THIS IS NOT A DIARY, IT IS A CACTUS! The Original!

[GizmoTheDragon]

Let's just start out by saying this: SERENA IS THE MOST HORRIBLEST PERSON IN THE WORLD AND SHE ALWAYS WILL BE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!1!1!11!!!!!!!!!!uno!!!!!!!!!!?!?1/1/1/1!!!

I swear that she's TRYING SO HARD to ruin my life!!!!!!!! She absolutely ruined my dayyyyyyyyy! DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD:

It started out this morning in science class. Actually, it started out pretty good because Raven ended up sitting next to me. I used to have a nerdy kid sitting next to me, but I have no idea what happened to him. When I asked Raven, he said something about him disappearing mysteriously without a trace. Nothing unusual, I suppose. Here's how the rest of class went:

Heyyyy se- I mean Raven. *attempts to bat eyelashes* How are you on this fine morning? -Karma
*stares blankly* Hi. -Raven
*LE-GASP* HE WAS IN TOTAL AWE OF MY EYELASH BATTING! It WORKED!! :D
So, do you-
STUDENTS! SHUT UP! IT IS TIME FOR PRESENTATIONS -Science Teacher Who's Older than Dirt
(Then Raven ignored me to listen to the teacher! Not only is he a hunk, but he's studious! :D)
Miss Serena, please come to the front of the room and present your project to the class. -Teacher
Okay, sir. *grabs rat cage and walks up to front of room* -Serena

Oh yeah, I should probably explain the project. Anyway, we were all given a random animal yesterday. We took the animal home and studied it's behavioral patterns. Then, we had to write a report on it, including several facts about the species of our animal. (We each got a different species)

*lets unicorn out of surprisingly small cage and unicorn stands obediently beside her* My project was on unicorns (Of course she got unicorns because she is OH-SO-PERFECT!*grr*), like the one standing next to me. My unicorn's name is Sparkle. Sparkle is a nice unicorn. -Serena
That's a great report, Serena. You can sit down -Science Teacher

I WAS READY TO EXPLODE!!! What? THAT WAS THE WORST PRESENTATION EVER. That wasn't even factual!!!!!

After that, everyone else gave pretty informative presentations: Xavier's was about lions, Layna's was about chickens, Hollie's was about bats, Lexi's was on horses, Dusk's was on donkeys, Potato's was on squids. Then there was Raven, and his presentation was BEAUTIFUL!!!!

*let's bird land on shoulder* My name is Raven, and my project was on ravens. (IRONY) The raven is a bird of the crow family, and it is known for being very creepy and demonic, much like myself. Edgar Allen Poe wrote a poem called 'The Raven', and I also write stories about them, at least when I'm not writing depressing, eerie poems about death and decay. I also like to write about fear and the color black. -Raven
Raven, please sit down now, you are starting to scare me. -Teacher
Alright *sits*
*gasps* OMIGAWD, THAT WAS THE BEST PRESENTATION EVER! You're so cool, raven ;) -Karma
*stares blankly* -Raven
Miss Karma, it's your turn to present. Please go to the front of the classroom.
Okay. *grabs birdcage and paper and goes to front of room* *lets owl land on shoulder* I'm Karma and my presentation was on owls. The owl sitting on my shoulder is a great horned owl. Owls are a nocturnal, predatory bird, this can be identified by the forward-facing eyes on the bird's skull. Owls are known to regurgitate pellets after they eat, which are-

THEN THE MOST AWEFULLEST THING HAPPENED! Serena reached over to the cage fo the kid sitting next to her and she opened it very sneakily, but I saw her do it. The rat in the cage scampered out and my owl went CRAZY. It let my arm and started chasing the rat around the room. SERENA TOTALLY SABOTOGED MY PRESENTATION!

The science teacher didn't give me detention, but he gave me an F on the project. AN F!! THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE!

So then I went to lunch and sat with my friends. (I managed to get a seat between Raven and Layna ;) ) I was eating a cheeseburger and we were all discussing the latest treachery committed to me by Serena when the she-devil herself walked up to the table.

