My life, my way [Unique Teenage RP] Semi Lit.

[Sacred Sin]

{Sorry, sorry, sorry!!! I didn't mean to be gone this long, but with homework and the Harry Potter premiere...hehehe...anyways, I'm back now!!}

Van shrugged and snorted a little. "Better than having mud in your bra." She murmured, lifting her leather dress a bit to peer inside. She shuddered and held herself, feeling rather cold. She shifted from one foot to the other, leaving little pools of water and dirt on the hardwood floor. She looked at the floor and then gave Shade an apologetic glance.

"I'll help you clean up later."
------
Shade chuckled at Fabian. "At least you have your memories of the night before." He said, rolling his icy blue eyes. He motioned to the bathroom, nodding his head towards Fabian. "If you don't get your butt in gear, I'm gonna steal the shower and won't be out for several days. If you value your hygiene, I suggest you get moving." He poked out his tongue and plopped down on the floor, eager to rest his aching legs.
------
Jer jumped a little as Sunda's voice sounded near him. He realized that she must be thinking how awkward it was to be in his house after the fight they had had the previous night. He also realized, with growing panic, that he must not be acting like normal because her eyes suggested she was either concerned or confused.

"Don't worry about it." He said over a lump in his throat. Suddenly the air wasn't coming and he could only imagine the real her. The secret her....and the night before. He swallowed. Hard.

"Just get it back to me whenever." He forced a tight smile and ran a hand through his silky, amber hair, blinking his sandy-colored eyes His gaze shot to the floor as soon as it flickered to her face.

He listened to her little speech of gratitude. Sunda sounds just like a girl... He thought with amusement, but the humor fell flat and bitter in his stomach. That's because she is a girl. He still hadn't spoken the words out loud, almost like it was some mysterious taboo.

"Hey, don't mention it, kay?" Jer murmured in a velvety voice, a warm smile spreading across his face despite himself. He was more like the old Jer now. "What are friends for? You spent forever trying to get me to hang out with you. I'm not leaving that easily." He chuckled and nodded to Sunda, before he felt uneasy once more.

[Clowesia]

Sunda.

Sunda couldn't help but give a snort and roll of her eyes, "Stop being a pansy." She quipped as she turned to go, but she paused, hand on the doorknob. "Nah, f*ck it, I'm hungry, I'm staying." Sunda snorted, turning around and tossing her stuff onto the couch, 'I can't let Jer being weird get to me, he's my mate. I'll force him to stop acting awkward.' She thought determinedly to herself, picking a course of action that would most likely unnerve Jer more than it would help him. "You can't cook for sh*t anyway." Sunda had always been a bit of a 'foodie,' she loved eating food and cooking food; things normal guys weren't into doing. It was a 'girl' thing. Pushing Jer towards the small table he owned, Sunda quickly ducked into his cupboard and pulled out a frying pan.

Quickly on her way cooking everything, Sunda sent a look over her shoulder "So, what the hell happened last night? I can't remember anything. By the way, we're friends again." Sunda said the last part so casually; if people that didn't know her had been around they would have been shocked at her drastic change in attitude. She gave nothing but a sniff of her nose on the matter as she gave a toss of the pan, flipping the bacon.

[Sacred Sin]

Jer's smile faded and he barely let Sunda touch him as she pushed him to the small table. Her touch was as soft as whisper on his bare chest and he maneuvered away from it furtively, eyes widened. Don't. Touch. Me. The words were hard and cold in his head, surprising Jer. His anger was ruthless and it bubbled inside of him, though on the outside he remained calm, sitting on the table top, arms resting on his lean legs.

How can you act as though nothing is wrong? How can you act so casually when you have been lying to me this entire time? The sinister voice whispered haughtily. Jer struggled not to scream in exasperation and fury, tangled with desires to make Sunda pay for the betrayal and beg for her to explain herself.

He suddenly realized he hadn't responded and shrugged lightly. "Do whatever. I ate earlier so you don't have to make anything for me." He murmured, finding that he would feel awkward eating food that Sunda had cooked for him. Her sudden want to stay and cook unnerved him more than he cared to admit. However terrible it sounded, he had been looking forward to her taking her leave so he could be alone and be given time to think. That opportunity had just been thrown out the theoretical door.

