1×1 Iwillneverchange & ambereyes {★} Doctor Who RP

[Iwillneverchange]

The Doctor's grin was back on his face as he breathed deeply before attempting to answer all of Mercy's questions.
"Alright, I will answer in order for the sake of coherency. One: I have been to so many planets I've lost count. So many places. Aliens? I have no idea there either. There are millions of species, tens of millions even, and billions of places to go, so even I lose count after a while. The TARDIS is infinite-it exists in a separate dimension from the exterior which is how it's bigger, and it can create any room necessary. I have a room, you're getting one right now-the TARDIS picks up on internal signals and forms the room around your personal tastes-and it stands for Time And Relative Dimension In Space." He took another breath-respiratory bypass or not, he couldn't talk for THAT long without breathing.

Mercy's questions were decent, he had to admit-she was reacting with wonder, and that was a great thing to him, not shock, just curiosity-she really wanted to see the world, not just to see aliens but to understand it all. He loved questions, he loved talking, so of course he'd love answering questions-and with his extensive knowledge he could answer nearly any question there was.
"Oh, on Ergen VIII? Well, it's nice, it's very beautiful, they have amazing architecture for fish-people. It's not cold, actually it's rather warm, and it's kind of like a big place with two travel modes-swimming, since they're fish-like, and road travel for the places where there isn't water. The water itself is quite warm-think tropical, warm, comfy bath water-and the air is nice too. It's a pretty tropical place. Ooh-I'll have to get you to try some of the fruit..." He said, rambling on again, excited for a new adventure. It'd been a long time since the last time he visited anywhere too special like this, and he was hyper and nearly bouncing around the TARDIS as usual. The questions appeared to have fixed his mood, that was for sure.

"Oh, but first-the TARDIS appears to be done with your room, and it should have a decent wardrobe in there, so go ahead and let's go find it! Should be first door on the right in this corridor..." the Doctor muttered as he pushed open a few doors, finally coming to Mercy's new room. He pushed it open, seeing a room decorated to what must have been Mercy's personal taste, for it was like no other room-none of them ever were. Pulling open another door inside the room, he gestured inside. "This is your wardrobe. There's a bathroom attached to the bedroom as well, and a shower, so you can get cleaned up and change into something comfortable and reasonable for the weather-don't worry, the fish won't judge you-and I'll just be in the console room. Oh, and if you get lost-which you shouldn't, but the TARDIS likes to play tricks, just shout. Or send me a telepathic energy signal. I'll come get ya!" He laughed, bouncing out of the room and leaving Mercy to herself.


(Me talking to myself: Change (Natalie) Could you not do a really long post this time I have a feeling your fellow RP'er is tired of this crap.
Me: No. I like long posts. Long posts are cool. Plus if I am inspired who are you to tell me to stop.
Me: I am you, ya stupid.
*see I'm not sane I told you didn't I*
*Never assume I'm sane I'm completely mad*

[ambereyes]

As the Doctor answered her questions, Mercy's mind was awestruck. The thought that there were so many different planets so different from Earth, so many different kinds of creatures so different from the humans, was sad but amazing at the same time. The humans think that they're so advanced, but they're hardly more than little specks...There's probably societies that have been around since the creation of the universe, probably watching the planets form as if it were a play... That thought amused Mercy. She thought of all the rich people with the fancy dresses and new suits who laughed as they passed the orphanage in which she once lived, those 'high class' Londoners who thought they were so advanced... Imagine her going back to London and showing them all the whats-its and thingamabobbers and gadgets and gizmos from the travels she would have with the Doctor. Let's see how advanced they are when I show them all those extraterrestrial things... Then, the Doctor explained that the TARDIS was two separate dimensions. And Mercy's mind went wild.

