Re: Male, UFA

Postby BlackWren » Fri Jul 25, 2014 11:59 pm

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Username;;
Dave Egbert
Name;;
Yato
Extra of your choice;;
Image
Yato is a self obsessed Pseudo, constantly making sure he's looking his best at all times. In turn, his ego is quite inflated,
and every complement only seems to bring about more of this Pseudo's confidence in his looks and himself.
His markings are ROYAL BLUE, and as thus Yato will never settle for less than ROYALTY.

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Re: Male, UFA

Postby grizzly. » Sun Aug 03, 2014 3:51 am

Bump?
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Re: Male, UFA

Postby ToastingCinnamon » Sun Aug 03, 2014 5:32 am

judging






























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Re: Male, UFA

Postby ToastingCinnamon » Sun Aug 03, 2014 12:23 pm

husky. wrote:
    Username;; husky.
    Name;; June
    Story;; June's eyes twinkled as he goggled at the feast set before him. It was a jumble of different colours and shapes that both intrigued and confused him. His parents had carried bundles of wonderful foods wrapped in sheets to this grassy hill where they were having their picnic. 
    "What do I eat first?" his sister exclaimed as she edged ever closer to the treats, her eyes as wide as his own. 
    "It's all so amazing," June sighed, sitting right at the edge of the crumpled sheets, his whole body wriggling in excitement. Neither he nor his sister had had much experience with all these sorts of food, so it was all so strange. 
    "You can eat whatever you like, so dig in. It's all good," his mother said, helping herself to a few mismatched nuts that crunched when she chewed them. 
    "What's that?" his sister asked, leaning forward and peering at some bright, oval-shaped objects. 
    "Those are sugared almonds. You can have them as a special treat. Just don't eat too many or you'll be sick," she added as his sister gobbled down a few eagerly, reaching for some more as she eyed the rest of the food. 
    His father was watching them with a grin on his face as he ate an apple slowly; that was food June and his sister knew, at least. 
    As his father told his sister off for eating too much in one mouthful, June was gazing ponderously at the rest of the feast. There were so many things that he couldn't decide where to look and what to eat first, but his eyes lingered on one particular pile of small, round fruit that were the same colour as his own body markings. The small fruits gleamed in the afternoon light and seemed to beckon him over to them, and, before he knew it, his feet were moving and he had picked his way over to the fruit. 
    He eyed them for some time, marveling at their simple form. His father and mother watched him, leaning against each other as his sister continued to munch on all the different kinds of food. June continued to examine the food before his toes, then he finally decided to try one. 
    He bent down until his belly grazed the ground (which was not hard since he's already low to the ground), his gaze never leaving the dazzling blue fruit. He leaned forward and pinched a single berry between his tiny teeth, then he pulled back and sat on his haunches. He clutched the berry in his claws as best as he could and took a small nibble of the soft flesh, savouring the taste across his tongue. He found it to be rather sweet, with the hint of a tang in the blue skin that surprised him. He popped the rest of the fruit into his mouth and small smile tugged at his lips. 
    "I see you like blueberries," his mother said, her blue eyes twinkling. 
    June peered down at the pile of fruit before him. "Is that what they're called?" he said, his brow creasing as he thought. "Blue... berries," he mumbled, trying out the word. "I like them," he pronounced to his mother proudly, beaming up at her eyes that mirrored his. 
    "I like blueberries," he said again more confidently as his sister wolfed down more food and his father finished his apple and nuzzled his mate. With obvious delight, June picked up another few berries and ate them eagerly; and that is the story of how June came to discover his love for blueberries. 

Winner, I thought your story really fit June!






























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Re: Male, UFA

Postby husky. » Sun Aug 03, 2014 12:35 pm

ToastingCinnamon wrote:Winner, I thought your story really fit June!

    Ahh, my baby, thank you so, so much! Yes, little June is a cutie and I thought he needed an adorable story ;u;

    I am so happy right now, thanks Toast >//u//< June will be loved very much <3

    so happy *v*
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Re: Male, WINNER

Postby pidgeoncat » Sun Aug 03, 2014 12:36 pm

congrats!
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Re: ↷ snubbie { the rebellious son }

Postby Beatnik » Sun Aug 03, 2014 12:41 pm

grizzly. wrote:
xxx
Image


Image
••• •••••••• •••
Image
you couldn't handle me
even if i did come with
instructions.

