they die, they’ll reform into the animal that represents them.” I nodded and looked behind me to check if the flames were still there. Replaced by the flames were purple ashes that sparkled in the daylight. My hind paw fell into it as it slowly started to surround my body. I couldn’t move as Ameal leapt onto my back and broke the ash.

“What was that?” I asked.”Armor Ash.” Ameal responded as she signaled for me to follow her. I followed her to a large hut that seemed to be her den. “I’m the new alpha.” Ameal said. “Wow,” I said in response, impressed. I realized Ameal’s den had many herbs and among them was Armor Ash.

“So, how do you know what animal you represent?” I asked. “Oh, at first you don’t, but you know..” She said in response. “Know what..?” I asked. “Nothing..” She replied.

[Grape Eater]

(( Oooh...! Noice job mate. Makes me curious about life. :0))

[Thefantasticeevee]

(Thanks, gonna do chapter 2 tomorrow :3)

[Thefantasticeevee]

Chapter
Two

I walked around the den and I finally asked, “What Armor Ash do, exactly?” Ameal walked up to me with a serious look and sighed. “Eve, Armor Ash is the reason you died along with my selfishness.” I took a large step back in shock and surprise. “Ameal, H-How..?” I asked.

“Let me explain.. The reason I have this Armor Ash is for you and for you alone. Armor Ash lets you teleport to the other world and see the people you love, but there is a catch. That catch is you have to bring the thing that caused your death with you.”
The only people awake, or able to come in are you and the person you’re visiting.”

I sighed “So I’ll have to bring fire?” I asked. “Yes, unfortunately..” Ameal responded with a sigh.
I walked outside of the den and kept walking until I found a cliff surrounded by a body of water. I sat there, thinking about the shining purple ash, Armor Ash. Something then pushed pushed me and I fell into the lake, water all around me, I was drowning as I realized I had some Armor Ash in my fur, it surrounded my body as I finally let go and my body was completely covered in the glistening ash. I was transported to my home at the speed of light. Around me was a patch of fire. I looked like a ghost. I started to walk around, the fire following me, making a trail.

My brother came down and yawned as he came into view. He freaked out at the sign of a wolf as I threw him into the flames. He descended as a wolf pup, being only 8. His name was Dallice. He screamed as he realized he had chocolate brown paws. “Dallice, It’s me, Eve! You’re dead.” What I said didn’t help at all. It just made him a little more scared.

I left him there, bundled up crying. He would get over it. I then realized Ameal had some Armor Ash left over for Dallice to use. I also realized that you only need about a spec of Armor Ash to travel.
The next morning I woke up in the Hunter’s Den. What I found there was a carved piece of wood in a shape that somewhat resembled a pencil. I had some Squid Ink in my fur from the cliff water. I decided to make as close as I could of a pencil in this life. Now for a thing that resembled paper, but what? I saw some scratch paper in the back of the den that a newcomer must have brought. I started to write a book..



7-15-1 Eve Marlines

Amor Ash

A glistening purple ash that surrounds your body and teleports you to another world. You must bring the thing that killed you with you. Something to be used only once by you.

[Grape Eater]

I don't have much patience, so I'm glad this is a fast read.
There are a few parts that I think could use a bit more emotion and explaining.
How did she feel when she killed her brother?
What was she thinking when she killed herself again?
The concept is a very deep one- This story can really go places.

[Thefantasticeevee]

Thanks and I know what you mean. Someone's gonna edit this.

[Grape Eater]

Ah- a beta reader? I need one of those.
I always do best after my writing is looked over, too.
but, nice work today!

[Fyrvi]

I love the plot so far; it's really interesting to read!

I'd just add some more details after we deal with the punctuation/grammar/capitalization.

For example, how exactly did she used the pencil or the physical feel and sense of being a wolf.

I agree with Sketchy: a bit more emotion and explanation in some parts.

Overall, this is a great story, and I'm glad to have the pleasure of editing it!