Write a Letter you Cannot Send (Read the Rules!)

[icicle1107]

A,
I want to tell you that I don't intend to stay here for college. NAU and U of A are my back ups. I don't know where I will go but I want to "go away". I have the grades and enough money saved away to have options and if I want something somewhere else and I get accepted, say as far as Pennsylvania, New York, or Washington, then I am going. I'm not going to stay here for you and for that I am sorry. I love you to death but I need to do things for me. Not you. And leaving for college is one of those things that cannot be dependent on where you are going. If next yr doesn't work out long distance then it definitely wont for college and even if it did next yr I don't want to spend my yrs at college alone waiting for your call. I want to have fun and have new experiences and I am not sure if you are apart of that. You are already against some of the things I have done or want to do, so how could it work if I do those things in college? Will you sit at home doing homework or freaking out about me when I am out having fun? You can't stop me from doing the things I want to do, and I wont stop you. Our ideology and situation might be just too different.
I'm sorry,
~icicle1107

H,
If you read this then I want you to know that I really am not worried about New Years. I'm sure we'll get along well enough and honestly I think it'll be good for all of us. I may not talk to S and my relationship with G hasn't been great but this may fix that. And maybe G and S can get over their differences and have a good time. Anyway I am really excited about going. I know we will have fun no matter what!
Your girl,
~icicle1107

[noodle cat]

dear ______,
ouch. i didn't even do anything. whyyyy.
you're literally over-reacting to nothing. i do like you. in fact, i love you. like a lot. a lot a lot a lot. why cant you see this? how many times will i have to reassure you? it bothers me you know. that you always doubt my love, wonder if i actually want you to come over and if i enjoy your company. _____ i always want you to be around, like all day every day okay? ugh stop. my feelings hurt too you know. yeah shocking right? i have feelings, that tend to get messed up, a lot.
ugh whatever.
i hope we can hang out tomorrow. that is, if you want to.
-emily

[Child_of_Death]

Dear N,

Can you please screw your head on straight? If you want to go attention-seeking, that's fine by me, but don't look my way for sympathy when people get irritated with you. And for Pete's sake, will you stop following me around like a lost puppy? I. Don't. Like. You. Anytime, anywhere, ask ANYONE, I'm sick of you and I've had enough of your spouting off. I don't care if you say you're gay. I don't care if you've convinced yourself you can't stop moving because of your darned ADHD. I really don't care if you want to play the victim in your life, but PLEASE leave me out of it. Live and let live, y'know? Stop bothering me. I don't want to be your friend. Stop talking to me about all your so-called 'problems'. And in return, I will try even harder than I already am to stay out of your life.

Thank you,
~RB

[bigwig.]

Dear Brain,
Sleep > Fanfiction.
I like you, I really do. You allow me to walk and talk and do math homework and watch YouTube videos. But when are you going to realize that sleep is a biological necessity and Outlast slash is not? I know it doesn't seem like it, but Sleep > Outlast Slash.
Sincerely,
Galaxy.

[Child_of_Death]

Dear Brain,
Sleep > Fanfiction.
I like you, I really do. You allow me to walk and talk and do math homework and watch YouTube videos. But when are you going to realize that sleep is a biological necessity and Outlast slash is not? I know it doesn't seem like it, but Sleep > Outlast Slash.
Sincerely,
Galaxy.

Story of my life.

[vulture,]

Hey babe,

I miss you.

This past week has been a blur. You've been busy and I've been busy. We've haven't even had time to just sit and talk over the phone. Our conversations have been limited to text while we run about to different family gatherings or to different jobs that need to be done. There hasn't even been the idea of stopping to spend some time together again.

It has been a week since I've seen you. It sounds like such a short time but it feels so long. Things can be difficult sometimes, my family isn't my favorite, you know that. Sometimes I really, really, just need you to hug me and scare away the demons of reality. I need to slip into that ignorance and blindness when you're around. I need to forget the world for a bit.

I know I'm not the easiest person to love. I'm stubborn, difficult, blunt, and take everything far too literal. I overthink things, I can be shy, and I may be a bit closed still. And yet, you remind me every day that you care. My negatives never phase you, you'd stand by me through it all just as I would stand by you.

I sometimes find myself wondering how on Earth I found myself in the arms of someone so amazing. I remember our first conversation, I almost beat you with my Algebra book because you were so annoying. You had another girlfriend back then, but you two never seemed happy. I had a boyfriend of my own then too, an abusive relationship that I told no one about. I had struggles with depression then. I would come to school hating myself and doing all that I could to make it through the day without anyone catching on. It was hard to smile. Then you came along. I never let you in. You'd make me laugh and smile every damn day, but it took me so much longer to realize that there was something more there. You weren't just the class clown, you cared. You wanted to see me smile and you wanted to make me happy.

