Crushes, Boyfriends, and Girlfriends | V4

[Insurgent]

Thank you. I don't know Dia and HorseFan. I'm just really confused...
I DO really love him, which is why I want what's best for him, but I don't think that that's me. Also, there are a ton of people who want to date him, so I get bullied and picked on. He has.... caused a lot of problems. It's a bit complex and difficult to explain. The thing is, none of my friends approve of him, which I don't care about, but he takes very personally. And there are people who like me as well. That causes a lot of arguments. I've tried to talk to him about, but it just makes us both frustrated. I don't want to have one boyfriend throughout high school, you know? He's talking about us getting married and having two kids, Tali and Jason. But I don't want to think about that for at least 7 years or so!!! And once, at a bowling alley, he proposed to me, and I thought it was a joke, so I said yes and he took it seriously, and I've just gotten into such a huge mess....

[thunderofthedrum]

First of all- this is not puppy love. We are in high school.

So, we've been dating for almost 7 months. I love him. I really, really, really do. I haven't known him for long because he just moved here from Vegas about a year and a half ago. He's absolutely incredible. He's got brown wavy hair, gorgeous eyes. The eyes.... they're crystal blue, with gold around the pupils and light spiderwebs throughout the iris. Gorgeous. He's a little bit taller than me. And he is the sweetest person in the world. Holy crap can he sweet talk.

So anyway, he's amazing, and at first, he was perfect in every way. I loved the way he tickles me, and how he wrapped his arms around my waist, how he teased me and made me laugh, the way he smiled that lit up his beautiful eyes...
But now, he's still wonderful, however, I've been noticing tiny things about him that irritate me. He can be obnoxious. Quite obnoxious. And every story he tells begins with the names of his two best friends from Vegas, the title of his favorite video game, and one of his many ex-girlfriends(Which very much irritates me) I don't talk about my previous love lives. -3- I want to break up with him, but I just can't because he makes me so happy.

I also know that he has a history with depression, so I can't break his heart. I kind of saved his life and I can't be responsible for hurting him. I just can't. He used to be a player, cheating on people and doing other awful things, but I changed him. And... He's been great, hasn't done anything of that sort. Except, he has tried to force me into doing "something" I did not want to do. Afterward he said, "It's fine, Kenzie. I love you regardless, so take your time." That should have reassured me, right? Wrong. It is really stressing me out. I feel as though I don't deserve him. I am not good enough for him. Who else loves me and would cuddle with me and watch Dr.Who? I am both happy and depressed and I am still trying to figure out how this could be.

Okay. Let's be logical about this (might be asking a lot of a teen but here goes). First paragraph is pretty much ONLY about physical features, nothing about him as a person, so we should just ignore that entirely. Second is some of the lovey dovey stuff that happens during the initial phase of dating, the happy honeymoon phase where you are getting to know each other a bit and are both just really happy to have someone's attention and affection. This happens between a LOT of people and can make things seem perfect until you really get to know the person.

Sounds like now that you've gotten to know him, you aren't terribly attracted to his personality. And don't feel like you need to go overboard - sure, you may have perked up his life and helped him make some positive changes, but that doesn't mean you saved his life or that that progress will come crumbling down after you leave the picture. And that's okay. We all want to feel needed and desired, as you definitely feel right now. But if you are not HAPPY with him, then it's not fair to you and potentially a waste of your precious time. You would still both walk away with some new experiences under your belt and be a little wiser for it, but of course there may also be some harsh feelings. That's normal for ending any kind of relationship.

Really what it comes down to is communication and drawing the line. Have you talked to him about any of your concerns? If something he does bothers you, have you spoken up? Such as an obnoxious habit or talking about exgirlfriends, I mean. Or perhaps asking if being abstinent for a while is going to be an issue for him because it's important for you. If you feel you just need to get to know him better, set an amount of time, like 2-3 months before deciding whether to break up or not. In this case I don't think you need to tell him about this little deadline because it's personal, but I think you need to decide whether you want to TRY to improve the situation or if you just want to end the relationship. You are in high school. Nothing is set in stone. These are all learning experiences and you will NEVER get to a point where you truly feel you have everything all figured out. Trust me; I believe that myself and so do all the 50s-60s aged parents I know, including myself. You always learn and it sounds like this experience is just having you learn about having a decently long relationship, making hard decisions, getting to better know what you want out of a guy, etc.

And I promise, there are guys that like Doctor Who! And that like to cuddle! I don't like Doctor Who so I've never asked my boyfriend if he'd try it out, but I LOVE cuddling and he is usually up for it (unless he's very full or his stomach feels funny from eating junk food or he's smokey or in a bad mood). You will find a guy you connect much better with in the future!

PS - discussing kid names that soon is a bit weird if you ask me. My boyfriend mentions kids and I just blank out and panic internally. And we've been together nearly 2 years and are in our mid-twenties. It still is super weird to me. I mean, I have a girl name picked out but that doesn't mean I gush about it. But hey, I don't even know if I want kids at all, so I may be a little more sensitive about the subject than some people.

[Dia.]

If you really love someone, you don't break up with them.
It shouldn't matter that other people like you or other people like him.
It really shouldn't if you are together.
And talking about things is really important. I don't understand why this is a a huge mess.. Maybe I'm just not understanding.
To me, it sounds like you don't actually love him... especially since you are considering letting him go. I've been dating my boyfriend for over a year now. I know I love him. I can't even think about breaking up with him even though I feel like other people like him and I tend to get jealous. He's told me he never wants to lose me and this doesn't frighten me or make me what to break up with him.
Don't get mad at me for writing what I'm thinking, since that's what I do on this thread.
I think I'm kind of the devil's advocate here

On a completely separate note because it's just something I've seen here a lot:
The definition of "love" seems very loose these days. >.>

[HorseFan21♞]

On a completely separate note because it's just something I've seen here a lot:
The definition of "love" seems very loose these days. >.>[/center][/size][/color]

Lol not just here. My crush and I just hung out together for like what... 2 days? Before our classmates started labeling us as a couple. I swear someone's got my baby shower covered already. -_________- Geez, we're just in middle school what the heck? =A=

[thunderofthedrum]

If you really love someone, you don't break up with them.
It shouldn't matter that other people like you or other people like him.
It really shouldn't if you are together.

I disagree. If family is SUPER important to someone, like you are close with your family and see them many times a week and respect their opnions and their concerns, yet they really don't like your boyfriend... what do you do? Say you love him very much. It's entirely normal and common for something like that to put strain and tension on the relationship.

Same thing can happen with other values, like religion. People might say 'it shouldn't matter' but if it is a deep part of who you are then of course it matters. Whether the issue of difference will be enough to break up the relationship depends on the couple - and not just their relationship with each other, but it also depends on the relationships with others who might have some influence or input, views and backgrounds of the two people involved, etc.

[Dia.]

If you really love someone, you don't break up with them.
It shouldn't matter that other people like you or other people like him.
It really shouldn't if you are together.

I disagree. If family is SUPER important to someone, like you are close with your family and see them many times a week and respect their opnions and their concerns, yet they really don't like your boyfriend... what do you do? Say you love him very much. It's entirely normal and common for something like that to put strain and tension on the relationship.

Same thing can happen with other values, like religion. People might say 'it shouldn't matter' but if it is a deep part of who you are then of course it matters. Whether the issue of difference will be enough to break up the relationship depends on the couple - and not just their relationship with each other, but it also depends on the relationships with others who might have some influence or input, views and backgrounds of the two people involved, etc.

I think you misunderstood me.
When I said "it shouldn't matter that other people like you or other people like him" I meant it shouldn't matter if other people wanted to date him or her.

I totally agree with the whole thing that if your family doesn't like your boyfriend or whatever, that's a problem. I wasn't talking about that though.

[Lazy9248]

Okay, I posted a little while ago about possibly telling the guy I like that I like him. I told him and so far he seems okay with it. It wasn't hard and he took it really well... We are close friends and nothing has really changed... I'm just happy that I told him... Even if he just wants to stay friends I really don't mind I just really needed to tell him and I feel so much better. Thank you to all of you that told me to tell him because that was very helpful...

[Insurgent]

Thank you thunder!
(I feel the same, he discusses having kids and I just go 'nope' and kind of panic. xD)
Dia, of course I love him. He is my boyfriend. I am not an idiot and I do love him. I find it to be hurtful when you say that I don't love him because I am having doubts about our relationship. Hmmm...For example, if you were in a fight with your family, or perhaps your best friend, it doesn't mean that you don't love them. You know? You may not be happy with them, but that anger or whatever other emotion is causing that rift, does not- can never- block out your love for those people.
It's hard for me. Imagine being called names and being glared at ALL DAY. His mother isn't fond of me because I am an atheist and she is a very religious person. So pretty much, no matter where I am, I am looked down upon. It makes for a lot of excess stress for myself and I do not handle stress well. I do go to counseling and recently I have been assigned to make a gratitude journal. And every. single. day. I still continue to write about him, so please refrain from saying that I do not love him. I love him.

[Wesley]

I loved reading the stories that you all had! I read every one... reflects on how much time I spend on here |D

Thanks for the little comments here and there on my story, too. ^^

We were already in love, so the first time we said it to each other we both already knew how we felt. Then, a year after we met, she brought me back to the spot we first met and gave me my promise ring. At the time, in my state, gay marriage wasn't legal...but she asked me to be her 'forever girlfriend'. Six years later and gay marriage still isn't legal...but we're planning on moving to a state where it is legal and getting married by the end of this year. C:

Today is her birthday, and I feel so blessed to have her in my life. C: My soul mate winded up being another girl, lol! It was surprising, but I dare say it was the best surprise of my life. C:

This is easily the cutest story I've ever heard! c: Good for you two, I hope all goes well with the plans to marry ^^

[Pongo.]

*sighs* me and chris have grown apart in the past couple of months D'x i wish he never let his phone run out of service, it kills me knowing that we've grown apart :'( i just wish he would talk to me :'( i know im only in highschool, but, hes first person ive ever loved, and i just want us back to how we used to be...