••¤(`×[¤ To be accepted ¤]×´)¤••

[Woogwoo Wren]

I may not be on for a few days, as we are moving and its going to be very chaotic so I won't have regular Wifi.
It didn't help that I was reluctant to help because of limited internet....

[Woogwoo Wren]

Ⓒⓗⓐⓟⓣⓔⓡ ⓝⓘⓝⓔ

They reached a small town a few days later. Stopping in a small group of trees near it, they discussed what to do.

"I need to buy herbs and healing things," Andrea said, "There is likely to be a mage or healer in the town."

"I need more clothes," Gemma announced. Lukas rolled his eyes.

"You always need more clothes!" he said. "But I might be a good idea to get clothes for everyone."

Ryan nodded. "Okay, Andrea can get healing things, Gemma and Lukas can get clothes, I'll get food, and Rowan can- where is Rowan?" He looked around as he spoke, and sure enough, the newest member of the team had vanished.

"He'll be around somewhere, he can turn invisible," Andrea said, standing. "Let's meet on the other side of the town." And with that she strode towards the houses, leading Acorn behind her.

Ryan sighed, standing.
"Let's go," he said, and followed Andrea.

He caught up with her, and the four of the, continued together.

"Here, this will help," Rowan said, appearing beside them with two bulging bags. He opened them to reveal golden coins.

"Where did you get that?" Ryan asked quietly.

"The lord of the place has to much. I liberated some from him, we need it more," the boy replied casually.

"Take it back," Ryan said, "That's stealing."

"Yeah, I know. But we need it more."

"Rowan. Take. It. Back."

"Why should I listen to you? You're not the leader, not of me!"

"Because! It's taking advantage of others because of your powers. It's because of thieves like you that people don't like law abiding people with powers! You make us look bad." Ryan felt his temper rising, and forced it back, calming himself.

"I don't care! No one will ever think better of us. Ever! So why not use your powers to survive?"

"He has a point Ryan," Andrea said, stepping into the boys argument. "And it's not like we're stealing from a poor widow, who can't survive without the money."

Ryan nodded slowly.
"I guess, but, it's not right!" He thought for a minute, aware that the others were waiting for his decision. He realised with a start that they would abide by it. Well, all but Rowan. "Fine. We keep one bag. Rowan, you take the other back."

The other boy glared at him, but didn't argue, simply dropping one bag and storming back to the town. Andrea sighed.

"We can't survive by following rules Ryan," she said. Filling her money bag with coins, she walked to the town. Ryan split the rest with the others, still wondering if he did the right thing.

When did I become leader of them? he thought, leading the way into the town. Why not Andrea? She would have made a better leader. Then he thought, This is not going to be the last time Rowan and I clash.

[Woogwoo Wren]

Chapter ten.

They split up inside the entrance of the town, Gemma and Lukas going to find clothes, and Ryan to get food. Slipping through the semi-busy street, he realised that is was really the first time that he'd been alone for a long time. He found that he missed Gemma's constant talking, Lukas' quiet manner, and Andrea.

As he was thinking, he was looking for places to buy food. Seeing a butcher's shop, he crossed the street towards it.

Seems like a good place to start, Ryan thought, entering the small building.

"Afternoon, young man," the butcher greeted him. "I haven't see you 'round here. Traveling through are you?"

Ryan nodded. "I need meat," he said.

"Well then, you've come to the right place. That is, if you can pay. You have money?"

Ryan guiltily thought of the coins in his bag, but nodded.

"Right then," the butcher said, gathering choice bits of meat. "How much do you need?"

"I have four companions, so enough for five," Ryan answered.

The butcher nodded, and laid down a fair bit of meat. "Let's see your coins."

Opening his bag, Ryan laid out ten coins, enough for all the meat. Looking at them closely, the butcher began to frown. When he spoke, he was less then friendly.

"Where did you get these from?" he demanded.

"I-I earned them," Ryan stammered.

"You stole them! Only the Lord of this town has these coins! They are especially made for him!" His face angry, the butcher picked up a cleaver and menaced Ryan. Scoping the meat, the boy sprinted out the door. Crys of "Thief! Thief! Stop him!" Followed him out.

"Dang it all!" Ryan muttered. "Rowan and his stealing." He swerved passed a man in his way and dodged an old lady trying valiantly to stop him, losing a leg of meat in the process.

"Ryan!" a shout from the roof made him look up. Andrea was standing on a bakery, her hand wide. "The meat, Ryan, the meat!" Ryan nodded flinging it to her. She caught it, and passed it to someone behind her.

Ryan sprinted towards a corner, skidding around it, the angry butcher behind him. To his horror, he was faced with a dead end.

"Got you now, thief!" the butcher said, brandishing his cleaver. Ryan closed his eyes, and thought hard.your family is in trouble, they might die. You will fall into a pit if you come closer, Opening his eyes, he saw the butcher's face grow white.

"Little Raina!" he cried, dropping his cleaver and running. Ryan slumped against the wall, worn out. His eyes snapped open as footsteps sounded. Ten soliders ran up to him.

"You see what he did to the butcher? He's got powers!" one said.

They're scared of me, Ryan thought. Good thing to, I wouldn't be able to defeat them

"There's ten of us, an' one of him. Get him!" one- the leader- shouted. Ryan groaned, forcing himself off the wall he was leaning on. They charged at him, only to stop as a wave of light and shadows struck them. One cried out as a shadow sliced though him, killing him.

Ryan looked up to see Gemma and Lukas on the wall. He grinned tiredly at them

"They've got powers too!" a soliders shouted, and the remaining nine grouped together.