Hey Raven *winks seductively, but way less seductively than I winked* You want to come sit at a table with me and my friends? You don't deserve to have to suffer with these losers -Serena
*stares blankly, then turns away and continues eating* -Raven
*giggles* Oh, you're a funny one. -Serena
Then she just PLOPS DOWN IN HIS LAP! JUST SITS THERE, EVEN KICKED UP HER FEET ONTO MY LAP. THAT HAG!
Get your feet OFF of my lap -Karma
Ew, don't talk to me, loser. -Serena
Make me! -Karma
I can and I will -Serena
Actually, you don't have access to her brain so you cannot control her neural functions. Therefore, you can't for her to physically do anything. She has full control of her movements. -Layna
Whatever. So Raven, you considering my offer? *winks again, but it looks like a facial twitch* -Serena
*continues eating*
Serena, go away. -Karma
Why don't you? Just go home. No one likes you, you don't have any friends. -Serena
Dont' talk to my friend like that! -Potato
*rolls eyes* Don't kid yourself. You don't have friends. Heck, you don't even have a good name. What kind of name is Potato? -Serena
My name -Potato
Well, no duh. Anyway, let's go Raven. *Gets up and drags him away by the paw*

AND HE LET HIMSELF GET DRAGGED AWAY. IT WAS SO SAD! HE'S UNDER THE SPELL OF THE CRAZY SHE-DEVIL! Bye, Cactus. I have to go cry myself to sleep again.

[christine,]

Oh my gosh, this thing is amazing.
What would it take to get one of our pets in here? X3

[GizmoTheDragon]

bribery Actually, I'm probably going to put up a form for people to fill out if they want their pets in here as characters. ('cause isn't that what most pet diaries do? ) That will probably happen within a chapter or so. (Every school needs a massive wave of new students every couple of days )

[christine,]

Haha, if you need a sweet, nerdy guy or a goth girl, I've got ya X3

[emoji movie]

COOOLLLLLL I HAVE PETS TOO

Serena cheating? Thats acculy not hard to belive.

[emoji movie]

bribery Actually, I'm probably going to put up a form for people to fill out if they want their pets in here as characters. ('cause isn't that what most pet diaries do? ) That will probably happen within a chapter or so. (Every school needs a massive wave of new students every couple of days )

The last bracket? TAT IS AWESOME XD

[GizmoTheDragon]

DEAR DIARY CACTUS MY LIFE HAS BEEN SOOOOO HORRIBLE!

That evil seductress, Serena has gotten Raven to sit with her at lunch! I mean sure, he doesn't really talk or laugh or show any outward displays of emotion but IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME! I AM LOSING HIM TO THE DARK SIDE!

So, anyway, it's three in the morning. Why am I writing in you at three in the freaking morning? Well, my friends must've noticed that I was feeling sort of down. (I don't know how. I mean, I didn't think my sobs of despair were THAT loud.) So, they decided that we were going to have a sleepover. (I mean Layna, Hollie, and Lexi by the way. Not that Dusk and Potato aren't cool, but they're too.... awkward to be slumber party material. Plus, if I brought guys into the house my mother would chase me around with 'cootie spray' (which I have a bad feelings is really pepper spray with a different label on it.))

Anyway, I was really surprised when they all showed up at my house with like five pepperoni pizzas.

Guys, what are you doing here? you're making it hard for me to wallow in self pity -Karma
Screw self pity! You're too good for that! -Layna
I am? -Karma
Yes, yes you are. -Hollie
Yeah! What the quiet one said! Now let us in! It's a blizzard out here and we have food! -Lexi
Oh, I guess it is snowing.... weird, because it's like September. Anyway, come on in! -Karma
**all walk in**
MOM! I'M HAVING AN IMPROMPTU SLEEPOVER WITH MY FRIENDS! JUST SO YA KNOW! -Karma
That's okay, sweetie! Have fun! -Mom

That's when my sister and HER friends walked in. (My sis and her friends are going to talk in the ugly orange color.)



Oh. Karma? you have friends -Jinx (She's the popular one, but she's a grade ahead of my because she skipped kindergarten. She used to be REALLY smart. Now, she's... average...)
Yah, she has friends. She also has brain cells, which you seem to be in lack of because you seem to feel the need to the fit the role of the typical dumb cheerleader who needs to have a two inch waist and two point IQ to be accepted and admired among her peers. -Layna
*cries* Omigawsh, I'm so insulted even though I don't know what half of those words mean! -Claudia (Yellow dog)
OMG! I agree! Let's go sooth our souls with some make-overs and nail-painting! -Aimee (blue dog)
Yes. Good idea. -Jinx (walks away.)

