checkered. wrote:soooooo I've been dating this amazing girl for the past months
and she's literally my life
our connection is so strong despite the ocean that's in between us
and I already know I want to spend the rest of my life with her...
I know this is hella early, but when do you guys think is a good idea to propose? after how long of being in that relationship, at what age? c:
Personally I wouldn't before you've been with them a good year, but to be fair everyone is different.
It's also important to keep in mind that relationships are not effortless. You have to make a conscious decision to stick with someone, learn with them, grow with them, support them. I think too often people don't try hard enough or, conversely, try to keep the relationship going after it's becoming so clear that they want different things and are not compatible. It's just not black and white.
I would feel very uncomfortable being proposed to after less than a year. I was with someone who was ready to propose and we'd been together nearly two years at the time. I'm glad he was too broke to afford a ring, because I wouldn't have been able to say yes. (we later broke up) However, keep in mind that I am NOT an impulsive person when it comes to big decisions like that. Nope. I think it through and tend to hesitate. Some people are more hopeful and are fine with leaping into things. But I ain't one of them.
But with the guy I'm seeing now? I don't know. Not less than a year, but it's already clear that we are far more compatible in background, family, values, goals, expectations, communication, etc. And we do talk about the future. And I like the idea of a future with him in it.
As for age.. it's the same thing. Everyone is different. I feel that often 'younger' people rush into it (I'd say 'younger' being like 22 and younger, or at least 20 and younger), as they are just barely out of grade school and may not have much life experience yet. Or the issue may be that they haven't settled into their adult selves yet and their adults selves aren't as compatible as their adolescent selves were. Does that make sense? Once you start to have 'real' priorities and goals and responsibilities, your perspective can change. I'm in my mid-twenties and I don't necessarily want the same things I did when I was 18. When I was 18 I had NO idea what I was doing, didn't know how to manage my time, get bills paid, communicate about issues, etc. I didn't have any confidence in myself in terms of being appealing to guys (looks, being interesting, being mature, being intimate, etc). Now I have an idea of what I want out of life, a vague idea of how to get there, I am comfortable in my own skin, etc.
But.. I don't know. I think I'd still say after 20ish. I want to be working full time and able to support myself before I get hitched, but that's just me. I don't want to put my guy in the position of being expected to provide for me when I'm a perfectly capable adult myself.
Bah. It's not a clear-cut answer, but at least those are my thoughts (some of them) on what you asked about. I'm at the age where many of the people I was friends with in middle and high school are married now. Some even have babies and/or a house.
