My story "Different..." Inputs? Ideas? ect?

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My story "Different..." Inputs? Ideas? ect?

Postby Kora L. Cifer » Tue Jan 20, 2015 6:55 pm

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It all began on the night of a full moon, a lean golden cream lioness lay under the cover of some over grown brush. There, three newly born cubs lay at her side, it was dark, and she was tired and didn't have a chance to take a look at her newborns but, she did sense them, smell them and felt them there suckling swiftly. With a lick, on top of each of there heads she laid her head down to fall asleep.

It didn't take long for the next day to come, and when it did it came with a surprise. As the lioness sat up, she let out a huge yawn before looking down to her sleeping cubs. she noticed quickly that something was off. One of them, One of her cubs was different. Not a cream, golden or white fur color, but colors that where silvers, and black and dark gray, this cub was silent. As the others began to wake mewling. Nudging the cub with her nose the mother seemed confused with the cub beside her. The gray and black cub squeaked and curled closer to it's mothers belly. The lioness jumped and backed away. Looking down at her cubs and then the gray one. She lifted her head and looked around. Sitting down the lioness seemed lost in though slight panting to the heat of the sun that made it's way in through the leaves.

After awhile the mother lioness decided the cub just didn't belong. Picking the odd colored cub up she padded out of the safety of the brushes leaving her other two cubs momentarily, padding off the lioness headed into the trees, the lush jungle parts of Africa. Disappearing under the trees the lioness was weary aware that this was where tigers resided. though leopards did to there weren't as much as a threat to her as a tiger would be. Finding a small grassy opening the lioness sat down the cub before turning and bounding away without another glance to the cub she had left behind. She was off back to her other two cubs, to raise and look after them. Ignoring the cries of the oddly colored gray and black cub who knew something was wrong.

The cub being left defenseless, squirmed around for a source of heat. After awhile the small cub found her way over to root. Letting out soft yet loud cries that echoes out through the forest. Not far from the cub was a lone African wild dog was on the prow, out of breath it must of been recently running from something, it's ears flickered at the small squeals of the cub. The African wild dog seemed to look around cautiously before preceding towards the direction of noise. It didn't take long for the African dog to find the source. Becoming more unsure the lone African dog looked around before hesitantly approaching. The cubs mewls grew louder at the cold touch of the lone AWD nose. The African dog jumped back startled and went forward quickly nipping the cub at the back of the tail dragging it out forcefully from the roots, letting go as soon as the mewls only seem to grow more panicked and loud the African dog paced around the cub, cautiously keeping an eye out for an angry mother. But there was no sight of one... In fact, the cub had the scent of other cubs and it's mother on it. In that moment the African dog only assumed the cub wandered off or was abandoned. Was something wrong with it? But something seemed to spook the African dog, it yelped and darted off, yet stayed near by. Crouching low the African dog looked out from bushes, and just then on the other side of the cub a black jaguar stepped out. Growling and grunting in turn, it was a large male at that to. The jaguar began sniffing the cub and batting at it now and then with its large paw.
It didn't take long until the large male grabbed the small cub by the head roughly. It was at this point the lone African wild dog knew the big cats plan was to off with the cub. But that alone didn't explain the reasons for the action the lone African dog took next. Rushing out of the bushes the African wild dog snapped viciously at the jaguars face, and claimed it's jaws down once at its neck. In surprise the jaguar dropped the Cub and tried batting the African dog away, but the lone African dog already released it's bite and snatched the cub and ran off in to the brush and disappearing down under an only fox den. She was small enough to fit through pushing the cub all the way in the back she gazed to the entrance as if waiting for the jaguar to come dig her and the cub out.


so this is just the beginning of my story just curiose to what people think of it? It all started with a CUBBIN that was born on lioden and I stared at it for awhile and was like "i want to write a story about you..."

So inputs, ideas, comments are all welcomed~
ImageImage
Ruvel wrote:
"See the thing about you, that caught my eye, Is the same thing
that makes me change, my mind. Kinda hard to explain, but girl,
I'll try. You need to sit down, this may take a while. You see, she
sorta looks, just like you. She even smiles, just the way you do.
So innocent, she seemed, but I was fooled I'm reminded when
I look at you, but, You remind of a girl, that I once knew. See
her face whenever I, I look at you. You won't believe all of the
things that she put me through. This is why I just can't get with you."
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Re: My story "Different..." Inputs? Ideas? ect?

Postby WilloweWolf » Wed Jan 21, 2015 5:25 am

I like it, but there are a few things. Living in Africa has made me rather picky about African animals being shown in their proper habitats.
First off, lions and African Wild Dogs live on the savannah. Second, there are no foxes in Africa. Also, a large jaguar would find it incredibly easy to kill a wild dog. And, the lioness would have just up and left with her two normal cubs and ignored the other one, not taken it elsewhere.
Just a few tips to get you in the right place. Once again, I'm a bit picky about these things.
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Re: My story "Different..." Inputs? Ideas? ect?

Postby Kora L. Cifer » Wed Jan 21, 2015 6:43 am

WilloweWolf wrote:I like it, but there are a few things. Living in Africa has made me rather picky about African animals being shown in their proper habitats.
First off, lions and African Wild Dogs live on the savannah. Second, there are no foxes in Africa. Also, a large jaguar would find it incredibly easy to kill a wild dog. And, the lioness would have just up and left with her two normal cubs and ignored the other one, not taken it elsewhere.
Just a few tips to get you in the right place. Once again, I'm a bit picky about these things.



It's not suppose to be realistic. I'm basing it off Somthings else. I see and that's okay. But like here are story's with animals wih wings or animals from space.mthis is just a story not suppose to be realistic slightly but not all the way.. The place this story takes place in is the lioden map. Not actual real Africa, just.

Image
ImageImage
Ruvel wrote:
"See the thing about you, that caught my eye, Is the same thing
that makes me change, my mind. Kinda hard to explain, but girl,
I'll try. You need to sit down, this may take a while. You see, she
sorta looks, just like you. She even smiles, just the way you do.
So innocent, she seemed, but I was fooled I'm reminded when
I look at you, but, You remind of a girl, that I once knew. See
her face whenever I, I look at you. You won't believe all of the
things that she put me through. This is why I just can't get with you."
User avatar
Kora L. Cifer
 
Posts: 18580
Joined: Wed Nov 16, 2011 5:28 pm
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