Aimless~Worrier wrote:My crush is 30 years older than me... He likes me back, I guess, but given the circumstances, age gap and society's perceptions, we can't make anything of it. It also doesn't help that my Dad will stop at nothing to ruin the guy's career, reputation etc. We really connected and I can't find the likes of him in anyone my own age-- I thought we were soul mates but now I doubt that concept entirely... See, I would do anything to protect him... And our humourous and witty rapport was so in sync, everybody thought we should do a comedy stunt together. I wanted him to be my second Dad at first, because I admired him so much, but he changed the nature of the relationship and I guess I went with it, though we were NEVER physical. I met him at my school and when we both left the place, he added me on Facebook and we hit it off. I was rather mute in person before, so he was surprised when I spoke so openly online. Eek. Long story short: 60,000 messages in 6 months. I fainted when he confessed his love for me and lost my front teeth but then he grew on me, we always get back together after a fight, strangely, I appear to be the more mature one. BUT we've been cut off for a month now because my Dad threatened him with legal entities. I forced him to "forget" me in order to save himself but I regret it every day. He seems to have friends, but I recently dropped out of school (partly out of depression because of him and partly because when I fainted because of him, I developed chronic vertigo which hindered my studies) and now have none... He's stayed by my side, listened to me when everyone else finds me bland and really cares for me... He helps me through depression and feeling lost in life, he was everything to me: parent,sibling,counsellor,mentor, boyfriend all in one... And now he's just GONE. Because I let him go, thinking Dad would stop gathering unsavoury blackmail on him (which he hasn't even after I haven't contacted him in 1 month). Cutting him off wasn't worth it AT ALL, it changed nothing but emotionally scarred me... and I want him back but he is paranoid, and rightfully so about what my Dad might do. UGH! HELP!
I MISS HIM and he says he will rekindle the friendship when I am of adult age, but by then, he will be 48... ADVICE?
I have mixed feelings about this.
- Definitely wait until you are legally an adult; there could be big trouble for him if he is intimate with a minor.
- If you dropped out of school because of him, then it sounds a bit unhealthy. You need to still be able to have a life of your own somewhat, such as do school, keep a job, etc. If you are unable to do anything for yourself because you are so torn up about this, then that sounds unhealthy to me. Trust me, I know about being apart, and I have been through parental disapproval. But if you can't even do basic, day to day things to keep your own life going, then that's just.. not good. I can't see my boyfriend for months at a time but I want to be worthy of him and I need to have my own things going for me. If/when we move in together, I need to be able to pull my weight - keep busy, be healthy, earn some income, have social skills, etc. If you guys developed a relationship and moved in together, what would YOU be bringing to the table? What would YOU be doing all day with your time? You are just a teen so it seems like a lot to think about, but he's been in relationships with grown, middle aged women. You are trying to jump into an adult relationship and those are things that come with it.
- The fact that you ARE a minor and clearly live at home (allowing your dad access to your stuff as he likely paid for it anyway) means that, for better or worse, he is in charge. HE likely bought your electronics, your clothes, your food. You have to respect that, even if you don't like it.
- If you are the more mature one, I'm a little concerned. It may just be in little ways like you are more forgiving, but still - that does concern me. As a minor compared to a man in his forties, you really shouldn't be the more mature one.
- If you do run off with this guy, whether now or after turning 18, you HAVE to first think about the potential consequences. What will that mean for your relationship with your father? Other family members? Your peers? HIS family and peers?
I didn't respond to everything as I'm busy but those are a few of my thoughts anyway.