What looked like an innocent little blue box was actually a huge, 'infinite', according to the Doctor, spaceship. That was probably more magnificent than the thought of all the planets and aliens, to Mercy, at least. But what most exciting was that bit the Doctor had previously forgot to mention. "Hang on for a second, Doctor. Time? You mean you've got a spaceship that goes back in time and you forgot to tell me about it? How's that work, exactly?" Mercy laughed. "Brilliant. Just brilliant!" Doctor, I think you, in fact, can bring Ezra back, Mercy thought, happily. But she wouldn't bring up her plan just yet. Not just yet. The Doctor started to talk about the planet he was taking her to, but she wasn't really listening. She was focusing on her plan. Well, kind of. She picked up a few words the Doctor said, including "amazing" and "tropical". Mercy did, however, notice that the Doctor seemed ecstatic when he was talking. That amused Mercy, too.

Apparently, the TARDIS had finished constructing Mercy's room, and before she knew it, she was in her room. Her new room. Her TARDIS room. As the Doctor gave her the 'tour' of her bedroom, she couldn't help but beam. The dark, wooden shelves in her room held the most important things to the young woman; books, a little carved wooden dog, and an old, faded cloth doll. After the Doctor left, she picked up the doll. "How is this possible? I thought I lost this years ago...Could it be the real thing," Mercy murmured, hugging the doll. With the doll in her left hand, she picked up the wooden dog with her right. Mercy lifted the circle of wood from the dog's back, revealing a piece of paper. She pried the message out of the dog, and read it. "Happy Birthday, Mercy," she mumbled, reading the message out loud. It was written by Ezra, and Eoin and Ezra had both signed it. Mercy put the dog and the doll back, memories, some happy, some sad, and some somewhere in between, racing through her mind at a mile a minute. She looked around her room again. It was just...perfect. Thank you, TARDIS. It's...beautiful.

Her bedroom was, in a word, dark. The walls were black. The shelves were black. The chairs-yup, black. Black was her favorite color. All the other colors had...faded. She couldn't remember when the colors were still in her life. But now she was the Doctor's companion, so that was subject to change. As long as her favorite color didn't become something stupid. Like orange. Now that would be disastrous. To get ready for her adventure, Mercy took a quick shower, dried off, and put on a simple white dress and her locket. She sat at her desk, and dozed off. Ready for adventure, indeed.

Ezra was in her arms, bleeding. Mercy didn't want to watch. She knew what would happen. He would die, Eoin would tell the police that she killed him, and she would run. But she was wrong. Dream Mercy picked Ezra up, and ran for help. A man in a brown coat and pinstripe suit took him from her arms. A little boy with short, brown hair and green eyes ran around with a little red-headed girl with long, curly hair, and an older red-headed boy and a brunette. They laughed and played together, when suddenly, there was a shriek of pain. The young boy was bleeding. An older version of Dream Ezra ran up to the child, followed by an older version of Dream Mercy, who was holding an infant. Dream Ezra picked his injured child up, while Dream Mercy left the other children with the maid. The maid rushed the children into the mansion, apparently Ezra and Mercy's mansion, while Dream Ezra ran with Dream Mercy. The man who had apparently saved Ezra's life was there again. There was a blue box, too. He motioned for them to enter the box. Come in, I know just the thing, he said. They followed him into the box. The inside was a prison full of men with guns, and the Doctor locked them in. And with the bang of a bullet and the screams of an infant, the real Mercy awoke.

The dream troubled Mercy. It was everything she dreamed of and everything she feared combined in one horrific vision. Mercy shook her head, trying to shake the dream out of her mind. Mercy got up and looked in the pockets of her old clothing. She looked around for a certain journal that she had meant to read for years, but never could. This is to say that the journal was her old partner's, who she had lost. It was small but thick, and the pages were rough and bumpy, probably because of the sweat on his palms as he jotted down notes during an escape, or tears when he wrote something that pained him, or the rain when he couldn't find shelter and decided to pour his thoughts out on a yellowed page.

The journal wasn't originally his. According to the first few pages, a certain Tobias Jones owned it before Ezra. After flipping for about ten or twelve pages, Ezra's messy cursive dominated over Tobias's loops and swirls. Mercy read what Ezra wrote in his diary. Apparently, he had started it not long before she met him. Mercy smiled at the words in the diary, thinking about how much she loved him. She flipped to the last page that contained Ezra's handwriting, and began to write. She wrote about her feelings, about her adventure, about the dream she had, and even wrote a few depressing poems before exiting her room and heading toward the control room.

