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by *ajayred* » Mon Apr 07, 2014 9:34 am
thank you!, i know it isn't realistic for the most part, i have more coming up, but i haven't got around to editing what i already have posted, fight scenes and drama, i have one question, though, what makes it girly? even though i know it isn't particularly boyish?
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Bonsoir mes ami!
I am Red,
as most people
like to say.
ωяιтє σи ѕтσяу,
ιт мαу вє вα∂
Here is some info,
Purple,Red,Writing,
Reading,are things
I like!°˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°
ωяιтє α нυи∂яє∂,
тнє σ∂∂ѕ αяє ιи уσυя fανσя
AricaRee is my
Best Friend, and
We tend to share internet.
She also made my chibi.
✘✘✘
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*ajayred*
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by katomorakwarrior » Tue Apr 08, 2014 3:53 am
What makes it girly is you're a girl. (I would suprise me out of my mind if you weren't.)
Writing, especially good writing, reflects the author.
I like the way your story thinks.
It thinks clearly.
Girly isn't bad; its good, especially in this case.
Your story has a strong (I can't think of the word now) feeling of who you are.
Kind of an aura of you.
Good writing does that.
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katomorakwarrior
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by *ajayred* » Tue Apr 08, 2014 11:53 am
oh, I was just curios, thank you ^-^ anything i could work on? aside form typos I'm ashamed of..
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✘✘✘
Bonsoir mes ami!
I am Red,
as most people
like to say.
ωяιтє σи ѕтσяу,
ιт мαу вє вα∂
Here is some info,
Purple,Red,Writing,
Reading,are things
I like!°˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°
ωяιтє α нυи∂яє∂,
тнє σ∂∂ѕ αяє ιи уσυя fανσя
AricaRee is my
Best Friend, and
We tend to share internet.
She also made my chibi.
✘✘✘
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*ajayred*
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by katomorakwarrior » Wed Apr 09, 2014 2:55 am
Actually, your style is good and style is an important part of writing. Just rewrite, rewrite, rewrite. And practice writing. To improve your story, read it, perhaps aloud, to get a feel of what sounds off. Though it's easier and quicker to read with our "inner ear", only a combination of our inner and outer ears can proofread correctly. So, read it aloud. What help your story needs is something you have to take care of. To be poetic, your story is your painting; no editor or proofreader other than yourself can improve your art without staining it with their signature stroke.
So, I'm being redundant (I'm sorry

) but the gist of it is you're doing good. All writers, whether their manuscript is twenty years old, can still improve. Good luck.
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katomorakwarrior
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by *ajayred* » Sat Apr 12, 2014 7:20 pm
I hit the earthen floor with a gasp, desperately trying to catch my breath. My hair clung to my neck from sweat, the thick bandages around my torso to hide my feminine body adding to the heat. I rolled over and sat back on my heels, straightening my back and inhaling deeply.
“Pretty good, but could be better.” Serret said in a matter-of-fact voice.
I didn’t even want to know how long this went on, people were cheering and laughing saying Serret never had to deal with such a fiery young man, but he humiliated me, he taunted me, he angered me to such a point I wanted to make him feel my fist ten times over.
“An enemy will not wait for you to catch your breath, are you done?” he said lifting his wooden sword in front of me with an impressive stance, giving the bruise I was sure I put on his thigh must have hurt.
My rear hurt from falling back, my back hurt from Serret’s wooden sword smacking it, my wrist were throbbing from the force that was Serret pushing them back and my temper was getting the better of me. I dug my toes into the packed ground and pushed myself forward at his stomach, wrapping my arms around his waist, still using my feet to push forward, the force knocking both of us back, the shock making him drop his weapon. I could hear the crowds voice rise with mirth and cheers. I untangled my arms and sat on his stomach, grabbed his hands, struggling to keep them down while he struggled to replace the wind knocked out of him.
“An enemy will not wait while you rebuke them.” I said giving an expression meant to be a smirk, but looked more like a cringe as he twisted his left hand and painfully grabbed my wrist. He was much stronger then I was.
He wrenched his hands free and pushed me over painfully gripping my shoulders. I pushed my hand on his face and-
“I think he is made of just the right material. “ Bill’s booming voice said, silencing the crowd as he made his way over to us. “Serret, show the boy to the baths, I won’t have you both stinking like skunks when I hold the meeting tonight.” He smiled down at me, turned and walked away. Even before he was out of earshot, people began to whisper of the newcomer being invited to a meeting.
Serret and I untangled ourselves from each other and stood. I glanced up; the falling sun no longer shined though the open cave top, telling me we had must fought hours.