------------
------------
------------
------------
------------
-------------

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬| |▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

xxx
xxxsmall talk ...
    name: snubbie
    nickname: snub
    gender: male
    relationship with sister: not very close,
    tends to pick on, tease
    and pull pranks on her

    why a picture of stitch: i decided to pair
    snubbie's form with a
    picture of stitch, from
    lilo and stitch because
    i can see snubbie's personality
    being similar if not just
    like stitch's, looking for
    fun, wanting to have a good
    time, and be rebellious
    agains what's being told,
    but also just wants the love
    and comfort of having a family.
xxxdeep down ...
    main trait: rebellious
    sub-traits: sympathetic,
    adventurous, curious, shy, intelligent, dedicated

    habits: doing stunts
    strengths: climbing
    weaknesses: staying still

    biological mother: riva
    biological father: blake
    biological sibling: --
    adopted mother: paris
    adopted father: Q.
    adopted siblings: none

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬| |▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

character © grizzly.----


I really like the adopting of doing character similar to one we know, but sometimes it's best not to let the character get in the way. It's easy to just pawn off saying that the character will just be like this X character. I prefer to see it written out, and possibly just slightly referenced without it becoming a crutch. But I do agree with using a personality from a show you like, but try and build off of it as well. Using characters from shows can be a really nice way to start off with an interesting character. The biggest downfall with using a character like Stitch though, is that it is used commonly and it has become unoriginal. (Says the person who watched every episode of the show and both movies along with every disney commercial that they made of stitch interfering in other movies)
What you have on the left though is what I refer to as 'Junk Text.' Junk text as in it mostly just takes up space and doesn't tell me much. I love it when people do this though, and then actually go into detail on it. owo But I do have one really major issue: I can't clearly tell you that this is just one extra. It seems kind of choppy, almost like looking at a main course dish in the meal and seeing steak with pork chops and then peas in a bowl off to the side. Strange metaphor? Basically, it looks like more than one, and they don't seem to really tie together well to pull off as one extra only.

glace wrote:Username;; glace
Name;; Yuuta
Extra of your choice;;

Family:

Evander, Adopted older brother

Story:

Evander's eyes shot open from a dreamless sleep. He sat up, and looked around his small bedroom in search of the noise that startled him. Shaking his head, he slipped his necklace on, and slid out of bed. He promptly fell to his knees from fatigue. Cursing, Evander made his way to the kitchen where he proceeded to make himself some breakfast.

--

He sat down at the small kitchen table, with a dinky spoon in his claws. Ready to dig the utensil into the bowl and spoon some cereal out, he heard a cry come from outside. Evander stopped, and looked around.

He tilted his head. "Is anyone out there?" He yelled out the window. No response. Shrugging, he slid back into his chair and attempted to spoon cereal into his mouth when the crying started again, only louder and more consistent.

"What in the hell..." Evander flung himself at the door and ripped it open. The crying stopped abruptly. Sitting on the doorstep was a small bundle with a note taped to it.

He gently took the note, and tore it open.

Image

Evander read the note, and dropped it in horror. "Jesus Christ, please let it be a puppy or something... I don't need a baby, please.." Sticking out his paw, he pulled the blanket down.

Image

He winced when a small baby was looking up at him. "It's always me, isn't it..." he hissed, gently picking up the baby and bringing him inside.


It's actually a rather cute story that you did! owo However, as an extra, it's preferrable to me to see more character for the one being competed for, and not a character that isn't in the competition. I understand it's actually troublesome to work with babies some times, but I actually like to talk about their futures as well. Another big thing as well that strikes me: you included that the parents gave up this child of course, but sometimes the owners still want the baby and the parents to be in contact. owo Usually it's just because they want a better home. What I would have loved to see and would love in the future would be if there was a longer story, kept reasonable of course, is a story of Evander adopting the baby, raising him as a toddler, and maybe just a bit older in the future if you're feeling ambitious.
Also, the art and story together may be seen as two extras and not just one. This can actually disqualify you. Make sure to clarify it with the contest host before doing it and then have proof of it in your form.

GrayStar51 wrote:Username;; GrayStar51
Name;; Ludroth [ Ludra for short]
Extra of your choice;; art
strawberry!