Well, I'll show you guys my room. -Karma

So, I lead them upstairs to my room. My room is like a really really really nice attic, but it's really really really small. After we concluded that we could never fit in there comfortably, we went down to the basement. I have a finished basement in my house, and there's this one really big room with a glass door that leads to the outside. I found the spare mattresses in one of the closets and we set ourselves up on those. (I got a magenta one, Layna got a stripey one, Hollie got the rosie one, and Lexi got the starry one.)

Once we got done eating the pizza and giving each other make-overs (we totally stole that idea from my sister's friend.), it was nine at night.

Soooo, what do you guys want to do? -Karma
Oh! Oh! Oh! Let's play truth or dare! -Lexi
How cliché. -Layna
Yeah, but it's fuuuuuuun. Karma, you can start. -Lexi
Okay. Hollie, truth or dare? -Karma
Uhh, truth?. -Hollie
OMIGAWSH WHO DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON?!?!? -Karma
No one. -Hollie
LIES! -Lexi
Yeah. Every girl has to have at least one guy she likes AT ALL TIMES! -Lexi
Well, none of the guys who go your school are really that appealing. *shrugs* So, Layna. Truth or Dares? -Hollie
DARE! -Layna
I dare you to read this book *grabs sappy romance novel* out loud, in a ridiculously attractive voice. -Hollie
*le-gasp* ROMANCE?! NUUUUUUUUU! Man, you're evil. *grabs book*
Start on page 394. -Hollie
*sucks in deep breath* He passionately kissed me and- *head explodes* -Layna

A few moments later, Layna spontaneously grew a new head and we moved on.

Lexi, truth or dare -Layna
Truth! -Lexi
It's not really a hard question, but why are you named 'Lexi' and your brother is named after a tuber? -Layna
Well... I don't actually know. I mean, my parents weren't expecting to have twins, so I think they just had to make something up on the spot. -Lexi
Yeah, but Potato? Why not something like Marcus or Bob? -Karma
*flails* I dunno! I am not my parents!! Anyway, Karma. Truth or Dare? -Lexi
Truth -Karma
*squees* What's your relationship status? :O -Lexi
*sighs* Complicated -Karma
Explain -Layna
Well, it's a long story, but for like ever, and I mean since we ever met, which was like a long time ago, like two weeks, I've had a thing for Xavier. I mean, he's so attractive and smart and funny and athletic and attractive, and attractive. But I got really sad when Serena started dating him because the only reason SHE likes him is 'cause I do. I finally got over Xavier when Raven came to town. He's not like Xavier at all. I mean, Raven's just so likeable and warm and kind, but Xavier kinda has a big head. Plus, Raven is also very attractive. But then Serena sunk his claws into Serena and I'm SUPER sad because all of the guys like her because she's pretty and smart and perfect and- Wait, are you guys listening?

Well, I must've rambled on for a long time, because they'd fell asleep. But they woke up and told me that I deserved better than both of them, which, maybe I do. But Raven just seems like the best. How can I find someone better?

Well, that's my life. G'night.

[emoji movie]

bump , that was intresting.....

[Nomonym]

So. Let me begin by saying: brav-freaking-o. This story is so entertaining, I think I may have imploded and started a black hole that is going to kill all of mankind. So cheers! I stumbled onto this amazing story with the mindset- "I haven't read a cactus lately. I HAVE been wanting too... The last one poked me in the eye. Couldn't read for a month. I hope this one doesn't do it... You know what? I haven't call Aunt Donna in awhile.. I probably should call her. I can't go over there though, she has like fifteen cats. Who has THAT many cats? Oh, the story is starting." And you, my dear friend, did not disappoint. Thank you for being funny. People need to be like you. Here: *Hands you some cheese* Congrats to you and cheese!

[GizmoTheDragon]

@angelpal - Thanks for the bump I know the last part was a bit... rushed, or maybe I just think that because I was struggling to finish it before I had to get off the computer... xD

@NomFlavoredPudding - I'm not even entirely sure how to reply... Anyway, I'm glad you like it so much, and that this cactus didn't poke you in the eye like the last one did. And YAY, CHEESE! Thank you for your contribution to my metaphoric pantry.