“Well, come on” Serret grunted, slapping my back, once again making me thankful for the thick wrapping, but it only dulled the pain so much.
“Uh…” was all I could manage before he was pushing me across the cave and pass the tents to a large cave tunnel, I could hear running water and my mind was screaming trying to find a solution, excuse, anything.
We entered the cave tunnel, it was short and lead to a large cave with bits of light shining though wholes at the top, there was a tall wooden privacy screen splitting the cave, and three large clothes acting as doors to two different sides, I could hear a series of waterfalls and I was being herded toward the left side with a sign that said “men” just as I was about to spout off something off about liking dirt and sweat, a woman interrupted.
“Serret?” a woman holding a few towels and a change of clothes said, with one hand on her hip. “Why are you taking that young lady in the men’s bath?”
Part of me was inwardly singing with joy, while the other half was having a panic attack.
“This is a man, mama.” Serret said with a slight smirk of amusement playing at his lips.
“Mhm…” she muttered and made her way over to us eyeing me. “Are you the new recruit?” she said as she used her free hand to pull her dirty blonde hair back off her shoulders, smiling.
I nodded with a half-smile. “That would be me.” I said holding out my hand, which she took before looking at it carefully. “I am fourteen, I didn't have a lot of food growing up, and so I am pretty small for my age.” I said.
Serret rolled his eyes. “You both can keep talking, I’m washing up. “ He said, pushing his way past the curtain, the sound of tripping and a word my mother would slap me for repeating followed.
“My name is Anya.” She smiled, than grabbed my shoulder twisting me around in a complete circle that I complied with awkwardly “I have seen many body types, being a physician. “She said reached up, and it was then I realized I was taller than she was. She whispered “So I know that what Serret had did put a lot of strain on you, not to say you was weak before, but his type of training is not for someone so, small…”
“Okay…well…yeah…” I said relieved, yet unsure what I should say.
“Alright, no one is in here right now, there is a time schedule to keep some of the more obnoxious people apart, follow me.” She whispered and smiled, taking my arm and pulling me to the other side. “Serret, I’m going to show this boy where to get extra clothes first.” She yelled out and pulled me toward the other side of the smaller cave.
“Wait what? I think I am misunderstanding.”
“I need to examine you; I do with all the new recruits. Well most. I can find you some clothe that fit, and we will go into the baths and I can see what lies beneath all that grime.”
About thirty minutes went by before we found some small male clothing I could probably wear, and Anya had gone to the women’s bath, leaving me to bath alone after I demanded I didn’t like bathing in front of others. I sunk down into the water until it reached just below my nose; I was in the second of the three hot pools of water, behind the water fall, in case someone came in, Serret having already gone.
“You will have to come out soon. “ Anya said, making my heart sink. “I have some towels right here, let me know when you put it on, by the way, why do you have so much wrappings? Trying to make your seem stronger?” She asked, as I had found, tactfulness rarely mixes with Anya.
“Ah…yes, but keep it a secret? Anya, please” I said, listening for the sounds of her walking out, I heard none. But I hadn’t heard her walk in ether. “Anya, shy about my body, please, leave…” I said, feeling strangely like a kid trying to hide the mud she spilt on her mother’s dress because she barrowed it.
“You will need to hurry, a man can’t be any later then a woman to a meeting unless he was drunk the night before. I will turn around, the towel is right there, I won’t turn until you say, promise. ” Anya said, making me arch my brow. She was too persistent. I could also think of many ways to reasonably disagree with her statement, but I left it alone and tried to keep my mind on the more important matters. I peeked over the waterfall, Anya was at the end, back facing me, and a towel laid at the edge of the pool, staying low I waded over, leaped out grabbed the towel and ran for the privacy screen. “Hold on Anya” I almost screamed as I heard her footsteps nearing, they stopped and I messily pulled on my undergarments and pants before messily wrapping my torso, back turned to the open, just as I reached for my shirt I heard a sound someone would give after confirming something. I froze.
“I knew it. “ Anya said simply, tossing me set of bandages that were stretchy, and shorter than mine. “That will work better for the top part, so you can use less to hide you small waist.” She sighed. “I don’t agree with it, but I won’t stop you from acting as a man.”
I got dressed quickly and inwardly begged she would keep her word.
I wandered around for about one minutes before I found a large tent and saw Avery, Aurora and Serret walk into, risking it I followed them inside and was relieved to see Avery, Serret, Bill, Aurora, and a few other people I didn’t know. I sat in the nearest chair, put my hood up and head down while they talked about common things, the best swords, how they cook their meat, who had the worst infections etcetera. I simply let my mind wonder to a plan of keeping my gender, and then some, secret. There was a loud slap, shooting pain between my shoulder blades and a laugh.