"Shade called me to let me know you were drunk as hell." Jer replied, almost robotically, though his pitch changed into velvety amusement. "He told me to get my a** to the party regardless of what had happened. I have to admit; I think he would have killed me if I hadn't gone." He bit his lip, wondering how much damage Shade could do. The boy seemed flamboyant, bubbly, and "fuzzy" but he had a feeling that Shade could be one hell of an opponent.

"After that, I took you here, cleaned you up and let you get some sleep." He said, rushing over the description of the night before like every little word scalded his tongue. He grew tensed as Sunda cooly inserted that they were friends again. He was faced with a decision: accept the friendship once more or simply use this as an excuse to escape having to face the fact Sunda was a girl and just separate himself from her entirely. In the end, he chose the option that would cause him the most stress and trouble.

"Like I said, you can't get rid of me that easily." Jer replied, and boy, was that true.

[Clowesia]

Sunda.

Sunda easily slipped her plate of food onto the table, taking the opposite end from Jer, the aroma from the extra food in the pan wafted over and around the apartment as Sunda engaged Jer in conversation. And that was how it was as Sunda ate her food, barking off about the small things she could remember from the night before, (carefully staying away from the subject of Jack) and anything else that was of any interest. But as Sunda finished her meal, her demeanor changed, sitting up painfully straight she tossed her right leg over the other before she rested her left arm on the back of the chair, her right hand wrapped loosely around the cold glass of water; it was obvious the drugs and alcohol had worn off. Even in such casual ware Sunda could look imposing as her eyelids dropped to half-mast and her lips gained a cruel twist. "You know, Jer, I know you better than anyone else. More than Bella, more than Coach, more than any other friends you have, I even know you better than your own mother, though that isn't really saying much." She stopped herself with a snort, pulling the glass of up to her lips, her stone cold eye peering at Jer from over the rim.

"Hell, I probably know you better than you do," She finished, giving a cruel cock of her head as she stared him down. "And you damn well know all of this." And then Sunda turned aggressive, "So when the f**k did you start hiding from me?! You never mask yourself in front of me! You haven't done it for years! When the f*ck did you decide to stop trusting me and hide yourself?!" She snarled, slamming the glass down on the table, sending it's contents splashing over the side and running down her fingers. She let herself fall back into the chair with a humorless laugh, "Wait, that's right, you can't hide from me. You can't hide anything from me. I saw the way you recoiled in disgust when I touched you, I saw the way you hated that I decided to stay, I even see the anger smoldering behind your eyes as I talk to you." She sneered, obviously upset with how Jer was treating her. "I know that some stupid argument over a girl wouldn't make you hate me like you do now, Jer."

[Sacred Sin]

Jer replied as casually as he could, commenting on several things she went on about, offering a small smile here or there or a laugh without much humor. His grins seemed to steal away all his energy and each word dropped from his tight lips seemed to bring the seconds slower, tension building as time seemed to stop. He immediately noticed Sunda's change of mood, as though the atmosphere warped itself, bending in to create an aura of coldness and cruelty. He grew rigid, as though he expected what was about to come his way.

His eyes narrowed in anger as he listened to Sunda's ranting, steadily growing more and more enraged. He finally spoke when she mentioned his mother. "Shut up Sunda. She has nothing to do with this conversation." He hissed, though she relentlessly continued on to make deliberate jabs at trust and friendship, how she knew him better than Jer himself did. He began to tremble until the lock popped open. The last remaining bar to his intense and complicated emotions. The last possible control for the smoldering chaos that built so ruthlessly up inside him.

SLAM. His slender hands came down on the table so hard that the wood groaned under the force. His eyes were covered by a wall of sheer, blond hair, though by the taut line of his lips it was clear he was furious. "So when the f**k did you start hiding from me? When the f**k did you decide that it was alright to lie about everything to me?" His voice grew louder until he was at once snarling and yelling at her. "When the f**k did you decide it was alright to keep the fact that you were a girl from me?!

The silence that ensued was dreadful, and Jer was certain that he could have heard a pin drop from a mile away. He continued, much softer now, but still just as murderously angry. "So don't you dare sit there and whine at me for attempting to hide things from you when that's bloody all you have ever done. Don't talk about being my friend when you don't have the guts to express your own sex. What made you think I wouldn't approve? What made you think IT WAS ALRIGHT TO LIE TO ME?! His voice rose so suddenly it was like a bomb exploded.

