|✘| swindle v.2 [OLD THREAD]

[ʞ ɔ ǝ ɹ ʍ d ı ʞ s]

Aww, thank you!! c:

Also to everyone else as well, I've been trying to move it forward but its becoming difficult the more and more I feel like it should be redone. So I've been spending a lot of time writing future scenes and random scenes for fun. I've been contemplating posting some, but I'm not sure how well you guys would take the temptation of spoilers xD

[Woogwoo Wren]

Ahh, spoilers, don't tempt me!

[katomorakwarrior]

How does a dozen avid chickensmoothie users standing at your door with wooden swords and pirate flags sound?

[Woogwoo Wren]

Haha, nice image, I can just see that, lol!

[ʞ ɔ ǝ ɹ ʍ d ı ʞ s]

LOL alright alright I'm sensing a "no spoilers" pattern going here xD

Perhaps I could continue it as long as I share a list of things that are wrong and need to change with you guys because its really bothering me how the beginning of the book and where I am now don't line up as well as I wanted them to for many reasons

[Woogwoo Wren]

Yeah, that sounds good.

[ʞ ɔ ǝ ɹ ʍ d ı ʞ s]

Alright guys, I made a list of all the things I plan to change so far. I'm putting this down to make myself feel better about continuing because then you guys can pretend I did these things kinda if you want lol


Sails

Changing the Obsidian's sails from black to red. Maybe I already did that? I might have... But they used to be black

Speech patterns

I did NOT have Vin's speech pattern down very well in the beginning. English isn't his first language so to make that a little more prominent, he's not supposed to use joined words like can't, don't, hasn't, shouldn't, all that. But in the beginning he uses so many. And Scarlet's speech pattern. You's and variations should be ye's and variations and ing's should become n's. UNLESS she's emotionally compromised and slips into her real accent. The captain voice is just a ruse. And I don't even know what Sam's speech has been doing, sometimes I forget to slaughter every word possible.

Names

Ok let's just talk about VIN'S NAME FOR A SECOND. I literally made the whole thing up with the intention to be humorous, because that was the goal when I designed him and before I started writing. But now that he's a character I'd very much like to be taken seriously, I tweaked it a bit. He's far too attached to his first name at this point, though I briefly considered changing it to a real name like Vincenzo. Still not sure about that, honestly. I mean it'll still be Vin. But I mushed together a real last name with his last one to get Esposiano, which means exposed. -shrug- figured that fit. I also knocked off two middle names.
I also changed Thornber to Thorton and Baldassare to Bishop and names are just a mess that need to get straight.

Scarlet's past

I don't want to change it, but I would like to add more. Right now its all condensed into two time periods, but there should be more. Like how Gail would always try to dress her girly and she hated it. How she always got into trouble. How he tried to teach her piano and failed miserably. How she knew Sam when they were little. How utterly destroyed she was after the mutiny and how she almost bankrupted the entire crew. All these things happened.

More of some characters

I kept thinking of characters far into the story when they should have been there the entire time. Like Thorton, Sam, and Benny. Thorton needs to be a major piece of Scarlet's past. He's the one that pulled her out of her slump enough to function. His envy and passive aggressive-ness towards Vin needs to be way more prominent than it is. He loved her and still does and that needs to show a lot more. SAM. Sam needs to be a thing earlier, even if he's just mentioned briefly because he doesn't do much, he just sits around mostly, but that's bound to be noticed. And his bromance with Warren should be glorified more often because they play off each other so well its ridiculous. But I do still have time for that. BENNY just kinda happened. But I'd love to use him for navigation and knowledge of pirate lore instead of popping up just once.

Scarlet and Vin's relationship

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I can't tell if it's moving forward. It was supposed to be slow and steady, easing from hatred to something more, however, I don't know how well it's working. Its only been hatred as far as I can tell and the book is over halfway done. I think the solution to this would be to give them more casual time together, though they would try to avoid each other at all costs, theres only so many places you can be on a ship. And I really need to give them reasons to love each other. I need to find a way that wont make everybody go, wait, what- why...? But she's... but... he's... why. How. No, I must find valid reasons.

Organization so far

Even you guys would have to admit it jumps around a lot. I could probably double the length just using what I already have. Maybe even change the order of some things. Now that I have ideas for sequels, I'd like everything to enable those ideas and to be significant to the entire story rather than not having any purpose.

El Dorado

So I started to think... What the heck would they do with an entire city of gold? Um probably just be overwhelmed and take some handfuls and close it off and go. SO I as going to use a smaller artifact [one that either exists or just make one up]. It'll be beyond valuable and perhaps even supernatural like the ring. After all, its gotta be motivation enough for Scarlet not to put a bullet through Vin's head right?

[Woogwoo Wren]

Sound good,

[Silverhart]

Ooooh, I must get back to reading this now that I have time. I think I'm behind a few chapters...

Anyway the Scarlet and Vin Relationship - I don't know if I'm such a big fan of forcing them into casual conversations - it would slow down the story and may feel out of character. Instead, focus on moments within the action to build them up and show more character. Find what each one will eventually admire or like about the other, and have moments where they show that side. If one admires nobility, or loyalty, or cleverness, or thoughtfulness have a scene where the other shows that side of them self. It can be slow and gradual - evolving from dislike, into appreciation, and from there into admiration or affection.
Also, force them to work together. Put them in a situation where they have to depend on each other to advance the plot. I know it's been done to death in films and stories, but there's a very good reason why, and that is because it works. Take two characters who hate each other - force them to work together to reach a common goal - throw in those moments where the characters realize something they appreciate about the other (or maybe they discover something about themselves) - and bam! A tried and true friendship and/or romance. That's not how the real world usually works, but it works in stories, because stories are all about changes from one state to another. But if you try to force them to bond it'll come off as forced. Let it happen naturally; look for places those little moments could be while you're writing. As those moments build up, and they come to truly appreciate one another, there'll be more excuse for them to spend more time together and get those bonding moments, where you can show even more character.

I also like Vin's name as it is. XP And I think you should just go with El Dorado - I mean why not? If you're gonna be a pirate, you might as well go all out, right? I mean yeah, practically speaking what are you going to do with a City of Gold? Not much you can do with that. At the same time it's a City of freakin' Gold. I mean, who wouldn't go after something like that, even just to see if it exists? XD But you know, it doesn't matter what the MacGuffin is - it could just be something of sentimental value even.

Also - thumbs up to more of Scarlet's past. ^^

Last piece of advice: don't bother fixing anything you've already written until the whole rough draft is done. Why? Because how you think the story will go, and what the story will end up being are too different things. You may discover upon finishing the rough draft that you don't need something you added, or you may need something you took away. Be flexible and make notes, but hold off any major edits until you have a finished draft to work with. ^^ Once everything's written you can switch things up, add and subtract this or that, change what ever you like. But if you start editing you may never stop. XP

[ʞ ɔ ǝ ɹ ʍ d ı ʞ s]

I was just thinkin that casual would happen more often than it does since they have two months to kill across the Atlantic ^-^ not really forced, maybe even indirect like with the rest of the crew too or something.

And I see what youre saying but Im definitely changing El Dorado xD its necessary for it to be something smaller for the sequel to happen. But thanks for the advice! c:

And I know Ive been trying really hard to make it to the end lol its just so different than it was in the beginning -shrug-

EDIT: ALSO bullets back then would not have exploded in a fireplace Im sorry I know that was wrong it was just a space filler until I think of some other thing to put there...