“Owe!!” I nearly squeaked, making the laughs grow, I scowled and looked behind to see a man I didn’t know look at me and flush, and stand up straight, taking his hat off his head and running his hand though his light brown hair that was already slicked back.
“Sorry, miss I thought you were a boy. “ He looked down and sent a sideways glare over to Avery who was bent over laughing. “Avery told me you were a young man…”
I stood and glared up at him with a blackened expression. “I am, a young man. “ I growled.
A look of disbelief flew across his face, making him look at the others who all nodded. “Surly a woman couldn’t almost win against Serret…” At this both Aurora and I began to fume, though she was held back by Serret himself.
“First of all, sir, I am a man. Second, even if I was a woman would you have to right to say so to me?” I said with a deeper voice then I thought I could have.
“Well, if you were a woman, which I am still not sure you aren't, and then we would not be having this discussion to begin with-“he couldn't continue. I jumped up with a tight fist and clocked him on his square jaw, making him stumble back into a chair, leaving my knuckles throbbing with pain.
“You, sir, are an idiot and I vise you not to speak another word about this conversion.” I said looking down my nose at him, icing my voice as much as I could.
“Better listen to him, Henry, you didn’t last nearly as long as he in the first time battle with Serret.” Bill said.
“Yes sir…” henry grumbled and sat down rubbing his jaw. Glancing at the door way as Anya walked in.
“Now, that my lovely wife has graced us with her presence,” Bill said with a bit of irritation in his voice. “We can start the meeting!”
Anya rolled her pale blue eyes and sat down behind a desk to the side and propped her feet up on the desk and smiled. “This is why I wear trousers, can’t very well lift swollen feet in a skirt.”
Bill sat down in a seat next to his wife and leaned back, staring at everyone with one arched brow they all sat, slowly I lowered myself to onto a seat, arms crossed, and an angry grudge-holding expression marring my face for a moment before forcing it to relax so I could look calmly to Bill. I now looked calm, with slight lingering anger, but it was only hiding my fear and worry someone else would see though my disguise, see that I am not a young man but a young woman with thoughts that would interfere with war, or so everyone thought.
Anya raised her hand, stopping bill from speaking. “First, why don’t we let the new guy know everyone’s names? Laurence, I assume you now know Henry, Serret, Bill, Aurora and I, as for the other three in the room, this is Tate and Ross-“ she gestured to two men, standing side by side, both with auburn hair, narrow faces and strong noses, with tanned skin and brown eyes. “And the woman next to them, is Ida” she then pointed to a woman with long black hair and grey eyes. I noted the scowl plastered on her pale face.
Bill began “For everyone here, it was a long time since I gave out a mission, everyone but Laurence that is, there is a new set of slaves in the mines, most of which are just children, we are going to get them out, only the most skilled and useful are here, as you can all see. “ I could Henry’s eyes light in protest as he glanced from me to bill, but he said nothing. I know I wouldn’t have. “Remember, no deaths if you can help it, this is to be silent, sneaky, cunning, no alarms can be raised. I have some business to attend to in the eastern camps and won’t be there to help, but I wrote out a plan and every ones roles please follow them through, some might seem a little strange, but it goes well with that the scouts have told us.” Bill leaned over to the side and picked up a sack and tossed it to Serret. “You can explain the rest; you are in charge of this.” He stood, pushing back the chair behind him has he did so and walked out of the tent.
Serret opened the sack and set it down, examining the contents. He pulled out a tattered grey shirt and pants and passed it to me, the garments of a blue knight to henry, not including armor, a dull blue dress to Ida and Aurora and the normal white and grey clothing of slave trader to Ross and Tate, and a another set of garments of a knight to Avery.
“Ida, Aurora you both will be new slaves being brought in, Ross, Tate you get to bring then in. Laurence you will be a run-a-way slave Henry and Avery the knights’ capture and brings back. I will be another knight, once we get in the positions I explain on the way, Ida, Aurora, you explain to the prisoners where to go, Laurence, make a small scene to get enough guards away, Avery, you keep him safe and subdue the knights when the time seems right, Henry you keep the guards at bay and try to send them on a look for another run-a-way. ” Serret spoke with authority that dared defiance.
My heart was already pounding; I wasn’t expecting this so soon, everything is happening so fast I began to miss the slow pace of my own home. I could hear Serret explain the time they head out, and soon everyone left the tent to prepare, I numbly followed thinking of all the things that could go wrong. Flipping my hood off I ran my fingered through my hair and took in a calming breath, my job was simple enough, but it seemed like a big risk.
but what do I have to risk anyway? I was already running and I don’t even know why…how I could say that it is a risk when I don’t even know what I’m risking.
