Warrior Cat Names and Characters Reviewer [CLOSED]

[Arcaii]

Excellent! Holler here if you have any more questions.

[Spottedbird]

Sorry about that. And yeah i am new, so sorry once again.

Don't worry about it. Honestly, I'm just happy that you didn't get up in arms (I've had that happen once or twice here, it's never fun). If you decide to have those cats of yours reviewed, let me know.

Well, can you review Silverleaf?

[Arcaii]

You got it. And, as a bonus, you'll be my first experiment in some adjustments to the rating system.

Name: Silverleaf
Gender: She-cat
Age: Twenty three moons
Clan: Lightclan
Rank: Deputy
Desired rank: Elder
Personality + Other: Silverleaf is a calm and quiet cat. She loved spending time with her brother, Nightwish. He went out on a patrol and the whole patrol never came back. Ten moons later, Silverleaf found Nightwish's skeleton and half of his body in a cave along with the two apprentices Lilypaw and Minkpaw and the three warriors, Sootfur, Hailrain and Snowheart. After the dreadful moment, she promised she would never let another cat die. Even though her brother's death wasn't her fault, she kept blaming his death on herself for no reason at all. After watching even more cats die, she attempted to commit suicide. Though her mother stopped her. After a season, she became deputy and kept caring for her clan even though she wasn't a medicine cat anymore. Now, she is quiet and forces herself to stay calm whenever there is a dying cat/sick cat.
Family: Mother: Fishfur (Golden brown she-cat w/ green eyes-Deceased) Father: Flametail (Orange tabby tom w/ amber eyes-Alive) Sister(s): None Brother(s): Nightwish (Black tom with white chest and paws + blue starry eyes-Deceased)
Looks: Snow white w/ blue misty eyes and a large blood-stained scar on her chest.
Crush: None
Mate: None
Kits: None[/center]

Name Type: Misplaced Traditional
Name Reasoning: There's a couple of issues with this name. The first is that she isn't really silver, she's a pure white cat, so her prefix is misleading. I can't think of a reason for her to be called Silver-, honestly, unless she was a light grey when she was born, but even then, she should get a name-change.
Second, There's nowhere in her bio that says that she's a highly skilled medicine cat - I actually didn't know she was a medicine cat until the very end (which will be discussed below). So I have no idea if she's an extremely skilled medicine cat or not.
Alternate Name: Cloverleaf/Snowleaf. Both prefixes describe a white cat, and -leaf will be explained below.