[Clowesia]

Sunda.

Sunda could do nothing but sit their rigidly, like she'd been turned to stone. All the colour faded from her face as she felt her guts twist and turn; she wonder briefly if she was going to be sick. There was no doubt in Sunda's mine that Jer knew, that this was not a joke, you don't just call your friend out on being girl just for the hell of it. Sunda came to an easily conclusion as to how he had come to this, it was obvious to her he must have seen her with her bindings off sometime last night. She was too stunned to talk, her life had just shattered over her head. The lie she had been living since she was old enough to strap her chest up had been discovered. All of her hard work, gone. But what rose above that was even more heartbreaking for Sunda, for in that moment she realized what Jer must have been feeling. The betrayal and hurt, that a friend who he had trusted for so long had lied to him about something like this.

After going through so much in the last days, any normal person would be having a breakdown. Getting high and drunk in just as many day, finding out the girl you had a thing for was a lesbian, feelings that your best friend was going to leave you for a girl, having a boyfriend then having that boyfriend cheat on you all piled up on the fact that you've been living a lie for over a decade would just be a bit to much for any normal person to take. And though Sunda would have liked to have thought differently, she was just another normal person. So, it was completely normal when Sunda's facade crumpled around her as she gave out a heart wrenching cry in an utterly feminine way that would have any man weak at the knees. She expected no sympathy from Jer, she knew she didn't deserve it.


((Sweet Jesus, this is making me depressed. D;))

[Sacred Sin]

I'm cruel. God, I'm so cruel. Why couldn't I have just lied to her and brought this up some other time? Why couldn't I have made up a reason that I was so angry at her? Jer thought, his mouth still open after he had finished yelling. He stood there, as though he was carved from stone, disgusted with the way he had acted. Not once had he thought about why Sunda had lied to him, only that she had. What if there was some crucial reason in which she had no other choice but to act as a boy when she was really a girl? Suddenly he felt sick and sort of fell on his knees, trembling again.

"Sunda...I...I'm sorry...I didn't want to bring it up to you like this...." He whispered, hearing her pitiful cry. It stirred his heart and made him want to embrace her and comfort her. He still felt betrayed...after all, what friend wouldn't? But he still felt more attached to Sunda than anyone else in his life. She was all he had.

He began to speak, not even sure of what he was saying, only aware that he was in fact speaking. He wasn't even positive it made any sense, like some twisted, pathetic jargon. "I'm sort of relieved I guess." He said in a flat, but soft tone. "It explains why I have been feeling like this lately." He didn't expand on that thought, only roughly sketched it out, the skeleton of his suspicions about the subject. He stopped, unwilling to tell her how he truly felt. It wasn't the time and she sure as hell wouldn't want to hear it. Not after he had yelled at her like that.

"Listen, I'm angry that you didn't tell me--I'm not gonna lie about that--but I'd like you to tell me why. That's all I need to know." His voice broke a little and his sandy-colored eyes flickered to hers, only this time they stayed glued there. "You're all I have and regardless of what has happened, I don't want to lose you."

[Clowesia]

Sunda.

Sunda bit into the heel of her palm on the hand that had been covering her mouth to try and stifle her erratic sobs. She pushed out from the table, the feet of the chair screeching along the ground. She threw her head down between her legs as she tried to regain her breathing. Pulling her hand away from her mouth, she tried to relax her body as she begun to talk, "I'm not a girl." She started, casting a look up to Jer through her fringe, "Well, I am.." she gave a slight whine as her face screwed up, casting a quick look to her chest, a physical representation of her being a female, this would be difficult to explain, but she had to start at the very beginning. "mentally, I am a male. I want to be seen as a male, I want to be known as a male and for all intense purposes, I am a male." She finished with a rub of her face, tears slipping over her bottom eyelids.

"I've been like this all my life, ever since I could remember." She said with a rattling exhale as talking about this brought up all the bad memories she'd held down for a long time. "People are afraid of what they don't understand, Jer. People were afraid of me, I was weird, before I met you, before I moved to Churchill, people knew I was a girl, yet I dressed as a boy, I acted like a boy. I wanted to be a boy. They didn't like that." She finished with a whisper as she remembered back. "I got beat-up most days, though the mental bullying was constant, no one really ever saw that. It was the worse. Day in day out they tortured me." Her voice turned monotonous, but she carried on. "When the end of school came, mum and me decided it was a good time to move. I could start anew, be myself. My real self. It was the perfect time. So when I started school, I started as a boy." She gave her face another rub as she felt herself being to tire, recounting all of this was stressful; it was something she had locked away along time ago and had never wanted to bring up.

