Semi-Literate+ RPers Club [DEAD;NEW LINK IN FIRST POST]

[Metallic Dragon]

Unknown: Lol, you write just as good as everyone else here^^ Don't doubt your skills, they rock!

(My post ended up being the last one on the page, I'm gonna re-post it so it's easier to get to.)
It's a bit long... I had been writing it for a while before I got stuck. I'll give you some background and stuff and maybe you guys can help get me going again. I've literally been on writer's block for months now, unable to figure out what to do next.

Ok, so there's this world parallel to ours called Parnin. It is filled with people called Demmins(they look like humans except for they have big feathered wings and each one has a special ability that they are blessed with) On Parnin, there are four cruel leaders called the Council. They murder and steal, using their abilities and the fear everyone has of them to stay in power.
The rebellion decides to send one of their own to Earth. There has always been the story on Parnin that if a demmin went to earth and had a child with a human, a super-demmin would be born. He/she would be extremely talented and have an ability greater than all demmins. However, this super-demmin aka dunin, would be able to travel between worlds three times. Allowing him/her to travel to Parnin, return to Earth and then go back. The dunin would then be stuck on Parnin for the rest of his/her life.
Anyway, moving on, Ebony(the dunin) is just discovering her powers and was travelling with her friends Tarrin and Danny when the council attacked. They kidnapped Ebony, leaving her friends trapped outside the castle while they figure out how to destroy or turn the dunin to their own side.
Here's where I'm stuck. Ebony is currently in the dungeon and the council is trying to make a decision. I want her friends to come and save her. I want Danny to be out of the picture at some point soon(I may kill him in the castle O_O)
However, I have also figured out powers for each council member but one(irritatingly enough) so I need a power for the final member as well as a way to save Ebony without it being too predictable and boring(since it seems like every time I try to have something exciting it ends up being really predictable.) So yeah... Anyway, here's the point I'm stuck at:

Thrang nodded, "Yeah, he said that his gift could make anyone obey him without question. But the dunin fought it off as soon as he touched her." Lindsay nodded and looked at me for a moment.
"Are you saying that this is her gift? The ability to cancel the power of others by touching them?" Shen asked with one eyebrow raised, looking slightly interested. "It would be more helpful if she didn't have to touch the demmin using their power on her."
Lindsay closed her eyes in annoyance, "It does not matter what would be more helpful since we cannot alter her gift. What matters is if she will do what we say." Her eyes opened again and she moved her gaze to Destiny, "Try it, but don't touch her."
Destiny nodded and turned her violet eyes on me. I could feel power radiating from her for a moment, pinpointed exactly where it was coming from, before I lost control over myself. I was aware of what they were doing, what my body was doing, but I had no control over my own actions.
Shen smiled quickly and pointed to a pair of soldiers standing nearby. They nodded and started toward me. I could sense their power being aimed at me and I panicked, at least I would have if I had been able to control my own actions.
The first soldier smiled and drew his sword. I noticed how his power concentrated on the object. He went from holding it clumsily to swinging it like a champion in only a few seconds. I knew what his gift was now, but I had no way to defend myself against him.
My bonds were cut and a sword was shoved into my hand. Suddenly I was blocking blows. The soldier came at me like a train, nearly knocking me to the ground. It took me a moment to notice, but each time our swords touched, a bit of power drained from his weapon. It seemed to be receding back to where it came from until he finally dropped his sword in a clumsy attempt to attack.
I could still feel Destiny controlling me and I suddenly found myself holding a sword to the soldier's throat. I was horrified, but I couldn't force my hand to move the sword away. The soldier stared at me in fear and confusion before closing his eyes as if resigned to his fate. I wanted to turn my pleading eyes to Destiny to stop. I didn't want to kill this man; he had only followed the orders of his evil leaders, knowing that he wasn't supposed to kill me.
My arm started pulling back to slice open the demmin's throat when I heard Thrang's voice pipe up, "Destiny, that is my best swordsman. Don't kill him; he is very useful to me." To my relief, my arm went limp and the man was able to crawl away to safety.
"It was just getting fun, oh well, let the next one come forward." Destiny muttered irritably. I dropped the sword against my will and turned toward the other soldier that Shen had called forward. To my relief, this one didn't pull out a sword. Instead he walked up beside me and lifted his hands to point toward the wall.
A bright light began to grow in his palms until it became a ball of white hot fire. The power radiating from it was enormous but I could also sense that the soldier's energy reserves were being depleted very quickly. I felt my hand raise enough to touch the soldier's shoulder and saw the flames disappear as the power was forced back to where it came from.

"I think that settles it." Lindsay said with a quick nod, "It is just as the thief said, she is able to reverse the gifts of others as long as she his touching them in some way." I felt the power that had been taking away my agency dissipate and I sighed in relief. For half of a second I thought about trying to escape. My bonds were gone and the sword was still lying on the ground close by.
I glanced up at Shen and he shook his head slowly as if he had read my thoughts. I glared at him but stopped planning my getaway.
"Well then, what should we do with her?" Destiny asked with a smile that made my blood run cold, "I'm not leaving her here with you Thrang, you already have the most skilled demmins on Parnin."
Thrang looked like he was about to argue but Lindsay held up her hand, "There will be time to decide that later. For now what I am worried about are the two demmins that were helping her." She paused and looked at me quickly, "Surely by now they are planning a way to rescue her."
Destiny and Thrang scowled, but Shen nodded, "Yes. I think that we should come up with a plan to get rid of them. With those two out of our way, the girl will be more likely to listen to what we say." I shuddered in fear. I had no doubts that this group would be capable of murdering Tarrin and Danny.
"Perhaps," Thrang started, "We should put the dunin back in her cell. She needs her rest and it would be better to discuss our plans in private." He looked around at the other three and they nodded. I scowled at the council as the guards led me out of the chamber and back toward the cold dungeon.

