Crushes, Boyfriends, and Girlfriends | V4

[xnocturnalkittenx]

Hello! I'm just wondering, like completely random, what do you think that max age gap should be for a couple? No, I'm not in a relationship, I promise I literally just thought of this just by looking at this forum. I personally think that it's 10, at MAX. However, think how like in the show "Modern Family", Gloria and Jay have like, a 20+ age gap (o.e a little much I think but they look happy XD, then again it's a show soooo...) But yeah, write your opinion, I always think it's interesting in what people have to say.

Honestly? It depends on the people. For teenagers and young adults, it's better to keep the age gap within a few years of each other.
I think a good example would be a friend of mine. When we were in high school, junior year, she was 16 or 17, and she was dating a guy who was at least 6 years older than her. Out of concern I talked to her about it, because first of all, he was in another country, second, I think it was pretty obvious what sort of things he was after, and third, she just wasn't mature enough for a relationship of that kind.
Now keep in mind I'm not dissing long distance relationships. My best friend is currently in one and they're very happy. It has its downs, but they're working through it. But I digress.
So when I confronted my friend about it, she was really stubborn and refused any common sense. Then she said her mother and boyfriend were 10 years apart.
But that's the thing. It was her mother. She's much more mature and much more able to handle a relationship like that.
When you're an adult (and I'm talking at least mid-twenties), then yeah, "age is just a number."
But when you're 16-18, what-have-you...dating someone way older is /not/ a good idea. My boyfriend and I are in our early-twenties and we still act like children sometimes. I highly doubt a teenager is mature enough to be in a relationship with someone an entire generation apart.

[Bluemare40]

Hello! I'm just wondering, like completely random, what do you think that max age gap should be for a couple? No, I'm not in a relationship, I promise I literally just thought of this just by looking at this forum. I personally think that it's 10, at MAX. However, think how like in the show "Modern Family", Gloria and Jay have like, a 20+ age gap (o.e a little much I think but they look happy XD, then again it's a show soooo...) But yeah, write your opinion, I always think it's interesting in what people have to say.

Honestly? It depends on the people. For teenagers and young adults, it's better to keep the age gap within a few years of each other.
I think a good example would be a friend of mine. When we were in high school, junior year, she was 16 or 17, and she was dating a guy who was at least 6 years older than her. Out of concern I talked to her about it, because first of all, he was in another country, second, I think it was pretty obvious what sort of things he was after, and third, she just wasn't mature enough for a relationship of that kind.
Now keep in mind I'm not dissing long distance relationships. My best friend is currently in one and they're very happy. It has its downs, but they're working through it. But I digress.
So when I confronted my friend about it, she was really stubborn and refused any common sense. Then she said her mother and boyfriend were 10 years apart.
But that's the thing. It was her mother. She's much more mature and much more able to handle a relationship like that.
When you're an adult (and I'm talking at least mid-twenties), then yeah, "age is just a number."
But when you're 16-18, what-have-you...dating someone way older is /not/ a good idea. My boyfriend and I are in our early-twenties and we still act like children sometimes. I highly doubt a teenager is mature enough to be in a relationship with someone an entire generation apart.

Yeah I agree... the only reason that I say 10 is the max is just because my best friends parents are 10 years apart. but that age gap should be for ADULTS. (Probably should've clarified about what I thought a bit more haha) Yeah but for teens, I think maybe two, and MAYBE three (depending on the circumstances lol(

[Dia.]

My crush, I found out today, is 18. I am 16. My mom would murder me if we got together, any help?! I'm a junior, and he is a senior (11th, and 12th grade)

I don't see the problem...
That's not that much of an age difference... Sure, it's a lot for younger people. But if you think about it, most adults are in relationships with at least two years of an age difference. (My parents, for example, are four years apart.)
I was born in December of '96 and my boyfriend was born in August of '97. So for like nine months, I'm a "year" older than him.

But also, how are we supposed to help with this? We can't change your mom's mind and we certainly can't make you a year older or him a year younger. XD
If she wants you to date someone exactly your age, I guess you'll have to. :/

[Jayfox]

Hello! I'm just wondering, like completely random, what do you think that max age gap should be for a couple? No, I'm not in a relationship, I promise I literally just thought of this just by looking at this forum. I personally think that it's 10, at MAX. However, think how like in the show "Modern Family", Gloria and Jay have like, a 20+ age gap (o.e a little much I think but they look happy XD, then again it's a show soooo...) But yeah, write your opinion, I always think it's interesting in what people have to say.

I believe that if you truly love each other, age doesn't matter at all. Though of course the larger the age gap, the less likely it is that you'll share the same interests / values etc.
And if you're too young to be able to maturely handle a relationship, then you shouldn't have one, whether with an older person or someone the same age.

[thunderofthedrum]

Hello! I'm just wondering, like completely random, what do you think that max age gap should be for a couple? No, I'm not in a relationship, I promise I literally just thought of this just by looking at this forum. I personally think that it's 10, at MAX. However, think how like in the show "Modern Family", Gloria and Jay have like, a 20+ age gap (o.e a little much I think but they look happy XD, then again it's a show soooo...) But yeah, write your opinion, I always think it's interesting in what people have to say.

I believe that if you truly love each other, age doesn't matter at all. Though of course the larger the age gap, the less likely it is that you'll share the same interests / values etc.
And if you're too young to be able to maturely handle a relationship, then you shouldn't have one, whether with an older person or someone the same age.