[*Skylar The Plant*]

{Sorry, sorry, sorry!!! I didn't mean to be gone this long, but with homework and the Harry Potter premiere...hehehe...anyways, I'm back now!!}

Van shrugged and snorted a little. "Better than having mud in your bra." She murmured, lifting her leather dress a bit to peer inside. She shuddered and held herself, feeling rather cold. She shifted from one foot to the other, leaving little pools of water and dirt on the hardwood floor. She looked at the floor and then gave Shade an apologetic glance.

"I'll help you clean up later."
------
Shade chuckled at Fabian. "At least you have your memories of the night before." He said, rolling his icy blue eyes. He motioned to the bathroom, nodding his head towards Fabian. "If you don't get your butt in gear, I'm gonna steal the shower and won't be out for several days. If you value your hygiene, I suggest you get moving." He poked out his tongue and plopped down on the floor, eager to rest his aching legs.

((it's okay Scared Sin :3 ))

"But I need clothes Shadey, I'll just go get yours and then I'll have a shower" Fabian said firmly and nodded a few times to himself and then quickly dashed to Shade's bedroom, nearly tripping over every now and again until he got to Shade's room, he lightly went to his warddrobe, he felt too stuffy to need a shirt, so he just grabbed a pair of underwear and tracksuit pants again. The Australian heat that it was known for would probably kick in sometime soon.

He slowly walked back out of Shade's room and dashed to the shower before anyone could steal it from him, he lightly went in the bathroom and locked the door behind him. He took his dirty, muddy clothing off and dropped it on the floor before lightly turning the shower on, leaving it fairly cold he hopped in and swiftly washed himself clean of mud and washed his hair.

His pale eyes narrowed as he got out of the shower and he shut it off. Shivering he swiftly dried himself with a towel and then put on the underwear and pants, he began to rub his hair with the towel and slowly walked out of the bathroom and back to the others. "Okay, showers free" He said lightly, still drying his soft blond hair with they towel while he blinked his eyes slowly.

[Sacred Sin]

Jer wanted to beat the crap out of himself for making Sunda relive the terrible memories she had tried so hard to escape. At the same time, he needed to tell her that it wouldn't have mattered to him if she had come up to him as a girl, wanting to be a boy. Perhaps it would have made it easier on the both of them. There would have been no secrecy and perhaps no...well, no love. He winced, knowing that he was the only one who felt that way. Sunda had always been overly affectionate, but not just to him; there were many boys she was just as touchy-feely with. The only thing that made him different was that he and she were so close, but as friends and nothing more. If there was ever anything that would happen between them, Sunda would have to be the one to initiate it. He wasn't about to ruin their friendship over his own unreturned feelings.

Jack must have known. Jack knew Sunda was actually a girl. He realized, stunned into silence. It was a few seconds before he spoke, but those seconds seemed to drag into many, many minutes. "I'm sorry for making you recall all that." He said, reaching out to touch her shoulder in an expression of comfort, only his hand stopped, hesitated and he let it fall to the table. He wasn't sure whether that was the right thing to do or not or how exactly she wanted him to treat her now and his confusion was clearly expressed in his eyes.

"But I want you, no need you, to know something." His sandy eyes flickered to hers. "I wouldn't have judged you for wanting to be recognized as a male. Regardless of what sex you are or what gender you are, you are still Sunda." He offered her one of his crooked, to-die-for smiles that made all of the girls in the university melt. Funny, how Sunda was the only one who had never been affected by his charm.
-------
Shade laughed and then motioned for Van to go. She did and about twenty minutes later, she was out of the bathroom, sparkly clean and brimming with contentment. He grinned widely at her, ruffled her damp, white hair--which looked more silver now as it was wet--and stole away to his bathroom, desperate to feel the water running down his back and clearing away all the mud and dirt that seemed to be a second skin to him now.

About half an hour later, Shade returned, his hair dried from ten minutes with the hair dryer. He wore his tiara, now newly cleaned as well and sat down on the couch, pleased that he looked presentable again. "I think that was the shower from God." He chuckled, leaned into the cushions.