by foxycritter » Mon Aug 12, 2013 8:33 am
First off, I'll say that my one-year anniversary with my boyfriend is coming up in October, and we're super happy together.
But on a more important note, I wanted to talk to you all about the phrase "Boys will be boys", and why it's unhealthy, especially in relationships.
This phrase starts being said to girls at a very young age, when a boy starts teasing them, picking on them, destroying their blocks, or being outright rude. "Boys will be boys" is the excuse for this behavior. They get away with, and are never punished for behavior that may hurt someone else's feelings. Two things come of this.
1. They don't learn the importance of personal space, politeness, or when enough is enough.
2. Girls grow used to it, and stop calling guys out on bad behavior. They expect it, and let them get away with it.
Even more unhealthy is when people say "oh, he's just picking on you because he likes you". This leads to the two points I already mentioned above, PLUS, girls thinking it's okay to be picked on and mistreated in a relationship. Because after all, that's how they show they care, right?
Wrong.
This phrase and this norm for guys has led to abusive relationships. The girls are so used to guys acting out, that they don't call them out on it until it's too late. They fail to recognize the warning signs of a potentially abusive partner.
They begin to think that boys just can't help themselves with all of this stuff, and the girls should be the ones to prevent all this from happening. We put the blame on ourselves, clean up their messes, and continue to let them do what they did in the first place because well, boys will be boys.
This phrase, and this way of thinking needs to stop. Both boys and girls need to be taught responsibility and kindness.
If you ever find yourself using the above logic to justify someone's actions, especially in a romantic situation, please stop and think.
I apologize for only making this about heterosexual relationships. All kinds of relationships can be abusive. However, this is a key thing to look out for in your partner.