Let's Read: Warrior Cats Series

[Dalek]

I've never really thought about how many there were. That's a good point!

[Atheon]

spoilers jfc
apparently hollyleaf died in the tunnels and came back to life magically? when did that happen.

[detective who.]

More spoilers, from Last Hope:

And then it turned out that she was the first one to forgive Leafpool and Crowfeather, even though she was the one who was all over the warrior code. Shouldn't she have had the hardest time getting over it? I mean, I get that she went on her huge journey of self-discovery (or whatever that was about), but even so. I guess living without the code so long made her loosen up?

[sweet tooth]

spoilers jfc
apparently hollyleaf died in the tunnels and came back to life magically? when did that happen.

Well no she actually died in the last hope
sorry she didnt die in sunrise
She didn't die in the tunnels, she escaped in time.
She died from her throat slit by Hawkfrost

[Arcaii]

Chapter Twenty

I would like to note here that one of the very first parts of the chapter features Firepaw shrugging. Shrugging, if you aren't aware (and I certainly hope you are), is the action of raising and contracting your shoulders to show indifference or confusion. Some people simply raise their shoulders quickly, others tilt their head, and sometimes a noise accompanies the motion.

I invite you all to examine this drawing of a cat's skeleton.

As you can see, the shoulders of a cat are not anatomically similar to a human's. Our shoulders and arms have capabilities different to a cat's, which is why we can stretch them out from us and behind us and a cat can't. One other separation is the ability to shrug.

Now, we all know that Erin Hunter is allergic to research, but even a simple look at a cat and how they walk would make it clear that a cat probably can't shrug. The closest a cat could get would be a bobbing of their entire front half of the body into a weird crouching position and then right back up to standing. If that sounds like a lot of effort just to say "I don't care", then you and a cat are having the appropriate reaction. Now granted, cats do mostly communicate through body language, but you'd have a hard time convincing me that a cat would actually attempt to shrug when they could do something much simpler.

When I was writing for the CYOA, this was one of the major actions I attempted to avoid (and given that there were way too many situations where a shrug would have been a good response, it wasn't easy). I won't take the moral high-ground here, since I've made errors like this before (especially making cats laugh), but I want you guys to keep that in mind if you ever plan to write about cats, do not take the Hunters' word for it. They actually refused to research.

Anatomy lessons aside, Firepaw continues to make the stupid decision not to tell anyone about Ravenpaw, even when Tigerclaw comes home alone. He doesn't want Bluestar's guards to overhear him talking with Bluestar, which is exactly why they're there in the first place - they're a plot device to prevent the really simple solution to the story. Though, I guarantee that even if he told Bluestar she'd refuse to believe him, because Bluestar is a gorram idiot.

When nighttime falls, Ravenpaw finally comes back, and-

I beg

I beg your pardon.

Are you telling me

oh my god.

I can't even raise up a point about this. This is so mind-boggling that I can't even formulate a proper argument. I'm astounded. I am genuinely, positively astounded.

The fact that the obviously malicious deputy sent the obviously abused and scared apprentice to the obviously evil Clan's territory, and that Ravenpaw just blatantly says that out loud and then hushes Firepaw and tells him not to say that he went to ShadowClan, and that nobody catches the scent of ShadowClan or asks Ravenpaw why he was gone for so long or why Tigerclaw went home without him and didn't even send out a search party, is so absurd that I'm paralyzed by the stupidity and contrivances of this situation.

Erin Hunter, I'm only human. Why must you bring the Yog-Sothoth of dumb plots down on me? What did I do to deserve this?

Well, with a hefty and resigned sigh, we continue on with the story.

Firepaw finally tells Ravenpaw what Tigerclaw said about him, and Ravenpaw gives us the full, true account of the murder of Redtail. There's a minor point that Redtail is killed right as he's watching the final RiverClan warrior run away, which is poor timing on Tigerclaw's part. If one of the cats had looked back or, worse yet, tried to return for Oakheart's body, they would have seen the deputy of ThunderClan dead and Tigerclaw standing over him. Even if they're rivals, I find it hard to believe that a blatant killing like that would go unnoticed by RiverClan, and if one of the cats had seen him and told his Clanmates, the rumors would have spread out to every other Clan, and potentially ruined Tigerclaw before he even got a chance to be a super obvious villain.

The next morning, Firepaw immediately breaks his promise to keep Ravenpaw company so he'll be safe and visits the nursery. Another cat biology lesson, folks: toms are notorious for killing kittens that don't belong to them. So the fact that a tom is guarding the nursery, and that two toms are allowed to visit newborns, raises a lot of questions.

"But Arcaii," you may be saying. "You've brought up in other threads the possibility of that instinct being bred out of the Clan cats. Couldn't that be the same thing in canon?"

Perhaps so, but that still doesn't explain why Firepaw would be allowed to visit her. He isn't Clan-born, and I'm certain that Clan cats would hear stories of loner and kittypet males killing offspring. Even if Firepaw is friendly and harmless, the Clan should still take these precautions and refuse to let him visit them.

But, y'know, whatever. I'm the dumb one here, expecting anything but fantasy out of the writers.