Emris wrote:
Image
Emris
Image
Merlin
Image
One Happy Family by me. <3
Image



Love the art and the name is quite creative! My biggest thing though for competitions like this though are that it may be safer to go for writing. Doing one piece of art can some times not show nearly as much as writing can. With writing, you can show personality and such, but art can only show so much. Unless you have amazingly stellar art to show, it's best to go with writing with one extra only contests.

husky. wrote:
    Username;; husky.
    Name;; June
    Story;; June's eyes twinkled as he goggled at the feast set before him. It was a jumble of different colours and shapes that both intrigued and confused him. His parents had carried bundles of wonderful foods wrapped in sheets to this grassy hill where they were having their picnic.
    "What do I eat first?" his sister exclaimed as she edged ever closer to the treats, her eyes as wide as his own.
    "It's all so amazing," June sighed, sitting right at the edge of the crumpled sheets, his whole body wriggling in excitement. Neither he nor his sister had had much experience with all these sorts of food, so it was all so strange.
    "You can eat whatever you like, so dig in. It's all good," his mother said, helping herself to a few mismatched nuts that crunched when she chewed them.
    "What's that?" his sister asked, leaning forward and peering at some bright, oval-shaped objects.
    "Those are sugared almonds. You can have them as a special treat. Just don't eat too many or you'll be sick," she added as his sister gobbled down a few eagerly, reaching for some more as she eyed the rest of the food.
    His father was watching them with a grin on his face as he ate an apple slowly; that was food June and his sister knew, at least.
    As his father told his sister off for eating too much in one mouthful, June was gazing ponderously at the rest of the feast. There were so many things that he couldn't decide where to look and what to eat first, but his eyes lingered on one particular pile of small, round fruit that were the same colour as his own body markings. The small fruits gleamed in the afternoon light and seemed to beckon him over to them, and, before he knew it, his feet were moving and he had picked his way over to the fruit.
    He eyed them for some time, marveling at their simple form. His father and mother watched him, leaning against each other as his sister continued to munch on all the different kinds of food. June continued to examine the food before his toes, then he finally decided to try one.
    He bent down until his belly grazed the ground (which was not hard since he's already low to the ground), his gaze never leaving the dazzling blue fruit. He leaned forward and pinched a single berry between his tiny teeth, then he pulled back and sat on his haunches. He clutched the berry in his claws as best as he could and took a small nibble of the soft flesh, savouring the taste across his tongue. He found it to be rather sweet, with the hint of a tang in the blue skin that surprised him. He popped the rest of the fruit into his mouth and small smile tugged at his lips.
    "I see you like blueberries," his mother said, her blue eyes twinkling.
    June peered down at the pile of fruit before him. "Is that what they're called?" he said, his brow creasing as he thought. "Blue... berries," he mumbled, trying out the word. "I like them," he pronounced to his mother proudly, beaming up at her eyes that mirrored his.
    "I like blueberries," he said again more confidently as his sister wolfed down more food and his father finished his apple and nuzzled his mate. With obvious delight, June picked up another few berries and ate them eagerly; and that is the story of how June came to discover his love for blueberries.


Your story shows a good amount of personality! It doesn't show much dynamics though, and I would suggest making a story that shows different sides of him rather than just him one way. I do realize a lot of judges don't even look at walls of text, but if you ever enter a contest that I have, I would love to read them. Another thing, keep your text at a regular size rather than smaller. Some people can't see the text, and I've seen a few people disqualified from competitions before for small text when the person judging couldn't read it.

Dave Egbert wrote:
Image
Username;;
Dave Egbert
Name;;
Yato
Extra of your choice;;
Image
Yato is a self obsessed Pseudo, constantly making sure he's looking his best at all times. In turn, his ego is quite inflated,
and every complement only seems to bring about more of this Pseudo's confidence in his looks and himself.
His markings are ROYAL BLUE, and as thus Yato will never settle for less than ROYALTY.

Image


Similar to some other entries, some judges can construe art and text as more than one extra. However, the personality given is just slightly unoriginal and it's quite common to see prissy boys. Sadly it's looked down on when you actually have a prissy girl who isn't just that. I do love your art though, but as with two of the above, be careful about doing art for comps that only allow one extra. It doesn't show as much personality.
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Re: ↷ snubbie { the rebellious son }

Postby grizzly. » Sun Aug 03, 2014 3:05 pm

Beatnik wrote:
grizzly. wrote:
xxx
Image


Image
••• •••••••• •••
Image
you couldn't handle me
even if i did come with
instructions.