(Sorry it took so long, I had to save the draft in case my tablet derps and deletes anything. And don't worry, I like trying to keep up with long posts. I think it makes me a better writer. ^-^)
Edit: is super inspired and is adding a few paragraphs to my post.
Edit; I'm done editing.

[ambereyes]

Bump.

[Iwillneverchange]

(HOLY FREAKING JESUS I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO WRITE I AM SO SO SORRY BUT I HAVE LIKE NO INSPIRATION RIGHT NOW XD I've been holding off from doing a post because I'm afraid it's going to be pitiful, plus I've got a bunch of other new roleplays that I'm helping to get off the ground and we're just developing plots in them so I'm busy plus we've got a month and a half until school ends so they're piling all the work they can on us and I'm sorry I'm making excuses but JESUS THAT IS A FREAKING LONG POST. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START.)

[ambereyes]

XD Okay.

[Iwillneverchange]

The Doctor pushed the door open quietly after about twenty minutes, which he assumed was enough time for Mercy to be done changing, and saw that she had fallen fast asleep in some sort of dream, happy at the moment from the looks of it, and he smiled, closing the door back. However, not long after that he could hear her restlessness, but wasn't sure if the girl was just waking up or having a nightmare. Deciding not to intrude-she could probably handle a bad dream herself, she wasn't a child-he headed to the control room to make sure they were on the right path for Ergen VIII. He spent about 15 minutes tinkering with the TARDIS before he went back to check on Mercy, and saw her reading a journal. He watched her read from the doorway, and, with the help of the TARDIS, silently pushed the door open and sat down on Mercy's bed, waiting for her to finish reading and writing. When she turned around, he was sitting there, smiling expectantly, but instead, when he saw her still slightly tear-stained face, the smile drooped.

"Mercy, what's wrong? Did you have a nightmare or something? I was gonna wake you, but I thought you might just have been doing something in here, and I thought you'd be okay on your own..." he started, before realizing that it wasn't helping. As Mercy turned to walk towards the control room, the Doctor caught her and pulled her into a cautious hug. "It's okay. You don't have to tell me what it was about if you don't want to...but while we're flying, if you want to tell me your nightmare..." he hesitated for a few moments before making a risky offer, "I'll tell you one of mine." He finally said, inwardly wishing he hadn't thought of that and trying to think of a dream that she would be able to handle hearing-most of his dreams, in the few hours he did sleep, were nightmares, and most of them were about either the Time War or the losses of his various companions. He wasn't sure if she'd be able to hear any of those without getting upset-they were very upsetting dreams after all-and so he wished he hadn't said that almost instantly as he realized he didn't have very many acceptable dreams to tell. His eyebrows scrunched together in an adorable frown as he tried to think.


(Finally, I get this up! Sorry it's not quite as long as your posts, I'm also not good at dividing paragraphs. But all my other RP'ers were being silent for a while so I decided to go ahead and put my depressing!Doctor muse to work.)

[ambereyes]

It was a long time since Mercy had hugged someone, and she really didn't care for hugs. Nevertheless, Mercy didn't try to wriggle out as the Doctor hugged her. In fact, she hugged him back. It had been ages since she felt so close to anything or anyone so why hold back? As Mercy thought about her nightmare, the journal, everything that happened, she couldn't just tell the Doctor about the dream. That would be like starting a book at the end. No, she would have to tell him everything.

"It was a nightmare...But it was so much more than that...What's wrong is so much more than just a bad dream." Mercy sighed and sat next to the Doctor. "It's a whole complicted web of three-well, four, lives, counting the dog. Just starting up at any old place won't do. Unfortunately, I've got to tell the whole story before any of it makes sense. Trust me, it's a long story. In fact, the story covers my life pretty much from age seven to present...So, are you up for a criminal's sob story?" Mercy smiled a sad little smile that revealed so much pain, and so much joy at the same time. Of course, this was her story, but it was also Ezra's. And anything Ezra's was doomed to be sad.

(Yay for tiny lazy posts!)