Ryan heard the sound of claws scraping on the ground, and saw a small dragon walking up behind the soliders.

No, he thought, awed, then saw Andrea on the dragon, and knew the dragon was Acorn. He couldn't help being a little disappointed. Behind Andrea, Rowan appared from nowhere.

"Leave our friend alone!" Andrea cried, and a blast of light shot from her out streached hand.

Well played Gemma, Ryan thought as the soldiers ran, terrified. They slipped past Andrea, staying as far away from Acorn as they could.

"Ryan, are you alright?" Gemma asked, dropping beside him.

He nodded, leaning heavily against the wall.

"I just fell very sick and tired making people believe what I want them to," he said. Looking at Rowan, he said "We need to talk later. Your stolen money got me into that mess."

Andrea nodded.
"The local mage called me a thief when I showed him the coins."

"Same for us," Gemma said.

Ryan barely heard them, he was so tired. He swayed slightly, and Andrea steadied him.

"You ride Acorn out, I'm afraid you won't be able to rest for a while, we need to get as far away as we can."

Ryan nodded, and aloud them to help him onto the horse. Not that he could stop them if he wanted. Once on Acorn, he slipped into unconsciousness.

[Woogwoo Wren]

Ⓒⓗⓐⓟⓣⓔⓡ ⓔⓛⓔⓥⓔⓝ

Ryan was hunting. It was a full week after the event in the town, and Ryan had fully recovered. The small team had moved on, staying away from towns, and their pictures had been put up in all towns. They were now outlaws, on the run, trying to find a place they could call home.

A growl from Griff snapped Ryan out of his thoughts. The griffin had spotted a deer. Ryan drew back his bow, took carful aim, and fired. He felt a moment of regret for killing the majestic animal, but it couldn't be helped.

Griff fetched it, carrying it back to Ryan.
"Good boy," he said, patting the griffin's feathery head.

Slinging the doe over his shoulder, Ryan started back through the woods. Suddenly, Griff stiffened, and turned. He slowly walked away from Ryan, as if in a trance.

"Griff? What's the matter?" Ryan called, starting after him. The griffin kept walking, making a strange half purr half squawk sound.

Ryan followed him through the trees, and down a hill. Suddely, Griff vanished. Ryan ran to where he disappeared, and saw a tiny entrance to a cave. Curious, he bent, and dropped the deer, following Griff into the hill.

The cave lead to a tunnel, and the tunnel sloped down. The farther down he went, the warmer the air became. Turning a corner, Ryan saw a shaft of light. He walked towards it, and what he saw at the end of the tunnel took his breath away.

Right in the centre of the room was a dragon. The dragon was the size of a large horse, and had green scales, with blue wings. It was lying on a bed of gold and jewels. Griff was beside it, about half its size.

they're real. They're alive, Ryan thought, falling to his knees in shock.

Of course we are real, Ryan. Did you not listen to the stories? a familiar voice said. The dragon moved, facing Ryan. Her eyes were golden.

"Y-you're the dragon from my dreams," Ryan stammered. "I thought you were just a dream."

Did you? Did you really? the dragon asked.

Ryan frowned, he had known that she was real. Something in him had known.

My name is Emerald. I am the last living dragon, she said, her voice ladened with sadness. I have in my belly a clutch of eggs. I have kept them in me for the last hundred years, waiting.

"What for?" Ryan whispered, though he could guess the answer.

For you. I need you Ryan. We need you. The dragons need you.

"But how? How can I help you?"

With the help of your friends, you can find a place for dragons to live. And you can bring peace. Humans need us. Our fire keeps their land fertilised, and the magical creatures bow to us a rulers. Your griffin friend knows I am queen, and lead you to me.

Ryan stood.
"I will help, but I don't know what I can do. I'm only a boy, and humans don't trust me." He sighed. "I'm a wanted criminal, even though I did nothing wrong. My only crime was being born."

Emerald stared into Ryan's eyes.
You are the perfect go between. You have magic in you, and you are human. Who better tobring peace?

Ryan nodded.
"I will try." He shook his head. "I heard the stories, but only recently thought they were true." He looked into her eyes. "I promise to help you, I don't know what I can do, but I will do it."

Emerald hummed.
Thank you Ryan. She stretched her neak, humming more. Now I can leave this cave, and fly!

[Soverlyn]

I have one major problem with this story. It's a compelling story, but apart from the frequent grammatical and spelling errors, the one problem I have with it is the main protagonist's "power". There are several problems with it that I have noticed throughout my reading of the first few chapters.

Firstly; to "remain calm" is not a power. I like your creativity, but frankly, you must admit that "remaining calm" is little more than keeping a level head, specifically in a tough situation. Additionally, it surprises me that such a power, that does not affect anyone else but himself, and I quote, "I can remain calm in any circumstances", should cause fear amongst the town's populous, even driving them to burn his house down. You would have to admit, that even for the most superstitious kinds of people, this is a little over-the-top.

At times, I can see that your writing holds great potential and frequently describes the situation well using the appropriate vocabulary, but that specifically is what brings me to my next point. Occasionally, you will use words in a certain way that makes the phrase or sentence seem awkward in general. For example; "She was sitting beside a fire. Seeing the blazing inferno..." The problem is that the word 'inferno' should only be used when a fire becomes violent and dangerously out of control, or in this case, larger than is acceptable for an ordinary campfire. This is just a suggestion, but perhaps if you were to take the time to review your writing and edit it wherever necessary, your story could truly become quite spectacular.

[Woogwoo Wren]

Thanks for the feed back.
I have lost interest in this story, so I won't be continuing. I do have another story on here, if you're interested? (Though its on hold as I'm doing Nano this month.)