------------
------------
------------
------------
------------
-------------

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬| |▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

xxx
xxxsmall talk ...
    name: snubbie
    nickname: snub
    gender: male
    relationship with sister: not very close,
    tends to pick on, tease
    and pull pranks on her

    why a picture of stitch: i decided to pair
    snubbie's form with a
    picture of stitch, from
    lilo and stitch because
    i can see snubbie's personality
    being similar if not just
    like stitch's, looking for
    fun, wanting to have a good
    time, and be rebellious
    agains what's being told,
    but also just wants the love
    and comfort of having a family.
xxxdeep down ...
    main trait: rebellious
    sub-traits: sympathetic,
    adventurous, curious, shy, intelligent, dedicated

    habits: doing stunts
    strengths: climbing
    weaknesses: staying still

    biological mother: riva
    biological father: blake
    biological sibling: --
    adopted mother: paris
    adopted father: Q.
    adopted siblings: none

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬| |▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

character © grizzly.----


I really like the adopting of doing character similar to one we know, but sometimes it's best not to let the character get in the way. It's easy to just pawn off saying that the character will just be like this X character. I prefer to see it written out, and possibly just slightly referenced without it becoming a crutch. But I do agree with using a personality from a show you like, but try and build off of it as well. Using characters from shows can be a really nice way to start off with an interesting character. The biggest downfall with using a character like Stitch though, is that it is used commonly and it has become unoriginal. (Says the person who watched every episode of the show and both movies along with every disney commercial that they made of stitch interfering in other movies)
What you have on the left though is what I refer to as 'Junk Text.' Junk text as in it mostly just takes up space and doesn't tell me much. I love it when people do this though, and then actually go into detail on it. owo But I do have one really major issue: I can't clearly tell you that this is just one extra. It seems kind of choppy, almost like looking at a main course dish in the meal and seeing steak with pork chops and then peas in a bowl off to the side. Strange metaphor? Basically, it looks like more than one, and they don't seem to really tie together well to pull off as one extra only.

glace wrote:Username;; glace
Name;; Yuuta
Extra of your choice;;

Family:

Evander, Adopted older brother

Story:

Evander's eyes shot open from a dreamless sleep. He sat up, and looked around his small bedroom in search of the noise that startled him. Shaking his head, he slipped his necklace on, and slid out of bed. He promptly fell to his knees from fatigue. Cursing, Evander made his way to the kitchen where he proceeded to make himself some breakfast.

--

He sat down at the small kitchen table, with a dinky spoon in his claws. Ready to dig the utensil into the bowl and spoon some cereal out, he heard a cry come from outside. Evander stopped, and looked around.

He tilted his head. "Is anyone out there?" He yelled out the window. No response. Shrugging, he slid back into his chair and attempted to spoon cereal into his mouth when the crying started again, only louder and more consistent.

"What in the hell..." Evander flung himself at the door and ripped it open. The crying stopped abruptly. Sitting on the doorstep was a small bundle with a note taped to it.

He gently took the note, and tore it open.

Image

Evander read the note, and dropped it in horror. "Jesus Christ, please let it be a puppy or something... I don't need a baby, please.." Sticking out his paw, he pulled the blanket down.

Image

He winced when a small baby was looking up at him. "It's always me, isn't it..." he hissed, gently picking up the baby and bringing him inside.


It's actually a rather cute story that you did! owo However, as an extra, it's preferrable to me to see more character for the one being competed for, and not a character that isn't in the competition. I understand it's actually troublesome to work with babies some times, but I actually like to talk about their futures as well. Another big thing as well that strikes me: you included that the parents gave up this child of course, but sometimes the owners still want the baby and the parents to be in contact. owo Usually it's just because they want a better home. What I would have loved to see and would love in the future would be if there was a longer story, kept reasonable of course, is a story of Evander adopting the baby, raising him as a toddler, and maybe just a bit older in the future if you're feeling ambitious.
Also, the art and story together may be seen as two extras and not just one. This can actually disqualify you. Make sure to clarify it with the contest host before doing it and then have proof of it in your form.

GrayStar51 wrote:Username;; GrayStar51
Name;; Ludroth [ Ludra for short]
Extra of your choice;; art
strawberry!


