Crushes, Boyfriends, and Girlfriends | V4

[thunderofthedrum]

"Do you guys believe in the whole 'opposites attract' thing?"


Yes and no.

I think the opposite can be very alluring, intriguing, exciting, etc. Especially in that 'bad guy/good girl' stereotypical way (and reversed, and same gender, etc). But inexperience (and even with experience) can lead to bad judgment calls.

Does the person respect you? Do they pressure you into doing things you are uncomfortable with or that go against your values/beliefs? Are they using you when it comes to money/time/car/etc in some way that becomes unbalanced and isn't repaid? Do they communicate with you? Do they encourage your views even when they know those views conflict with their own? Do they still give you a fair chance or always make the decisions based on their own views/preferences? Those are very important things.

Yeah, I'm with someone very different than me. Darker, aggressive, intense. But sensible, communicative, caring. His job is deadly and he has much anger, but he makes an effort to be 100% upfront with me so that we can tackle things together. He doesn't just assume that he knows better, and I appreciate that immensely. He is very respectful. Plus, we have similarities in our backgrounds (like family, friends) and we have the same core sense of right and wrong. That is very important.

I just think you shouldn't be with someone purely because they are opposite of you. And it can be so incredibly difficult to see that for what it is. Diversity is great, but a lot of differences coupled with not being willing to compromise or accept the person can just cause friction and tension. And that's also complicated - some differences perhaps should just be accepted (as in, I will NOT watch horror movies with him and I will never be specifically religious and I wouldn't want to be forced) but others probably shouldn't (such as feeling women belong in the kitchen yet you hate cooking and don't want to suddenly learn, believing all black people are prone to violence, or believing that cleaning the apartment once a month is sufficient yet working outdoors and having several animals). Having someone assure you they are healthy and then discovering they haven't seen a doctor in ten years is not entirely reassuring, in my opinion, as a random example. That would cause some irritation pretty quickly for me.

I think part of the issue is that you want someone who is different but is compatible with you, or is bad/good but the opposite for you. Someone who will make an effort for you, be different for you, change for you. But sadly that often doesn't happen. Ever seen that quote?

A girl wants a bad boy who's good just for her. A bad boy wants a good girl who's naughty just for him.

May happen some at first, but it's HARD for that to be longlasting (and healthy). People don't change easily, if at all. I have patience because I am with someone who wants to change for the better and is making a clear and conscious effort to do so. So, I fully feel he deserves the same effort from me. We may never be 100% in agreement regarding politics, religion, children, etc, but we agree enough that there is a lot of overlap and we can accept what little isn't shared. You want the other person to have the same sense of right and wrong, to put it one way.

[y i n]

Do you guys believe in the whole 'opposites attract' thing?

*Sigh* ..... No... ;-;
I don't because the last guy I dated we had nothing in common, every time we seen each other we'd hug, say something then just end up being quiet and having nothing to talk about, he didn't like the things I do, and I didn't really have a problem with things he did, but I didn't entirely agree with them. It was difficult because we couldn't find anything to talk about. It's easier to be in a relationship where you relate to things, me and my boyfriend relate to plenty of things c: We have our differences, but we still have plenty of things in common c:

[folie a deux]

Hnng

My crush won't leave me alone

He makes me nervous

[ScarWitch]

Do you guys believe in the whole 'opposites attract' thing?

It honestly depends. My boyfriend and I are a lot alike, however we are opposite in one very distinct way. He is realist, while I am a dreamer. Opposite traits like these help because I help him get off the ground and imagine better things, while he keeps me from floating off into an imaginary world. Total opposites would probably never work in a relationship, but a few traits opposite work beautifully.

[ⓒⓞⓝⓣⓡⓐⓑⓐⓢⓢ]

my crush and i sit next to eachother in band (he plays the french horn and i play the clarinet)
there's this one thing that him and i do a lot, and some people think it's our way of flirting...
so, sometimes he taps or rubs the octave key on my clarinet, and in return i nudge his french horn with my arm
basically everyone carefully observes him and i when we do that....
hhhhh i love him so much <333

[allons y]

Two things:
One: there is a boy in my class who has a crush on me and I like just chatting with him but don't want him to think I have a crush on him (ugh he still picks his nose and I don't have a crush on him anyway). Any help?

Two: so there was a summer intern at my summer camp who is about 7 years older than me (please don't laugh or make fun if me), and I have a crush on him, but because of the age difference it's really awkward. Any help? Thanks!

[Keletheryl]

Ok, so, I like this girl in my support group, but I can't tell her or anything because what if she doesn't feel the same and then I'd have to see her in group and also I'm too shy to start talking to her outside of the group or ask for her snapchat or anything, and what makes it worse is that I mentioned I started liking a girl in my support group and she was there so she will know its her if I start talking to her. She gave me advice on how to start talking to this girl and she doesn't even know it's her I dunno what to do.

[LightningAsuna]

Ok, so, I like this girl in my support group, but I can't tell her or anything because what if she doesn't feel the same and then I'd have to see her in group and also I'm too shy to start talking to her outside of the group or ask for her snapchat or anything, and what makes it worse is that I mentioned I started liking a girl in my support group and she was there so she will know its her if I start talking to her. She gave me advice on how to start talking to this girl and she doesn't even know it's her I dunno what to do.

My advice is to get closer to her, heres a list of things that will bring you closer without giving it off to any unsespecting teen. (She could already know since you asked her her advice.)
1. Sitting next to her more often then usual.
2. Starting regular small talk like "how was your day?"
3. Find something you have in common that you could justify hanging out to do (for example, I am in a drama and would find it comforting for a fruend there to support me.)
4. Just hang out like normal people would in a normal setting, this ultimately leads to being closer.

The things on the list should make it less awkward.

[compass;]

I'll be using this thread a lot. So if anyone is really good with relationships pm me and you might have to help me out for the next couple of weeks. xP

I think I'm actually staring to make friends with my crush. Sure, the first conversation we had was because his friends pushed him over to me and it was really awkward but this whole texting thing is a lot of fun. Especially with him. What would be a good thing to say to him to hint I like him, but not obviously give it away and make a fool of myself?

You could ask if he wants to go do something, and avoid saying "not like a date" unless he asks if it's a date. If he doesn't, you're either one step closer, or LOTS of steps closer!

I can't really ask him to go anywhere with me because we don't live in the same town. The two towns are about 10 minutes apart, but he'll be going to the same high school as me next year.

[miko.]

Im really confused
I have this guy best friend whom I met on the first day of highschool
We were seatmates then
I was so shy and won't talk to anyone unless they talked to me first
And thats when he came
He just turned to face me and then started talking to me
We became friends not too long
He would squeeze my arm, squeeze my cheeks
He even said that he missed me when I was absent
During 2nd quarter our seats were changed
But in 3rd quarter we were seatmates again
At first he would only talk to the person beside me
As if i didn't exist
And damn that hurt
But after a few days he would talk to me like before
During our intrams was what confused me the most
I know he does not like me (he never mentioned it though)
After we won our volleyball match he came up to me and placed an arm around my shoulders and whispered Congratulations to me
After that he hugged me

My feelings for him may cause me more pain than before
Help?...
I want to know what you guys think of him and what he thinks of me..

^^"