I agree with the issue of values and interests. Being able to relate to each other is important. If you have different values, different priorities, then it is likely much harder to understand where the other person is coming from. This isn't the only way that can occur though - for example, one person having a child. The other may have different priorities, not be ready to be a step-parent, not have the same values, different life experiences, etc. That may be an issue. On the other hand, it may not. It depends on the people but yes, I think larger age gaps do present new potential for issues. My man is 2 years and 9 months older than me. However, I'm in mid-twenties and he in late twenties so it's not a big deal for us (and anyway, that's really not a large gap at all). We both attended university, have similar family structure/background, we both understand having best friends, siblings, responsibilities. We have similar values and we communicate well. I know multiple couples who are five years apart (including my parents). My brother dated a nineteen year old girl when he was twenty-four but neither of them behaved maturely in my opinion (particularly her; I did not approve of some things she did/said and I was like 4 years younger than her!). But again, depends on the people.

I do believe that (typically), gaps of more than 2-3 years for teens is often too much due to maturity differences.

[Beta]

The age difference isn't really what's the matter.

If both partners can have a likely mindset of moral values and have roughly the same maturity, and both want the same things in life (sometimes this can change depending on your age, like partying and settling down) then the relationship will work.

A couple who truly shares that mutual feeling of love and understanding will go their limits to make things work, no matter the age gap.

[[x]]

I feel like after high school/college, and if you both have the same interests, age doesn't necessarily matter

[thunderofthedrum]

I feel like after high school/college, and if you both have the same interests, age doesn't necessarily matter

I wouldn't necessarily say interests (personally), but perhaps priorities? As well as goals, maturity, etc. I was with someone who, despite being older than me, was really selfish and immature in some ways. Didn't treat me like an equal partner when it came to making important decisions and while he felt he was ready to settle down, I did not. Our backgrounds were also incredibly different and that influences how we perceive things. We had different goals in life and there's a point when you see that you don't feel invested enough to work at it and compromise or be flexible because you know you just aren't right for each other. Sometimes these issues are propelled by age differences, but many times they are not.

Now, I think perhaps one of the concerns regarding teens is comfort level? It can be the same with couples of different levels of experience with intimacy; while one person may feel that holding hands and sometimes hugging is enough, the other may be comfortable with making out and expect that. At least, that's a concern parents may have. They don't want their precious little baby to be pressured into doing more than they are ready for (or at least more than the parents are ready for). Also the one with more experience/high level of feeling comfortable with intimacy may not actually be very mature. They may be eager to practice these exciting experiences and impatient in regards to waiting for their partner to be okay with it. Raging hormones certainly don't help, either. They may not have much experience effectively communicating their wants and needs to their partner, or experience with compromising and making an effort to understand the other person. In that sense, the issue may be maturity/experience in the sense of behavior, social interaction, working together to be happy, etc.

Again, although in general what I say is directed towards age gaps, they can happen with anyone. I have certainly experienced being pressured into more than I was ready for, dealing with someone who felt they were communicating with me when really it was just putting a lot of pressure on me to meet their needs while disregarding my own, surprising immaturity, surprising maturity, etc. I was with someone who wouldn't talk about anything important (it was like pulling teeth and I already feel awkward with 'serious' talks), another guy who made little things into bigger issues, and right now I am with someone who absolutely blows me away with how reasonable and understanding and respectful he has been. And, for the record, I had a LOT of things in common with both the second and third guys I mentioned. A lot of the same things, actually. But sometimes someone just gets you while someone else doesn't. Maybe age is a factor, maybe it isn't. For me, current guy has been more on my level with communication and intimacy needs and maturity.

[philosoft]

I need help. My boyfriend is mad at me. Like, he wouldn't even look at me to tell me to get away from him mad. He's upset that i tell my friends everything about our relationship. Also, he said some people were coming up to him mocking him. I have no idea what to do. I'm scared he's going to break up with me. AND I don't have my phone, its broken. So i can't text/call him at all this weekend. PLEASE HELP

[thunderofthedrum]

I need help. My boyfriend is mad at me. Like, he wouldn't even look at me to tell me to get away from him mad. He's upset that i tell my friends everything about our relationship. Also, he said some people were coming up to him mocking him. I have no idea what to do. I'm scared he's going to break up with me. AND I don't have my phone, its broken. So i can't text/call him at all this weekend. PLEASE HELP

Well have you thought about it from his perspective at all? He likely feels like you betrayed his trust, his respect. Venting or gushing to friends is okay as long as it's not about things that are very private, especially if you don't know whether they can keep secrets. Telling your friends 'everything' means that he has no privacy with you, and that is NOT fair to him. He may worry now that anything he says or does will be shared with your friends. Not only is that no privacy but it's also opening him up to judgment by your friends. I may gush to my friends about sweet things my guy said to me, but I don't tell them the personal things he has shared with me like his fears, other people in his life, his frustrations, etc. There is a difference between telling your friends "omg he calls me baby and I love it" and telling them "his childhood best friend committed suicide and it made him depressed for three months". You need to make more of an effort to filter what you tell your friends. I imagine you trust him to be sensible and private with what you tell him, so give him the same respect and courtesy.

If you can find another way to contact him (such as a website like facebook, email, or using someone else's phone), leave him a message saying that you are sorry and that you didn't mean to betray his trust, or even write a letter. Let him know that you've always been open with your friends and that you weren't thinking about what that would mean for your relationship, but that you hope to be given another chance to be more respectful and private. Trust isn't easily rebuilt but if you guys work at it then it's certainly possible. This would also be a good opportunity to learn about each other's expectations - what is he okay with you sharing with your friends? What does he prefer you to keep private about?