I looked down at my disguise and grasped it tightly. I could do this is, I could be a boy, if I could avoid being captured, I just wished I could be a girl with the power of a boy. I looked around; finally aware of where my numb feet had took me and I could feel heat rise to my face seeing I have walked into Auroras tent.
“Do you...need something?” She asked me with the are -you-alright expression.
I shook my head and turned to walk out, she muttered something about understanding, but I shook it off with my embarrassment and walked around the camp awkwardly, not knowing where to go or what to do to waste my time I just went looking for Avery, why I wasn’t sure, maybe I if I talked to him, he’d say something funny about the mission and make it not seem so bad. As I wandered around I could see the camp better, not having to keep up with others, around the center pond was growing herbs, and other plants I didn’t know the name of, not so far was a small farm and a couple of chickens and hut for them, this place was almost entirely independent, save a few things. It made me wonder how long this rebellion was going on, how much I had missed about the Cymatilus king and his rule, I had only done what my now dead mother had told me to in a note, even in other villages, I had not spent my time wondering about him, what I would do to avenge my mother or where I would go afterwards, not even ponder why he wanted me, surly a grudge against my father whom I do not know could send the king into such a rage as to come after me. I should have thought this out, much, much more.
“Are you feeling alright?” A voice I knew as Avery’s asked.
“Yes…I am fine just thinking about, you know, life.” I answered, inwardly cringing at my own vague answer.
“Well, we are heading out. If you have anything you want to grab, better do it now.” Avery said with an expression I wasn’t aware he could wear, stern and serious, with a tone to match. He wouldn’t make fun of this mission, he was serious about it. “Ah… yeah, no I am good I don’t have anything to grab-“I stopped short. “Sword!” I exclaimed.
“I already got it.” Avery said, lifting a sword in his hand and throwing it at me, obviously he expected me to catch it, which I did not; I dodged, let it hit the ground and picked it up with a blank expression., to twitch he gave the familiar how-could-you-not-catch-it expression. “Okay, if that is all, come on.”
I never thought a person like Avery could make me feel like a clumsy 9 year old, until now. I followed him without another word keeping the blank expression with downcast eyes. I didn’t think a lot a lot about the things I should. We walked over to cave entrance and exit, my beautiful Frisian onyx stood next to it, eyes locked onto me as I approached with a warm smile gracing my lips.
“Hey, how is my girl?” I asked placing both my hands on her cheeks and scratching, her head lowering and pressing gently to my chest, welcoming the overdue scratching.
Handsome began nibbling Onyx’s pitch black withers, her attention staying on me for a few more seconds before turning to return the favor, nibbling Handsome’s withers. Everyone else gathered just minutes later, without a word, Serret had lead his horse though the tunnel, everyone following, their horses in tow. I waited and went in last, a feeling I wasn’t familiar washing over me like a down pour. The shock I had felt for weeks, what I wanted to do and what I resolved to do, everything, all fading and turning into a strange mix of dread and exhilaration. I bit my lower lip until I drew blood, telling myself the sliver drops sliding down my cheek were from the pain, not from fear of the mix of feelings and the weight I’m putting on my own shoulders. I couldn’t feel like that now, what would be the point of coming this far, accident or not. Still, I was thankful for the light that dimmed before I passed by it, hiding the slowing tears I was beginning to push back. I had to catch myself from taking Auroras hand for comfort, men didn’t seek such comfort, they hide their weakness, and so would I.
Last edited by
*ajayred* on Sat Apr 19, 2014 8:00 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Bonsoir mes ami!
I am Red,
as most people
like to say.
ωяιтє σи ѕтσяу,
ιт мαу вє вα∂
Here is some info,
Purple,Red,Writing,
Reading,are things
I like!°˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°
ωяιтє α нυи∂яє∂,
тнє σ∂∂ѕ αяє ιи уσυя fανσя
AricaRee is my
Best Friend, and
We tend to share internet.
She also made my chibi.
✘✘✘
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*ajayred*
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by maximum entropy » Sun Apr 13, 2014 11:30 pm
I'm a writer as well and I have learned myself to read out loud. This story is good, it has an excellent plotline and I can't wait to see what you do with it. Keep writing and keep loving it~
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hi :)
i'm maximum entropy, but you can
call me max. she/her or they/them
pronouns please.
i am leaving cs. i had a great time
here. lots of love <3
fr: MaximumEntropy
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maximum entropy
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by *ajayred* » Sat Apr 19, 2014 6:43 am
“Alright, so everyone understands?” Serret said after thirty minutes of round-a-bout explaining. Everyone must have been used to it because I was the only one left looking confused. Everyone nodded, and so did I, I wouldn’t ask any more about what I didn’t get to save myself the embarrassment of not understanding his explanation.