Character Assessment: This cat falls onto the far right side of the Law of Profile Ratios, which is a term I just made up and will probably rename in the near future. Basically, that means that there's a lot more emphasis on her history than her personality, which gets a few words at best, while her bio is much, much larger.
Is this a bad thing? I consider it so, mostly because my experience has taught me that when you focus a lot more on a character's history than their current day personality, that character tends to be one dimensional.
Speaking of the history, I don't really understand it. How did all of those cats die at once and nobody caught on? If it was a gang of cats or a fox, wouldn't that have quickly reached the noses of the Clan (who, as feral cats, are always watching out for death)? There must have been several search parties looking out for a group of cats that big, and I doubt that they would have passed over it only for a wandering medicine cat to stumble upon them. I also can't find a possible reason for her to blame herself for her brother's death, and you yourself outright state that she has no real reason to. If there's no reason for a character to do something or feel something, remove it completely (at least, that's my rule).
Equally puzzling is why she became a deputy. Deputyhood is a very difficult, stressful position, and seeing what a mess she's in at that point in time, what leader thinks putting a clearly miserable cat in such a turbulent position? Not one that should be leader, certainly.
Finally, her trying to kill herself. I don't think suicide attempts are necessarily bad in a character, but leading up to this point, her reasoning for doing this is absolutely baffling. I get that, as a medicine cat, she should be saving lives, but six of those lives weren't her fault and she knows it. Plus, Clan life is pretty much staring death in the face, constantly. You're always at risk of being torn apart or drowned or burned or dying of sickness, even in a community where the goal is to extend your already short lifespan. A medicine cat does have the job of saving lives, certainly, but they're not going to be able to prevent a snake bite or a fox tearing off a cat's head.
However, there are a few things we can do with what we have.
Character Suggestions: You have a potential set-up here, if you change or pick off the things I discussed above. I think that if you tidied her up some, you could have a very interesting character: an unquestionably skilled medicine cat with severe neurosis and a chronic hero syndrome. Apologies for the length (apparently I just looove hearing the sound of my own voice here).
Imagine that this cat was picked early on by the medicine cat, even before she became an apprentice, because her intelligence and quiet observation stood out amongst her peers. Perhaps she was a little sensitive, yes, and perhaps she froze under pressure (which was steadily increasing as she grew), but not even the elders could ignore the vast potential emanating from her. By her fifth moon, she was such an obvious candidate for medicinehood that everyone started talking as if she was already the med's apprentice. In hindsight, she probably should have been given a gentle and sensitive warrior mentor, but when her time rolled round, the Clan's ideal was collectively set in stone, and she went to the medicine den.
During the first month, her life was easy - get herbs, heal scratches, remove ticks from the elders, etc. Her mentor was too ambitious, however, and started increasing the pressure (which, as we've stated, she's terrible under) and upping the ante of what she had to take care of. Suddenly she was helping with kitting and forcing yarrow down a seizing cat's throat, and she wasn't even 10 months old yet. To her credit, she chugged along as best as she could, but (as she only admits to her brother) the weight of such importance and intensity was really starting to drag her down. She'd often jolt awake in the middle of a panic attack, momentarily imagining a torn and bleeding cat in front of her.
When her brother (aka her confidant and sanity anchor) gets killed, the cracks of her psyche deepen. Without someone she feels safe enough to talk about her problems with, she becomes stressed out and jumpy, which isn't helped by her feelings that his death could have been prevented somehow. When, one day, her skills fail and a cat dies in her den, something starts rolling in her mind that leads to fits of anxiety and sleepless nights.
Perhaps the guilt of losing a cat and the grief of losing her brother collide, and she begins blaming herself every time something bad happens - even a simple mix-up with innocuous herbs sends her crawling away in shame and berating herself over and over. When more cats die when brought to her for reasons out of her control (snake bite, too much blood lost, old age, etc), she becomes a complete wreck, barely able to operate. She stops eating and barely sleeps once a week, and event hough the instinctual part of her wants to live, it's clear that she couldn't care less what happens to her.
Eventually, her mentor (or apprentice, depending) takes over from her, allowing her to finally retire early and live out much more peaceful days. Here, she finally begins to calm down and relax, but she still prefers to be alone and avoids stressful situations.
That got incredibly long and I heartily apologize, but you get my point. This isn't the only way to take her, but I think this might be your best bet (with, of course, edits here and there).

[Arcaii]

Image/Description: http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/1 ... 00x458.jpg
Name: Goldenfur
Gender: Female
Clan: Iceclan
Rank: warrior
Personality/Skills: none
Important Notes: Scar on nose

Somehow I missed you, my apologies.

I don't think I can really do a proper review here. Her name fits her just fine, but her name is kinda all I have to go on, so...that's all I can really say.

[Spottedbird]

I read that whole post. Thanks for the suggestions! I might actually make her feel what you suggested and stuff. If it's not a lot to ask, can you review Spottedbird?

[Arcaii]

I read that whole post. Thanks for the suggestions! I might actually make her feel what you suggested and stuff. If it's not a lot to ask, can you review Spottedbird?

No issue whatsoever. Let's see what we got here.

Name: Spottedbird
Gender: Tom
Age: Thirty moons
Clan: Fierceclan
Rank: Deputy
Desired rank: Leader!
Personality + Other: Spottedbird is that "Evil" type of cat. He acts a lot like Tigerstar and Mapleshade combined. He kills other cats in battles, secretly eats catched prey and harms kits. He kills each deputy secretly and whines about new cats. He killed his whole family for power and to prove himself to a loner named Tiger who eventually took him in as the leader of The Pack of Banished Cats(Fan-made). Spottedbird would do anything to become a proper leader of a Clan or tribe. But the top thing he wants to be is.. the leader of each and every cat in the whole world. We became this "Monster" after he was tormented by his mentor Brokenshadow and his brothers Snakeclaw and Foxtuft. No cat knows why they tormented him or how Spottedbird/paw got out of camp.
Looks: Tortoiseshell and white tom w/ Dark green eyes. Has a large scar on forhead shaped like a 4. Bloodstains all over.
Crush: Missingfoot (Deceased)
Mate: None
Kits: Never

Name Type: Canonical
Name Reasoning: Spotted- does fit on certain tortoiseshells, but this guy (going by the picture) isn't speckled or a torbie, so it wouldn't work very well on him. -bird, techincally, falls under -flight and -wing (which are on the first page), so I don't think I need to fully discuss it.
Alternate Name: Bramblingpelt/Newtfur (suffixes interchangeable). Both prefixes describe a tortoiseshell with white, and since he has no outstanding traits, he gets the defaults.