Emris wrote:
Image
Emris
Image
Merlin
Image
One Happy Family by me. <3
Image



Love the art and the name is quite creative! My biggest thing though for competitions like this though are that it may be safer to go for writing. Doing one piece of art can some times not show nearly as much as writing can. With writing, you can show personality and such, but art can only show so much. Unless you have amazingly stellar art to show, it's best to go with writing with one extra only contests.

husky. wrote:
    Username;; husky.
    Name;; June
    Story;; June's eyes twinkled as he goggled at the feast set before him. It was a jumble of different colours and shapes that both intrigued and confused him. His parents had carried bundles of wonderful foods wrapped in sheets to this grassy hill where they were having their picnic.
    "What do I eat first?" his sister exclaimed as she edged ever closer to the treats, her eyes as wide as his own.
    "It's all so amazing," June sighed, sitting right at the edge of the crumpled sheets, his whole body wriggling in excitement. Neither he nor his sister had had much experience with all these sorts of food, so it was all so strange.
    "You can eat whatever you like, so dig in. It's all good," his mother said, helping herself to a few mismatched nuts that crunched when she chewed them.
    "What's that?" his sister asked, leaning forward and peering at some bright, oval-shaped objects.
    "Those are sugared almonds. You can have them as a special treat. Just don't eat too many or you'll be sick," she added as his sister gobbled down a few eagerly, reaching for some more as she eyed the rest of the food.
    His father was watching them with a grin on his face as he ate an apple slowly; that was food June and his sister knew, at least.
    As his father told his sister off for eating too much in one mouthful, June was gazing ponderously at the rest of the feast. There were so many things that he couldn't decide where to look and what to eat first, but his eyes lingered on one particular pile of small, round fruit that were the same colour as his own body markings. The small fruits gleamed in the afternoon light and seemed to beckon him over to them, and, before he knew it, his feet were moving and he had picked his way over to the fruit.
    He eyed them for some time, marveling at their simple form. His father and mother watched him, leaning against each other as his sister continued to munch on all the different kinds of food. June continued to examine the food before his toes, then he finally decided to try one.
    He bent down until his belly grazed the ground (which was not hard since he's already low to the ground), his gaze never leaving the dazzling blue fruit. He leaned forward and pinched a single berry between his tiny teeth, then he pulled back and sat on his haunches. He clutched the berry in his claws as best as he could and took a small nibble of the soft flesh, savouring the taste across his tongue. He found it to be rather sweet, with the hint of a tang in the blue skin that surprised him. He popped the rest of the fruit into his mouth and small smile tugged at his lips.
    "I see you like blueberries," his mother said, her blue eyes twinkling.
    June peered down at the pile of fruit before him. "Is that what they're called?" he said, his brow creasing as he thought. "Blue... berries," he mumbled, trying out the word. "I like them," he pronounced to his mother proudly, beaming up at her eyes that mirrored his.
    "I like blueberries," he said again more confidently as his sister wolfed down more food and his father finished his apple and nuzzled his mate. With obvious delight, June picked up another few berries and ate them eagerly; and that is the story of how June came to discover his love for blueberries.


Your story shows a good amount of personality! It doesn't show much dynamics though, and I would suggest making a story that shows different sides of him rather than just him one way. I do realize a lot of judges don't even look at walls of text, but if you ever enter a contest that I have, I would love to read them. Another thing, keep your text at a regular size rather than smaller. Some people can't see the text, and I've seen a few people disqualified from competitions before for small text when the person judging couldn't read it.

Dave Egbert wrote:
Image
Username;;
Dave Egbert
Name;;
Yato
Extra of your choice;;
Image
Yato is a self obsessed Pseudo, constantly making sure he's looking his best at all times. In turn, his ego is quite inflated,
and every complement only seems to bring about more of this Pseudo's confidence in his looks and himself.
His markings are ROYAL BLUE, and as thus Yato will never settle for less than ROYALTY.

Image


Similar to some other entries, some judges can construe art and text as more than one extra. However, the personality given is just slightly unoriginal and it's quite common to see prissy boys. Sadly it's looked down on when you actually have a prissy girl who isn't just that. I do love your art though, but as with two of the above, be careful about doing art for comps that only allow one extra. It doesn't show as much personality.



Thanks for the constructive critisism Beatnik.
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Re: Male, WINNER

Postby Beatnik » Sun Aug 03, 2014 4:10 pm

No problem. You guys all did lots of work, and I figured you at least deserved my finished feedback. nwn
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