[Iwillneverchange]

The Doctor smiled. "I know the feeling." He nodded. "I'd love to hear it, if you'll tell me. I may not tell you quite all of mine, though-900 years is a bit longer than...how old are you? 19? 20? You're not more than 20, are you?" He had a puzzled expression on his face for a moment. "Oh well, whatever. But I may just tell you the story of this form...did I mention the forms? Oh, never mind, just tell me your story. I'll tell you mine after. I'd love to hear it, not that I want to hear you talk about anything sad, I don't want you to be sad so please don't get sad, but still, tell me the story anyway-Oh, I'm sorry, I'm rambling, aren't I? Carry on!" The Doctor cut himself off after a couple of minutes, realizing Mercy probably wanted to tell the story-and possibly just get it over with.

He could imagine that need to get the whole thing out of her system. He needed that too-and it seemed like Mercy and the Doctor would be good for each other in the way of having someone to talk to-finally, it seemed, after 907 years of living and about 800 years of pure loss, you need an outlet for that.

(YAY TINY LAZY POSTS!)

[ambereyes]

Mercy smiled as the Doctor rambled on. She waited patiently for him to let her speak. She thought for a moment before she started to tell the story. "Okay, first, let's meet the characters of this story. There's Ezra, he's the cute one with the pretty eyes, and then there's Blitzie, who we ended up eating, Eoin, the insufferable fool who tried to put me in prison, and me," Mercy gave a little wave, and cleared her throat.

"Once upon a time, there was a little girl. Her name was Mercy. Mercy was an orphan. She never knew her parents. When this story starts, she's almost eight years old. She's been at the torture chamber-of-an-orphanage for as long as she can remember. But one day, this day, it would all change."

"Once upon a time, there was a little boy. His name was Ezra. Ezra was a thief. He stole with his friend, Sir Eoin the insufferable fool. When this story starts, Ezra is almost nine years old. He has been a thief for a few years. His parents died when he was six years old, and that was when Uncle Stephan and Eoin took him in, and taught him how to steal. Stephan died in prison a few days before this story takes place. Anyway, it was lonely with two. Ezra, the leader of the two, decided to recruit a new thief. He had been observing the orphanage for fresh blood for the team, and saw Mercy. Now, they were waiting for recess so that they could steal her. And they did."

"Not much really happened for the next few years except stealing and teaching Mercy how to be a thief. Mercy learned quickly and well, and was soon an honorary member. Before they knew it, the seven year old was turning ten, and it was almost Christmas. Mercy saw the cutest little stray, and begged Ezra to let them keep the newly-named Blitzie. Ezra agreed, but Eoin was upset about the extra mouth to feed. Very upset."

"Christmas Eve had come, and they were starving. The food was scarce, so Eoin decided to take Blitzie out to scavange for food. He returned with a 'pig' and said that Blitzie had run away. So, they ate it. Little Mercy wasn't suspicious at all. But Ezra knew. When Mercy was 'asleep,' Ezra confronted Eoin. There wasn't much Ezra could do, but he still had to make Mercy a birthday present. He acted like a father to her, but his feelings for her was as close as an eleven year old could get to a more romantic love. The next day, Ezra carved a little wooden dog as a replacement for the puppy she loved so much."

"Not even a year later and Eoin had left them. Mercy and Ezra were on their own. They survived, and Mercy developed a 'little crush' on her partner in crime. Honestly, though, it was more of a crush. But she didn't realize that until after he died-Oh! I'm getting ahead of my self...Where were we? Oh, yes! Now, Mercy was eleven and Ezra was twelve, and they were as close as ever. But Mercy fell sick, very sick, and she couldn't steal anything, so Ezra had to steal for the both of them. They got into a fight, and Mercy wouldn't talk to him. It didn't take long for them to apologize, though." Mercy paused. "Here comes the sad part...."