We had made it to the mines in only a day, we now used the dim light the sun was providing as it fell from the sky, as night hits, and so do we. From what I gathered, Avery and I was to get into position early, and everyone soon follows, and Henry was to come in a little later. We was supposed to be in view of the others for the most part but hidden from a lot of the archer towers. It made me wonder what they was thinking letting such a blind spot be so unguarded. I stepped behind a wide tree and changed as quickly as I could, pulling the shirt over my own I bit my lower lip, it hung low and was far too big for me, they would know something was up if they see my shirt underneath. I called over onyx and rummaged through my satchel, pulling out the extra bandages. It should be fine if I use a little extra. Then I would only look injured. I switched out the smaller shirt for the extra banged and walked out in view.
“What is it with you and those bandages?” Serret asked from behind me.
“Nothing really, just helps soften the hits.” I said, as convincing as I could, hope he would buy it. “So are we heading out now, and what happens if they end up really dragging me into the mines any exit plan?”
“I explained it to you time after time, and said you could ask me about it.” Serret grumbled.
Heat rose to my face but I wouldn’t question another time, his round-about explaining wouldn’t give me any more then I already got so I would just leave it be. If they get me, they get me and I will just have to whack my way out.
“We have a few people inside already; getting you out would be easy as puking up aurora’s cooking.” Serret said, followed by a slap thwack.
“Puking up what now?” Aurora grumbled. “My food is not that bad! One time! One time did I accidently add to much spice and let it scorch a little.”
“I know I know, but I’m never gonna’ let ya live it down.” Serret said and patted Auroras head like a small child, I turned and walked away, they were too weird.
They continued the conversion and so far I wasn’t being stopped for my appearance. Avery rushed past me and took my arm. “We have to go now.” He said curtly and pulled me along; we had to walk, of course.
It hadn’t took long to get at the tree we meet at, neither of us really spoke, we just walked in comfortable silence until Avery gave me a strange look.
“What?” I asked, not hiding the forming irritation on my tone.
“Can you walk like you are hurt?” He asked staring me up and down, an act I was used to by now, as both a girl and boy.
I shrugged and gave it my best shot; I have never needed to act like I was hurt before, oddly enough. I heard a sigh escape Avery and I stood up right. “Don’t hate me.” He said. “It will heal.” He added before clocking the side of my face, sending me flying back onto the ground. I gasped and touched the swelling red mark on my cheek.
“Why?! Why did you do that?” I screamed out, stand and taking a defensive stance, only to be shocked with a quick hit in my gut, I hunched over, holding my stomach with one hand and holding myself from the ground with the other.
A tug on my hair pulled me up straight to my feet and held against Avery. “Let me go!” I grumbled, catching a glimpse of a knight coming near. “Show time.” Avery whispered. My heart began to pound and I reach back, raking Avery’s face with what short nails I had, I stomped his toes and wrenched myself from his grasp, stumbling I gathered myself and ran as fast as I could until a heavy knight pounded into me, shoving my face into the ground and pulling my hands behind my back with something sticky and stretchy.
“I got him...” Grumbled from above me as he pulled me to my feet, I struggled until Avery landed a blow in my gut, it wasn’t as bad as the first, but it still hurt. I lifted my head with fire in my eyes, I would get him back. “Come on!” Henry barked and pulled me around; a few knights had looked at us, but paid little attention.
I swallowed; I wasn’t sure if this was part of the plan, maybe he just wanted to get rid of me. Avery stayed closer, and I trusted him more than Henry, maybe a little less now though. I closed my eyes, trying to put Serret’s explanations into my own words so I could understand. I came to the conclusion to make a seen.
“Let me …go!!” I screamed and jumped, tossing my head back into Henry’s face, making him loosen his grip, I took off again, awkwardly running with my hands tied behind my back, they shouldn’t mind if I fight normally, or as normally as I could with hands behind my back.
“Get him!” they yelled. I hoped I was making the right kind of scene.
I twisted around and dropped, fell to my back and kicked upward onto a knight’s stomach, forcing his armor to come up and smack his chin. I kicked my feet forward, the jerk pulling me to my feet; I stood back up and ran.
“I seen two more slaves, this way, come with me!” Henry yelled and ran off the opposite way of me.