It took me a whole year to build up the nerve to ask you to that dance. I started falling for you slowly, realizing just how much you really meant to me. I remember feeling so disappointed when I'd walk past your locker in the morning and you weren't there. When you missed class, the hour seemed to drag on so slowly. Then you started to make advances. You started to set your hand on my knee and put your head on my shoulder, you'd act as though you wanted a hug only to frown when I hadn't caught on. Then I asked you to that dance. You got my phone number from my best friend and started texting me about every random thing. It was odd at first, but now I feel down when I don't get those random messages. You asked me out a few days later.

Now I wake up every morning to a message saying "Good Morning" usually with a question of how my night was or a short compliment. You call me "babe" and "dear" which melts my heart. You ask me about my day even if you're going through hell. You sit and talk with me about all that went on. At night, since you are always the first to fall asleep, you text me goodnight with wishes of sweet dreams.

When we're together, I feel like the character in some sappy teen novel. I'm happiest when I'm with you. When we're squished on the couch with a dog pressed in between us, I am happiest. That dog that "left room for Jesus" while you held me in your arms as I struggled not to fall asleep with your chest as my pillow. We were supposed to be babysitting. That poor kid nearly starved because neither of us wanted to move.

Two more days before I'll see you again. Two more days then we can fall asleep on my couch while watching some Marvel movie. We can chase my dogs around the house and try not to break a bone. Both of us have done so in the past two days after all. I think I've been a bad influence on you, you're becoming as clumsy as I am. Just be careful, I know how you overwork yourself. Just relax a bit, take a break, and slow down.

Things can wait.


Have a good night,
Mim

[notdura]

Hey, former friend,
Please just.. stop. Stop talking bad about me and my boyfriend behind our backs and to our friends. You keep saying you've gotten over the fact that my boyfriend left you, yet 90% what you talk about when he's near is /him/ and how "horrible" he is. You were the one who did wrong, you even almost broke up with him three times. Why would you expect him to stay with you when you have done such bad things to him, and let him suffer so much because of you? It pisses me off so much to know that you speak about us. We met at a cosplay meetup some weeks ago and now you have made people despise us. A former friend tenses up every time he even gets close to my boyfriend. I'm so, so angry. You have turned my friends against us, you make them talk bad about us behind our backs. You make me feel so, so insecure and angry. My best friend even told me we weren't allowed to come back later to the meet up.

It's as if no one cares about us, just because we're together! Because people said we're too clingy and that they are starting to worry about or relationship. I can't even say a single thing about my boyfriend when I'm with a friend because now I think they think of me as a bother. I'm scared and angry, that's what I am. I don't want people that I saw as friends to despise me. I don't want people to get the wrong image of my boyfriend, when you're the bad person here. You seriously forced him to go through so much, and now everyone thinks you're the one who did right and he wrong. He stayed with you until the very end, until his family threw a tantrum and threatened to throw him out if he didn't break up with you. It happened a year ago. Get over him already.

I feel so anxious and angry and scared and mad and insecure. I want this to stop. I want to spit in your face, I don't ever want to see you again. I feel so bad.

I hate that you're making me feel this way about you. I used to consider you as such a close friend. Why did you have to do this to me?

[apollo.]

Dear best friend,
I lied. That haircut does make you look like that guys twin.
But honestly, you didn't have to scream at me for suggesting that you cut off a tiny bit more to more of a boy cut. The length you have right now is too long if you want short hair, it's like one and a half inches of fluff that sticks up.

Like seriously, you had long girly hair, and then you cut it so short that no hair touches your ears, and then you scream at me and call my crazy for suggesting that you cut off another inch or half inch or so. It's not crazy.... I'm guessing that you didn't want a boy cut, so you tried to keep it long, but it honestly looks weird. And I swear ever since you cut it you've been mean. I guess I'll stop talking about your hair. Or basically anything to do with you.
Love, your best friend

[Oliverstorm]

Dear angel,

I feel like I don't say it enough. Sometimes it gets caught up in my throat and I can't say anything, but my heart is beating like a damn steam train and I can't think straight. Even just being in the same room with you, when it's just us, it sends me into overdrive. One of my favorite things to do when we're watching those stupid little videos that we like so much is just to snuggle around you and compete for attention with your phone. Though I know we can't do anything, sometimes it's just nice to talk to you. I feel like we don't do that a lot.

