Cadin Araceli wrote:Ciel-Chan wrote:Cadin Araceli wrote:Living a Life of Liesoff site link
It's a good story, but it moves really fast and it doesn't really give much as to why the characters are running. THey are like "Oh my favorite character! I'm going to run away from them and yell no." It would help if you gave us more into what they are thinking, and a little of a before the mess history (because everyone not involved with the role-play is lost in that aspect.) Also, I understand wanting to change view points to give a clearer view of whats going on, but either switch between like two people, or only switch it every chapter. It makes it a lot easier on the reader.
But there is a base for a good story here, just make sure to give us more detail. Detail and character process are wonderful things, even if it's characters most people already know. It's the journey of how this story changes them essentially that is interesting for them to read.
Also, when there is a new speaker, new paragraph. This just lets the reader know what's going on before they reach the end of the sentence (i.e. less confusing)
Keep it up! I would like to see the revisions and the further chapters!
Thanks, I understand and it's actually quite hard to covert the two without it going ascew, I mean, more than it is, I'm trying to get it to a good part, I suppose.. Thanks!
No problem! And remember, it's ok for it to go askew and trail away from the 'originals' as long as your piece is all together with in itself. And it's the build up to the 'good part' that makes ti great! (I have the same problem though. That's the reason I can't do long stories ^-^)
That one I PMed you a while ago, I kinda just... Stopped it... I have an issue with book stuff and it seems I'm bad a poetry.. Soo... Short story time.