The mines couldn’t let anyone escape; it would ruin their reputation, so it wasn’t hard to understand the amount of men that had already swarmed. I let out a strangled surprised yelp as a man threw his helmet at my head; I dodged to the side and pulled at my restraints, which only slammed my hands back to each other.
“Hey!” I bent down, swung under a fist and stepped back. I turned around and half the men were already on the ground, and Avery was still taking them down, I guess it didn’t matter if I blew my cover now. I am no longer acting as a poor slave. I heard the knight behind me shift, I could hear his feet pound the ground, and as if my body acted on its own I stepped to the side as he flew by, I spun around and kicked him in the back, sending him face first into the dirt. I grinned in triumph before whipping around and sending my foot into the chest of an advancing man, he staggered back and I stepped forward, swinging my leg into his side. I stared into the eyes of a man in front of me and glanced back at one behind me, they both ran forward, I had it planned, I would move and they would ram each other. It didn’t happen; a third man gripped my arms and slammed me hard into the earthen floor. Fighting in a field with my hands behind my back really was harder then it looked. Curse words dripped from the man’s mouth like a waterfall as he flipped me over and aimed his fist for my face, I cringed and waited for the blow that didn’t come, the man fell over and Avery ran past me, pulling me to my feet as if I was a mere stick, and cutting my hands free from their sticky prison.
“They are ready, we have to hurry!” he said, darting past me.
“Wait what?! We have to go in?!” I exclaimed as I ran over him, ignoring the burning in my lungs and blood seeping into my mouth, from my nose or lip, I wasn’t sure.
“Didn’t you listen at all!?” Avery’s voice was amazed and I’m sure sarcastic.
“Shut up I couldn’t understand!” I retorted and came to a stop as Avery did, flattening ourselves to the wall. “Save me the embarrassment, tell me what to do.”
Avery gripped my arm and pulled me forward though the open gate. “Follow my lead; they are in the north wing.” He whispered as he pulled me along.
Most of the guards were gone, in the other side of the mines or asleep, or so I hoped seeing them propped against walls and laying on the ground, Bill did say not to kill unless it’s a must. We made our ways though the halls and empty cells, I looked down at one cell that wasn’t empty, but had a woman in a tattered dress curled up in the corner, I would make sure to come back for her.
“Uh... well…I don’t know where we are.” Avery suddenly said, rubbing the back of his neck.
I wrenched my arm free and glared. “Are you kidding me?” I snapped.
Avery shrugged. “We can still get out, we were told to meet up to check over the slaves, but they probably already got ‘em out. “
“So we are done here? We just have to get out?” To that, Avery nodded.
“Okay...then we need to get this girl out.” I said turning around and walking to the cell where the woman sat. “Hello…are you alright..?” I asked gently.
My heart dropped to my stomach. Her red hair, once so beautiful and long, short and choppy, some so short it was just fuzz, her body was bruised and fresh scars laced her once flawless pale arms. She looked up at me, broken. Her face was smudged with dirt and tears lines, but anyone who looked at her knew, she hadn’t cried for a long time. Her once fine dress was now torn, short sleeved and covered in all kinds of stains. She took her arms away from her knees and pushed herself forward, crawling to the bars and grabbing them, looking up at me, expression turned to one of hope. Tears welled in my eyes and I pulled the cell door open and dropped to my knee, taking my motionless friend in my arms, I didn’t care who saw my tears.
“It’s okay now, Falon…” I croaked.
“It’s your fault….” Falon whispered, pulling back, her face marred with sorrow and resentment. “If you had of stayed…turned yourself in…” her voice wavered, her body shook. “They whipped me, saying…saying I was the helper of the rebellion, I was born of the evil red country…if you hadn’t done what you did!”
“F-Falon?” I squeaked out, taking her shoulders. “I had to, you know I di-“
Falon’s cold, slender hand came flat against my face, leaving behind a sting, inside and out. “They put my brothers in armor and sent them on the front lines! They put my sisters in the deepest mines! They tied my parents to the post in the center of town and left them in the rain to starve! It is your entire fault!!” she screamed in my face, her face going blank as she fainted.
Avery knelt to my side and grabbed Falon as she fell over; he lifted her up and handed her over to Henry. I sat there on my heels, staring ahead at the stone walls of the cell. I was too stunned to stand until Avery grabbed my shoulder and hoisted me up. “We have to go, now” he said and pushed me along, I shook myself out of my state and ran.
I followed indifferently as I fell behind, my body followed them, but my mind was on Falon and her family, it was hard to understand why that was all happening. What could I have possibly done to start this? What could my real family have done? These were the questions twisting around my brain as Avery took to jerking me down the halls, I must have fallen behind, because I was almost being dragged by him. I picked up the pace until I was next to him, now wasn’t the time to think about it.