I remember, when I told our other best friend about us she was so surprised. We were leaving math class and I had to stop by my locker, to get that box you hold the notes I gave you in. She kept asking and I finally told her that I was asking you to the Courtwarming dance because I was in love with you. Back then I don't think we were actually serious yet, but I was already crazy about you. Ever since that one time in 8th grade when you pulled me into the bathroom and made me tell you if I actually liked you, that was an intense moment for me. I was still trying to sort out things, but you wanted an answer right there. When I hesitated, I knew I could change my and your whole life. For the better. And whatever feelings I had before that multiplied by a thousand, a million, by all the stars in the sky when I said yes, I did. Anyways, back to the first story. She was like "-your name-? Our -your name-!? Her?" And we were walking to the cafeteria, I nodded. Y'know, I kind of forgot how I got that box to you. All I remember is that we were at your old house, and then the next day I left without it.

You're so beautiful, and wonderful. Remember that piece of paper I gave you? The 'You Are' one. I mean every single thing I wrote on there. There isn't a single bad thing about you. I love your eyes, they change color with what you wear. I can never even try to draw you because of that, and the fact any drawing couldn't do justice to your beauty. Your freckles are cute, and I know you hate it but your shortness is cute. I like to tease you about it because your face gets all flustered, and I just want to kiss your head because you look so angry but I know you don't actually mean it. I wish I could memorize every little thing about you.

I know I'm not the easiest person to love. I've got some problems, stuck in a mindset that no one would want. You want to know something? That guy, the one who took advantage of me, we were 'dating' until 6th grade. You want to know what he did? One time at a stupid middle school dance, he came up to me with a group of his friends and broke up with me. Because his friends told him he should and I wasn't good enough for him, he didn't like me at all. It was like a stupid movie, he was walking away and I was alone in a crowded room just staring after him. Around that time I turned to her, since she was really my only friend besides J at that time and all my other internet friends. She told me that she loved me after that, a short while after, and then you know the things started. Even now I struggle with eating sometimes, but around you I stop caring. I think I'm starting to beat this eating disorder into the ground.

I wish I had more songs on that playlist I gave you. Some of them are stupid little things, but they make me think of you. I'm actually listening to it right now as I type this. Sometimes I catch myself listening to the music and thinking of you and wearing the biggest, dumbest smile on my face. I'll get distracted in class thinking about you and have to get notes from my neighbors. I hope to God we have a class together next year, or two. Like I said, if we pick Classics we're guaranteed to get that class together.

I never thought you'd be in my life. When we first met I was actually scared of you, that's how most of my friends start actually. One time I was in a science lab with two of my other old friends who've moved away, and we were just messing around. For some reason I kept thinking about you. I was just broken up with my L, so I don't know how I managed to smile so often. Maybe because I met you. You were and are my saving grace. I thought about your hair, and how my sister would be jealous of it when she first met you. She loves your hair, you know. I am too, mine is just a mousy brown and looks like poop. Well not right now, I dyed it black, but whenever it washes out it'll be that nasty color again.

I don't want to talk about anything bad in this letter, because it's kind of a love one and I don't want anything bad to come from it. You're not any of the horrible things you think you are, you're so amazing that I don't understand why you think the way you do. Your parents are horrible, they tell you lies and so does your sister. I hope that my voice will triumph over theirs, because I'm right and they're wrong and I'm sure of this. I'm closer to you then they'll ever be. And I'll always be here for you to talk to, about anything. Even though I'm terrible at comforting, I'll just give you a hug and sit in silence with you if that's what you want. Sometimes that's the best way to do things.

I love you, forever and always. I think ever since that first day we met, actually, I have. I was hurt and you fixed me, and I hope I can do the same for you.

Sincerely Yours,

-------

[city of angels;]

letters for my characters, because I'm a nerd

dear andrew,

I know that Seth has been driving you crazy more than usual lately, but you have to try to see things from his point of view. You do try, and I appreciate that, but you're lashing out at him more. He's struggling, though he won't admit it, and he's not even sure some days what he's hung up on. You've been such a good friend to him for eleven years and stopping now would only kill him. I know you love him, and I know you care deeply for him, so please try to remember that he's sensitive and constantly scared you're going to leave him.
You have been pushing him aside lately, even if you don't see it. You make up excuses, like you're busy with Cheyenne or your mom wants you home. He sees right through those, you know. He knows you just don't want to be around him and it's killing him. Remember when you promised him that you'd always care, even when no one else did? Well, he didn't believe you and now you just seem to be proving him right. I know you care still, but he doesn't.
I don't want you to feel trapped, but I do want you to know that Seth really needs you. He needs you like a heart needs a beat, like your lungs need air. He needs you so, so much, and you need him. Please don't push him away. Please remember that you promised never to leave his side, because he still wants to hang on to that.

love,
me