Character Assessment: Get cozy. We're gunna be here a while (sorry).
The first and biggest issue is that tortoiseshells are solely females (biologically). The reason for that has to do with chromosomes and such, but the bottom line is that male torties are so incredibly rare that a healthy one is cited as a miracle. If a male is indeed born as a tortie (or a calico), they will most likely be subject to sterility and a weak immune system. It's generally agreed that they don't live very long without human care. The only way this cat could work is if you change him to a female, just make him a transgender (so biologically female, but sees himself as male), or remove the coat entirely with a different color.
Now, onto the character itself.
I think one of the first rules of Warriors OCs should be that you do not base a character off of an existing one in the canon, for two reasons. One being that it does nothing to improve your skills if you just rip off of canon, and two being that the canon characters are about as rounded out as a steamrolled pancake. Trying to steal (and yes, that is stealing) characterization from people with no characterization at all is an exercise in craziness. I could be here all day discussing the shoddiness of canon, but we're not here for that. We're here for your cat.
You do seem to have some awareness of your characters' main flaws (both that Silverleaf had no reason to blame herself for her brother and that Spottedbird is very stereotypical), but calling a spade a spade won't make it into an umbrella. You're just kinda acknowledging that it's a spade and then holding it above your head, hoping it'll shield you from the rain.
Evil characters may be fun, but having them conform to a very cliche mold isn't the way to go about it. This character, as he is, attaches himself to every cliche possible with fervor; blood stained fur, baseless desire for power, backstory, all of it. There's no real deviance whatsoever that I could work around - he's fundamentally flat and uninteresting.
Character Suggestions: At this rate, it would be a great deal easier to just scrap him entirely. Of course, if you care to keep him, then I would definitely level him to the ground and start back at square one. I'd get more in depth about the best ways to start on a good villain, but I think you should decide on what you want to do with him and let me know if that's necessary. I am rather exhausted anyways...

[mistywater]

Hi Arcaii! I want to get some advice. I read the 'Pointless Bullying' section for this, but I didn't find it helpful. Is bullying in a Clan acceptable in this scenario?:

Antpaw (you might remember her as a warrior) is a runty apprentice (who grows later but fears she'll be small all the time). She is the kit of two cats who thought they loved each other, but when it came down to making a family, settling in, they couldn't do it properly, not without fighting (this happens, personal experience). They end up divorcing, and thoroughly avoid each other during Clan life. The mother takes one kit, the father another, and because no parent takes tiny Antpaw, her uncle and grandmother care for her.

The sisters grow up pretty much separately, and even tough many cats, including the medicine cat and leader, try to interfere, they can't bring the family together. Antpaw feels empty when she thinks of a life she missed, a life with at least one parent. She loves her guardians, but still tries to impress her mom and dad. One day, she has battle training with her sister and, grudgingly, their father comes to watch. Antpaw is totally crushed by her sis. The runt has no chance and because her sister was afraid of Antpaw taking her place at their dad's side, she belittles her with snide comments.

Antpaw wants to tell her guardians but she is afraid that some cat would overhear and call her 'weak' and 'lame', just as her sister did. This leads up to Antpaw overworking herself, always trying to prove she's better. She is under pressure during each task given to her, and if she fails she becomes moody and droopy. The stress makes her snap at others, and when she sees they leave her alone when she does, Antpaw snaps more often. Her apprenticehood experiences develop her personality, making her tough and sharp-spoken, but also moody. No wonder she is given a -storm suffix during her warrior ceremony.

Is this story even acceptable? The bullying stopped when Antpaw began to be just as nice to her sister as she was to her, so they didn't bother talking to each other. The grudge is settled, later in life, if you want to know.

[this story itself is actually about the same length as her full personality i typed up the last day.]

[WilloweWolf]

Image/Description:
Name: Shadepaw
Gender: tom
Clan: Mountainclan(fan clan)
Rank: warrior apprentice
Personality/Skills: Shadepaw is a very lively young cat. He's very friendly and often goofy. Though somewhat small for his age, he is very strong. His size makes him quick and agile, and his coloring makes him very adept at sneaking up on someone as long as he stays in the shadows. He's a bit of a prankster, and likes to play tricks on his best friend, the medicine cat apprentice Moonpaw. The whole clan loves him, and most are quite amused by him.
Important Notes:Could you suggest a suffix for his full warrior name? I'm having trouble thinking of one, and would greatly appreciate any help.

