{ ＩＮＫＬＩＮＧＳ } LOCK! NEW THREAD

[Zalia]

I made a new poetry thread, if anyone wants to check it out
{url=http://www.chickensmoothie.com/Forum/viewtopic.php?f=57&t=1934621]click here.[/url]
Any comments are welcome!

[Kirarya]

That's good advice for now, but it might turn her/his writing sour in the future. Overusing too many "dictionary words" really turns me and many others off. ...

Oh yes, I certainly agree with you. There's this one person in particular I know, who's really smart-brilliant-but any time I try to have a conversation with her, she spits mouthfuls of unnecessary syllables out that just make her seem somewhat vain. I mean, come on, I'm just trying to have a chat with you.

Vocabulary for me, is most important to avoid repetition. There are plenty of young writers out there that repeat certain words or phrases several times when they're trying describe a scene or event (not to say that I'm not guilty of it sometimes) and it just makes the work sound so redundant, bland and boring. Using a larger variety of words helps to prevent this.

[Cherry]

Yes, that's true. I think that was they were trying to say, but either I misread it, since at the time it looked more like "spout the dictionary!" Which actually wasn't what they were saying at all: but my point is that big words -even for the sake of removing redundancy- is not going to be acceptable to most readers. I have a fairly large everyday vocabulary, but I try to be clear in how I speak and write, only using big words if small ones get the meaning across slower, less clearer, or take more time when one could suffice.

My friend is like that, too. We were in a writing class, and about four people told her that her description was too wordy and needed to sound more like a high schooler than an English professor. Lets just say I hated to review her work. XD

[Lilysplash]

That's good advice for now, but it might turn her/his writing sour in the future. Overusing too many "dictionary words" really turns me and many others off. ...

Oh yes, I certainly agree with you. There's this one person in particular I know, who's really smart-brilliant-but any time I try to have a conversation with her, she spits mouthfuls of unnecessary syllables out that just make her seem somewhat vain. I mean, come on, I'm just trying to have a chat with you.

Vocabulary for me, is most important to avoid repetition. There are plenty of young writers out there that repeat certain words or phrases several times when they're trying describe a scene or event (not to say that I'm not guilty of it sometimes) and it just makes the work sound so redundant, bland and boring. Using a larger variety of words helps to prevent this.

Oh, that's what I was saying- having an expanded vocabulary avoids the following:
"It's winter, and it's snowing. It's cold outside. The cold snow is making the ground white. The wintry white ground is cold, like wintry white snow."
XD okay, a bit exaggerated. But avoid it, anyway. I tended to accidentally do something like this:
"Also, blah blah blah blah as well", or overuse a word or term like "however" or "get in", so vocab really helped my problem and makes writing seem colorful. I'm not saying to write in only five-syllable words, of course... I also know someone who does that. Sure, from time to time, but not all the time.
But if you're trying to impress a fancy, educated person with a fancy, educated (sounding) essay, I would suggest to use more elevated vocabulary than in a creative writing piece or chat.

~Lilysplash

[Oswald.]

Does anyone else find that when you write about somthing that you enjoy, it's so muh harder than the assignments you get for school?

[king boo]

Out of curiosity..

What do you guys find that motivates you to write (muse)?

~❁~
I am motivated mainly by music and art however, I am also motivated by my own feelings or if something happens, writting/drawing just helps me relax n.n

@Igalaxy- yes, It is painful to write essays after something you love. I just happen to 'forget' them when that happens xD

[g0ne]

hi guys c: I've written two beginnings to my new piece that I'm working on, and I was wondering which you think is better:

first start
Miel knew that something about the mirror was inherently off.
Perhaps his feelings of unease stemmed from the belief that all the remaining mirrors had been destroyed. Or perhaps that it was in a house that had been untouched for decades, the door just happening to unlock by a key he possessed. Or — perhaps the most likely of all — it could have been due to the reflection not being his own when he stepped in front of the mirror.
The man in the mirror had a tall figure, fuller than Miel’s; with ash-white skin, so pale and almost translucent it looked like the old paper Miel spotted as he explored the houses. His eyes (or rather, his eye, as the right was covered by his sweeping warning-light red hair) were a curious shade of orange-red, reminiscent of fire but nonetheless oddly calming. The bottom half of his face was hidden by a grinning mask of pointed teeth. Miel noticed that the portion of his face that he could see looked tired, exhausted even. The man was dressed in a blue overcoat, wearing black gloves and black pants that sagged at the ankles, over his black-booted feet.
This contrasted against Miel’s appearance sharply. He was tall, too (though he was a bit shorter than the man in the reflection), but much thinner. Bare shoulders led into a long torso constricted by a lavender-tinted corset, which in turn led into pants that were shredded past the knees. He had slightly short thighs, but longer than normal shins, balancing his legs out. His skin was tallowy, though naturally just a shade darker than the man’s; his hair was black, like the wings of the crows that still haunted the skies of the ruined city; and his eyes were a honey brown, warm and trusting.

or

second start
Miel knew that something about the mirror was inherently wrong.
Perhaps his feelings of unease stemmed from the belief that all the remaining mirrors had been destroyed. Or perhaps that it was in a house that had been untouched for decades, the door just happening to have a lock which fit a key he possessed.
The day that he found the house started off just as his other days would, wandering the quiet, rubble-strewn streets of the ruined city.
It had been bombed half a century ago, leveling some blocks while leaving some nearly untouched. The war had been total, blackening the skies for years, killing billions, according to an old veteran that Miel had a brief friendship with. After the sides unanimously agreed to a cessation of the fighting, people didn't dare to build large cities - or mirrors, for that matter. Life reverted to an agrarian existence. Now what remained of humanity lived in small rural villages in the countryside.
Of course, not everyone left the skeletons of the once-mighty metropolises. The noticeable exception was Miel. Still, he rarely saw another person, and when such a meeting occurred, the two would meet eyes, acknowledging his fellow's existence, then go their separate ways.
Food was probably the hardest thing to come by. However, there was a grocer on the outskirts of town who would barter for relics from the city for fresh produce and breads, along with jars of preserved foodstuffs and cured meats. The grocer and his wife were very kind, and traded fairly for what Miel brought back - brooches, fine shoes, dresses, waistcoats, jewelry.

thank you all very much c:

[king boo]

~❁~
they are both very good however I prefer the second one just because it has more information about the history, which I personally find more intriguing. I'm not a great writer so I suggest not going by my opinion. [[pleasemayIstealyourwritingabilities]]

[Song & Lyric]

My friend is like that, too. We were in a writing class, and about four people told her that her description was too wordy and needed to sound more like a high schooler than an English professor. Lets just say I hated to review her work. XD

I have this friend too it's either they are using so many descriptive words that are difficult for the rest of us to comprehend (sometimes the words don't even have the meanings they thought they did) I also have classmates who overly describes something? For example:

"The brown, tall, strong, smart, bareback horse flung its large, brown, broad, mean head, also throwing back a dark brown, long, tangled mane with 3 burrs and a bunch of grass in it."

It's almost like, seriously -_- and some of my friends are much worse than an this. And when they are describing a scene they'll use words like "smart" like they are also putting in parts of their personality though they have no tying to this part of the story. Unless thy are using words like "intelligent" to describe body features.

[RecklessXRaven]

Username:RecklessXRaven
What we will call you: (a maximum of four.) jay
Will you critique other's work?: (yes, no, or possibly.possibly if i see fit.
Links to your story if you have any:
Anything you want us to know?:im all over the place so sorry if i dont make sence sometimes