Firepaw visits Yellowfang while waiting for his turn to see the kittens, and she actually brings up the fact that queens are incredibly protective of their newborns, especially a first litter. Which raises up another question: why is anyone other than the medicine cat allowed to visit the queen right after she gives birth? I mean, okay, Bluestar can, because she's the leader, but even she would know that it's best to give the mother a moment to rest. If Firepaw goes back and Brindleface isn't asking everyone to leave and let her sleep, I'm going to be quite disgruntled.

And she isn't. Though Firepaw does make his visit brief, which is nice of him. He then heads to speak with Bluestar, who starts talking to him like he's a senior warrior.

YES YOU CAN. YES YOU CAN, FIREPAW. IN FACT, THIS IS THE PERFECT TIME TO VOICE YOUR CONCERNS. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT IF MY LEADER STARTED TALKING ABOUT HOW GREAT THE OBVIOUSLY EVIL DEPUTY IS, I'D VERY QUICKLY SAY, "HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT, MAYBE YOU SHOULD TAKE OFF THE NOSTALGIA GOGGLES FOR SECOND AND TAKE A LOOK AT THAT EXTREMELY TERRIFIED APPRENTICE OF HIS AND THE FACT THAT HE'S IMMENSELY ABUSIVE TO HIM AND LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY BECAUSE HE MIGHT HAVE MURDERED YOUR PREVIOUS DEPUTY, YOU ABSOLUTE MORON."

And why on earth did Bluestar tell Firepaw that she lost her seventh life instead of her fifth? Why does he need to know that information? Even Firepaw is confused.

But when he leaves (AGAIN, WITHOUT NOTING THAT HIS FRIEND IS IN DANGER), drama strikes again, and Frostfur's kittens have gone missing! Oh no! How could they have possibly disappeared when Brindleface was in the den at the same time and would have noted where they had gone? How did their mother not know where they went, or who took them? And, moreover, how did the thief manage to kill Spottedleaf without anyone noticing?

Oh, yeah. Spottedleaf is dead. Should probably note that.

Welp, see ya later, loser. You were boring, one-dimensional, and you set the pace for a million and a half rip-off fan characters. Thanks for nothing.

(Well, not like I'm so clean of stealing things.)

Yellowfang quickly departs from the Clan, clearly not bearing the scent of kits, and obviously scared. She also doesn't bother to tell anyone, "hey, I know who took them, and I need you to come with me quickly", which is another plot device so that everyone can distrust her and place her as the villain yet again! Fantastic.

God, I hate these books.

Up next: Chapter Twenty-One.


Research Failure Count: 2 for this chapter, 100+ for every chapter before this.

[Woogwoo Wren]

Ah, Firepaw can be so dumb.

[Keriae]

the stalker is emerging from her lair

DID SOMEONE MENTION REDTAIL?!
Just saying that technically Sandstorm shouldn't exist, even if tortie toms could be common and healthy. The red gene is a weird thing and if you have it, you exhibit it. It's a dominant gene, and for a female to exhibit it without being a tortie she needs to inherit two copies, one from the father and one from the mother. Which means that Sandstorm should be a black tabby.
This means Squirrelflight shouldn't exist either, because her mother shouldn't. And Lionblaze shouldn't either, as neither Leafpool or Crowfeather are red. I can buy Jayfeather and Hollyleaf, as Leafpool must carry dilute (Brindleface is her grandmother on Sandstorm's side, and she was grey) and the same is true with Crowfeather, as Ashfoot was grey.

Ugh, I wish even simply, basic research had been done ._.

also Whitestorm was hella rad


and I just
I have no words any more for any of the chapters

[koolkatkoolkat123]

the stalker is emerging from her lair

DID SOMEONE MENTION REDTAIL?!
Just saying that technically Sandstorm shouldn't exist, even if tortie toms could be common and healthy. The red gene is a weird thing and if you have it, you exhibit it. It's a dominant gene, and for a female to exhibit it without being a tortie she needs to inherit two copies, one from the father and one from the mother. Which means that Sandstorm should be a black tabby.
This means Squirrelflight shouldn't exist either, because her mother shouldn't. And Lionblaze shouldn't either, as neither Leafpool or Crowfeather are red. I can buy Jayfeather and Hollyleaf, as Leafpool must carry dilute (Brindleface is her grandmother on Sandstorm's side, and she was grey) and the same is true with Crowfeather, as Ashfoot was grey.

Ugh, I wish even simply, basic research had been done ._.

also Whitestorm was hella rad


and I just
I have no words any more for any of the chapters

waaaaaiiiitttt a minute, maybe maybe all the prophecy cats have these insane powers because they shouldn't actually exist like Starclan willed them into being.

I don't even know where I'm going just a random thought that popped into my head.

[sweet tooth]

Oh god.
THE SHRUGGING
ugh SO unreallistic.
That should star in 101 brambleberries
>.>
<.<
*runs off to draw the cover art for 101 dalmations brambleberries

[Wolvine]

all good characters either die, like whitestorm or yellowfang, or fade into blandness, like my boy cloudtail. I actually liked cloudtail a lot originally. he, like most other characters, had a lot of potential that was wasted. never quite got why he was so angry at everything, but his stubborn lack of religion could have been super interesting, even if it made little sense given that the leaders literally receive bonus lives.