by Sonmi-451 » Thu May 29, 2014 8:25 am
I apologize sincerely for abandoning this, particularly when I still have about 25 pages written that I haven't posted, and I also apologize that it isn't finished and probably will never be, but if there's still interest in the story then I can post everything I have left to hopefully at least give the story some closure.
“How dare you try to kiss me against my will!” she yelled at him, and if looks could kill he would have been dead on the spot. “And how dare you insult my boyfriend like that!” She took a few deep breaths to calm herself and then told him semi-calmly, “You know Gruffen, you’re right. You’re nothing like Kodiak.” She then turned away from him and marched out of the room, her head held high in defiance.
“Great Gruffen, just great,” Lizzie spat at him venomously before storming out herself, a hurricane in the making following her. To avoid further contact with Gruffen, I too left, not wanting to be left in the same room with him for too long.
Just as I was walking out, I hear him mutter to himself, “Why does love have to be so hard?”
“Well, what do you want to do now?” I asked Ellise cautiously, hoping that she had calmed down enough to answer rationally.
“Well, what I want to do is punch Gruffen again, but I don’t think that’d be very good for my hand.” She laughed a humorless laugh as she looked down at her swollen, bruised hand, wrapped in ice for the moment. “I think the worst part is that it actually didn’t even hurt him,” she murmured bitterly.
“No, Ellise, it hurt him a lot,” I told her, knowing that it was the truth.
“What are you talking about? I’m the one who sprained my wrist, remember?” She looked over at me curiously, as though doubting my sanity, and then she finally realized what I meant. “Well, maybe it did, but serves him right. I don’t want him around anyways!” The last part seemed to be Ellise convincing herself, which more than slightly concerned me.
“Ellise, what’s going on between you and him?” I asked her after a long silence, desperately needing to know the truth.
“To be honest, Kodiak,” she began, looking up at me, “I have no idea.” She shook her head, looking down on her injured hand with ghosts of the past beginning to cloud her eyes. “He and I have known each other since I was in eighth grade and he was a junior, and when we first met I could’ve sworn that he was checking me out, but I just ignored it because I thought it was just me daydreaming. I guess I was wrong to not believe my suspicions.”
“I guess you were.” I was watching her carefully now, looking for any change of expression on her face that might reveal more about her relationship with Gruffen. “I know there’s more to it than that, Ellise,” I told her quietly, placing a hand on her forearm. Surprised, she met my gaze, then lowered her eyes again and continued to talk.
“Well, I used to hang out – and still do – at Lizzie’s house a lot and he used to be around there so we would just talk.” She shrugged her shoulders and smiled slightly at the memory. “You know, he was really nice to talk to. He always had something good to say and he would always compliment me on something, whether it was my hair or my clothes or my shoes, it didn’t matter. He always found something to tell me looked good. He also had the nicest smile and the best laugh and… I don’t know. He was there for me when I was going to Pondo and everyone hated me for it, and I really appreciated that. I guess it wasn’t the innocent little ‘just friends’ thing that I thought it was.” Ellise shook her head, a bitter grimace curling her lip.
“So you didn’t have any idea that he was interested in you?” I just wanted to make sure that Ellise was completely and utterly innocent so that way I would have even more of an excuse to kick Gruffen’s ass.
“Nope. I still can’t believe that he is. A college freshman interested in a high school sophomore? That just doesn’t happen. But seniors interested in sophomores doesn’t happen very often either,” she added, smiling at me.
“Age is just a number, Ellise,” I replied, grinning back at her. “I love you, and that’s that, so, to me, it doesn’t matter how old or young you are.”
“I guess you’re right,” she answered, but I could tell that she wasn’t completely convinced. I could also tell that she, no matter how much she tried to deny it, was attracted to Gruffen.
“Ellise, don’t apologize for it, and especially don’t pretend it doesn’t exist or try to cover it up; I know it’s there as well as you do. I know you’re attracted to him to some extent, no matter how much you deny it.” I met her gaze again and could see the concern and almost fear in her eyes.
“Well, maybe I do think he’s attractive, but I love you more Kodiak!” she exclaimed, desperate and pleading.
“I’m not worried about it Ellise; I know I love you more than he ever could and I’m pretty sure you return that feeling, so why would I have anything to worry about?” I was trying to convince myself, I knew, but at least it was actually working. Kind of.