[ωιитєяfℓу]

Hmmm... How about something along the lines of this happens?

Tarrin and Danny hid behind a large rock beside the castle, looking for a way in. "There!" Tarrin said quietly as she pointed to a low window. It was barred, and they would need to get in there somehow. Danny shook his head, and pointed to the servants' entrance.
"Do we have to?" Tarrin whined almost silently.
"If we want to save Ebony, then we have to." Danny murmured, too low for anyone else to hear. He looked around, then got half up and crept towards the castle. Tarrin moaned and followed him. The two of them were lucky, there was a delivery due and all they had to do was to go in pretending to bring merchandise in. Picking up anything, they walked as confidently as they could in.

They dropped the things off where they were supposed to, and then snuck away when no-one were looking. "Dungeons." Danny mouthed to Tarrin, and she nodded. Tarrin stole the keys off of the guard that was on duty, then they crept down the circular stairs. They were filthy, and were covered in slime. It was a surprise that neither of them slipped. Creeping forward, Danny motioned for Tarrin to wait for a second. He gave the all clear, and they began searching the dugeons for their friend.

[Metallic Dragon]

My only problem is that the rest of it is all from Ebony's point of veiw. I really regret writing in first person now that I'm here because there's not much for her to do when she's alone. I suppose I could have her say:

"What I didn't know was that at that exact moment, Tarrin and Danny were on their way to save me. I had no clue that they had gotten in through a servant's entrance and that I wouldn't be stuck here for too long. No, all I knew was that I was alone in a cold and smelly dungeon with the four most evil demmins on the entire planet discussing the best way to kill me a few floors above.
I felt completely hopeless."

Maybe something like that? I don't know... I've been stuck for so long that I don't even remember what I was thinking about doing from here.

[ωιитєяfℓу]

My story is all from third person. How about you have a chapter here and there about what Tarrin and Danny are doing? It would make sense if you do it little but often.

[Metallic Dragon]

I could try that I suppose. Especially since Tarrin and Danny are related, doing a few things from Tarrin's perspective might be helpful. I would have to add in some before this point though, so it doesn't seem super random that I added them now.

[ωιитєяfℓу]

That would be good, and I'm glad I can help.

[omori]

Good idea with talking to animals; but I was thinking still about her being a Neko.. Cat ears and maybe a tail.. But since she'd be part cat, she could be able to climb easily and stuff, and possibly talk to some animals (cats and such, because that's what she's part of?) or something. I had a few ideas for later in the story, like she encounters a big cat like a lion or something. And she finally meets somebody she trusts and they betray her. Things like these:

(( Lion part ))
I ran swiftly through the tall Savannah grass, keeping my eyes peeled and my ears open to noises. I didn't think anything was around, so I continued to go in the same direction. I thought I heard something behind me, stalking me, after a while, so I jumped and twirled my body around, looking behind me. The area was clear, but I still scanned the area around me. When I finally convinced myself that it was clear, I slowly turned back around, and just as I was all the way around, I gasped.

There in front of me stood a huge lion; it was male, he had a mane. "What's this?" he growled, in a deep voice. "A human? In the middle of the Savannah?" A sly grin spread across his face, his huge teeth clamped together. They were horribly sharp and blood-stained. I turned as fast as I could to run, but another lion lept out in front of me. His smile was just as devilish.
"Where do you think you're going?" he growled, in a groggy voice. "You're our fresh meat for today. You can't just let us down."
"You can't attack me," I said, trying not to show my fear. "I'm one of you." I reached up to my head and pulled off my hat, revealing my cat ears.
"You've got cat ears, big deal," the lion I first encountered said. "But you'll never be one of us." He snarled and lunged at me, just as the lion in front of me did. I got down as low as I could to the ground on all fours, and the two lions collided. I moved out of under them as they hit the ground with a thump, but it wasn't long before they got back up and roared ferociously to me.

I was already back on my feet by the time they were, sprinting as fast as I could. I tried to keep my breathing even as I rushed through the tall grass. The plants whipped my legs and arms, and it hurt; but I continued to move as fast as my two legs could carry me. I never turned my head back, but I heard the lions thundering behind me. I burst into a clearing and immediatly saw a tree. Even though it took me a moment to think of where to go, my legs seemed to have minds of their own as they carried me to the tree. My legs were numb, but when I reached the tree, I jumped up to the first limb of the tree, breathing hard and fast. The lions were only a few meters away as I jumped up to the next limb, and then to the third. I looked down at the large cats. They were looking up at me and circling the tree, snarling. I rested my head in the tree branch above my and closed my eyes, trying to relax. It was over; I would be okay. For now.
"We'll get you," one of the lions said, but I wasn't really paying attention. I was trying to breathe, so I wouldn't have to hear my heart thumping in my ears.




I'll post the betrayal part later. My iPod is almost dead. ono

[Clowesia]

Anyone wanna join a superawesomefantasticallyamazing Gang RP on Gaia? :U We really need more people, rofl. xD

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/organiz ... .61096227/

[wolverine♥]

Gang Rp?! <:D That sounds really interesting! I'll check it out, even if that means having to make an account...XD. Metallic Dragon, I would love to be PMed with the story! I can't wait.

[Clowesia]

It's so much fun! I JUST BLEW UP A HOTEL! 8D!