"Ezra decided to apologize and give Mercy a locket as an 'I'm sorry present'... The person he stole it from shot him...I could see the bullet...Anyway, we finally found eachother, and I kinda...held him in my arms...and then we kissed...and he said he..." Her sentences were puncuated by sobs as the pain of that day returned to her. Her words became rushed so she could finish the story before she cried again. "He said he loved me and gave me the locket and died. And then Eoin came right then, and 'thought' I killed him, told the police, and I had to run. And they all continued their miserable lives. The end."

Mercy had held the tears back for most of the story, but now it was time to break the dam her determination to not shed a tear made. And the river flowed. Despite her tears, she was overjoyed. Sharing her 'fairy tale' relieved her pain, if even just for a moment. She cried for a few minutes before the tears dried. "So, Doctor...I suppose it's your turn now." Now THIS is a story I want to hear.

[Iwillneverchange]

The Doctor squeezed Mercy's hand softly, a gesture of affection quite unlike the hug he had given her-it signified a strength he showed to few, a strength that said 'if someone hurts you like this again, if someone makes you cry, I will be there to stop them'. That kind of gesture. The brown-haired Time Lord didn't try to brush away her tears for her-he knew that crying was actually a soother for most people and that it would most likely help her to get the pain out. As he waited for the river of tears to slow a little, he thought about where to start.

Sighing, he began to talk.
"I grew up on another planet, on the planet Gallifrey, in the constellation of Kasterborous. I had a brother there, he was older than I was, and I had a mom and a dad like any other kid. I grew up with my family until I was eight years old, which was when I was chosen to attend the Time Lord Academy. It was an honor for any kid to go there, not everyone got chosen and if they did no more than two thirds of them had ever graduated. I was brought to look into the Untempered Schism-a place where you can look straight into the Time Vortex and see all of time and space." He took a deep breath. It was painful to tell the next bit, of his friend he had known since childhood-the Master. (Okay before I continue here I have to tell you that a portion of this is fan-made but is widely accepted as canon for the entire storyline of the Doctor and the Master at the Academy.)

"When I looked into the Time Vortex, I was scared. I ran. I've been running since, running all my life. But I saw so much there, and I knew then that I wanted to see the universe, to touch the stars instead of watch them like my people always had. There was another boy there, one who was brilliant, just as I was...
He was the only one to ever get something in return from the Schism. He heard a drum beat, a beat of four. Tap tap tap Tap." The Doctor emphasized the rhythm of the drumbeats.

"We became friends, after a while. No one else really talked to either of us all that much. I grew up a loner and he grew up a rebel, always fighting the High Council and the laws of Gallifrey itself, for that matter. We were close friends, we shared a room, we did everything together. We graduated at the same time from the Academy, and I stole a TARDIS, this TARDIS, on the day we graduated. I was going to take him with me-we were going to see the universe together. But he said he didn't want to go. He told me he'd catch up with me later-he had rebelling to do, and 'overthrowing the government' as he put it. I was more upset than you can-well, no, I wasn't more upset than you can imagine. But that was only where it began."

"After a long time, I decided to travel with my granddaughter, Susan Foreman. We traveled together for a while, but it didn't last, just like my friendship with the Master-his name was Koschei at the time-and that was where it all went downhill.
I tried to find people who would travel with me. I had companions, I had friends, I had loves for a while, but none of them ever stayed. Some of them left me...some of them got left behind...and some, not many, but some...died." He paused, stray tears running down his cheeks already.

"After a long time, I finally appeared into the world again. That was right after the Time War-the last great Time War. It was fought between my people, the Time Lords, and the Daleks-the most fearsome race in the entire universe. And we lost. Well, everyone lost. I had no choice. Mercy, I swear, I had no choice." He choked back sobs.

"I killed them all. I ended the Time War. I was the only one who could. The Time Lords-they wanted to destroy all of the universe, to become beings of consciousness alone, to rule as gods. I couldn't let that happen, but I couldn't let the Daleks win. So I destroyed all of them. I should have died...but that was my punishment, you see. It was my fate to live when everyone else was gone."

