{ ＩＮＫＬＩＮＧＳ } LOCK! NEW THREAD

[ᴛʜᴇᴡᴏʟғ]

Hey!

Would any of you guys mind reading over my short story? It's not too long, only an intro, but I need to know if it's worth continuing or not... xD

[floki,]

My story

Hey I was just wondering if you guys could read the first chapter of my new story that I wrote, and then pm me tips in what I could do to make it better. Please c; much appreciated.

[Rolly-chan]

I think this fits the discussion about killing off characters *cough*
I wrote a flash fiction (500 words long story with beginning, middle and end - not a vignette and not a snapshot), and something just doesn't feel right. I was hoping you could maybe help me identify what it is.

Here's the story:

She looks like a doll, and Matthew can't stop himself from reaching out and caressing her pale cheek with the back of his hand. He suppresses a shiver from her cold skin and closes his eyes, trying to keep his breathing steady and blocking out his surroundings - the black clothes and women's faces hidden by veils, the October cold and the falling leaves.
Death.
Someone grabs his arm and gently but firmly pulls him away.
"It's not your fault, Matt. Stay strong", Steve whispers to him, and Matthew wishes he could be as composed, as strong, as his best friend. Steve doesn't show any sadness or pain on his face. Matthew wonders whether hiding his feelings helps numbing down the agony. He knows with certainty that the right fix can.
When he leaves, all he can think about, all his body craves desperately, is the sweet oblivion he remembers from almost a year ago. Just one shot and he could forget. He knows it's wrong. But his feet lead the way, not listening to the small voice in the back of his mind berating him, begging him not to go where he knows he'll end up anyway. In his heart, he knows he's too weak, and temptation is too strong. He wants to forget more than anything, and he knows exactly how he can. After buying it, Matthew clutches the small, transparent phial to his chest like his life depends on it. Maybe it does. And in a narrow street, he slides down the wall, onto the cold pavement, and fixes.
He wakes up back at home, and he is not alone.
"What have you done, Matt?" Steve asks him, his gaze accusing and pained. But Matthew is the pained one, not Steve. Matthew notices how Steve's hands ball into fists. He's angry, and that's exactly where Matthew wants him. He wants to cut himself off from everyone, even from the only friend he knows could save him. His eyes follow Steve as he approaches him, and he feels so weak, he almost closes his eyes.
"You're despicable, and just as weak as Sandra", Steve says, disgust dripping off every word, "You deserve death as much as she did."
Matthew's heart almost stops when he realizes what this implication means. "You killed her!" Matthew cries out, and suddenly, his heart pumps heavily against his chest. But Steve only smiles with one corner of his mouth. It makes him look like a psychopath.
Then Steve pulls out a knife and strikes. But Matthew catches it without thinking, feeling it sting through the haze of the drug. They fight for it, a brief struggle, and then Steve falls to his knees, the knife sticking in his stomach. He looks up at Matthew, hatred in his eyes, before he falls over, face-down. It doesn't take long for Matthew to collapse on his couch, slipping into unconsciousness with a triumphant smile on his face, thinking that this time, he is the stronger one.

Any thoughts? I want to edit it so it feels right, but I can't for the life of me figure out what is wrong in the first place. I'd appreciate any help!

[~Demonic Moon Curse~]

I don't think there's anything wrong with it. It's brilliant. You shocked me; I thought Steve was a good guy! :'-(

[Rolly-chan]

I don't think there's anything wrong with it. It's brilliant. You shocked me; I thought Steve was a good guy! :'-(

Thank you! ^^ I hope the shock wasn't too bad... x3 It was supposed to look like he's a good guy, what with having been Matt's best friend. But people aren't what they seem (but I hope it is comprehensible and that the hints at Steve not being what he seems can be spotted in retrospect ^^° Like, that he's "strong" in Matt's eyes, and that he hides his feelings). It's still a semi-happy end, because Matt kinda won xD And Matt's stronger because he allowed his emotions, because he allowed them to show. I think I need to make that out better. Maybe that's what's wrong with it ^^°

[Freedom!]

Am I the only nice one who doesn't kill them? xD I break their bones and lock them up, but never kill them haha

[Rolly-chan]

:lol: Am I the only nice one who doesn't kill them? xD I break their bones and lock them up, but never kill them haha

I usually don't kill them. Even with the flash fiction it's not written in stone that Matt dies (he could survive xD). I may kill off villains and side-characters, but not the main characters. I like happy happy ends XD But I also do like to lock them up, let them be tortured, experience great agony, etc etc etc. What can I say, I guess writers just are sadists and I'm no exception.

[leaving bye ^^]

oh my gosh, torturing my characters, good or bad, is so much fun. i don't know why, i just love torturing them.

don't judge me okay cx

[Huntress13]

Not so shocking but lost inspiration on writing my latest book.

Any ideas to get back into it?

[amber.]

Not so shocking but lost inspiration on writing my latest book.

Any ideas to get back into it?

Go on Pandora and listen to music that you like. Honestly, when I'm stuck on writing I'll listen to music and if something pops into my head I just write it down and continue with the idea. That usually puts me in the mood to write and then WALLA!

On a side note: I've heard lots of people suggest that it helps to look for writing prompts, or pictures, and see if that inspires you to write.