Also, I apologize for any typos, it's kind of hard to type with a cloth wrapped around your hand.(stupid rash)

[Arcaii]

Hi Arcaii! I want to get some advice. I read the 'Pointless Bullying' section for this, but I didn't find it helpful. Is bullying in a Clan acceptable in this scenario?:

Antpaw (you might remember her as a warrior) is a runty apprentice (who grows later but fears she'll be small all the time). She is the kit of two cats who thought they loved each other, but when it came down to making a family, settling in, they couldn't do it properly, not without fighting (this happens, personal experience). They end up divorcing, and thoroughly avoid each other during Clan life. The mother takes one kit, the father another, and because no parent takes tiny Antpaw, her uncle and grandmother care for her.

The sisters grow up pretty much separately, and even tough many cats, including the medicine cat and leader, try to interfere, they can't bring the family together. Antpaw feels empty when she thinks of a life she missed, a life with at least one parent. She loves her guardians, but still tries to impress her mom and dad. One day, she has battle training with her sister and, grudgingly, their father comes to watch. Antpaw is totally crushed by her sis. The runt has no chance and because her sister was afraid of Antpaw taking her place at their dad's side, she belittles her with snide comments.

Antpaw wants to tell her guardians but she is afraid that some cat would overhear and call her 'weak' and 'lame', just as her sister did. This leads up to Antpaw overworking herself, always trying to prove she's better. She is under pressure during each task given to her, and if she fails she becomes moody and droopy. The stress makes her snap at others, and when she sees they leave her alone when she does, Antpaw snaps more often. Her apprenticehood experiences develop her personality, making her tough and sharp-spoken, but also moody. No wonder she is given a -storm suffix during her warrior ceremony.

Is this story even acceptable? The bullying stopped when Antpaw began to be just as nice to her sister as she was to her, so they didn't bother talking to each other. The grudge is settled, later in life, if you want to know.

[this story itself is actually about the same length as her full personality i typed up the last day.]

Interesting story! The Clan is, in and of itself, a family, but there's always going to be some outliers who just can't stop hating each other (see Firepaw and Darkstripe). While there isn't much implication of bullying beyond a few comments made by her sister, I think that just those few instances would be enough to fuel Antpaw's anger. When you're younger, stuff like that tends to affect you easier.

If she was regularly getting bullied, even if she didn't tell someone, these are cats we're talking about - observation is a key part of their survival, and it's more than likely that someone would find out regardless. However, if her sister was just insulting her a few times and leaving it at that, then I could see that going unnoticed (except for Antpaw overworking herself and snapping at others). As long as their relationship doesn't come to a head (as in, vicious fights and screaming matches), this could definitely pass under the noses of others, who would only see two sisters that don't really want to hang out.

I do hope that at one point they recognize that they shouldn't be fighting each other, but resenting their parents who put them in such a situation. Or maybe they don't, and it's just a tragic loss. Either way, this is interesting.

[Arcaii]

Image/Description:
Name: Shadepaw
Gender: tom
Clan: Mountainclan(fan clan)
Rank: warrior apprentice
Personality/Skills: Shadepaw is a very lively young cat. He's very friendly and often goofy. Though somewhat small for his age, he is very strong. His size makes him quick and agile, and his coloring makes him very adept at sneaking up on someone as long as he stays in the shadows. He's a bit of a prankster, and likes to play tricks on his best friend, the medicine cat apprentice Moonpaw. The whole clan loves him, and most are quite amused by him.
Important Notes:Could you suggest a suffix for his full warrior name? I'm having trouble thinking of one, and would greatly appreciate any help.

Also, I apologize for any typos, it's kind of hard to type with a cloth wrapped around your hand.(stupid rash)

A rash that requires a head-wrap is no joke. Feel better soon, man, and don't worry about legibility (I don't see any significant typos).

Name Suggestion: Shadetail.
Name Reasoning: With the addition of quickness, I would normally suggest -foot as well, but the rest of his description leans more towards an agile cat (skilled at sneaking, prankster attitude - -tail cats are usually adventurous and fun-loving).

Character Assessment: I can't see much wrong here! He's got a good personality and he seems to have enough awareness that his pranks and such aren't harmful or annoying (though there will be at least one cat who can't stand him, I guarantee - there's always a Mr. Wilson to a Dennis the Menace).
Character Suggestions: Perhaps do a little more fleshing out - for example, what will get him in a bad mood and why, if he has any ambitions or is aware that his immaturity won't get him too far in the long run, if he has some insecurity that people just see him as a joke and feels conflicted over whether to at serious or just keep being the Clan clown. So on and so forth.