Julia wrote:I'd love to hear your personal opinion on this.
I consider him to be a friend, maybe a crush, but more a friend, so it is not 100% the right place for this.
He stood me up a good few times, but I was always stupid enough to forgive him without he being sorry for it.
Last Saturday we went eating some ice cream and talking (we had no contact for 2 months, but I started a conversation and so we decided to meet), it was a nice and sweet day, but he came one whole hour to late. On Sunday he told me he has to clean his flat and would like to meet me in the afternoon. He didn't write me a message, and I kept waiting 'til evening. One day later he said "Oh I fell asleep", without a sorry or anything.
In that moment I realized that I'm not even half as important to him as he is to me.
I told him that he could have sent me a short message, at least. He said that wasn't necessary, since we didn't plan anything. I said if he thinks it is like that, then I can't see a reason why we should talk anymore. He sent me a few messages that day, I didn't answer them.
Today he sent me a message, telling me he's really sorry and all that rubbish stuff.
Should I forgive him, talk to him? I'm not looking for revenge, well, I considered him to be a good friend, up to that point. But I think he probably can see now, how it feels to be stood up, waiting for hours, without just a short text message.
We are both adult, even though still young adults, but I don't know how to react, or if I should react at all.
I agree. It seems clear that he is important to you but not the other way around. I was seeing a guy for a while that did this a little. He would talk to me and show up when he was supposed to, but he would just randomly stop texting for MONTHS at a time which made it all the harder for me to figure out where we stood. We were seeing each other, but that made it clear that we weren't really boyfriend/girlfriend. In your case it seems even more clear. Anyone can apologise, especially over text. Heck, 'sorry' is just one word, and in forms like texting, you can't see his face, posture, or hear his tone to have any idea if he means it at all.
I think you ought to stop trying to hang out with him. Not necessarily avoid him, but to me it sounds like you need to come to terms with him being unreliable and less invested in the friendship. It really hurts to be disappointed even just once, to have someone leave you hanging over and over again.. I don't like the idea of you putting yourself through that.
I agree - if he suggests hanging out and says a particular day (such as 'today' or 'tomorrow'), I would want a heads up that that is no longer going to work out, even if you haven't gotten as far as saying a time and place. In this case, it matters more to some than others. My boyfriend has done that a few times but it's because he is used to being on his own - used to doing what he wants, when he wants. I am used to doing things together so I'm used to planning more so that we don't get somewhere and realise we forgot something or the movie isn't for another hour. I'm more used to trips with friends and living with roommates, so I'm used to being aware of deadlines, locations, and generally wanting to be on top of things because I know SOMEONE will flake out or be unreliable and I will have to pick up their slack, even when we're still in the planning stage. HOWEVER, my boyfriend does try to communicate with me and he doesn't flake out on me regularly. He is where he says he'll be, maybe even early.
For this guy to be all 'meh' and not care enough to tell you.. I find that insulting. Like you're not worth the time it would take to send a quick text! He probably doesn't see it like this, but it's clear that he takes you for granted at the very least. I think it would be fair to ignore him, or simply stop trying, or to make a point to tell him how much of your time he keeps WASTING by being selfish and uncommunicative. You don't have to give him an infinite number of chances. Even if right after you cut him off he really does change, well that just how life goes sometimes. He kept taking advantage of your kindness and his change was too late, and that would be a good lesson for him to not leave it so late to DO something abou the situation. I just saw that happen with a kitten owner - she kept leaving it outside without food or water in the bad Texas heat (and in the pouring rain). Then one day while she was out again and it was raining cats and dogs, it disappeared. It was the next day that she finally got some food for it, but by then it was too late. She had her chances, EVERY DAY. That kitten has a better home now. She lost her chance and hopefully this will give her time to grow up - it was clear she wasn't ready for the responsibility and commitment of a kitten.