It hadn’t took us very long to get out of the mines, Henry explained on the way Falon had refused help when they brushed through the cells and Avery and I stayed silent until we reached the camp, everyone bustling around and covering tracks and tossing a dull green power around the dirt, I could only guess it was in case the guards brought hounds to hunt for us. I caught a flash of red, and turned my head to see Henry places my friend on Serret’s horse, Serret scooting back in the saddle and taking her in his arms, I couldn’t help but think how uncomfortable that must be, for the horse.
The journey, just two days, most of the rescued people were led off in smaller groups by the twins and Ida, any one of those three would have been better staying with these rest then henry. It was obvious the man hated me, be it the fact I humiliated him being the size I am, or he thought I wasn’t worthy to hold the spot I had somehow gained so quickly. He constantly tried to insult me not-so-subtly. I was also slowly beginning to doubt being recruited by Avery got me this spot. I know I’m not the best fighter here, or the smartest person in the camp, but Avery had little to do with me aside from teasing and making jokes, I was beginning to think it was a cover-up to make things seem easier, like when my brother gave me a jewelry box in front of my mother, but when I opened it in my room, I was surprised to see a dagger with laurel flowers engraved into the hilt. A dagger I stupidly left at my home in my haste. I was now tending to the horses with a young man named Eddie, A welcome distraction that wasn’t working very well.
“Yes, I know…I know it’s okay…” Eddie cooed, stroking a horse’s neck with one hand while holding a rosemary and rekka soaked cloth to a wound on its shoulder. His voice seemed to calm the beast.
“How did he get hurt?” I asked suddenly, not giving awkward silence to fill the air again.
“I don’t know, I think on her ride here, her rider was gone, but she found her way home. All the mares do, not the stallions, nooo they just have to go off with some other mare.” He snorted and shook his head slow and low before lifting it and smiling as bright as he could for just a second before it fell slightly into his normal smirk. “But-bu-but I like stubborn stallions, I have one myself, still can’t get it trained.” He added, and opened his mouth to speak again but couldn’t finish his excited sentence.
“You can’t train him because you don’t have the backbone too, Eddie. Don’t get me wrong, He could calm any horse that isn’t bloodthirsty, tame it and groom it, but when it comes to real discipline, his backbone becomes puddin’ “Serret said, walking up with his grey dappled horse, directing most of his talk to me, I could just feel the glare on his head straight from Eddies once soft eyes.
I let out short chortle and finished off my last horse. Tapping her rump, I sent her flying into the fence off area. “Are you brothers?” I asked before they had the chance to squabble.
“Yes, Eddie is my little brother.” Serret answered me, now ignoring Eddie who was now glaring harder, and breathing heavy though his nose. Boy did he have a temper.
“Get out of my stables.” Eddie said, making a snorting sound like a horse ready to charge. I stepped back to the side just in case.
“My horse is here, therefor I have every right to be in here. “ The older brother replied calmly, amusement fresh on his features. He leaned back on a stable post, crossing his arms, clearly trying to annoy his younger brother.
Just when I thought I was going to see Eddie ram Serret in the stomach, he turned and walked away, even I could tell this was new for him, from what I had noticed he liked getting the last word. Serret shrugged and walked a few paces, paused and glanced over his shoulder at me.
“The red-haired girl…she is awake.” He said and continued on.
I swallowed and followed him out and walked the other way, Avery had told, him or Henry, now I had a friend that hated me and now half the camp was going to make fun of a boy crying like a slapped child. I paused at Falon’s small tent, set up next to Anya’s. I folded open the flap and walked in crouching. She was sitting up, facing away from the tent flap, wearing a simple dress held up but ties around her neck, I cringed seeing all the visible scars on her shoulders, some thin from whips…some thick from knives, some still open and bandaged. Falon stared ahead at seemingly nothing, and made no move when I sat next to her. I didn’t know what to expect at this point, maybe a slap, a scream, or tears. But I got nothing; she looked as hollow as I’m sure she felt. I reached out slowly, stopping only an inch from her shoulder. Anya had cut her hair more even, likely so she could doctor some sores on her head.
“Falon…” I whispered softly, her eyes flickered toward me. “Falon...please…” I said, a bit louder, but still soft like a cleaned ball of cotton. This time she made no move of acknowledgment.
I let out a breath and looked around the tent, an extra blanket, tin cup and an iron teapot sitting on hot rocks in a bowl. I took the rag next to, taking hold of the wooden handle and using the rag to tilt the tea pot, letting the sweet and strong smelling liquid flow into the tin cup.