"But then I met her. I met Rose. She was my first companion after the Time War, in my ninth incarnation. Have I explained incarnations to you yet? No? Well, I'll explain them when I'm done anyway. But she was the first person I saw that I could really think about wanting to stay with forever after all that pain in my heart. We traveled together...and eventually we found the Daleks again. They weren't gone-and all I had done was for nothing. I really lost it that time. But she was there, she helped me, she fixed me. I was cold when I came out of that war. When I regenerated again, when I took the energy from the Time Vortex that she had absorbed to save my life into my own body, when I did that to save her, I died for love. I loved her." The Time Lord was full-on crying now, sobs choking him and cutting into his speech slightly.

"She stayed with me, even after I regenerated. I knew she missed the old me, but there was nothing I could do. We stayed together for another while. We saw things you wouldn't believe, Mercy, things you'll probably never believe. But then...then the Battle of Canary Wharf. That was when I lost her. A rift, a crack in the fabric of reality that opened into the Void-some called it Hell itself, the Void-was ripped open. Both Daleks and Cybermen, my two longest-lasting enemies and the ones I thought I'd never see again, came through. They would have destroyed all of Earth. They killed people, and there was nothing I could do."

"But Rose helped me. She closed the Rift with me. But...see, these creatures had come from a parallel universe. When the TARDIS crash-landed there, the Rift was given a way to open-and then something just had to come through. The people in the parallel world had found ways to jump between dimensions...they had, without knowing, made the hole even bigger when they did so. But in the end, it saved her, though it broke her heart." He took a minute to compose himself, sobbing uncontrollably as all of these memories passed by. The tears subsided a bit slowly, and he tried to put on another smile.

"She accidentally let go of what we were holding onto-we would have been sucked back into the closing Rift as well, because we had jumped dimensions as well. Rose's family was safe in the parallel universe-but she had decided to stay with me. And I nearly got her killed. But she let go-she flew towards the void, and all I remember was myself screaming-and then, her 'father', it's a long story-he caught her." He choked back yet another loud sob. "He saved her, with the dimension jumper, and took her back to the parallel world. But she was gone. I knew she was safe, but she was gone. And then, three years later for her, I burnt up a sun, set the TARDIS in orbit around a supernova, and found the one tiny link that would allow me to say goodbye. But that link didn't last long. The sun would have to go out, the final tiny crack in the universe would close. And I just...I didn't get to tell her I loved her. I'd never said it. And now I never would."

He didn't want to talk anymore. He didn't want to say any of this, but he kept going.
"Eventually, I found a new companion. I met Martha Jones, a medical student training to be a doctor, which was a funny coincidence." He laughed softly at that memory. "We traveled for a while too. And then..."

"Then the Master. We found him, at the end of the universe. He had hidden himself in human form, where I would never have found him. He locked his Time Lord consciousness inside a watch-and when he opened it he transformed back. He stole my TARDIS and returned to Earth-I had just enough time to lock the coordinates. But he took it over. The Master, or as he was known there, Harold Saxon, had become Prime Minister of Great Britain." The Doctor took a deep breath. This was one of the worst memories-the most physically, not emotionally, painful of them all-and he didn't like to think about this one either.

"He captured us. Jack and I-and Martha. Jack was someone who I'd traveled with a bit as well-he was immortal now, also. That was interesting. That threw a wrench in the dynamic for sure. But the Master captured us. He aged me into what I would look like at 900 years old with his stupid 'laser screwdriver' as he called it. My sonic invention was way better, I say. But he destroyed Earth, Mercy. He decimated the population, and then he killed hundreds, thousands, millions more along with it. Martha had been given a plan by me, you see, so I knew how I would get out of this-but Jack and I, we were tortured. For an entire year, while I was wiring myself into the Master's telepathic network-I'll explain that in a moment-Martha was telling the rest of Earth the message about me. She was telling them what I was. I never found out what she actually said, but I assume she was telling them some story about me being a hero, an amazing person-which I'm not. I've killed thousands, millions, BILLIONS, just as many as I've saved. But that was what she told them. And she gave them this message: "When the countdown hits zero, I need you to think one word. Just one word. And that word is 'Doctor'." So she gave them the message. Wired into the Archangel Network telepathically, when they all thought that same word, it gave me power. I de-aged, I came back to myself, and I was going to stop the Master."

