Chapter Ten, Eleven and TwelveYes, lots of chapters for this one, but if I'm honest, I can't find much to complain about in Ten.
I mean, yeah, it's pretty obvious that Tigerclaw has it out for his apprentice, but that's kinda old news. Firepaw meets up with Smudge again, and while at first I was miffed that he didn't even recognize his friend's scent, I can accept the explanation that him being fixed changed things significantly. And if I can buy it in
Tailchaser's Song, I can buy it here.
Of course, Chapter Eleven features several kits gushing over Firepaw as he's returning to camp (ignoring the fact that Ravenpaw had a friggin'
adder in his jaws).
I need the gag spoon, please. The fact that this is so dumb that I couldn't even work up the energy to draw up a new reaction image for it should speak volumes.
I mean, first of all, those kittens should know very well which one of them is Firepaw and which isn't. Now, granted, cats can't normally see the color red, but for the sake of my argument (and because I don't expect any better of Hunter), let's assume that they're fully capable of seeing every color we can. We can then assume from almost all the cats we've seen so far, the prefix is supposed to represent the color of the cat. So Fire- means a ginger cat, and since Bluestar specifically mentioned that he was named Fire- for his coat, it should be pretty obvious that Firepaw is the ginger apprentice.
Also, no, he doesn't look like Lionheart. Lionheart is golden, huge and lion-like. Firepaw's a skinny little ginger tom.
Secondly, why are they so excited about apprentices returning from hunting? I can assume that they see that all the time. Why would the kits stroll out this one time to comment eagerly about how cool Firepaw is? Why aren't they commenting on the giant rutting adder that Ravenpaw has? It's not exactly subtle, given that he keeps tripping over it.
And why are they talking like he's a stranger from another Clan? Also like they're traveling storytellers and not...y'know...kittens? "The kittypet"
(he's an EX-KITTYPET FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, IT'S BEEN OVER TWO MONTHS, YOU WEREN'T EVEN BORN BACK THEN), "they say", "do you suppose"... who was writing this? An 8-year-old? Someone who was heftily incompetent?
That stupidity aside, I appreciate the brief moment of the three boys just being smug kids and making sure to put the adder where their rivals can see it, but it's squashed by MORE FORCED-SOUNDING GORRAM EXPOSITION
I
haaaaate.
HATE. EXPOSITION. DUMPS.I feel the hate coursing throughout me. Like lifeblood, I am fueled on by the sheer rage garbage passages like this produce.
The mark of a terrible writer is when they don't have the creativity (or worse, won't put in the effort) to weave important information throughout the story in a way that feels at least bearable, if not natural. The mark of a great one, on the other hand, is when they realize the best way to keep someone truly engaged and curious about the world and story - withholding information and giving you crumbs along a windy path, just enough for you to get a taste and want more. A great writer will raise questions and answer them slowly, one bit at a time, when the information is necessary.
As you can guess, Erin Hunter is not my favorite author. The laziness of the storywriters causes roughly 90% of the issues I have with the series, and the exposition dumps are a big part of it, especially in this book. However, we have some other stuff to get to, so let's just calm down for now and keep going.
The three boys get invited to the Gathering, and they take note of several cats there. I find it interesting that two of the leaders are named after damages to their bodies - Crookedstar (jaw) and Brokenstar (tail). I'm not sure precisely why that is, but I can assume that Hunter just thought the names sounded cool and threw in the injuries afterwards.
The boys take notice that the WindClan cats aren't around for the Gathering, but Lionheart says that it's likely they're just late.
Reaaally, Lionheart. After you and Bluestar went to their territory and found marks of violence, plus the very obvious smell of ShadowClan, and you never saw a single WindClan cat there, you still want to say "perhaps they're just slow to join us".
Lionheart, I'm sorry, but you are one of the biggest idiots I've ever met in my life. You don't even do your job right, you're oblivious to threats and malicious cats, Bluestar prefers to confer with Tigerclaw than you... I can't think of a single reason for you to have been put into the deputy position, except for the drama, and to give Tigerclaw someone to murder later on.
Oopsies, spoilers. Not that any of you care.
Anyways, we're also introduced to Blackfoot, who is freaking presented as a giant white tom with black paws. Pardon me, but why did you just name him for his feet? Is that even a possible coloring on a cat? I've never met a cat that only had black spotting on their feet or lower body and nowhere else. Not to mention that Blackfoot is a Native American tribe, but Erin Hunter has a particularly nasty habit of giving characters poor names (Tallpoppy, Talltail, Blackfoot, etc).
It surprises me that some of the elders were brought out to the Gathering, considering that I can't remember a single instance of that happening anywhere else except in cases where an entire Clan was brought to the Gathering. Weird.
And Spottedleaf is there, too? What? Since when did medicine cats start going to Gatherings? Is that a thing that regularly happens, even when they don't have apprentices? Am I just forgetting huge chunks of the books?
>Implying that they were particularly memorable in the first place. Coming back to terrible names, meet Runningnose, the ShadowClan medicine cat. Here's a couple questions: Why would you name a cat after a cold, and
WHY WOULD YOU ELECT THAT CAT TO BECOME YOUR HEALER?!And now we're introduced to what my friend Altias hates the most in the series...the mythology of the Big Cat Clans.
As the Clans are described, I can completely understand the hatred of this inclusion. Why would a bunch of domestic cats know about lions and tigers and leopards (oh my)? Why would they hail them as their ancestors, and not, say, elderitch forces of nature that rule over certain parts of the Clan lifestyle? Why are the big cats considered something to admire, especially considering the second series (but that's going too far right now)?
Personally, I have no problem with the idea of such cats making it into their mythology, but I certainly wouldn't name cats after them. In fact, I'd make them something holy. But we'll discuss that at the end of the book.
One thing to note is that they see an apprentice who seems far too small to be an apprentice, but it's quickly waved aside to let Ravenpaw talk about the battle where Redtail was killed, notably contradicting Tigerclaw's telling of it. This, too, gets interrupted as Brokenstar begins speaking about how ShadowClan is big and tough and cool and needs to take more territory, and blah blah blah blah
blah could this guy be any more obvious of a villain. I mean, my god. Pointless desire for power and everything. Four stars.
Also, what an idiot! He outright says "I drove out WindClan, and I'll declare war on RiverClan and ThunderClan too." He might has well have personally invited them to team up temporarily and kick his turds in.
I can't believe that Crookedstar already gave up to this guy. By the sounds of it, he had previously agreed to let Brokenstar walk all over his territory. Why didn't he go to Bluestar and say, "Uh, jsyk, Brokenstar's gone mad with power and I think we need to take him down. We can split the WindClan territory 50/50."
And, of course, right after threatening the remaining Clans, he warns them about a rogue who should be watched out for carefully, because she's dangerous to kits. Right.
She's dangerous. And your word is totally gospel.
Oh, what's that? Everyone's buying it? Even though you've immediately set yourself up as someone not to be liked or trusted? In fact, everyone quickly decides that Yellowfang is clearly a worse threat than you are, despite having done nothing other than snarl at a few pesky cats, and you literally just demanded more territory or you'd commit genocide?
How much stupid do you expect me to swallow, Erin Hunter?
Regardless, the Gathering is over, and I've got a headache. Firepaw rushes home to talk to Yellowfang and find out if what was said was true, without even stopping to think that maybe Brokenstar isn't the best source of information regarding malicious cats.
I'm going to go to the bathroom and stare into the mirror for a while. Try to adsorb all the idiocy that was just thrown at me.
Next up: Chapter Thirteen.
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