“I’m sure this helps the pain and healing…” I cooed, lifting the cup in her view. “Please, you need it, Falon.” I persisted with no results.
I let out a sigh and put the cup down, next to her fragile pale hand and stood up and hunched in the exist, just before I stepped out, I turned back to look at her, she hadn’t moved. She wasn’t planning on it.
“I hate you.” I heard her whisper as the tent flap closed behind me. and you have the right…but I won’t let you. .
The cymatilain king had no idea what he set in motion. No idea whose family he torn apart. No idea who he messed with. I wasn’t the best fighter, I wasn’t the smartest person here, but I would be the one to hold a blade to his throat. I glanced around, thinking of my next move as I walked through the camp.
“Hey, boy!” Henry’s voice called, capturing my attention. “How’s that girl?”
I cringed and turned forcing a stoic face. “Mute and broken.” I answered him blandly.
“Oh, well that’s too bad.” Serret said walking up, his tone not telling me if he was genuine or not.
“Why is everybody crowding?” Avery asked, walking up with knitted brows.
Great, all but the twins and Ida were here now, surly though they’d be told.
“Rence here just saw the girl he cried over. “ Henry answered.
“He cried?” Serret questioned, arching a brow my way.
Henry opened his big mouth to reply but the words didn’t come.
“Yeah?” Avery said in unison with Aurora who was walking my way.
“So what if I cried? What? Does it make me any less of a man?” I snapped out, narrowing my sapphire blue eyes.
I felt a slender hand on my shoulder, glancing back at Aurora, then to Serret as he placed his own hand on my shoulder.
“Why would crying over a girl you must have known and cared for, who was tortured and abused make you any less a man? I would do the same for Aurora, or my children, even Avery or henry.” Serret said as if it was an everyday saying.
“Ah you softy. “ Henry said and crossed his arms. “Given, I would shed some tears for you to. Maybe, if you stop stealing my jerky.” He snorted and walked away.
Avery smirked. “Yeah, you have every right to cry over her, whoever she is. Here you can expect no one to mock you for it, we all cried over someone. Now. Anyone know where my fox ran off to? Stole my socks.” He trailed off.
I let out a laugh and looked at Serret and Aurora as they removed their hands. I guess my father was wrong when he said a man only was allowed to cry seven times in his life.
Last edited by
*ajayred* on Sun Dec 14, 2014 9:00 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Bonsoir mes ami!
I am Red,
as most people
like to say.
ωяιтє σи ѕтσяу,
ιт мαу вє вα∂
Here is some info,
Purple,Red,Writing,
Reading,are things
I like!°˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°
ωяιтє α нυи∂яє∂,
тнє σ∂∂ѕ αяє ιи уσυя fανσя
AricaRee is my
Best Friend, and
We tend to share internet.
She also made my chibi.
✘✘✘
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*ajayred*
-
- Posts: 1785
- Joined: Tue May 15, 2012 10:25 am
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by *ajayred* » Sat Apr 19, 2014 6:57 am
Yay! think i got all my editing done, just posted chapter 7!
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✘✘✘
Bonsoir mes ami!
I am Red,
as most people
like to say.
ωяιтє σи ѕтσяу,
ιт мαу вє вα∂
Here is some info,
Purple,Red,Writing,
Reading,are things
I like!°˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°
ωяιтє α нυи∂яє∂,
тнє σ∂∂ѕ αяє ιи уσυя fανσя
AricaRee is my
Best Friend, and
We tend to share internet.
She also made my chibi.
✘✘✘
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*ajayred*
-
- Posts: 1785
- Joined: Tue May 15, 2012 10:25 am
- My pets
- My items
- My wishlist
- My gallery
- My scenes
- My dressups
- Trade with me
by *ajayred* » Mon Apr 21, 2014 3:49 pm
Okay i am having some technicly difficultys, as i had not posted one of my chapters i am fixing this now.
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✘✘✘
Bonsoir mes ami!
I am Red,
as most people
like to say.
ωяιтє σи ѕтσяу,
ιт мαу вє вα∂
Here is some info,
Purple,Red,Writing,
Reading,are things
I like!°˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°
ωяιтє α нυи∂яє∂,
тнє σ∂∂ѕ αяє ιи уσυя fανσя
AricaRee is my
Best Friend, and
We tend to share internet.
She also made my chibi.
✘✘✘
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-

*ajayred*
-
- Posts: 1785
- Joined: Tue May 15, 2012 10:25 am
- My pets
- My items
- My wishlist
- My gallery
- My scenes
- My dressups
- Trade with me
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