"I wouldn't kill him. No, I could never, NEVER do that to him. Not to the man who had once been my everything, and eventually my undoing. I cared too much. One of them tried to shoot him, once we had reversed the paradox and everyone else was safe. Earth had been fixed, those dead had been brought back, and no one remembered a moment of it, except the people on the ship we had been on for that year, the Valiant. I stopped her...but someone else got to him as well. They shot him, shot the Master, my best friend and the first person I'd ever thought I loved, truly loved. And I begged him to regenerate, I really did. I needed him to come back, to stay with me. But he told me he couldn't. He said he welcomed death, if it meant stopping the neverending drumbeat in his head, the one that had driven him mad, that had forced him to do every bad thing he'd done in his life. It wasn't his choice. And there he was-and he died in my arms."

"Since then, I had one more companion-her name was Donna Noble. And I lost her-just recently. That was the same time I saw all my old companions again-well, most of them. Rose, Martha, Donna, Jack, Mickey, who had been Rose's boyfriend, Sarah Jane, who I had traveled with in my fourth incarnation for the most part, and a few others. The Daleks stole Earth. They moved it, and they killed people, yet again. And they almost destroyed the Earth in itself. But Donna-she did something, I still can't figure out exactly how it worked-but I almost had to regenerate. I almost had to change, but I directed the energy into something else-the hand that had been cut off within a certain time limit of my regeneration, which allowed me to grow back a limb or heal any injury I had received. I didn't regenerate, but when Donna touched the hand, the energy was split between her and it, and it grew...well, a meta-crisis. A half-Time-Lord version of myself, half human, half Gallifreyan."

"We defeated the Daleks, we won the fight. Earth went back to normal. But I had to face my companions leaving me again. And I...I had to erase Donna's memory of all of it. A human-time-lord meta-crisis goes two ways. She absorbed all the knowledge of a Time Lord, everything I knew. That wasn't possible. Her brain would have literally exploded with the knowledge. So I wiped her memory of me, of aliens, of everything we'd done together. And it broke my hearts to do it, but I had no choice. I left her with her family. They would protect her. I left Martha back on Earth-after the whole thing with Harold Saxon, she had chosen to protect Earth in her own way, and I let her continue her life there. I let the rest of them go home. And then...then it was just the meta-crisis Doctor, myself, and...Rose."

"I took them back to the parallel universe. I let them stay there. I watched, as Rose said she would stay with this human Doctor. She said it wasn't me. I knew it wouldn't ever be the same. But I couldn't stay with Rose forever. I was a Time Lord. I didn't age, didn't die, I just changed. And she would die. I told her this: "He needs you. That's very me." I watched as she chose him. I watched as he said this: "I only have one life. Rose Tyler, I could spend it with you." I watched as he kissed her. And then...I turned, and I left. I left that world, I left Rose, I left everyone. And now I'm here. Traveling alone because there's no one else."

He turned away from her, tears streaming down his face. They'd been doing that for so long now, he wasn't sure whether he could stop crying, ever. It felt almost natural to have tears running down his cheeks now, there was even a small puddle of wetness on the floor in front of him from where he'd been crying so much. He failed to make any progress in wiping the tears from his eyes, and simply whimpered and cried for about five minutes straight before the tears slowly started to subside. He wasn't even sure he wanted to stop crying. It just hurt so much-but now, now that he'd told someone, it felt like half of all that pain had been lifted off his shoulders. And after so long from carrying it, his back hurt to get back up, but god, did he feel lighter. He didn't know what to say, didn't know what to tell Mercy, didn't know what she would think. He just looked at her, covered his face with his hands again, and sobbed.


(OH HOLY JEEZ THAT RIGHT THERE IS A LONG POST. YEAH SURE IT'S THE DOCTOR'S LIFE STORY OR WHAT I KNOW OF IT BUT STILL THAT IS A LOOOOOOOOOOONG POST. WOO. NOW I'M REALLY UPSET. I didn't even write that with motivational mood music on. I wonder how much more depressing that could have gotten with motivational mood music.
HOLY JEEZ THAT IS LONG.)