{ ＩＮＫＬＩＮＧＳ } LOCK! NEW THREAD

[cheesewedge]

x. hulloooooo. c:
so i have this new story, journal entries, that i'd love some critiquing on. c:
it's all post-apocalypse-y, told in the form of journal entries.

[noal]

hey guys! c:
im writing a new story about 5sos! *claps*
here is the description:

Money is powerful. Desperation can make you do stupid things. Eighteen year old Ella Sean has a difficult life in the low class. Her mute mother has a hard time at her job as a maid, and Ella herself works with ambition to gain enough money to eat and to pay rent from her two part-time jobs. Studying hard for school has gotten difficult to catch up. Summer break nears from her public school. When a high paying job, too much to ignore, of body guarding for a band crosses her way, she won't let it slide so easily. But there's a catch, though. You have to be eighteen or over, obedient, and a male.

if you find my description interesting, it is on wattpad. i was hoping to get a critique please? gracias guys! c:
here is the link: boop!

this is amazing! I don't really like 5sos or anything like that, but this as certainly caught my attention! I do hope you continue!

[toadstool]

@chances & vriskon- thank you so much! c: my story does need a bit of editing, but I'm glad you guys find it interesting.

[Medusa72]

Hey, guys. I was wondering if you could help me come up with a name for this group in my story Climb that Wall. Here's a brief description, straight from chapter two.

"It’s basically the kingdom’s secret police. I set it up to keep an eye out for things such as this cult. Our job is to track it down and annihilate it as quickly as possible. There are branches all over the kingdom, mainly in the small, backwater villages and in the big cities. This is the entrance to the main headquarters.”
“Small villages and big cities? What do they have to do with each other?”
“Both are good places for a rebel group to hide. They’re also good places for the ‘secret police’ to hide.”
“We’re a rather large group, spanning most of the kingdom. Most of us are mages, seers, or spies.”
“Most of our spies were once accomplished assassins.”

That sounds really interesting! I'm not very good with coming up with names for stories and such, but I'd love to read this!

[WilloweWolf]

Thanks, TheFacilePoet!

Dorodoro no Niku. It means 'Pulpy Flesh'.
Am I helping? I'm out of ideas.

Pulpy Flesh? What? Interesting, but that's not making any sense. Sorry.

[elizabethhher]

hey guys, i'm stopping by real quick to ask y'all a question.
for my extra english class, i had to create three sentences for a story to see if it would catch people's attention at stores.
i've made a few, but here's the one i like the most:



Meet Ethan Collins, your stereotypical popular boy. He's got it all; athleticism, valedictorian, affluence, and a charming personality. And well, he's also Pearlwood High's version of the boy-who-lived.



if you guys read this on the back of a book, would you read the story?

[WilloweWolf]

Absoloutely! That sounds really interesting.

[yoon.]

i'm a new member!
➹ K a n e k i K e n √A
➹ It's Ken :3 / ➹ I iz still working on it X3 /➹ Yesssss

[Silverhart]

hey guys, i'm stopping by real quick to ask y'all a question.
for my extra english class, i had to create three sentences for a story to see if it would catch people's attention at stores.
i've made a few, but here's the one i like the most:



Meet Ethan Collins, your stereotypical popular boy. He's got it all; athleticism, valedictorian, affluence, and a charming personality. And well, he's also Pearlwood High's version of the boy-who-lived.



if you guys read this on the back of a book, would you read the story?

Can't say I would... I'm not exactly understanding what 'the hook' is. There's no explanation of what "the boy-who-lived" is, or what that means for the story. Is it a bad thing? A good thing? Is there going to be conflict and drama and all that interesting stuff? I can't tell any of that from what you wrote. Can you find a better way to say what you mean, perhaps? ^^

And one other little tip , starting a sentence with "And,well" makes it come across as a little weak. It's not against the rules of creative writing, but if you want something to sound more certain, and stronger, with more conviction and punch, you generally shouldn't start a sentence off with 'And'. The other two sentences are perfectly fine. ^^

[elizabethhher]

hey guys, i'm stopping by real quick to ask y'all a question.
for my extra english class, i had to create three sentences for a story to see if it would catch people's attention at stores.
i've made a few, but here's the one i like the most:



Meet Ethan Collins, your stereotypical popular boy. He's got it all; athleticism, valedictorian, affluence, and a charming personality. And well, he's also Pearlwood High's version of the boy-who-lived.



if you guys read this on the back of a book, would you read the story?

Can't say I would... I'm not exactly understanding what 'the hook' is. There's no explanation of what "the boy-who-lived" is, or what that means for the story. Is it a bad thing? A good thing? Is there going to be conflict and drama and all that interesting stuff? I can't tell any of that from what you wrote. Can you find a better way to say what you mean, perhaps? ^^

And one other little tip , starting a sentence with "And,well" makes it come across as a little weak. It's not against the rules of creative writing, but if you want something to sound more certain, and stronger, with more conviction and punch, you generally shouldn't start a sentence off with 'And'. The other two sentences are perfectly fine. ^^

yeah, i get the whole hook thing, too. i talked to my teacher about it and he said that we were going to extend on it but only use three sentences at that moment. And the boy-who-lived thing is a play off of harry potter (don't know if you've read the books or seen the movies cx).

i get the whole "and, well" thing (i start sentences with 'and' way to much, it's a really bad habit), but the story prompt thingamabob is basically a first-person story told from the school's journalist, so i wrote that little part as if it were sort of like part of the introduction to an interview. i don't know if that makes any sense, sorry ;-;

thanks so much for your advice, however ^-^

@willowewolf
thanks so much c: