Kree. [ please comment/critique ] [ finished ]

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Should there be a sequel? SEQUEL IS UP! :D

Yes!
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75%
Yeah
1
8%
Nah
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NO way!
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I don't mind
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Total votes : 12

Re: Kree. [ please comment/critique ]

Postby Asherwy » Sat Nov 30, 2013 1:11 pm

eight.


      It was so grand. The mansion seemed to be as large as the world. The pair passed majestic glass arches and velvet curtains with exquisite vases placed every meter. Frames were mounted on the elaborate wallpapers, as well as elegant chandeliers hung in ballrooms. Everything in the household seemed to sparkle, and he lost count of how many human bedrooms there were. Familiar surroundings began to appear. They were back to the entrance of the cave.
      "It was pretty Cookie."
      His voice was light. It felt nicer than before. Clearer than before. Happier than before. They entered the wall in which they emerged from earlier, darkness swallowing both of the white figures. The warmth of the mansion was growing faint on his back, cold air caused a shiver to travel down the young pup's body. It felt like his father was coming.
      "Kree?"
      The voice echoed softly, eerily. Both creatures returned in the lonely cave through the arch, Josiah falling back for a moment then catching up again as the gap in the wall closed up behind them.
      "What is it Cookie?"
      "You know that you're staying here forever, right?"
- insert 8 years time gap -


note; i finished kree's character profile on the front page, josiah's will be posted soon c:


Last edited by Asherwy on Tue Oct 14, 2014 7:50 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: Kree. [ please comment/critique ]

Postby Asherwy » Sun Dec 01, 2013 8:57 pm

      Josiah's profile is up! ;3
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Re: Kree. [ please comment/critique ]

Postby Asherwy » Wed Dec 04, 2013 4:07 am

      bump
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Re: Kree. [ please comment/critique ]

Postby Asherwy » Sat Dec 28, 2013 2:41 pm

nine.


      "Idiot."
      Josiah had just burst into the cave breathless as the single insult harmonised with the pants that Josiah emitted. The stone door slammed against the grey walls that surrounded the two, the dull ring of adults conversing beginning to reveal themselves as the grinding of rocks faded.
      "You can't blame me for wanting some fun."
      Josiah protested, laughing at the same time.
      "That was still stupid of you. Ever since we found out that we could shift into humans you've been mucking about upstairs with the visitors."
      Kree's disapproving voice seemed to put Josiah off for a moment before he replied.
      "Why don't you have some fun? You were more playful when you first came here."
      Josiah was still using his teasing tone as he stretched and headed for the puddle to wash the dirt and sweat off his face.
      "That was because I had never experienced this type of lifestyle before."
      Kree retorted, following Josiah. The white figure paused from washing his face and stared at the wall in front of them, a neutral gaze slowly evolving to confusion as he spoke.
      "Wait, what was the point of this conversation again?"
      About to reply, Kree then paused as well.
      "I forgot."
      Josiah started laughing and fell in the puddle, spraying Kree with multiple cold droplets. Cringing back at first, Kree soon sighed and laughed too as he shook his fur. Sienne would usually do this. The faces of his mother, Roq and Zorr suddenly flashed inside his mind, bringing back grey memories of his puphood. Along with those came the experiences of first arriving at Keizen, meeting Josiah and touring the grand hotel above their heads. Somewhere in between the present and when he first came, was the face of a friendly traveler named Rice. Rice had known and studied everything about Keizen. When Kree first met the strange fellow Rice was astonished. He could still remember the disbelief that lingered in Rice's sparkling eyes. Rice stayed with them for a few months and told them that anyone who was banished to Keizen could shift to humans. Rice also told them that the humans that worked at the hotel knew about these events that occurred between certain families of creatures and Keizen. When Rice had to leave, he gave them both gifts. He gave Kree a black bandana and gave Josiah a white hat.
      "Kree!"
      At Josiah's impatient but amused voice, he snapped out his flashback and turned his attention to his friend.
      "What is it?"
      Kree inquired.
      "A letter."
      Josiah replied.
      "From who?"
      "Your sister."

note; finally got chapter nine up! this one's a bit long and i apologise, but i hope you guys enjoy ;3
also, the book's nearly done and i changed the time gap to eight years, kree is now 12 human years old
and josiah is 14.


Last edited by Asherwy on Tue Oct 14, 2014 7:51 pm, edited 5 times in total.
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Re: Kree. [ please comment/critique ]

Postby Asherwy » Sun Dec 29, 2013 3:29 am

      bump, please comment
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Re: Kree. [ please comment/critique ]

Postby .:A r i c a R e e:. » Sun Dec 29, 2013 7:09 am

Wow... cant wait to see about the letter o.O
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ImagexxImage
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┏━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━┓
нεү!
үσυ cαη cαℓℓ мε яεε. ι ℓσvε αят,
мυѕιc, αη∂ яεα∂ιηg (αη∂ ωяιтιηg).
αѕ уσυ ¢αи ѕєє, ι αѕℓσ ℓσνє вℓυє!
αℓѕσ, αנαүяε∂ ιѕ мү вεѕт ғяιεη∂, sσ α ℓσт
σғ тιмεѕ ωε’ℓℓ υѕε тнε ѕαмε cσмρυтεя.
ι нσмε scнσσℓ, αη∂ тεη∂ вε ρяεттү qυιεт.
ѕσ ησω үσυ нαvε α ℓιттℓε ριεcε σғ
ηεε∂ℓεѕѕ ιηғσ αвσυт мε. ◕◡◕
┗━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━┛
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Re: Kree. [ please comment/critique ]

Postby Asherwy » Tue Dec 31, 2013 3:52 am

.:AricaRee:. wrote:Wow... cant wait to see about the letter o.O


      Thanks for the comment, I'll get chapter ten up soon. I believe that'll be the last chapter ;3
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Re: Kree. [ please comment/critique ]

Postby ♥ soft » Mon Mar 24, 2014 8:56 pm

    i love your writing style. i couldn't stop reading once i started. c:
    i would love to see what the letter says! :D
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
    x
    x
    x
    x
    x
    x
    x
    x
    x

    henlo, i'm soft c:
    she/her • chronically ill • adult
    working full-time, halp
    i love colouring ponies ♥

    not designing new horsies
    until i finish my import list ;w;

    love u guys

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Re: Kree. [ please comment/critique ]

Postby Asherwy » Thu Mar 27, 2014 1:15 am

♥ twitchy wrote:
    i love your writing style. i couldn't stop reading once i started. c:
    i would love to see what the letter says! :D


      kyaaah thank you so much
      I've been neglecting this story for a while since I was a bit busy
      hopefully chp. 10 will be up soon ;3
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Kree. [ end ]

Postby Asherwy » Tue Oct 14, 2014 3:11 pm

ten.


      Something like icy crystals seemed to creep up his spine, soft crackling that only Kree could hear. The dripping of water in their drinking puddle grew deafening, piercing his eardrums as it slowly shifted into a disturbing whisper. Your entire past was a lie.
      "Kree?"
      The white pup didn't answer his friend, but instead took stiff steps towards the piece of paper that lay on the ground next to Josiah's stubby feet. That whisper, the horrible whisper was rasping in his ears, never ending as it grew more and more twisted and strange. Your past, a lie. Your life, a lie. Everything...an unquestionable LIE. LIES. LIES. His footsteps combined with the dripping were like thunder and lightning that roared and drummed relentlessly with the voice. Insistent on stopping him from reaching that one letter, that one bleached spot in the dark cave. Bending over, he reluctantly let his mutilated eyes scan the black ink printed on the paper.

      Hey, Kree.

      It's someone you've never met, and a family relative you didn't know you had. I think. Maybe mother mentioned me to you, or you accidentally heard my name in a hushed conversation between your mother and father. But, I think you probably want to know who I am already. This is your half sister, Azumi. We share the same mother, but different father.
      Our mother had been arranged to marry Zorr, but she already fell in love with my father, Katsumi. Your father was a purebred from our country. Mother was also a purebred, a purebred from our country wasn't able to shift into human form. My father is a halfbreed who came from the mainland which meant he had inherited the genes to survive there, and that also means he has to ability to shift.
      When mother found out she was to join families by marrying Zorr, she immediately refused, but knew that wouldn't be enough so she fled with Katsumi. Both mother's and Zorr's families were furious.
      Not wanting to marry your father wasn't the only reason. She had already given birth to me in secret two years before and was raising me with Katsumi as well. On the second morning after mother fled, Zorr arrived at Katsumi and mother's hideout where they had planned to live and raise me in secret until I was older. Before Zorr reached our hideout, my father recognised his scent first and forced mother and myself to run away. Mother then turned us in the direction of the nearest human port and told me to shift into human, then smuggled me onto a departing ship in such a rush that I had no idea this was the last time I was going to see her.
      She licked me on my human cheek and said goodbye, leaping off the ship just as it departed from the port and ran back to the forest.
      I don't know what happened to my father, but he's probably dead.
      I know that my mother ended up marrying Zorr.
      And I know that you've met Rice. He's my best friend since I settled into the mainland and started going to a place called 'school.'
      But I will fill in the gaps later.
      For now, something happened on the mainland and I need your help.
      You need to come quickly

      - Azumi


      Nothing seemed real. Oh how wrong was that poor little Kakushi, his beating heart was a continuous thunderbolt against the inside of his chest.
      "Your history is definitely more messed up than mine."
      Josiah's astonished whisper echoed in his ears, aiding him in breaking the information down and digesting everything that had bee thrusted upon him. Opening his mouth in an attempt to reply was interrupted with an oddly soothing knock against the boulder that shielded their dwelling from the grand hotel. That simple sound bounced off the grey walls, seeming to add a bit more colour to the darkness. For no apparent reason, Kree rose from his sitting position and padded in front of the stone door just as it began moving. Unlike before, the noise of the opening door felt so refreshing and exciting, what's more was that he didn't know why.
      "Hello?"
      Kree's ears twitched at this new voice. It wasn't like those concrete, emotionless sounds he heard with his family. It was clear, and soothing like those of the exquisite carnations which sat in a dainty vase on the end table outside. A face then peeked in from the warm glow outside, a female human face that glimmered with tenderness. Yet a strange sense of recognition tickled the back of his mind. The face then grinned, lighting the entire cave with a light he had never seen before. Of course. His sister.
      "Found you, Kree."

      -fin-

note; woah. finished it. THIS TOOK SO LONG. I AM SO SORRY. stupid stuff was stopping me from finishing.
Should there be a sequel to this?


Last edited by Asherwy on Tue Oct 14, 2014 7:53 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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