H o l l y l e a f wrote:I just want to check this cat to see if its good, then I'll place her in a clan
Image/Description:White cat with yellow eyes.
Name:Sugarheart
Gender:She-cat
Rank:Elder
Personality/Skills:Shes sharp-tongued but caring of other cats. She likes hunting but she is very old and slow. She is curious for her age and loves talking, though her sharp tongue kind of keeps the cats away
Important Notes: Used to be Luckykit(She survived an adder attack while being inside of mother, rest of siblings didn't), then became Sugar because she became a kittypet. She got -heart because she was a clan cat at heart, and she returned to her clan. Sugarheart didn't want prefix Lucky- because it would just remind her of what happened while her mom was pregnant and how the rest of her siblings died
There's a lot to go over here, and I thoroughly apologize if I upset you along the way. This is critique, though, and quite a bit of it.
Name Rating: 4/10
Name Type: Creative
Name Reasoning: Let me just say that the name Sugarheart sounds pretty cute, but I can't support it. All three parts of her name (her two prefixes and her suffix) are unsuited to her or just don't make sense.
Firstly, Lucky-. Circumstances at birth are never really important in the grand scheme of things, which is why you don't name a brown kitten Stormy- or a black kitten Blizzard-. A cat from another Clan isn't going to know why the cat's name is Lucky-. Luckiness doesn't have a color, anyway, so it doesn't properly identify the cat in the present. It only covers one small incident in the past which doesn't matter anymore because now the cat's grown up.
Next, Sugar-. Aside from the fact that cats don't know what sugar is (nor can they taste sweetness), you'd be hard-pressed to convince me that a Clan would ever let a cat keep their kittypet name. Not only is that breaking the very first rule in the book (to reject the life of a kittypet), but chances are it doesn't even fit the cat, and besides, she had a name before, so she should probably get that back, even if she doesn't like it. To not only leave the Clan and then come back and say "I don't want my old prefix back" is absurd and would definitely lead to the leader saying "Well, that's the first step to becoming a warrior again, so you clearly don't want to be a warrior anymore".
Finally, -heart. You can't really call her intensely loyal or a true Clan cat if she leaves the Clan for the life she's supposed to refuse, and even if she does come back, she won't be regarded as loyal for a very, very long time. Besides that, -heart refers to a cat with a very strict and pronounced moral code, that which she most certainly doesn't have if she willingly abandoned the Clan.
Alternative Name: Lightpelt/Lilyfur (suffixes interchangeable). Both prefixes describe a white cat, and since she has no nameable skills, she receives the default suffixes.
Character Rating: 6/10
Character Reasoning: Honestly, I'd go back to the workshop on this one, especially her backstory.
Her history needs a lot of work - why did she leave? Why did she come back? How was she the only kitten to survive? In fact, how did her mother survive being bitten by an
adder, much less her kits? What led to her deciding Clan life wasn't for her? Who did she live with? Was she close by?
Her personality isn't as bad, but there isn't much to it other than her being insulting and curious. You can definitely give her more development. Does she ever feel guilty for leaving? Does she hate kits? Is she self-centered? Does she hate rain and snow? Etc.