“Kodiak, you’re not a very good liar either,” Ellise told me, smiling a semi-sincere smile that didn’t even come close to reaching her sad eyes.
“I wasn’t lying Ellise, I was trying to convince myself. There’s a difference you know.” I was extremely relieved that our conversation was starting to become joking again, since I didn’t like it one bit when there was no humor to our communication.
“You are so stupid,” she muttered to herself, a true grin breaking out across her face. Even though she was really pretty when she wasn’t smiling, she was utterly breathtaking when she was.
“You are so beautiful,” I told her gently, all trace of frivolity gone from our conversation. I reached a hand up and gently cupped her chin, meeting her gaze and admiring the beauty of her eyes.
“You’re too nice Kodiak,” she answered quietly, pulling her head away and skirting her gaze downward.
My heart immediately dropped and, as a reaction, I asked, “What’s the problem now?” I knew that something was up, but, since I had sworn not to read her mind and was determined to keep that promise, I would have to depend on her willingness to tell me.
“I just…” Closing her mouth, she searched the floor, then bit her lip. “I just… I just feel like I’m betraying you by liking him.”
“Well, you’re not Ellise,” I forced myself to answer, hoping the expression on my face wasn’t too grim. In reality, I wanted to kill Gruffen for being on Ellise’s mind at all, but of course I couldn’t tell her that. After all, you don’t tell someone that you want to kill another person. You just kill them.
“You know, you really are a horrible liar,” Ellise told me quietly, again smiling that humorless smile that made me want her to not smile at all.
“At lying to other people, sure. I’m great at lying to myself though.” I looked over at her, idly wondering what her expression would be.
“I don’t know how you do it,” she murmured after a while, her eyes fixed on her lap.
“What do you mean?” Now she was confusing me.
“I don’t know how you deal with all the lying in your life,” she answered, her voice becoming a little louder. “I mean, your whole human identity is a lie, and I don’t know how you deal with that.” She met my gaze with a curious, sympathetic one of her own. “I know I couldn’t.”
“I guess I’ve just been living a lie for so long that I’ve become desensitized to it. The fact that my life’s a lie is pretty far down on my list of worries right now and I know it sounds bad, but I’d rather have a false life in which I get to spend a millisecond of time with you than no life at all.” I smiled at her and reached for her hand, covering her long, thin fingers with my own much larger ones.
“I guess you’re way in the bonus then.” A true smile was starting to spread across her face, something that I was very relieved to see.
“I guess so,” I agreed, leaning towards her so that our faces were only a few inches apart and I could see every tiny freckle and miniscule mark on her face. The sight – she – was so beautiful that I was blown away and my breath caught in my throat. Apparently she could tell because the look in her eyes instantly became apprehensive.
“Are you ok?” she asked me concernedly as she pulled back.
“What’s your definition of ok?” I probably wasn’t ok by many meanings of the word; I guess it just depended on what Ellise considered ‘ok’ to be. “Actually,” I began, “it doesn’t even matter what you define ok as, since I’m not by any definition.”
“What do you mean?” The look in her eyes was growing more and more worried by the second; I needed to get to my point quickly before she thought I was completely crazy. If she didn’t think that already.
“I’m in love, Ellise, and love is a very crazy emotion,” I murmured, leaning so close to her that our noses were almost touching. Seized by the moment, I kissed her gently, then pulled away after a second that was incredibly long yet way too short.
“I guess that makes us both crazy then,” she told me, a smile quirking her lips.
Last edited by
Bernouli on Mon Jun 16, 2014 7:31 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: language
Sonmi-451 wrote:Perhaps those deprived of beauty perceive it most instinctively.
Sonmi-451 wrote:To be is to be perceived. And so to know thyself is only possible through the eyes of the other. The nature of our immortal lives is in the consequences of our words and deeds, that go on and are pushing themselves throughout all time. Our lives are not our own. From womb to to tomb we are bound to others, past and present, and by each crime, and every kindness, we birth our future.
My couples thread and my books
Kodiak and
Triple CrownNote for mods: Llover is my friend in real life that uses my computers.
Currently trading Growing White July, Nonballoon, Sunjewel Bun and various Advents
Sonmi-451 wrote:I believe death is only a door; when it closes, another opens. If I care to imagine heaven, I would imagine a door opening. And behind it, I would find him there, waiting for me.
Sonmi-451 wrote:Knowledge is a mirror, and for the first time in my life, I was allowed to see who I was, and who I might become.
